[private]
Yesterday was a happy day. A busy day, but a good one. It's nice to be able to look up and feel damn content with exactly where you're at and what you're doing. It's a brilliant feeling. A rare one.
It's easiest to forget you're not happy when you dont have time to remember you're not. At least in theory.
Again, not one of those times.
I never thought each day could bleed into each other a sodding mess, and so much of me has been muted greys - a tonal spectrum of grey-red and grey-blue, grey-yellow and purple and every colour in between. For so long.
In the end, all it really takes is a single day to realise there's always plenty of colour.
Apparently happiness can be found. Real, all encompassing joy.
Strange how its found in the most mundane of things, of days - but in the most spectacular of people.
Some days i can't understand how much i love him. How strange it feels - how desperate i am to show him. Prove it to him. Words, paintings. There's never anything quite right. It doesn't need to be.
One day I'll remember it. Today I want to simply bask in the joy of knowing it. Of really knowing it and knowing it for what it is. Recognising it. Understanding it.
I want to bask -
If only until I forget.
The simplest days are so often the best. I don't need grand gestures. Just him. And everything he is.
Late breakfasts and lunch mid afternoon in the middle of nowhere with his flash car and everything that's ever been and ever will.
Waking up with the smile you mean has never been such a brilliant prize, but it is. In every shade of the colour spectrum.
We've been together far too long for me to know this now. And i've known it a lot longer - but yesterday was near perfect, and today I still feel it.
I still feel it.
And it feels like I always will.
Bloody hell.
It's easiest to forget you're not happy when you dont have time to remember you're not. At least in theory.
Again, not one of those times.
I never thought each day could bleed into each other a sodding mess, and so much of me has been muted greys - a tonal spectrum of grey-red and grey-blue, grey-yellow and purple and every colour in between. For so long.
In the end, all it really takes is a single day to realise there's always plenty of colour.
Apparently happiness can be found. Real, all encompassing joy.
Strange how its found in the most mundane of things, of days - but in the most spectacular of people.
Some days i can't understand how much i love him. How strange it feels - how desperate i am to show him. Prove it to him. Words, paintings. There's never anything quite right. It doesn't need to be.
One day I'll remember it. Today I want to simply bask in the joy of knowing it. Of really knowing it and knowing it for what it is. Recognising it. Understanding it.
I want to bask -
If only until I forget.
The simplest days are so often the best. I don't need grand gestures. Just him. And everything he is.
Late breakfasts and lunch mid afternoon in the middle of nowhere with his flash car and everything that's ever been and ever will.
Waking up with the smile you mean has never been such a brilliant prize, but it is. In every shade of the colour spectrum.
We've been together far too long for me to know this now. And i've known it a lot longer - but yesterday was near perfect, and today I still feel it.
I still feel it.
And it feels like I always will.
Bloody hell.