(no subject)
First of all, I feel really gross because I woke up today at 4pm. I probably would have slept in later but people kept calling me on my cell so I eventually got up. So much for dim sum with szeto. He's a really random kid.. who ends up msging at the most coincidential time. Everything happens for a reason.. ;p
Mark walked me home last night around 5.. and even though my dad made things a little difficult everything was okay.. he just said a few things and went to sleep. done and done. Despite my dad.. staying out has definitely been worth my summer so far. I'm totally taking an appreciation for nature.. the weather was sooo freaking nice and the moon was so big and bright it was mesmerizing. I probably did the most walking yesterday that I've done in a while.. but it really didn't feel like it.. either because I was just so caught up in the atmosphere or because I fell asleep during My Sassy Girl. I'm just really glad Mark's there to go for walks with and chill.. somehow, we can just spend time without really mentioning our problems.. but have an understanding that they're there.. and just unknowingly cheer each other up. I don't know.. that's what I think anyway.. no idea what he thinks haha.
Those underlying things have always been in my head... but I guess I'm good with distracting myself... I can go out and genuinely have a good time, but I know what's there will always be lingering. After I got home I called up Andrea and we were on the phone until past 7.. which really messed up her driving lesson at 8:30. But yeah... we discussed some things and it really made how I feel clear and I have an understading of what I need to do. Andrea I totally trust that you understand me.. because we can be so alike in so many ways.. yet different at the same time. :) <333
There's no way this will be easy. Knowing this gives me a calm feeling because I'll have to be solid about it. I'm putting myself on "one side of the fence" rather than balancing in the middle.. and with this comes sacrifices.. and damn.. this is hard. I hear everything you say to me and each time, I have to tell myself that you don't mean it. You really don't know... no lies; I care about you so much... that it's enough to not care for you at all.
I've come to realize that I need certain people more than I thought.
Mark walked me home last night around 5.. and even though my dad made things a little difficult everything was okay.. he just said a few things and went to sleep. done and done. Despite my dad.. staying out has definitely been worth my summer so far. I'm totally taking an appreciation for nature.. the weather was sooo freaking nice and the moon was so big and bright it was mesmerizing. I probably did the most walking yesterday that I've done in a while.. but it really didn't feel like it.. either because I was just so caught up in the atmosphere or because I fell asleep during My Sassy Girl. I'm just really glad Mark's there to go for walks with and chill.. somehow, we can just spend time without really mentioning our problems.. but have an understanding that they're there.. and just unknowingly cheer each other up. I don't know.. that's what I think anyway.. no idea what he thinks haha.
Those underlying things have always been in my head... but I guess I'm good with distracting myself... I can go out and genuinely have a good time, but I know what's there will always be lingering. After I got home I called up Andrea and we were on the phone until past 7.. which really messed up her driving lesson at 8:30. But yeah... we discussed some things and it really made how I feel clear and I have an understading of what I need to do. Andrea I totally trust that you understand me.. because we can be so alike in so many ways.. yet different at the same time. :) <333
There's no way this will be easy. Knowing this gives me a calm feeling because I'll have to be solid about it. I'm putting myself on "one side of the fence" rather than balancing in the middle.. and with this comes sacrifices.. and damn.. this is hard. I hear everything you say to me and each time, I have to tell myself that you don't mean it. You really don't know... no lies; I care about you so much... that it's enough to not care for you at all.
I've come to realize that I need certain people more than I thought.