30. horizons
50129 / 50000
*wipes brow* Aaaaand I'm done! With a whole forty-five minutes to spare. It's been my first time NaNoing with an audience, and while that's made it kind of intimidating it's also been really rewarding, so thank you for all your feedback. It's really meant a lot. ♥ Now let's hope the last part isn't a CRUSHING DISAPPOINTMENT, heh.
30. horizons
Effy.
1605 words
As the sun is rising, Effy wakes to the gentle lapping of waves and the sound of someone snoring in the distance. She opens her eyes to see a cloudless sky stretching before her like endless possibilities. Sitting up, she surveys the scene: her friends scattered about, some in tents and some outside on blankets, some curled up as couples and others contentedly alone. The sea is impossibly blue.
The first to rise, she's careful not to wake the others as she stands up, stretches, and walks out to the water. Not yet warmed by the sun, the sand is cool between her toes, and she relishes the feeling, the way the fine grains bury her feet with each step. She nears the water and the sand becomes wet, pleasantly squelchy, and when the first wave in the shallows washes over her, she shivers.
It may be the first time she's thought it in so many words, but it feels good to be alive.
She turns back and watches the others, her disparate group of friends who she somehow managed to bring together for one last time. It feels like an achievement, however fleeting it might be.
Someone stirs, and when they come closer, Effy sees that it's Katie. She walks towards her, but stops just before the water.
"Hi," Katie says. She sounds sleepy, and that fact alone does something funny to Effy's chest. She frowns and says, "Is it cold?"
Effy hadn't really noticed, but when she thinks about it for a moment she says, "A little."
Katie stares dubiously at a wave that comes a little too close, but then she shrugs and walks out to meet Effy anyway, hissing as she first steps in. "It's fucking freezing, babe," she says, and Effy just smiles.
"You get used to it."
"Yeah, whatever," Katie says, but after hopping around a bit she seems to get used to the waves splashing around her ankles. After a bit she says, "This is nice, you know. A nice place, and it's been fun and everything."
"A good idea, then," Effy says. "I thought it might be a disaster, but either way I figured it was better to end college with a bang."
Katie nods. "Yeah, it could have been a nightmare. I mean, considering everything."
"And yet somehow we've all managed to turn into mature adults."
Laughing, Katie says, "I wouldn't quite go that far."
"Maybe not," Effy says, but still, they seem different, even if it's only in small ways. These days, she feels less like she's teetering on the edge of an abyss; it's still there, but she feels like she's taken a few steps back at least.
"Listen," Katie says, "I just--are you all right? I mean, with everything. It's just like, I've never actually broken anyone heart before or anything, so I was wondering how you're doing. I mean like, no one's actually been in love with me before, so." She ducks her head, and even in the dawn light Effy can see that her cheeks are pink from blushing.
"I wouldn't be so sure," Effy says. "JJ seems pretty smitten."
Katie glances up. "You reckon?"
"Yeah, I do," Effy says. "And don't worry about me. I'm fine." She means it, too. It still hurts, but in a way that feels like there's an end in sight.
"Good," Katie says. "You know, on that first day of college all I wanted was to be your mate. I never once imagined all of this."
"Me neither." Effy wonders what she would have done on that first day if she'd known what was coming, whether she'd have turned right around and stayed home, or gone through with it all anyway. It's the same thing as asking whether it's all been worth it, and she probably won't know the answer to that question until she has a few years' worth of hindsight. But perhaps, after all, the answer will be yes.
"So like, what's next for you after the summer?" Katie asks. "When we were baring our souls or whatever the other day I never got a chance to ask. Uni, yeah?"
Effy nods. "London."
"Cool, I can just see you there. I bet you'll have a banging time."
Effy says nothing; she's been so wrapped up in the present that despite getting her uni applications in, she never really planned for the future. It always seemed so far off, and now she's on the cusp of it she doesn't really feel ready. Diverting the subject away from her, she asks, "How about you, then?"
Katie glances back inland for a moment and smiles; when Effy looks over too, she sees JJ wandering towards them.
