Broken - Chapter 14
Author:
2tailswaggin
Title: Broken
Chapter: 14
Previous Chapters: just go to my LJ - they're all there.
Prequel: Happiness
Rating: Adult - over 18 please (like anyone listens - but i said it anyway)
Pairings: House/Cameron
Spoilers: Early Season 3
Thanks again
bmax67 !!!! You not only hijack my story...you hijack my laptop too! :)
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Chapter 14
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Cameron stood dripping water onto the floor of House’s bathroom, wondering what in the hell she’d just done. Afraid she’d gone and screwed up what had otherwise been a perfect day of finally being alone with each other. Even with all the things they’d been through he’d still surprisingly managed to keep from putting up any new walls between them. He’d even warmed up to Sam in his obnoxiously endearing House kind of way.
Of course Cameron had been careful not to give him any good reasons to retreat until now. Shit.
She opened the linen closet and grabbed a fluffy tan colored bath towel and patted herself down, stopping the pool of water that was now collecting on the floor from getting any bigger. She quickly surveyed the room, realizing House hadn’t gotten one out for himself so she grabbed another and tossed it on the floor by the tub.
It already felt like an eternity since she’d finally admitted those three words to him. House’s complete silence on the other side of the opaque curtain wasn’t helping time move any quicker, not that she’d expected anything different. She remembered saying those words to him once before when he was delirious and coming off of a drug-induced detox. But then it had mostly been a joke and if House had remembered it, he’d never acknowledged it - like he would anyway. But this was no joke and House wasn’t high.
Cameron turned towards the shower wrapping the towel around her and tucking the loose end into the top, holding it in position. She hugged herself and closed her eyes, taking a long slow breath intended to calm her down and stop herself from playing out a dozen scenarios all at once. Her insecurities were voicing their opinions about how, regardless of her selfish needs, she had just managed to put the best thing in her life in jeopardy. How she had in a mere two-second’s time shifted the most exhilarating relationship she’d ever experienced into reverse. Her mind knew those thoughts weren’t rational; it knew she had taken an inevitable step if this was to keep moving forward. However, her mind wasn’t the one she was listening to at the moment, it was her heart, and it was racing so quickly that nothing was making sense.
Her strongest urge was to drop her towel and step back in the shower with him, not that she had any idea what she would do or say once she did. She even considered tossing a few post-script words over the thin piece of plastic separating them. Something that told him…hell, she didn’t have a clue what she wanted to tell him other than to plead with him not to shut her out. But no combination of words sounded right. She opted instead for a quiet retreat.
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House sat completely motionless, letting the water beat against his already pounding chest, until he heard the door open then gently close. As the tension followed her out of the room, his arms and shoulders relaxed and the top of his head fell into the tiny streams of water. The smell of pineapple and coconut lingered in the steam just like the confession she’d just made.
House had been in love before. He knew what it felt like. He also knew what it felt like when it was suddenly gone. When the very person that had echoed those words back to him turned and betrayed his trust. He swore he’d never so easily say those words again. He’d also sworn he’d never trust so easily again. But he couldn’t deny the recent waning in his need to protect himself from Cameron.
Assuming it and hearing it were two very different things, but this was no shocking revelation. She hadn’t told him anything he hadn’t already seen in her eyes practically every time she looked at him or felt in her touch even after waking her up in the middle of the night wanting her. Logically speaking, nothing about them had changed…yet. Now if only he could stay in this shower, and Cameron could do whatever she was doing outside of this room, forever, things would be okay. Whatever they had going here could remain in some state of suspended animation and go down in the history books as being a good thing. That’s all he wanted. To be able to look back on his life and know that at least one thing had been good. But reality was about to come down like a wet blanket and write the epilogue, because it was his turn to step up to the plate.
They were down one run in the bottom of the ninth. There were two outs and Cameron had just loaded the bases. She couldn’t have made it any easier on him - hell, she hadn’t even looked him in the eye. All he had to do was exactly what she had just done, a solid grounder past the infield. A genuine ‘I love you’. Nothing earth shattering. No homerun needed. It was that simple. So, would he just stand there afraid to swing while knowing if he didn’t it would cost them everything? Or would he connect with the ball and at least tie the score giving them extra innings? It all depended on how badly he wanted the game.
House shook himself from the melodrama and tried to think rationally. He tried to calmly remind himself of what he knew about Cameron. She was kind and reasonable…yet honest and direct. She was patient and beautiful…strong and intelligent. She was funny…and sensual…and always managed to surprise him. She had a way of making him feel wanted and capable of meeting her needs. How that could be even remotely possible was beyond him, especially now. But just hours ago she had made him feel like there was at least one physical reality left in his life that wasn’t going to suck now in his new condition. But he knew her physical needs were only a part of her. What scared the hell out of him were her emotional needs. Something he was sure he’d heard Wilson yammer on about at some point.
If he didn’t know better, he’d swear she was a fool for putting herself in this position. She deserved so much more than to have him, the emotionally stunted ass with a shit batting average, be the one standing at the plate. At least, she deserved more than to have him standing still with his bat on his shoulder watching three pitches go by. Even if all he did was close his eyes and go with his gut. God, he was one lucky, undeserving son of a bitch. A rush that had been dormant for years flowed over his body as he noticed the water hitting him was losing its warmth.
He leaned forward holding himself up with one hand on the edge of the tub and turned the shower off. Sitting back, he pulled the curtain open, finding a fresh clean towel lying by the tub; one that he didn’t recall putting there.
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Cameron sat quietly on the edge of his bed, still wrapped in her damp towel. Her hair was pulled up and had gotten wet just on the ends. Hands gripping the edge of the mattress, she stared aimlessly out the window, listening to the water continues to run on the other side of the wall. She heard no movement, no change in the way it was falling on the floor of the tub. No indication that he had taken what she’d said in stride and gone on with his shower like nothing had changed. She wondered what he could be doing in there other than compiling at least twenty good reasons why none of this had been a good idea. Not that he would share any of them with her.
After a while, Cameron settled back on the middle of the bed, pillows still tossed about and sheets twisted in random patterns, and closed her eyes. Nothing could be accomplished by going off on wild tangents based on fearful assumptions. There was nothing she could do now but wait for him to come out and they could…well she could deal with the aftermath.
