Perfection [part 1]
Title : Perfection
Main Character: Kim Junsu/ Jun. K
Pairing : Taecyeon/Junsu (TAECSU)
Genre : PURE ANGST, romance
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Junsu's life slowly changes.
A/N : WARNING, grab a box of tissues before reading. I cried while writing it ok? I apologize if any of you are offended by this T___T
________________________________________________________
Junsu used to be lonely.
Nichkhun had Wooyoung. Chansung had Junho and he assumed that Taecyeon loves Jay. He was right. Taecyeon would pull dreamy faces around Jay. The leader never showed much reaction though but Junsu could see that he actually cares for Taecyeon.
Almost everyday, after schedules, he would excuse himself and step out of the dorm to take a walk, letting the couples have some privacy without them realizing that they're neglecting him. He would put on his over-sized hoodie, tune up his headphones into full volume and skip through the park. Sometimes, he would even secretly go to the bar, not to party, but to drink. He'd drown all his sorrows with shots of wine or beer. Pushing the sinking feeling of being an outcast to the back of his mind. After that, he'd go back to the dorm with out a trace of drunkenness, because he is tough on the inside, his self-restraint is strong, because he knows he can't let his precious members worry, and because he is used to this.
There were times that he would cry. He would bite his lip and tears would fall. He'd stare at the darkness and clutch his pillow. He covers his mouth, avoiding waking up Taecyeon who was sleeping on the top bunk. He scolds himself for being a sissy, but he couldn't help it. The painful feeling of loneliness is slowly and painfully taking over his emotions. -I should get a girlfriend- he thought. -But I'm gay.- He just had to remind himself that. So Junsu continued to cry silently, tears soaking his face. -Love isn't everything.- he replays that phrase in his mind, again and again, trying to make himself feel better.
Junsu would wake up before everyone and go to the bathroom. He'd look at his own reflection, chuckling softly at his miserable state. Eyes bloodshot red, tear stains on his cheeks, dark circles. "I'm pathetic." he says to himself before splashing his face with cold water. Then, he'll cook breakfast, cheerfully greeting his members who walks into the kitchen one by one, all groggy and half asleep. He serves them food and smiles widely anytime he gets a sincere thanks from every one of them. He loves them, he knows they appreciate him and that's all he needs to know. He would be all smiles in front of them, not once would he even think of letting them worry about him.
He doesn't know when he started to like Taecyeon. It started as an adoration towards a fellow dongsaeng. When he felt his feelings grew for the American, he instantly pushes those thoughts as far as he can. -I can't. He loves Jay. I can't. Not now. Never.- So he cries harder at night, muffling his sobs into his pillow. He never blames others, the thought of it never once crossed his mind.
That's one of the reasons why he is always alone in the vocal studio. He'd write songs, the only friend he can preach to. He'd scribble down all of his thoughts into lyrics and sing them out loud. Doing what he always does when he sings, wearing his fragile heart on his sleeve. Then he'd collapse on his knees, palming his face and crying out loud. He shouts and tears his lyrics that he thought was useless. Punching the soundproof walls and gritting his teeth. He screams about his ugly face. He screams about the unfairness of the world. He screams about fucking emotions. He screams about fucking love. He screams about being gay. He screams about what he can never have. He screams about Taecyeon.
Then one day, Jay left.
It was too sudden for them. Too overwhelming for them. A gush of emotions flew through each of them. They cried, except Junsu, who thought that he had cried enough. If there was ever a time they needed him badly, it was now. He was busy going around, hugging them, patting their backs and comforting them. He was the big hyung now and he had to carry the responsibility of taking care of his dongsaengs and he didn't mind one bit.
Park Jinyoung was grateful to him. They were in the meeting room, 2PM and JYP after the controversy had died down and it was official that Jay's contract in JYP was now terminated. He was content in Seattle and they were happy seeing him happy. When discussing about the next album, JYP asked them about what they want. They shook their heads, but Junsu cleared his throat. JYP turned to him, giving him full attention. Junsu took a deep breath.
"I want plastic surgery."
The other members gasped. "Are you sure?", Wooyoung asked. "But why?", Chansung voiced out. "You look fine!", Junho voiced out. Junsu raised a hand and silenced them. "It's what I want. I'm sorry." He hung his head in shame. JYP was quiet for a while, Junsu had never asked for anything, so he put a hand on Junsu's shoulder, "Are you willing to go through some pain and hurtful critiques from fans for this, Junsu-shii?" Junsu looked at him, pure determination sparkling in his eyes. "Yes."
