deserve
In one final, highly emotional scene, Noah verified my fears last night. He had kept telling me, "I can't handle the long distance relationship" or "I can't focus on everything else and give a relationship the time it deserves right now." or my favorite, "You deserve to be a priority... and I can't give you that." I kept trying to get one important peice of information out of him... and finally got a response last night. I realized that he didn't want this, couldn't have this, right NOW. But did that eliminate the possibilities in the future? I couldn't deal with the situation until I knew whether this was a permanent demotion, or just a temporary one.
In his own words, he told me it was permanent, as far as he could see. Then he had the nerve to appologize with "You deserved an answer long before this."
DESERVE? What I DESERVE??
If this is what I DESERVE in life, I wonder what I did to piss off the powers that be. I certainly don't think I DESERVE the trials and tribulations bestowed upon me... but I do conquer them in the long run.
And then... the depression kicks and and wonders if this is what I deserve out of my life. If this solitude is all I've earned in my time on earth.
There is no point in contemplating what I DESERVE!! All I have is what IS. Nothing else truly matters.
In his own words, he told me it was permanent, as far as he could see. Then he had the nerve to appologize with "You deserved an answer long before this."
DESERVE? What I DESERVE??
If this is what I DESERVE in life, I wonder what I did to piss off the powers that be. I certainly don't think I DESERVE the trials and tribulations bestowed upon me... but I do conquer them in the long run.
And then... the depression kicks and and wonders if this is what I deserve out of my life. If this solitude is all I've earned in my time on earth.
There is no point in contemplating what I DESERVE!! All I have is what IS. Nothing else truly matters.