She knew she shouldn’t be concerned with the way he might react, but she was. She just hoped she hadn’t done this too soon. She’d been confident of her feelings for months now and unless she was reading him completely wrong, she was fairly certain he felt the same way. They, especially him, had been though so much shit lately and so much change, she began to seriously doubt her timing.
The longer the water ran, the more her stomach began to churn. She decided to get up and busy herself by getting dressed, hoping they would still go out looking at bikes. She opted for a black t-shirt and faded blue jeans. She needed to assume that nothing had gone wrong, that nothing had changed.
She let her hair down and slowly brushed through it several times while looking in the mirror on top of his dresser, finally pulling it back in a silky ponytail. She tucked her shirt into her jeans and searched his room for her black leather belt, realizing this was the first time in weeks that she’d worn it. Both of them had been existing in sweat pants and shorts for the most part, and it felt good to be somewhat normal again.
Cameron searched through the two drawers that had been decided were hers as well as piles of his things mixed with her things in various places around the room, but she came up empty. So she pulled her shirt out of her jeans and decided that was going to have to do instead.
Grabbing her old running shoes and a pair of clean socks from the basket of laundry made her thoughts turn to Sam and how he was doing. She wondered how close he was to getting to his new home, and thought about how she missed him already. If things didn’t go well in the next hour or so, she was going to miss him something terrible.
If they were going to test drive bikes, she would try to do without her brace today. As she walked out of his room towards the couch, she heard the water in the shower finally stop. Her heart jumped into her throat and she paused for just a second, closing her eyes, taking another deep breath and trying to prepare herself for whatever was about to happen.
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House leaned over and grabbed the fresh towel Cameron had apparently left for him, glad that he didn’t have to manage his way out of the shower, get up on his crutches and fumble across the room before he could stop the water from running down his face. He draped it over his head and tussled the water out of his hair.
He dried himself as well as he could while still sitting on the plastic bench, wondering what he was going to do once he opened the door and was faced with her again. What he needed to do seemed so simple on the surface but felt so complicated underneath.
Maybe she had forgotten all about what she’d said and when he walked out into the hallway it would be like nothing was different. Or maybe she’d realized it was a mistake and will want to deny it had even happened. Then again she could be standing right outside the door expecting prince charming to emerge and tell her everything she wanted to hear. Shit.
He managed to get himself up and on his crutches and by no small acrobatic feat secured the towel around his waist and put his hand on the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, prepared to see her standing there wide-eyed and smiling expectantly at him. He let it out slowly when he realized that wasn’t the case. He tried to calm himself down…tried to remind himself that Cameron knew him and that no matter what happened, she wouldn’t intentionally make this hard on him. She knew what she’d gotten herself into. He hoped she knew anyway. He relished the days when the topic of having sex with his subordinate was the only thing that he had to avoid.
He tentatively stepped out of the bathroom and towards his room, wondering where she was. The apartment was quiet. No television, no music, no sounds of her shuffling around doing whatever. Where in the hell had she gone? Had she dropped a bomb like that and ran out? Surely not. But as he walked closer to the bedroom, he spotted her, sitting on the couch, dressed, hunched over in a pose that told him she was lacing up her shoes. It was then that he remembered. Before Cameron had managed to launch whatever this was into the serious dimension, they had planned to go look at bikes. He was immediately thankful for the distraction, anything but sitting around and talking about their feelings for the rest of the evening.
He tried to round the corner into his room and elbow the door closed as quietly as he could. He stood by the basket of clean clothes grabbing the articles he’d need and tossing them onto the bed; underwear, jeans, socks…a shirt that was definitely folded way too neatly. House deduced that Sam must have cleaved to his mother for a few too many years and, ever given the opportunity, he had a thing or two to teach him about being a real man.
He made his way to the bed and started piecing himself together, leg and all, something that was still taking a bit of coordination. Just as he shoved his left foot into his Chuck Taylor tennis shoe, Cameron opened the door and invited herself in. That shouldn’t have felt like such a brash move considering what they’d spent the better part of the day doing, but he immediately felt uncomfortable and found himself trying to look at anything but her. He could see enough to tell she was leaned with her shoulder against the doorframe and her arms crossed. What he couldn’t tell was if she had on her ‘come here you sex-god’ or her ‘we need to talk until our ears bleed’ face. He prayed for the former, but honestly expected the latter.
"I called the bike dealer," she broke the silence that had fallen over the entire apartment for the last thirty minutes.
"Yeah?" he answered busying himself with tying his shoe.
"They’re open until six."
House craned his head upward and to the side to look at the clock on the bedside table, 4:40pm, plenty of time. He picked up his other shoe, opening it wide so he could easily slip his right foot into it then took his time lacing that one up as well, he needed anything he could get.
He hoisted himself up and carefully walked to his dresser, feeling Cameron’s eyes on him every step of the way. He still wasn’t sure what face she had on but her silence was making him very uneasy. If it was the sex-god face he was pretty sure she would have stopped him from getting dressed any further - this wasn’t looking good.
He shuffled around for his watch and his wallet and even stopped in front of the mirror for a moment to attempt straightening his hair with nothing more than his fingers. She wasn’t relenting. So he grabbed his cane and headed towards the door, concentrating studiously on his feet and the movement of his leg. Trying to convince her and himself that this was a very important part of his adjustment to his new mode of transportation and couldn’t be bothered with a potentially emotional Cameron.
When he got to the door he expected her to move out into the hallway and let him through but of course she didn’t. She didn’t move at all. Her arms still crossed, still leaned up against the wall. Shit.
Cameron laughed lightly at his feeble attempts to avoid her, "Are you ever going to look at me again?" she asked, her voice sounded a little uncertain but forcibly lighthearted.
"Yeah," he muttered, showing impatience in his stance, still hoping to slip past her. Distractedly looking back at the dresser, hoping there was something else still lying there that he needed. Anything.
"When?" She prodded.
"When you get out of my way," he argued, turning back towards her but looking past her into the living room, immediately knowing that sounded like the response of an irrational six-year-old.
Cameron shifted her weight from one leg to both and stood upright again. Reading this as her surrender, he tried stepping by her again but she still didn’t move. Rather she reached up and put her hands on his face, one palm flat on each cheek and held him there until he finally gave in and looked at her.
"Now was that so hard?" she grinned.
He scowled, resenting being treated like a child even if he was acting like one. He shifted his eyes over her shoulder then back again, finally finding the courage to hold on to them. He found them softer than he’d expected but not so weepy that she looked like an orphaned puppy.