"We're both going to Oxford, actually," Katie says, and when JJ reaches them she slips her hand in his. "Obviously I'm not going to like the real Oxford, I'm nowhere near that clever, but you'll let your thicko girlfriend come and visit, won't you?"
"Yes, of course," he says. "I'm quite fond of my thicko girlfriend, really."
Katie smiles, and that look on her face--that's the look that Effy wishes could be hers, just once. She looks away, down at her feet, and only then does she realise that she's been standing still for too long and sinking into the sand. She moves her feet, and as she does so she glances back at the beach. A figure is coming down from the dunes; from the hair, it's unmistakeably Emily. Katie notices too, and frowns.
"Where's she been?"
"Think she was with Naomi," Effy says. "I heard heavy breathing last night."
"Christ, I thought that was over?" Katie shakes her head, and they all watch as Emily walks a little way along the beach, finally stopping and sitting back against a large rock. "I'd better see if she's all right." She walks off, leaving Effy and JJ standing alone together in the sea.
"You should tell her you love her," Effy says to JJ once Katie's out of earshot. "If you do, I mean. She'd like to hear it."
JJ scratches the back of his neck. "Oh. Well, I do, so I might. Thanks." He pauses, then says, "She told me about you and her, and what you said, and I thought it would be a good idea to acknowledge that to you but now it's a bit awkward and I don't know what to say. Um."
"Sometimes, JJ, it's better to say nothing at all."
With Katie checking up on Emily, Effy thinks it might be a good idea to see how Naomi's doing; she wanders inland and heads for the dunes, eventually finding Naomi sitting on a blanket by herself, her arms wrapped around her knees.
"Hey." Effy sits down without an invitation, but Naomi doesn't seem to mind. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Naomi says, but her smile feels a little forced.
"You and Emily, then?"
Naomi looks embarrassed as she laughs. "Jesus, did you hear us?"
"I don't think anyone else noticed," Effy says, "although I may have just told Katie and JJ."
"Thanks a lot," Naomi says, but she doesn't really seem to mind.
"So, are you getting back together?"
"I think if we were, she wouldn't just have left me here, although it serves me right." She sighs. "I don't really want to, anyway, I'm just getting nostalgic."
"It'll probably be easier once you have a bit of space away from her."
"Do you think so?" Naomi asks.
"It's more like a wild hope." Effy starts tracing nonsense patterns in the sand with her fingertip, and although she can feel Naomi looking at her, she avoids her gaze. "I think if you don't see someone for a long time, you'll just start to forget."
"Yeah, what about absence making the heart grow fonder?"
"A meaningless platitude," Effy says, although she doesn't actually know whether that's true. She hopes she can forget about Katie, that this whole stupid thing can die, but at the same time things feel unfinished between them. It's probably just wishful thinking, and Naomi would roll her eyes at her if she knew, but Effy can't help but wonder whether they might find each other again, somewhere down the line.
It's a nice thought, anyway.
"You know what?" Naomi says. "You should come with me."
Effy frowns. "To Cambridge?"
"Change of plan, actually. I'm taking a gap year. Going to see the world, you know?" She smiles hopefully. "Might be nice to have some company."
"You'd really want me to go with you?"
"Why not?" Naomi asks. "Less lonely that way, and probably a lot more fun. And if at some point we want our own space we can have it, no problem. What do you reckon?"
Effy stares out at the sea, trying to imagine it. Compared to the greyness and bustle of London, the tedium of lectures and seminars, it sounds tempting: endless possibilities, the open road. She feels like she could get lost in London, whereas the chance to travel sounds like freedom.
"Mum probably wouldn't notice if I stole her credit card to fund it," Effy says slowly. "Where are you off to first?"
"Thailand," Naomi says. "But from there, who knows."
"Can we go to Australia? I always liked the idea of all that open space."
"And all those spiders the size of small children," Naomi says, laughing, and she shrugs. "We can go anywhere you like."
Effy likes the sound of anywhere. She lies back on the blanket and stares up at the sky, still cloudless and so very blue. "Anywhere," she says. "Okay, yeah. I'm in."