Maternal/ Child clinical
Brief COMMENTS MADE ABOUT BOYFRIENDS AND BABIES AND MOMMIES- NO OFFENSE ANYONE! Motherhood I'm sure is a miracle.
The interesting thing about this rotation is the effect it's having on my psyche. I don't want children. I think I'd be a fantastic mom...for the first day. Then I'd be restless and exhausted and eager to be out of the deal. I'd resent my child for wrecking my very happy wonderfully blessed easy goin life where I get to do whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want with whomever I want.
Of course many of the girls in my class "Squeel!! Oooo! I want to work with the babies!!!! Weeeee!" But not me. I'm not thrilled about a patient that can't tell you what is wrong with them or where are they hurting, it's unclear how to comfort them and who really knows what they want or need. So where's the gratification?? How do you get to pat yourself on the back when you don't know if all the interventions you've done that day have really not helped one bit but actually really pissed off that poor gob of goo? Honestly, I think I have a strange opinion of what infant life must be like. I actually think they don't like it very much. I think being crammed into that new and unfurraling body is probably quite painful to adjust to. I think SIDS my be the soul just decides it's not ready for the long haul commitment of having to reside in the flesh and all it's restrictions. I imagine I'd feel the same about motherhood and I'd want out too. But they don't have a syndrome name for that. I think they'd just call it suicide.
I saw Juno the other night. I gave myself permission by saying it was research for school. J said it was a great idea to protest the superbowl by going to see a chick flck.
It was wonderful. But brought up some painful issues and I had a total breakdown during the credits. I couldn't get up. I cried and cried and apologized that I'm not the kind of girl that can commit. I can't guarentee long term happiness. I can't promise rainbows and hearts for the next unimaginable amount of years of my life. I can't even think about next week without going into panic mode about how unprepared I am for life and the restrictions and responsibilities of this mortal body. You'd think I was the one just born.
He didn't have much to say. He "awwwed" and held me, but there weren't overwhelming reassurances- and I didn't expect any. We've been through this so many times; my guilt and his disappointment. But from one day to the next- it's just not enough to break up over, we're generally very happy. Interaction with babies would probably make me happy if I could get over the guilt. The poor people who've wanted them with me; my unfulfilled ex-partners who went begrudgingly after I was unwaveringly true to myself after years of arguments- ugh. It just always ends up painfully...I'm so sorry that you men need to borrow a uterus to have a kid, I really am. It's quite unfair.
So here I am sobbing. Gasping and drooling with snot all over my face, and I had mascara on too. Which face it girls- really- if you're going to have a cry that makes you hurt all over- you really do want to have the mascara streak battle wounds. I mean, otherwise you have no excuse for all that snot running into your mouth.
J is wonderful and added no extra pressure. He just took my appologies as old news and old evidence of our consistant inconsistancies and walked me next door for ice cream...after I blew my nose.
Here's the journal for school:
My second clinical was to be spent in the nursery. I was intimidated but warmed up to the idea quickly and was surprised how soft I became at seeing the little babies wrapped snuggly in their tiny blankets. I also realized how much they all look alike and I imagined this being a very difficult and sensitive task to keep straight. Did we really just come up with all the procedures to keep them all straight?
I was anxious to do my infant assessment and slightly disappointed (even though understanding) that I wasn’t able to get more hands on education with the babies. And my chosen baby was stealthily wheeled away after I’d completed all my documentation from his chart. So I was left with chart information and a generic assessment performed on my lab partner’s baby of choice.
I’m quickly appreciating the idea of “just make it work” as far as our paperwork requirements are concerned. I’m feeling confident that I am learning a lot and will make my paperwork reflect as much, even if the info is somewhat mismatched.
I was excited to see that we had to ‘scrub in’ before we could enter the nursery and wear hospital scrub uniforms, then disappointed when housekeeping came in and out with big trash bags and all kinds of other contaminating things. I’m sure they have some kind of system, and I’m just unaware of the complexities of it all.
My clinical partner and I were also slightly dismayed at the conflicting information we received over some of the routine tests and reflexes. This conflicting information actually caused enough confusion that we both missed the exam question relating to the test that we requested more information about. Oh well. I’m gaining a real understanding of how ‘real world’ nursing differs from our idealistic classroom education. Overall the experience was new, fun and exciting.