She just held him there and looked at him for what felt like forever. God, she was going to say it again and she was going to look him in the eye when she did it this time.
But instead, she pulled his face toward hers and stretched herself upward, putting her lips gently on his. Her kiss was slow and content and encouraged him to feel comfortable enough to close his eyes and respond with the same ease. Her hands eventually sliding down his cheeks then moving lazily to his shoulders, occasionally running her fingers across the nape of his neck. His hair still wet from the shower. His hands rested quietly on her hips after he’d left his cane against the doorframe.
Cameron finally pulled away but held onto his eyes, "Thank you for today," she said sincerely.
House just huffed lightly through his nose and cracked a crooked and weak grin. He hadn’t been expecting that.
"What?" she asked, smiling and furrowing her brow.
"I swear you’re the only girl that’s ever thanked me for sex," he admitted.
"Unless, of course, she’d just made a quick hundred bucks," he flippantly tossed out knowing it wasn’t appropriate.
"It wasn’t just for the sex," she added thoughtfully, ignoring his attempt derail the serious mood between them. Her arms were still resting on his shoulders and her fingers clasped behind his neck.
"Okay," he punctuated, then shifted his eyes over her shoulder then back again.
Cameron’s expression winced slightly as she stammered, "And about earlier…in the shower…"
Shit. House wanted to look away from her again, but couldn’t. The language on her face had him intrigued. Her confidence of just seconds ago had fallen away.
"It wasn’t meant to push you into anything," she paused and it was her turn to look away. He waited on her.
Suddenly the tables had turned and she was the uncomfortable one. Her eyes reached back up to his before she softly admitted, "I just wanted you to know."
He wanted to kiss her. No, he wanted to do more than just kiss her. But she just slid her hands down his chest until just her fingertips were touching him then turned away and walked into the living room.
"We better get going," she threw over her shoulder.
He just stood there for a moment. Still finding it hard to believe how easy she had just made that for him. House had been in love before, and he knew what it felt like. He also knew what it felt like when it suddenly wasn’t there. He knew he needed to quickly decide how badly he wanted the game.
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Cameron wandered around the lot while House walked inside to the main desk looking for a guy named Tim. House had insisted on this dealer and that particular salesman. Probably because he’d encouraged him to try the bike even with his right leg the way it had been. Cameron was sure he was in no mood to break in a new salesman and risk any carefully placed words or curious glances. Soon all of that would be a thing of the past but for now he was still slow and unsteady and his cane was a dead giveaway.
House finally made his way back over to her and stood by as she leaned down and read the details on a sweet looking dark blue bike she’d spotted. Not that she had any idea what any of the words and numbers meant.
"I assume you know what all this stuff means huh?" she said, still craned over but looking up at him.
"Uh huh," he mumbled distractedly while scanning the lot. She saw his lips turn up slightly at the corners before taking off, passing a dozen or so other bikes. Cameron followed.
"Oh yeah," he said, standing back and eyeing a black one that said Vmax on the side.
"It’s pretty," she observed, laughing and shrugging her shoulders, acknowledging that she really had nothing to add here.
"It’s…pretty?" he eyed her, disappointed with her choice of words.
"You’re calling a bike that does zero to one hundred in no time flat pretty? This thing is a liquid-cooled, dual overhead Cam V4," House rubbed his hand down the tank on to the seat.
"Is that good?" Cameron asked, not having a clue what a Cam V4 was. He looked at her with a tilted head and sagged shoulders, frustrated that she wasn’t finding this nearly as exciting as he was.
"It’s got V-Boost," he insisted.
"Is that like a button?"
House rolled his eyes, "It’s a valve system that opens when I hit about…" Cameron could feel the blank stare on her face.
"Never mind. You’re right, it’s pretty," he finally said to appease her.
She watched House admire the curves and lines of the motorcycle. All she knew was it looked a bit bigger than his old bike. It was almost all black and looked very intimidating; like something right out of a Mad Max movie.
"You know this thing has a bigger engine than that wussy little girlie car you drive."
"…which is faster than that oil-chugging thing you call a car," Cameron quickly tacked right onto the end of his insult.
Cameron hated that thing. It was cold in the winter, hot in the summer and the passenger side door could only be opened from the outside. Which would be fine if House ever acted like a gentleman. But opening it from the inside required a meticulously shaped wire hanger being snaked down a hole in the door and skillfully fumbling for the release lever. Something Cameron never quite got the hang of, which meant most times, she had to climb out through the driver’s side being careful to maneuver over the console. Of course House only liked it because of the means by which he’d obtained it but she had to admit he looked kind of cute driving it, in a totally dorky kind of way.
"Well I am a girl if you haven’t noticed." She put on a naughty little grin but it was wasted on him, at the moment he was only interested in lusting over the new toy in front of him.
A younger man, Cameron figured he must be about her age, with a solid build and dark hair interrupted House’s drooling, "Hey," reaching his hand out in a friendly and enthusiastic greeting, "Dr House, right?"
House loosely shifted his cane to his left hand and shook the salesman’s with his right, still focusing most of his attention on the bike in front of him.
"You like that one, do ya?" Tim turned his attention to it as well.
The salesman took no time in looking at Cameron and smiling, "Hi…Tim," he offered, taking one step forward and reaching out to shake her hand.
"Allison…hi," she offered back, shaking his hand.
With this, House quickly turned to her then cut his eyes to the salesman then back to the bike.
"Wanna take it for a spin?" Tim offered, revealing that he had the key already in his hand.
Staring at the bike, House took a deep breath and Cameron stepped close to him, taking his hand in both of hers, "You want to drive it by yourself first? Then you can come back and take me for a ride?" she said quietly, gently leaning into him.
He’d surprised her by not seeming leery about getting back on a bike again and she just assumed he’d been doing a very good job at hiding it. Now it appeared that was the case.
Tim nervously rattled the key in his hand and said, "You know. We’re a pretty tight community around here. Something doesn’t happen within fifty miles of here without us hearing about it."
Tim stopped for a second and House looked over at him, "I’m glad you’re alright, man."
There was a heavy silence then Tim managed to make the air around them even heavier, "You too," he paused and Cameron turned to look at him, "Were you the girl…?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…gimme the keys," House harshly interrupted, letting go of Cameron’s hand and waggling it in front of Tim.
