An Era Passed
Main Entry: era
Pronunciation: \ˈer-ə, ˈe-rə, ˈir-ə\
Function: noun
a : a fixed point in time from which a series of years is reckoned b : a memorable or important date or event; especially : one that begins a new period in the history of a person or thing
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I figured I'd start things off with a hint of pretention. Perhaps also with a definition of a word, followed by a sentence with a false word...
It's been 45 months since my last entry. Sorry to keep you waiting, but if you follow my postings at all, you already know I'm pretty good at promising a post at a specific interval of time and failing to follow through.
It's a strange accumulation of events and emotions that have led me back to LiveJournal. A mix of pure existential question and pure coincidence. Life's been a wild ride these past 45 months, and more recently these events have been building a mental retrospective of life, post high school. Until yesterday, this manifested only in momentary fits of anxiety, but has now become, what I feel is safe to call, obsession.
A bit of explanation is in order: I've off and on over the past year...or 3 flirted with the idea of an online magazine dedicated to the preservation of quality in music and preserving true analog mediums of recordings. I developed this idea off and on, but have yet to really follow through. Recently a coworker of mine pitched to me a similar concept he had in mind, and I saw a great opportunity to collaborate and produce something of great substance. To get the ball rolling I thought I'd pull up a couple of websites I've designed in the past. However, I soon came to the realization that all my previous work was, in some form, hosted by geocities, which is no longer in existence. (except for my very fist website from 7th grade, which can still be found at http://soapboy.4t.com) After extensive googling of my name and previous screennames, in attempt to find some shred of decent web design that I may have left behind, I stumbled upon my old Xanga blog and, consequently, this LiveJournal. I've always loved the bits of history that no one takes time to appreciate, and I felt that my adolescent life fit that category quite nicely. Thus, I read both blogs in their entirety.
The timing of this venture couldn't be more fitting. The span of this blog has been an emotional roller coaster that left me rather burnt out through the following years. Recently, however, I've been finding my emotions to be slightly off their normal repeating track. As a teenager, everyone's emotions are misdirected. It's just how people are built, and it's to be excused. As an adult, however, it can cause far greater issues.
I'd like to say that a lot has changed since high school, but, unfortunately, every deep internal issue that I've ever had seem to adapt to new situations. I'm engaged to be married in October of 2011, which I think is perfectly valid reason for me to question my existence. Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning my future marriage. I'm simply questioning how the events of my life have led me to be the person I am today and whether there are any patterns in my life that I need to address. It's actually pretty interesting to see the huge similarities that my fiance, Kira, and I have when it comes to viewing how we developed as individuals after high school. It's very comforting.
I've always held the mantra of "No regrets" close to my ambitious spirit, and I always felt pity for those who couldn't or refused to move on from any particular event, particularly high school. This fact makes things even worse for me at the moment. It's been 4 years and 2 months since I graduated high school, and all my ambitions have gotten me are slightly different ambitions...and I got to meet a few rappers and such. Granted, attending the Conservatory of Recording Arts & Sciences did develop me into the technician-mind music appreciator that I am today, but I feel like i need a drastic change soon, or I'll never get my head above the water. With any luck, I'll be going back...well, starting college this fall. This is the most promising thing I've done since quitting my job at a convenience store, but I'll be doing it as a person who's already experienced reality interfering with ambition.
To put a positive spin on things, I am glad that I was smart (or dumb) enough to not buy into the societal schedule of events. I'm glad i got to experience life head on without the buffer of the normal clouded judgment that an 18 year old college freshman has. Not to say that I didn't have my own clouded judgment. I can also confidently say that my relationship status, which was a large focus of my adolescent issues, has been the lifeline of the last 3 1/2 years.
I know this has been a very random spewing of thoughts, but I hope that entries to come will give better, and more concise, insight of who I have become...and maybe I'll remember when to use a comma and when to use a period.
