(no subject)
You know I never really understood why people resorted to suicide. I used to judge them and consider them weak people. After the past few months that I have had trust me I have more than "changed my ways" when it comes to people resorting to that. I'm not by any means saying I'm resorting to it or even contemplating it, but I guess now I know how it feels to feel so small and so powerless when it comes to life. Life is cruel, and severly unjust.
In the past month I have nearly lost three family members. My uncle attempted his third suicide and barely escaped it, he'll be lucky if he's not a vegetable for the rest of his life. My other uncle who had an entirely new and improved outlook on life is slowly dying. His intestine burst and infected his whole body, both his lungs collapsed and his organs are slowly deteriorating. And we all know what that means.
My mother, who this past friday was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and has been in ICU ever since is about to have a difibulator put into her heart tomorrow morning. She was supposed to be home tuesday but further testing found her heart to be in an even worse stage then they thought. Her heart is twice the size it should be and only working at merely 45%, they also found other various diseases and things that are wrong with her. After the surgery she has a 50% chance at life. I'm more scared and more of a wreck then she is right now. I'm trying to be optimistic though. I don't need my dad and little sisters to see me scared. I'm trying to hold it together. I haven't gone home because I can't. I go to work everyday because I need to focus on something. I am "alive" for nine hours a day, and then before and after work I am a total mess. As ruthless as it sounds I could stand losing an uncle, but not my mother. Not the woman who I love more than my own life.
Onto Casanova, my two year old baby. (Puppy) He is extremely sick right now as well. He's severly dehydrated and constantly vomitting. He's been this way for days. You wonder why people become vets. Or at least I do, they are just about useless.
So my whole world (family) is falling apart right now, and I'm in Nashville in my own little world. I have not one person here who I can count on to be there for me. Which is fine, because I guess that makes its less complicated for me, and the other individual.
So to Chris, I don't consider you of weak character anymore. I just wished you would've hung around long enough to see what life could be like when it is fair and just. I'm sorry but only giving it 19 years was not enough time. I just hope that you don't regret it, and please help my mom. Tell God to give her a break because 40 is too soon. And she was always nice to you and gave you plenty of Girl Scout cookies.
=)
In the past month I have nearly lost three family members. My uncle attempted his third suicide and barely escaped it, he'll be lucky if he's not a vegetable for the rest of his life. My other uncle who had an entirely new and improved outlook on life is slowly dying. His intestine burst and infected his whole body, both his lungs collapsed and his organs are slowly deteriorating. And we all know what that means.
My mother, who this past friday was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and has been in ICU ever since is about to have a difibulator put into her heart tomorrow morning. She was supposed to be home tuesday but further testing found her heart to be in an even worse stage then they thought. Her heart is twice the size it should be and only working at merely 45%, they also found other various diseases and things that are wrong with her. After the surgery she has a 50% chance at life. I'm more scared and more of a wreck then she is right now. I'm trying to be optimistic though. I don't need my dad and little sisters to see me scared. I'm trying to hold it together. I haven't gone home because I can't. I go to work everyday because I need to focus on something. I am "alive" for nine hours a day, and then before and after work I am a total mess. As ruthless as it sounds I could stand losing an uncle, but not my mother. Not the woman who I love more than my own life.
Onto Casanova, my two year old baby. (Puppy) He is extremely sick right now as well. He's severly dehydrated and constantly vomitting. He's been this way for days. You wonder why people become vets. Or at least I do, they are just about useless.
So my whole world (family) is falling apart right now, and I'm in Nashville in my own little world. I have not one person here who I can count on to be there for me. Which is fine, because I guess that makes its less complicated for me, and the other individual.
So to Chris, I don't consider you of weak character anymore. I just wished you would've hung around long enough to see what life could be like when it is fair and just. I'm sorry but only giving it 19 years was not enough time. I just hope that you don't regret it, and please help my mom. Tell God to give her a break because 40 is too soon. And she was always nice to you and gave you plenty of Girl Scout cookies.
=)