Ignoring Tim’s question, Cameron gently took hold of House’s arm then nudged him with her elbow, "Let’s see what this baby can do."
When he turned to her she looked up at him knowing there was no way that sounded as cool as she wanted it to and she gave him an embarrassed look.
House just looked back to the bike and nodded then Tim handed over the key and left, soon returning with two black helmets. Cameron took one, tucking it under her arm and House took the other.
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He handed her his cane and put on the helmet, taking the few short steps to the black beast. He reached under his thigh and lifted the leg over the seat, the same way he’d done hundreds of times on his Honda. First thing he noticed was the lower seat height, which made it much easier for him to mount the bike.
Once he was seated, his mind started thinking about the logistics of how all this was going to work. First he needed to see how difficult it would be to position his right foot on the peg. With the kickstand still down, House raised his leg, using the remaining muscle in his thigh to lift the prosthetic up, he slowly lifted his foot, watching as he gently lowered it onto the foot peg.
Pushing the starter button, House felt the bike come alive, rumbling and vibrating under him, power just waiting to be unleashed.
Feeling a little more confident, House lowered his foot back to the ground and prepared to flip up the kickstand. He balanced the bike under him, feeling a comfortable center of gravity, then quickly flicked the stand up with his left heel then gently leaned the bike slightly to the left again, allowing his sound leg to take the additional weight.
He prepared himself to repeat the process- balance bike, right leg down, left leg pushing down on the shift lever in one quick motion while holding in the clutch with his left hand.
In one swift motion, House completed the shift into first gear easier than he expected then settled his left foot back on the ground. Now he just had to get his right foot back on the peg. He once again lifted his leg and the knee bent automatically as he tried to watch the position of his foot. Making small adjustments by lifting and moving his thigh, he finally managed to get it placed firmly on the footrest. Last thing he wanted to do was have to reach down with his right hand to adjust his leg. Mission accomplished. Now he was ready.
Slowly he let out the clutch and twisted the accelerator as he turned onto the street and headed out of the dealer’s lot.
It really only felt strange for a minute or two before House was comfortable on a bike again. Adjusting to his new leg would take a little time though. Not being able to feel the peg under his new foot made him keep glancing down to make certain it wasn’t about to slip off.
He had only driven once in more than four weeks and even then it was such a different feeling from driving that trash heap Chrysler. The engine was so responsive to his touch and the machine moved under him with even his slightest shift in weight. His thoughts moved to Cameron and how she had responded while underneath him then he forced his thoughts back onto the road and the traffic around him. But, he couldn’t deny the parallels between riding a bike and sex with Cameron.
Once he hit his first deserted straight away, he twisted back on the throttle and had the speedometer kissing three digits well before he expected. House got lost in the feel, the control. Control that had been pulled out from under every part of his life it seemed.
Nothing could keep up with him now, not even his insecurities. The faster he went, the further he left everything behind. This was the pinnacle of complete mobility - here he wasn’t a cripple. It was only then that he fully realized how much he’d missed this.
But the driving desire to leave everything behind felt different now. It felt muted, tamed. It was still there but he wasn’t hungry for it like he once was. Maybe it was possible that for the first time since he could remember, he wasn’t trying to run away from everything in his life. He couldn’t quite place it, but he was starting to feel things changing. It should have scared the hell out of him, but it hadn’t yet.
He lost complete track of time but when he started seeing signs for Somerville he knew he needed to turn back before the dealer closed and Cameron was left stranded with…Tim. Someone who, he noted earlier, possessed an integer dangerously close to Cameron’s.
He pulled into the lot finding them outside, one of Cameron’s arms motioning wildly while the other was propped on his cane. Tim was lounging back on the seat of a bike facing her with his ankles crossed, tilting his head back and laughing. He pulled up next to them and turned off the engine. He pulled off his helmet and placed it on the tank.
Tim stood up and barely opened his mouth before House interrupted him.
"I write you a check and you throw in the helmets?"
Tim stammered for a moment, "Uh…you got it!"
House looked to Cameron, finding her smiling widely at him before he turned to Tim and nodded. Tim grinned and turned towards the showroom, House followed closely behind.
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Cameron went to her car and grabbed anything too valuable to leave in case they’d misjudged the neighborhood. She tossed anything else that she’d rather not get lifted into her trunk. She waited patiently, leaning on his new bike and running her fingers over various parts of it. It was pretty regardless of whether House cringed at her using that word or not.
It couldn’t have taken him more than ten minutes to settle things. He came walking out of the showroom with a face that was about to crack under the pressure of suppressing a huge smile. Heaven forbid she, or anyone else, see him look genuinely happy about anything. But he was - Cameron could see it, and it gave her chills to see him like that. Everyone deserves a little happiness once in a while, even Greg House.
Cameron stood up and stepped away from the bike, "All set?" she asked, motioning to him to give her his cane.
He screwed his face up slightly at her and she answered, "You won’t need it."
House handed it over then climbed back on the bike while Cameron took his cane over to her car. She picked up the helmet she’d left on the ground and strapped it on and climbed on behind him just has he started the engine. This was so much more comfortable than his other bike. It was clearly made to have a passenger. She flipped her visor down, wrapped her arms tight and low around his waist and settled into him - nice and close.
He took off gingerly and made a left-hand turn out of the lot. Cameron had no idea where he was headed but she really didn’t care. They could ride for the rest of the evening as far as she was concerned. She had missed this maybe as much as he had.
They broke the city limits and Cameron could feel House holding back. From his reaction and just the mere bad-ass look of it, she assumed it could run circles around his old bike. She wondered if he’d been so careful even without her on the back. As much as she wanted to feel him open it up, she liked that he was being cautious. House was never cautious about anything and the thought of him being careful for her sake was, well…sweet.
She lifted his shirt just enough to slide her hand underneath and rest it on his stomach. Her grip tightened as she felt him kick the throttle and speed up just a little. She smiled and shifted closer into him. Not that she could get any closer but it still felt nice.
They covered rural New Jersey until it was dusk when House pulled into a little Chinese joint on the outskirts of Princeton. He pulled up front and turned off the engine, both taking off their helmets.
Cameron looked at him, a little puzzled while he turned back to her and said, "Do you realize we haven’t eaten anything today?" Then he grinned and finished, "’cept a little ice cream."
She just answered with a sly little grin and a quick hitch of her eyebrows, "Let’s order in."