The procedure was painless but he felt some stinging numbness while his face heals behind the bandages. He stays in the hospital for two days before standing in front of a full length mirror in his ward while the doctor slowly unwraps the bandages. His eyes are closed as he felt the bandages falling off and cold air slaps his skin. He shivered slightly and fluttered his eyes open. A pang of surprise hits him, tears welling in his eyes as he stares at his slightly new facial features, It didn't change that much. He smiles, there it was, his gummy smile is now non-existent, just like how he wanted. He hugs the doctor, blessing him with thankfulness. Junsu knows he will be called fake, but he wanted this, it's his own decision. He need to raise his self-esteem. For himself, and to support his beloved dongsaengs.
So he goes back to the dorm. The other members waiting for him. As he steps into the living room, he stands in the middle for a brief moment, cold silence surrounds them as the members takes in his appearance. Junho stood up and hugged him tight, his face buried into Junsu's shoulder. He heard the younger sobbed. "What took you so long, hyung? We thought something bad happened." Wooyoung touched his face, his eye were sparkling with tears too. "You didn't really need this. You are great the way you are, hyung." Chansung clutched his arm, he was quiet, but tears were already sliding down his cheeks and Junsu could see the worry his eyes. Taecyeon and Nichkhun stood close and smiled weakly at him. He gave them a warm smile and lovingly hugged the three maknaes who were clinging to him.
"Don't worry. I'll be okay."
When they released their Heartbeat album, netizens got wilder. There were 2PM lovers that hated Jay and Jay lovers who hated 2PM. They boys thank the Gods that there are still fans of both. They had to stay strong and support each other and stood their ground. They never forgot Jay, they swore never to. They still contacted each other.
As expected, A huge wave of criticism whacked Junsu straight in the face about his new appearance. Some were against it, a few approved, and there were even fans that didn't mind at all. His confidence grew inside. He performed well alongside the other members. Multiple music shows, award shows and even only practices. They succeeded in performing well without any flaws.
It wasn't until something really big happened in his life that Junsu's world started spinning.
The feelings he had for Taecyeon were coming back, tugging him at full force. It was pure torture for him, because Jay just left and he feels like he is using the Bostonian. He feels awkward around the object of his affection so he distanced himself. Hoping to God that nobody notices this.
Little does he knows, that Taecyeon is falling for him too.
Note: My first angsty fic..... I hope it was good..
(Part 2)
Main Character: Kim Junsu/ Jun. K
Pairing : Taecyeon/Junsu (TAECSU)
Genre : PURE ANGST, romance
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Junsu's life slowly changes.
A/N : WARNING, grab a box of tissues before reading. I cried while writing it ok? I apologize if any of you are offended by this T___T
________________________________________________________
Junsu used to be lonely.
Nichkhun had Wooyoung. Chansung had Junho and he assumed that Taecyeon loves Jay. He was right. Taecyeon would pull dreamy faces around Jay. The leader never showed much reaction though but Junsu could see that he actually cares for Taecyeon.
Almost everyday, after schedules, he would excuse himself and step out of the dorm to take a walk, letting the couples have some privacy without them realizing that they're neglecting him. He would put on his over-sized hoodie, tune up his headphones into full volume and skip through the park. Sometimes, he would even secretly go to the bar, not to party, but to drink. He'd drown all his sorrows with shots of wine or beer. Pushing the sinking feeling of being an outcast to the back of his mind. After that, he'd go back to the dorm with out a trace of drunkenness, because he is tough on the inside, his self-restraint is strong, because he knows he can't let his precious members worry, and because he is used to this.
There were times that he would cry. He would bite his lip and tears would fall. He'd stare at the darkness and clutch his pillow. He covers his mouth, avoiding waking up Taecyeon who was sleeping on the top bunk. He scolds himself for being a sissy, but he couldn't help it. The painful feeling of loneliness is slowly and painfully taking over his emotions. -I should get a girlfriend- he thought. -But I'm gay.- He just had to remind himself that. So Junsu continued to cry silently, tears soaking his face. -Love isn't everything.- he replays that phrase in his mind, again and again, trying to make himself feel better.
Junsu would wake up before everyone and go to the bathroom. He'd look at his own reflection, chuckling softly at his miserable state. Eyes bloodshot red, tear stains on his cheeks, dark circles. "I'm pathetic." he says to himself before splashing his face with cold water. Then, he'll cook breakfast, cheerfully greeting his members who walks into the kitchen one by one, all groggy and half asleep. He serves them food and smiles widely anytime he gets a sincere thanks from every one of them. He loves them, he knows they appreciate him and that's all he needs to know. He would be all smiles in front of them, not once would he even think of letting them worry about him.
