(no subject)
.jake.
Im not sure what I want to write here, but im ready to say something... anything.
Marcus got me a new dog a little while ago. Her names Emma. I love her to death and shes been one of the best additions to the family.
The thing is, is that everytime I look at Emma, I think of Kylie. I try not to compare the two, and generally I dont, but looking at Emma makes me wonder everyday what Kylie would be like. I cant get over her, and I think about how shes been gone for about six months now... Shes still my heart, my joy, and my life. Thursday Emma went in for surgery to get spayed. She had to stay overnight and I went in to visit her after her surgery. The second I saw her in the cage, I had an awful flashback of Kylie lying there with her big brown eyes just staring at me, begging me to take her home. Emma is a tough little girl. She never cries, even when she gets spanked for being a bad girl. She toughs a lot of pain out, and for the first time, I witnessed her crying to me. She was a little weak and just looked so scared. It made me want to cry so bad. And I did after I returned to the car. Even though I knew Emma was fine and was returning home, I was scared and just couldnt wait for the next day to come. When I picked her up the next day she was so happy to see me and so excited to come home. But at the same time she hasnt done much but sleep and have this look in her eyes that shes in a lot of pain. It kills me to see her like this because shes got the same look that Kylie did, and though shes not in the same amount of pain that Kylie was, looking at her makes me just want to cry. I hate seeing her like this, but I know shes going to be okay. Its just hard. She doesnt really want to do much and doesnt want to eat a whole lot. I just hate seeing her in pain; Im seriously going to be the worst case mother when it comes to it, because the second my kid gets sick, im just going to be the biggest baby to it and never want to leave its side. Its kinda sad in a way but it shows how much I love and care for the things that mean so much to me.
In other news, I hate school. Second semester in and im about ready to just say fuck it. But I really wont. I hate my classes except for boxing, and its just a pain to shell out all this money for books that I cant really sell to anyone but other students from LCC because theyre all basically LCC written books. Its annoying. But, after this semester ill be into the classes that im really interested in and hopefully be on my way to subjects that will actually be relative to my goals. I had a pretty good last semester. Hopefully ill get my ass in gear and just come as close to a 4.0 this semester as possible so I can just get myself in the mood to be motivated for whatever comes to me, regardless of my interest to the class. I love my boxing class though... I wish I could just become a professional boxer. Ha. We dont actually do ring work but we do all the workouts and such to prepare yourself for 'fights'. I just love that ill be able to kick some ass after this class... and I finally know what it feels like to have my abs hurt! Haha... never in my life have I ever worked out and after my boxing class I was sore, and was sore just right under my stomach and asked Marcus "what the hell is this???" and hes like "its your abs!!". So folks, I know where my abs are... now to understand how to flex them, and ill be on my way!
Anyway, I have to be off to more cleaning and plan the rest of my day. Just wanted to drop a quick update!
Im not sure what I want to write here, but im ready to say something... anything.
Marcus got me a new dog a little while ago. Her names Emma. I love her to death and shes been one of the best additions to the family.
The thing is, is that everytime I look at Emma, I think of Kylie. I try not to compare the two, and generally I dont, but looking at Emma makes me wonder everyday what Kylie would be like. I cant get over her, and I think about how shes been gone for about six months now... Shes still my heart, my joy, and my life. Thursday Emma went in for surgery to get spayed. She had to stay overnight and I went in to visit her after her surgery. The second I saw her in the cage, I had an awful flashback of Kylie lying there with her big brown eyes just staring at me, begging me to take her home. Emma is a tough little girl. She never cries, even when she gets spanked for being a bad girl. She toughs a lot of pain out, and for the first time, I witnessed her crying to me. She was a little weak and just looked so scared. It made me want to cry so bad. And I did after I returned to the car. Even though I knew Emma was fine and was returning home, I was scared and just couldnt wait for the next day to come. When I picked her up the next day she was so happy to see me and so excited to come home. But at the same time she hasnt done much but sleep and have this look in her eyes that shes in a lot of pain. It kills me to see her like this because shes got the same look that Kylie did, and though shes not in the same amount of pain that Kylie was, looking at her makes me just want to cry. I hate seeing her like this, but I know shes going to be okay. Its just hard. She doesnt really want to do much and doesnt want to eat a whole lot. I just hate seeing her in pain; Im seriously going to be the worst case mother when it comes to it, because the second my kid gets sick, im just going to be the biggest baby to it and never want to leave its side. Its kinda sad in a way but it shows how much I love and care for the things that mean so much to me.
In other news, I hate school. Second semester in and im about ready to just say fuck it. But I really wont. I hate my classes except for boxing, and its just a pain to shell out all this money for books that I cant really sell to anyone but other students from LCC because theyre all basically LCC written books. Its annoying. But, after this semester ill be into the classes that im really interested in and hopefully be on my way to subjects that will actually be relative to my goals. I had a pretty good last semester. Hopefully ill get my ass in gear and just come as close to a 4.0 this semester as possible so I can just get myself in the mood to be motivated for whatever comes to me, regardless of my interest to the class. I love my boxing class though... I wish I could just become a professional boxer. Ha. We dont actually do ring work but we do all the workouts and such to prepare yourself for 'fights'. I just love that ill be able to kick some ass after this class... and I finally know what it feels like to have my abs hurt! Haha... never in my life have I ever worked out and after my boxing class I was sore, and was sore just right under my stomach and asked Marcus "what the hell is this???" and hes like "its your abs!!". So folks, I know where my abs are... now to understand how to flex them, and ill be on my way!
Anyway, I have to be off to more cleaning and plan the rest of my day. Just wanted to drop a quick update!