Next Chapter - click here
2tailswaggin
Title: Broken
Chapter: 14
Previous Chapters: just go to my LJ - they're all there.
Prequel: Happiness
Rating: Adult - over 18 please (like anyone listens - but i said it anyway)
Pairings: House/Cameron
Spoilers: Early Season 3
Thanks again
bmax67 !!!! You not only hijack my story...you hijack my laptop too! :)
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Chapter 14
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Cameron stood dripping water onto the floor of House’s bathroom, wondering what in the hell she’d just done. Afraid she’d gone and screwed up what had otherwise been a perfect day of finally being alone with each other. Even with all the things they’d been through he’d still surprisingly managed to keep from putting up any new walls between them. He’d even warmed up to Sam in his obnoxiously endearing House kind of way.
Of course Cameron had been careful not to give him any good reasons to retreat until now. Shit.
She opened the linen closet and grabbed a fluffy tan colored bath towel and patted herself down, stopping the pool of water that was now collecting on the floor from getting any bigger. She quickly surveyed the room, realizing House hadn’t gotten one out for himself so she grabbed another and tossed it on the floor by the tub.
It already felt like an eternity since she’d finally admitted those three words to him. House’s complete silence on the other side of the opaque curtain wasn’t helping time move any quicker, not that she’d expected anything different. She remembered saying those words to him once before when he was delirious and coming off of a drug-induced detox. But then it had mostly been a joke and if House had remembered it, he’d never acknowledged it - like he would anyway. But this was no joke and House wasn’t high.
Cameron turned towards the shower wrapping the towel around her and tucking the loose end into the top, holding it in position. She hugged herself and closed her eyes, taking a long slow breath intended to calm her down and stop herself from playing out a dozen scenarios all at once. Her insecurities were voicing their opinions about how, regardless of her selfish needs, she had just managed to put the best thing in her life in jeopardy. How she had in a mere two-second’s time shifted the most exhilarating relationship she’d ever experienced into reverse. Her mind knew those thoughts weren’t rational; it knew she had taken an inevitable step if this was to keep moving forward. However, her mind wasn’t the one she was listening to at the moment, it was her heart, and it was racing so quickly that nothing was making sense.
Her strongest urge was to drop her towel and step back in the shower with him, not that she had any idea what she would do or say once she did. She even considered tossing a few post-script words over the thin piece of plastic separating them. Something that told him…hell, she didn’t have a clue what she wanted to tell him other than to plead with him not to shut her out. But no combination of words sounded right. She opted instead for a quiet retreat.
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House sat completely motionless, letting the water beat against his already pounding chest, until he heard the door open then gently close. As the tension followed her out of the room, his arms and shoulders relaxed and the top of his head fell into the tiny streams of water. The smell of pineapple and coconut lingered in the steam just like the confession she’d just made.
House had been in love before. He knew what it felt like. He also knew what it felt like when it was suddenly gone. When the very person that had echoed those words back to him turned and betrayed his trust. He swore he’d never so easily say those words again. He’d also sworn he’d never trust so easily again. But he couldn’t deny the recent waning in his need to protect himself from Cameron.
Assuming it and hearing it were two very different things, but this was no shocking revelation. She hadn’t told him anything he hadn’t already seen in her eyes practically every time she looked at him or felt in her touch even after waking her up in the middle of the night wanting her. Logically speaking, nothing about them had changed…yet. Now if only he could stay in this shower, and Cameron could do whatever she was doing outside of this room, forever, things would be okay. Whatever they had going here could remain in some state of suspended animation and go down in the history books as being a good thing. That’s all he wanted. To be able to look back on his life and know that at least one thing had been good. But reality was about to come down like a wet blanket and write the epilogue, because it was his turn to step up to the plate.
They were down one run in the bottom of the ninth. There were two outs and Cameron had just loaded the bases. She couldn’t have made it any easier on him - hell, she hadn’t even looked him in the eye. All he had to do was exactly what she had just done, a solid grounder past the infield. A genuine ‘I love you’. Nothing earth shattering. No homerun needed. It was that simple. So, would he just stand there afraid to swing while knowing if he didn’t it would cost them everything? Or would he connect with the ball and at least tie the score giving them extra innings? It all depended on how badly he wanted the game.
House shook himself from the melodrama and tried to think rationally. He tried to calmly remind himself of what he knew about Cameron. She was kind and reasonable…yet honest and direct. She was patient and beautiful…strong and intelligent. She was funny…and sensual…and always managed to surprise him. She had a way of making him feel wanted and capable of meeting her needs. How that could be even remotely possible was beyond him, especially now. But just hours ago she had made him feel like there was at least one physical reality left in his life that wasn’t going to suck now in his new condition. But he knew her physical needs were only a part of her. What scared the hell out of him were her emotional needs. Something he was sure he’d heard Wilson yammer on about at some point.
If he didn’t know better, he’d swear she was a fool for putting herself in this position. She deserved so much more than to have him, the emotionally stunted ass with a shit batting average, be the one standing at the plate. At least, she deserved more than to have him standing still with his bat on his shoulder watching three pitches go by. Even if all he did was close his eyes and go with his gut. God, he was one lucky, undeserving son of a bitch. A rush that had been dormant for years flowed over his body as he noticed the water hitting him was losing its warmth.
He leaned forward holding himself up with one hand on the edge of the tub and turned the shower off. Sitting back, he pulled the curtain open, finding a fresh clean towel lying by the tub; one that he didn’t recall putting there.
+++++++
Cameron sat quietly on the edge of his bed, still wrapped in her damp towel. Her hair was pulled up and had gotten wet just on the ends. Hands gripping the edge of the mattress, she stared aimlessly out the window, listening to the water continues to run on the other side of the wall. She heard no movement, no change in the way it was falling on the floor of the tub. No indication that he had taken what she’d said in stride and gone on with his shower like nothing had changed. She wondered what he could be doing in there other than compiling at least twenty good reasons why none of this had been a good idea. Not that he would share any of them with her.
After a while, Cameron settled back on the middle of the bed, pillows still tossed about and sheets twisted in random patterns, and closed her eyes. Nothing could be accomplished by going off on wild tangents based on fearful assumptions. There was nothing she could do now but wait for him to come out and they could…well she could deal with the aftermath.
