oh boy: 2qt2handle

2qt2handle

oh boy

May 10, 2005 15:52

HEY!!!!!!! its been a while due to obligations and the crazyness of my life, but im now making time to update ya'll. I also know a lot of ppl are curious about me and caleb so i will fill u guys in without giving TOO much details.

Well I got a job at prevue and then quit a week later due to the busyness of my life & certain people who i wasnt crazy about.

Caleb & i broke up on the 28th. I broke up with him because basically he was mean. I was tired of being treated mean and everything was always wrong. I would try to go out of my way for him and everything was SO unappreciated. It was (is) super hard, but its for the best. we were gonna go to prom and i got my dress and everything then last night we got in a really big fight, ive never been mader at him in my life. I was SO mad, it was the worst. well we arent going to prom because he doesnt want me to ruin his perfect little prom night. So then i wasnt even gonna go to prom b/c its not even my prom but then after talking to kaitlyn and ashlee decided too because i spent $400 on my dress & i wanna show it off. Its gonna be SOOO much fun tho. I used to be really sad about this whole thing until i was driving and put britney spears' greatest hits into my cd player and listened to number 16 (ive just begun having my fun) NOW i have SUCH a better attitude about it, i still get really sad and im beginning to think im bipolar because i go from totally over it to totally depressed. We went out for almost 8 months so i cant just get up and walk away, but at the same time i cant just sit around. Caleb was my best friend, not many people knew as much about me as he did and its amazing how hes SO quick to be a complete jerk. I wanted us to remain friends and work on our friendship, but he makes that impossible. When we first broke up he was like i wanna change and blah blah blah then now hes trying to play stupid little games with me. Im not gonna play games with him, if he cant handle being friends and being nice then thats fine. My whole family misses him which makes it 14578315963587446 times harder b/c they always give me a hard time about it & they are constantly calling him and telling him they miss him. Its a sucky situation & i probably should stop talking about it before i go off and talk about things that might get me in trouble and i have a lot of mixed emotions about it so this whole thing probably doesnt really make sense to anyone. but at least now u know the status.

Ive been very busy which is really good cuz its keepin my mind off everything... dance is pretty much my life right now since we have the concert on thursday and friday. Dance is a big reason why i quit my job... i wouldve had to take like all this week off for rehearsals and stuff. the concert is thursday & friday (12th & 13th) at STEELE CANYON at 7pm!!! GO GO GO!!! its gonna be really cute.

Im slowly getting my life back together. I was too involved with calebs life i forgot about my own. I forgot about what made me happy. Caleb makes me happy, but it was more tears then smiles. I LOVE my friends SOOO much. Seriously i have the greatest friends ever and they have helped me SOO much with this whole thing & i honestly dont know what i would do without them. Its so nice to have my independence back, to have my life that doesnt depend on anyone else. Im free to do whatever i want, whenever i want. Yea i miss the comfort of a boyfriend, but this whole thing has made me so much stronger. These past few weeks have been so depressing but so fun all at the same time. Im tellin ya... im bipolar. i cant make up my mind if im happy or sad. but when i get to happy i feel guilty. Like i shouldnt be having this much fun getting out of a 8 month relationship. I love caleb I do, but why wait around for someone who has hurt u in ways u never thought were possible.

I cant wait til summer and really want it to be here already. I think it will be much easier when summer comes because i wont have to see his face everyday at school or look at all our old meeting spots. Today was our first day at school not talking, we tried to be friends, it didnt work. Now its much harder at school. I think i did good today, i only cried a little in the morning & no crying during the day... definately making progress.

well this has been really super long and probably boring, but im sure i will find more time to update now since i dont have caleb, and i probably will update for really stupid things. ha just bare with me guys. LOVE YA!!!!

Heres so pix...