I forgot how therapeutic this can be.
Pronunciation: \ˈer-ə, ˈe-rə, ˈir-ə\
Function: noun
a : a fixed point in time from which a series of years is reckoned b : a memorable or important date or event; especially : one that begins a new period in the history of a person or thing
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I figured I'd start things off with a hint of pretention. Perhaps also with a definition of a word, followed by a sentence with a false word...
It's been 45 months since my last entry. Sorry to keep you waiting, but if you follow my postings at all, you already know I'm pretty good at promising a post at a specific interval of time and failing to follow through.
It's a strange accumulation of events and emotions that have led me back to LiveJournal. A mix of pure existential question and pure coincidence. Life's been a wild ride these past 45 months, and more recently these events have been building a mental retrospective of life, post high school. Until yesterday, this manifested only in momentary fits of anxiety, but has now become, what I feel is safe to call, obsession.
A bit of explanation is in order: I've off and on over the past year...or 3 flirted with the idea of an online magazine dedicated to the preservation of quality in music and preserving true analog mediums of recordings. I developed this idea off and on, but have yet to really follow through. Recently a coworker of mine pitched to me a similar concept he had in mind, and I saw a great opportunity to collaborate and produce something of great substance. To get the ball rolling I thought I'd pull up a couple of websites I've designed in the past. However, I soon came to the realization that all my previous work was, in some form, hosted by geocities, which is no longer in existence. (except for my very fist website from 7th grade, which can still be found at http://soapboy.4t.com) After extensive googling of my name and previous screennames, in attempt to find some shred of decent web design that I may have left behind, I stumbled upon my old Xanga blog and, consequently, this LiveJournal. I've always loved the bits of history that no one takes time to appreciate, and I felt that my adolescent life fit that category quite nicely. Thus, I read both blogs in their entirety.
The timing of this venture couldn't be more fitting. The span of this blog has been an emotional roller coaster that left me rather burnt out through the following years. Recently, however, I've been finding my emotions to be slightly off their normal repeating track. As a teenager, everyone's emotions are misdirected. It's just how people are built, and it's to be excused. As an adult, however, it can cause far greater issues.
I'd like to say that a lot has changed since high school, but, unfortunately, every deep internal issue that I've ever had seem to adapt to new situations. I'm engaged to be married in October of 2011, which I think is perfectly valid reason for me to question my existence. Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning my future marriage. I'm simply questioning how the events of my life have led me to be the person I am today and whether there are any patterns in my life that I need to address. It's actually pretty interesting to see the huge similarities that my fiance, Kira, and I have when it comes to viewing how we developed as individuals after high school. It's very comforting.
I've always held the mantra of "No regrets" close to my ambitious spirit, and I always felt pity for those who couldn't or refused to move on from any particular event, particularly high school. This fact makes things even worse for me at the moment. It's been 4 years and 2 months since I graduated high school, and all my ambitions have gotten me are slightly different ambitions...and I got to meet a few rappers and such. Granted, attending the Conservatory of Recording Arts & Sciences did develop me into the technician-mind music appreciator that I am today, but I feel like i need a drastic change soon, or I'll never get my head above the water. With any luck, I'll be going back...well, starting college this fall. This is the most promising thing I've done since quitting my job at a convenience store, but I'll be doing it as a person who's already experienced reality interfering with ambition.
To put a positive spin on things, I am glad that I was smart (or dumb) enough to not buy into the societal schedule of events. I'm glad i got to experience life head on without the buffer of the normal clouded judgment that an 18 year old college freshman has. Not to say that I didn't have my own clouded judgment. I can also confidently say that my relationship status, which was a large focus of my adolescent issues, has been the lifeline of the last 3 1/2 years.
I know this has been a very random spewing of thoughts, but I hope that entries to come will give better, and more concise, insight of who I have become...and maybe I'll remember when to use a comma and when to use a period.
I forgot how therapeutic this can be.