She knew she shouldn’t be concerned with the way he might react, but she was. She just hoped she hadn’t done this too soon. She’d been confident of her feelings for months now and unless she was reading him completely wrong, she was fairly certain he felt the same way. They, especially him, had been though so much shit lately and so much change, she began to seriously doubt her timing.
The longer the water ran, the more her stomach began to churn. She decided to get up and busy herself by getting dressed, hoping they would still go out looking at bikes. She opted for a black t-shirt and faded blue jeans. She needed to assume that nothing had gone wrong, that nothing had changed.
She let her hair down and slowly brushed through it several times while looking in the mirror on top of his dresser, finally pulling it back in a silky ponytail. She tucked her shirt into her jeans and searched his room for her black leather belt, realizing this was the first time in weeks that she’d worn it. Both of them had been existing in sweat pants and shorts for the most part, and it felt good to be somewhat normal again.
Cameron searched through the two drawers that had been decided were hers as well as piles of his things mixed with her things in various places around the room, but she came up empty. So she pulled her shirt out of her jeans and decided that was going to have to do instead.
Grabbing her old running shoes and a pair of clean socks from the basket of laundry made her thoughts turn to Sam and how he was doing. She wondered how close he was to getting to his new home, and thought about how she missed him already. If things didn’t go well in the next hour or so, she was going to miss him something terrible.
If they were going to test drive bikes, she would try to do without her brace today. As she walked out of his room towards the couch, she heard the water in the shower finally stop. Her heart jumped into her throat and she paused for just a second, closing her eyes, taking another deep breath and trying to prepare herself for whatever was about to happen.
+++++++
House leaned over and grabbed the fresh towel Cameron had apparently left for him, glad that he didn’t have to manage his way out of the shower, get up on his crutches and fumble across the room before he could stop the water from running down his face. He draped it over his head and tussled the water out of his hair.
He dried himself as well as he could while still sitting on the plastic bench, wondering what he was going to do once he opened the door and was faced with her again. What he needed to do seemed so simple on the surface but felt so complicated underneath.
Maybe she had forgotten all about what she’d said and when he walked out into the hallway it would be like nothing was different. Or maybe she’d realized it was a mistake and will want to deny it had even happened. Then again she could be standing right outside the door expecting prince charming to emerge and tell her everything she wanted to hear. Shit.
He managed to get himself up and on his crutches and by no small acrobatic feat secured the towel around his waist and put his hand on the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, prepared to see her standing there wide-eyed and smiling expectantly at him. He let it out slowly when he realized that wasn’t the case. He tried to calm himself down…tried to remind himself that Cameron knew him and that no matter what happened, she wouldn’t intentionally make this hard on him. She knew what she’d gotten herself into. He hoped she knew anyway. He relished the days when the topic of having sex with his subordinate was the only thing that he had to avoid.
He tentatively stepped out of the bathroom and towards his room, wondering where she was. The apartment was quiet. No television, no music, no sounds of her shuffling around doing whatever. Where in the hell had she gone? Had she dropped a bomb like that and ran out? Surely not. But as he walked closer to the bedroom, he spotted her, sitting on the couch, dressed, hunched over in a pose that told him she was lacing up her shoes. It was then that he remembered. Before Cameron had managed to launch whatever this was into the serious dimension, they had planned to go look at bikes. He was immediately thankful for the distraction, anything but sitting around and talking about their feelings for the rest of the evening.
He tried to round the corner into his room and elbow the door closed as quietly as he could. He stood by the basket of clean clothes grabbing the articles he’d need and tossing them onto the bed; underwear, jeans, socks…a shirt that was definitely folded way too neatly. House deduced that Sam must have cleaved to his mother for a few too many years and, ever given the opportunity, he had a thing or two to teach him about being a real man.
He made his way to the bed and started piecing himself together, leg and all, something that was still taking a bit of coordination. Just as he shoved his left foot into his Chuck Taylor tennis shoe, Cameron opened the door and invited herself in. That shouldn’t have felt like such a brash move considering what they’d spent the better part of the day doing, but he immediately felt uncomfortable and found himself trying to look at anything but her. He could see enough to tell she was leaned with her shoulder against the doorframe and her arms crossed. What he couldn’t tell was if she had on her ‘come here you sex-god’ or her ‘we need to talk until our ears bleed’ face. He prayed for the former, but honestly expected the latter.
"I called the bike dealer," she broke the silence that had fallen over the entire apartment for the last thirty minutes.
"Yeah?" he answered busying himself with tying his shoe.
"They’re open until six."
House craned his head upward and to the side to look at the clock on the bedside table, 4:40pm, plenty of time. He picked up his other shoe, opening it wide so he could easily slip his right foot into it then took his time lacing that one up as well, he needed anything he could get.
He hoisted himself up and carefully walked to his dresser, feeling Cameron’s eyes on him every step of the way. He still wasn’t sure what face she had on but her silence was making him very uneasy. If it was the sex-god face he was pretty sure she would have stopped him from getting dressed any further - this wasn’t looking good.
He shuffled around for his watch and his wallet and even stopped in front of the mirror for a moment to attempt straightening his hair with nothing more than his fingers. She wasn’t relenting. So he grabbed his cane and headed towards the door, concentrating studiously on his feet and the movement of his leg. Trying to convince her and himself that this was a very important part of his adjustment to his new mode of transportation and couldn’t be bothered with a potentially emotional Cameron.
When he got to the door he expected her to move out into the hallway and let him through but of course she didn’t. She didn’t move at all. Her arms still crossed, still leaned up against the wall. Shit.
Cameron laughed lightly at his feeble attempts to avoid her, "Are you ever going to look at me again?" she asked, her voice sounded a little uncertain but forcibly lighthearted.
"Yeah," he muttered, showing impatience in his stance, still hoping to slip past her. Distractedly looking back at the dresser, hoping there was something else still lying there that he needed. Anything.
"When?" She prodded.
"When you get out of my way," he argued, turning back towards her but looking past her into the living room, immediately knowing that sounded like the response of an irrational six-year-old.
Cameron shifted her weight from one leg to both and stood upright again. Reading this as her surrender, he tried stepping by her again but she still didn’t move. Rather she reached up and put her hands on his face, one palm flat on each cheek and held him there until he finally gave in and looked at her.
"Now was that so hard?" she grinned.
He scowled, resenting being treated like a child even if he was acting like one. He shifted his eyes over her shoulder then back again, finally finding the courage to hold on to them. He found them softer than he’d expected but not so weepy that she looked like an orphaned puppy.