He doesn't know when he started to like Taecyeon. It started as an adoration towards a fellow dongsaeng. When he felt his feelings grew for the American, he instantly pushes those thoughts as far as he can. -I can't. He loves Jay. I can't. Not now. Never.- So he cries harder at night, muffling his sobs into his pillow. He never blames others, the thought of it never once crossed his mind.
That's one of the reasons why he is always alone in the vocal studio. He'd write songs, the only friend he can preach to. He'd scribble down all of his thoughts into lyrics and sing them out loud. Doing what he always does when he sings, wearing his fragile heart on his sleeve. Then he'd collapse on his knees, palming his face and crying out loud. He shouts and tears his lyrics that he thought was useless. Punching the soundproof walls and gritting his teeth. He screams about his ugly face. He screams about the unfairness of the world. He screams about fucking emotions. He screams about fucking love. He screams about being gay. He screams about what he can never have. He screams about Taecyeon.
Then one day, Jay left.
It was too sudden for them. Too overwhelming for them. A gush of emotions flew through each of them. They cried, except Junsu, who thought that he had cried enough. If there was ever a time they needed him badly, it was now. He was busy going around, hugging them, patting their backs and comforting them. He was the big hyung now and he had to carry the responsibility of taking care of his dongsaengs and he didn't mind one bit.
Park Jinyoung was grateful to him. They were in the meeting room, 2PM and JYP after the controversy had died down and it was official that Jay's contract in JYP was now terminated. He was content in Seattle and they were happy seeing him happy. When discussing about the next album, JYP asked them about what they want. They shook their heads, but Junsu cleared his throat. JYP turned to him, giving him full attention. Junsu took a deep breath.
"I want plastic surgery."
The other members gasped. "Are you sure?", Wooyoung asked. "But why?", Chansung voiced out. "You look fine!", Junho voiced out. Junsu raised a hand and silenced them. "It's what I want. I'm sorry." He hung his head in shame. JYP was quiet for a while, Junsu had never asked for anything, so he put a hand on Junsu's shoulder, "Are you willing to go through some pain and hurtful critiques from fans for this, Junsu-shii?" Junsu looked at him, pure determination sparkling in his eyes. "Yes."
The procedure was painless but he felt some stinging numbness while his face heals behind the bandages. He stays in the hospital for two days before standing in front of a full length mirror in his ward while the doctor slowly unwraps the bandages. His eyes are closed as he felt the bandages falling off and cold air slaps his skin. He shivered slightly and fluttered his eyes open. A pang of surprise hits him, tears welling in his eyes as he stares at his slightly new facial features, It didn't change that much. He smiles, there it was, his gummy smile is now non-existent, just like how he wanted. He hugs the doctor, blessing him with thankfulness. Junsu knows he will be called fake, but he wanted this, it's his own decision. He need to raise his self-esteem. For himself, and to support his beloved dongsaengs.
So he goes back to the dorm. The other members waiting for him. As he steps into the living room, he stands in the middle for a brief moment, cold silence surrounds them as the members takes in his appearance. Junho stood up and hugged him tight, his face buried into Junsu's shoulder. He heard the younger sobbed. "What took you so long, hyung? We thought something bad happened." Wooyoung touched his face, his eye were sparkling with tears too. "You didn't really need this. You are great the way you are, hyung." Chansung clutched his arm, he was quiet, but tears were already sliding down his cheeks and Junsu could see the worry his eyes. Taecyeon and Nichkhun stood close and smiled weakly at him. He gave them a warm smile and lovingly hugged the three maknaes who were clinging to him.
"Don't worry. I'll be okay."
When they released their Heartbeat album, netizens got wilder. There were 2PM lovers that hated Jay and Jay lovers who hated 2PM. They boys thank the Gods that there are still fans of both. They had to stay strong and support each other and stood their ground. They never forgot Jay, they swore never to. They still contacted each other.
As expected, A huge wave of criticism whacked Junsu straight in the face about his new appearance. Some were against it, a few approved, and there were even fans that didn't mind at all. His confidence grew inside. He performed well alongside the other members. Multiple music shows, award shows and even only practices. They succeeded in performing well without any flaws.
It wasn't until something really big happened in his life that Junsu's world started spinning.
The feelings he had for Taecyeon were coming back, tugging him at full force. It was pure torture for him, because Jay just left and he feels like he is using the Bostonian. He feels awkward around the object of his affection so he distanced himself. Hoping to God that nobody notices this.
Little does he knows, that Taecyeon is falling for him too.
Note: My first angsty fic..... I hope it was good..
(Part 2)