The interesting thing about this rotation is the effect it's having on my psyche. I don't want children. I think I'd be a fantastic mom...for the first day. Then I'd be restless and exhausted and eager to be out of the deal. I'd resent my child for wrecking my very happy wonderfully blessed easy goin life where I get to do whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want with whomever I want.
Of course many of the girls in my class "Squeel!! Oooo! I want to work with the babies!!!! Weeeee!" But not me. I'm not thrilled about a patient that can't tell you what is wrong with them or where are they hurting, it's unclear how to comfort them and who really knows what they want or need. So where's the gratification?? How do you get to pat yourself on the back when you don't know if all the interventions you've done that day have really not helped one bit but actually really pissed off that poor gob of goo? Honestly, I think I have a strange opinion of what infant life must be like. I actually think they don't like it very much. I think being crammed into that new and unfurraling body is probably quite painful to adjust to. I think SIDS my be the soul just decides it's not ready for the long haul commitment of having to reside in the flesh and all it's restrictions. I imagine I'd feel the same about motherhood and I'd want out too. But they don't have a syndrome name for that. I think they'd just call it suicide.
I saw Juno the other night. I gave myself permission by saying it was research for school. J said it was a great idea to protest the superbowl by going to see a chick flck.
It was wonderful. But brought up some painful issues and I had a total breakdown during the credits. I couldn't get up. I cried and cried and apologized that I'm not the kind of girl that can commit. I can't guarentee long term happiness. I can't promise rainbows and hearts for the next unimaginable amount of years of my life. I can't even think about next week without going into panic mode about how unprepared I am for life and the restrictions and responsibilities of this mortal body. You'd think I was the one just born.
He didn't have much to say. He "awwwed" and held me, but there weren't overwhelming reassurances- and I didn't expect any. We've been through this so many times; my guilt and his disappointment. But from one day to the next- it's just not enough to break up over, we're generally very happy. Interaction with babies would probably make me happy if I could get over the guilt. The poor people who've wanted them with me; my unfulfilled ex-partners who went begrudgingly after I was unwaveringly true to myself after years of arguments- ugh. It just always ends up painfully...I'm so sorry that you men need to borrow a uterus to have a kid, I really am. It's quite unfair.
So here I am sobbing. Gasping and drooling with snot all over my face, and I had mascara on too. Which face it girls- really- if you're going to have a cry that makes you hurt all over- you really do want to have the mascara streak battle wounds. I mean, otherwise you have no excuse for all that snot running into your mouth.
J is wonderful and added no extra pressure. He just took my appologies as old news and old evidence of our consistant inconsistancies and walked me next door for ice cream...after I blew my nose.
Here's the journal for school:
My second clinical was to be spent in the nursery. I was intimidated but warmed up to the idea quickly and was surprised how soft I became at seeing the little babies wrapped snuggly in their tiny blankets. I also realized how much they all look alike and I imagined this being a very difficult and sensitive task to keep straight. Did we really just come up with all the procedures to keep them all straight?
I was anxious to do my infant assessment and slightly disappointed (even though understanding) that I wasn’t able to get more hands on education with the babies. And my chosen baby was stealthily wheeled away after I’d completed all my documentation from his chart. So I was left with chart information and a generic assessment performed on my lab partner’s baby of choice.
I’m quickly appreciating the idea of “just make it work” as far as our paperwork requirements are concerned. I’m feeling confident that I am learning a lot and will make my paperwork reflect as much, even if the info is somewhat mismatched.
I was excited to see that we had to ‘scrub in’ before we could enter the nursery and wear hospital scrub uniforms, then disappointed when housekeeping came in and out with big trash bags and all kinds of other contaminating things. I’m sure they have some kind of system, and I’m just unaware of the complexities of it all.
My clinical partner and I were also slightly dismayed at the conflicting information we received over some of the routine tests and reflexes. This conflicting information actually caused enough confusion that we both missed the exam question relating to the test that we requested more information about. Oh well. I’m gaining a real understanding of how ‘real world’ nursing differs from our idealistic classroom education. Overall the experience was new, fun and exciting.