She just held him there and looked at him for what felt like forever. God, she was going to say it again and she was going to look him in the eye when she did it this time.
But instead, she pulled his face toward hers and stretched herself upward, putting her lips gently on his. Her kiss was slow and content and encouraged him to feel comfortable enough to close his eyes and respond with the same ease. Her hands eventually sliding down his cheeks then moving lazily to his shoulders, occasionally running her fingers across the nape of his neck. His hair still wet from the shower. His hands rested quietly on her hips after he’d left his cane against the doorframe.
Cameron finally pulled away but held onto his eyes, "Thank you for today," she said sincerely.
House just huffed lightly through his nose and cracked a crooked and weak grin. He hadn’t been expecting that.
"What?" she asked, smiling and furrowing her brow.
"I swear you’re the only girl that’s ever thanked me for sex," he admitted.
"Unless, of course, she’d just made a quick hundred bucks," he flippantly tossed out knowing it wasn’t appropriate.
"It wasn’t just for the sex," she added thoughtfully, ignoring his attempt derail the serious mood between them. Her arms were still resting on his shoulders and her fingers clasped behind his neck.
"Okay," he punctuated, then shifted his eyes over her shoulder then back again.
Cameron’s expression winced slightly as she stammered, "And about earlier…in the shower…"
Shit. House wanted to look away from her again, but couldn’t. The language on her face had him intrigued. Her confidence of just seconds ago had fallen away.
"It wasn’t meant to push you into anything," she paused and it was her turn to look away. He waited on her.
Suddenly the tables had turned and she was the uncomfortable one. Her eyes reached back up to his before she softly admitted, "I just wanted you to know."
He wanted to kiss her. No, he wanted to do more than just kiss her. But she just slid her hands down his chest until just her fingertips were touching him then turned away and walked into the living room.
"We better get going," she threw over her shoulder.
He just stood there for a moment. Still finding it hard to believe how easy she had just made that for him. House had been in love before, and he knew what it felt like. He also knew what it felt like when it suddenly wasn’t there. He knew he needed to quickly decide how badly he wanted the game.
+++++++++++
Cameron wandered around the lot while House walked inside to the main desk looking for a guy named Tim. House had insisted on this dealer and that particular salesman. Probably because he’d encouraged him to try the bike even with his right leg the way it had been. Cameron was sure he was in no mood to break in a new salesman and risk any carefully placed words or curious glances. Soon all of that would be a thing of the past but for now he was still slow and unsteady and his cane was a dead giveaway.
House finally made his way back over to her and stood by as she leaned down and read the details on a sweet looking dark blue bike she’d spotted. Not that she had any idea what any of the words and numbers meant.
"I assume you know what all this stuff means huh?" she said, still craned over but looking up at him.
"Uh huh," he mumbled distractedly while scanning the lot. She saw his lips turn up slightly at the corners before taking off, passing a dozen or so other bikes. Cameron followed.
"Oh yeah," he said, standing back and eyeing a black one that said Vmax on the side.
"It’s pretty," she observed, laughing and shrugging her shoulders, acknowledging that she really had nothing to add here.
"It’s…pretty?" he eyed her, disappointed with her choice of words.
"You’re calling a bike that does zero to one hundred in no time flat pretty? This thing is a liquid-cooled, dual overhead Cam V4," House rubbed his hand down the tank on to the seat.
"Is that good?" Cameron asked, not having a clue what a Cam V4 was. He looked at her with a tilted head and sagged shoulders, frustrated that she wasn’t finding this nearly as exciting as he was.
"It’s got V-Boost," he insisted.
"Is that like a button?"
House rolled his eyes, "It’s a valve system that opens when I hit about…" Cameron could feel the blank stare on her face.
"Never mind. You’re right, it’s pretty," he finally said to appease her.
She watched House admire the curves and lines of the motorcycle. All she knew was it looked a bit bigger than his old bike. It was almost all black and looked very intimidating; like something right out of a Mad Max movie.
"You know this thing has a bigger engine than that wussy little girlie car you drive."
"…which is faster than that oil-chugging thing you call a car," Cameron quickly tacked right onto the end of his insult.
Cameron hated that thing. It was cold in the winter, hot in the summer and the passenger side door could only be opened from the outside. Which would be fine if House ever acted like a gentleman. But opening it from the inside required a meticulously shaped wire hanger being snaked down a hole in the door and skillfully fumbling for the release lever. Something Cameron never quite got the hang of, which meant most times, she had to climb out through the driver’s side being careful to maneuver over the console. Of course House only liked it because of the means by which he’d obtained it but she had to admit he looked kind of cute driving it, in a totally dorky kind of way.
"Well I am a girl if you haven’t noticed." She put on a naughty little grin but it was wasted on him, at the moment he was only interested in lusting over the new toy in front of him.
A younger man, Cameron figured he must be about her age, with a solid build and dark hair interrupted House’s drooling, "Hey," reaching his hand out in a friendly and enthusiastic greeting, "Dr House, right?"
House loosely shifted his cane to his left hand and shook the salesman’s with his right, still focusing most of his attention on the bike in front of him.
"You like that one, do ya?" Tim turned his attention to it as well.
The salesman took no time in looking at Cameron and smiling, "Hi…Tim," he offered, taking one step forward and reaching out to shake her hand.
"Allison…hi," she offered back, shaking his hand.
With this, House quickly turned to her then cut his eyes to the salesman then back to the bike.
"Wanna take it for a spin?" Tim offered, revealing that he had the key already in his hand.
Staring at the bike, House took a deep breath and Cameron stepped close to him, taking his hand in both of hers, "You want to drive it by yourself first? Then you can come back and take me for a ride?" she said quietly, gently leaning into him.
He’d surprised her by not seeming leery about getting back on a bike again and she just assumed he’d been doing a very good job at hiding it. Now it appeared that was the case.
Tim nervously rattled the key in his hand and said, "You know. We’re a pretty tight community around here. Something doesn’t happen within fifty miles of here without us hearing about it."
Tim stopped for a second and House looked over at him, "I’m glad you’re alright, man."
There was a heavy silence then Tim managed to make the air around them even heavier, "You too," he paused and Cameron turned to look at him, "Were you the girl…?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…gimme the keys," House harshly interrupted, letting go of Cameron’s hand and waggling it in front of Tim.
Ignoring Tim’s question, Cameron gently took hold of House’s arm then nudged him with her elbow, "Let’s see what this baby can do."
When he turned to her she looked up at him knowing there was no way that sounded as cool as she wanted it to and she gave him an embarrassed look.
House just looked back to the bike and nodded then Tim handed over the key and left, soon returning with two black helmets. Cameron took one, tucking it under her arm and House took the other.
++++++++
He handed her his cane and put on the helmet, taking the few short steps to the black beast. He reached under his thigh and lifted the leg over the seat, the same way he’d done hundreds of times on his Honda. First thing he noticed was the lower seat height, which made it much easier for him to mount the bike.
Once he was seated, his mind started thinking about the logistics of how all this was going to work. First he needed to see how difficult it would be to position his right foot on the peg. With the kickstand still down, House raised his leg, using the remaining muscle in his thigh to lift the prosthetic up, he slowly lifted his foot, watching as he gently lowered it onto the foot peg.
Pushing the starter button, House felt the bike come alive, rumbling and vibrating under him, power just waiting to be unleashed.
Feeling a little more confident, House lowered his foot back to the ground and prepared to flip up the kickstand. He balanced the bike under him, feeling a comfortable center of gravity, then quickly flicked the stand up with his left heel then gently leaned the bike slightly to the left again, allowing his sound leg to take the additional weight.
He prepared himself to repeat the process- balance bike, right leg down, left leg pushing down on the shift lever in one quick motion while holding in the clutch with his left hand.
In one swift motion, House completed the shift into first gear easier than he expected then settled his left foot back on the ground. Now he just had to get his right foot back on the peg. He once again lifted his leg and the knee bent automatically as he tried to watch the position of his foot. Making small adjustments by lifting and moving his thigh, he finally managed to get it placed firmly on the footrest. Last thing he wanted to do was have to reach down with his right hand to adjust his leg. Mission accomplished. Now he was ready.
Slowly he let out the clutch and twisted the accelerator as he turned onto the street and headed out of the dealer’s lot.
It really only felt strange for a minute or two before House was comfortable on a bike again. Adjusting to his new leg would take a little time though. Not being able to feel the peg under his new foot made him keep glancing down to make certain it wasn’t about to slip off.
He had only driven once in more than four weeks and even then it was such a different feeling from driving that trash heap Chrysler. The engine was so responsive to his touch and the machine moved under him with even his slightest shift in weight. His thoughts moved to Cameron and how she had responded while underneath him then he forced his thoughts back onto the road and the traffic around him. But, he couldn’t deny the parallels between riding a bike and sex with Cameron.
Once he hit his first deserted straight away, he twisted back on the throttle and had the speedometer kissing three digits well before he expected. House got lost in the feel, the control. Control that had been pulled out from under every part of his life it seemed.
Nothing could keep up with him now, not even his insecurities. The faster he went, the further he left everything behind. This was the pinnacle of complete mobility - here he wasn’t a cripple. It was only then that he fully realized how much he’d missed this.
But the driving desire to leave everything behind felt different now. It felt muted, tamed. It was still there but he wasn’t hungry for it like he once was. Maybe it was possible that for the first time since he could remember, he wasn’t trying to run away from everything in his life. He couldn’t quite place it, but he was starting to feel things changing. It should have scared the hell out of him, but it hadn’t yet.
He lost complete track of time but when he started seeing signs for Somerville he knew he needed to turn back before the dealer closed and Cameron was left stranded with…Tim. Someone who, he noted earlier, possessed an integer dangerously close to Cameron’s.
He pulled into the lot finding them outside, one of Cameron’s arms motioning wildly while the other was propped on his cane. Tim was lounging back on the seat of a bike facing her with his ankles crossed, tilting his head back and laughing. He pulled up next to them and turned off the engine. He pulled off his helmet and placed it on the tank.
Tim stood up and barely opened his mouth before House interrupted him.
"I write you a check and you throw in the helmets?"
Tim stammered for a moment, "Uh…you got it!"
House looked to Cameron, finding her smiling widely at him before he turned to Tim and nodded. Tim grinned and turned towards the showroom, House followed closely behind.
+++++++++
Cameron went to her car and grabbed anything too valuable to leave in case they’d misjudged the neighborhood. She tossed anything else that she’d rather not get lifted into her trunk. She waited patiently, leaning on his new bike and running her fingers over various parts of it. It was pretty regardless of whether House cringed at her using that word or not.
It couldn’t have taken him more than ten minutes to settle things. He came walking out of the showroom with a face that was about to crack under the pressure of suppressing a huge smile. Heaven forbid she, or anyone else, see him look genuinely happy about anything. But he was - Cameron could see it, and it gave her chills to see him like that. Everyone deserves a little happiness once in a while, even Greg House.
Cameron stood up and stepped away from the bike, "All set?" she asked, motioning to him to give her his cane.
He screwed his face up slightly at her and she answered, "You won’t need it."
House handed it over then climbed back on the bike while Cameron took his cane over to her car. She picked up the helmet she’d left on the ground and strapped it on and climbed on behind him just has he started the engine. This was so much more comfortable than his other bike. It was clearly made to have a passenger. She flipped her visor down, wrapped her arms tight and low around his waist and settled into him - nice and close.
He took off gingerly and made a left-hand turn out of the lot. Cameron had no idea where he was headed but she really didn’t care. They could ride for the rest of the evening as far as she was concerned. She had missed this maybe as much as he had.
They broke the city limits and Cameron could feel House holding back. From his reaction and just the mere bad-ass look of it, she assumed it could run circles around his old bike. She wondered if he’d been so careful even without her on the back. As much as she wanted to feel him open it up, she liked that he was being cautious. House was never cautious about anything and the thought of him being careful for her sake was, well…sweet.
She lifted his shirt just enough to slide her hand underneath and rest it on his stomach. Her grip tightened as she felt him kick the throttle and speed up just a little. She smiled and shifted closer into him. Not that she could get any closer but it still felt nice.
They covered rural New Jersey until it was dusk when House pulled into a little Chinese joint on the outskirts of Princeton. He pulled up front and turned off the engine, both taking off their helmets.
Cameron looked at him, a little puzzled while he turned back to her and said, "Do you realize we haven’t eaten anything today?" Then he grinned and finished, "’cept a little ice cream."
She just answered with a sly little grin and a quick hitch of her eyebrows, "Let’s order in."
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