(no subject)
.jake.
I havent in a really long time use this as its real and first intentions were when I made this journal; to just really sit down and write out my thoughts.
Never in a million years did I think id let my guard down for some relationship. I never thought that id let someone else convince me to take shit and make it okay. And its not even like i'm in a bad situation, I just dont like the position i'm in and what i'm dealing with. I vowed to never get into it with some druggie because I never wanted to be that girlfriend doing shit all day and doing nothing with my life. Yet somehow I got pulled into that with Eric and of course all I got out of it was lies upon lies. He continuely cheated on me and convinced me that our relationship was worth something. And now, here I am with Tom, constantly getting high. Not that Toms ever lied to me or has any intention to cheat on me, i'm still letting a guard down that isnt right, and its letting him do whatever even though I asked him not to around me but he still continues to have no respect for my request. And i'm constantly letting that be okay. Blah. Theres been too many times ive been just ready to say fuck it, its over. But again, its someone using something simple (to an extent) like love against me and convincing me of something else. It makes me feel weak and it just sucks. I just dont think he understands how shitty he makes me feel about this and no matter how much I say something, i'm pretty convinced nothings going to get through to him until hes ready to actually quit. Ugh, the headache.
I randomly woke up this morning and decided to go and get a tattoo. Ill have a picture up soon. I got my last name on my back. All the most important people in my life are connected as a Yates, so thats what I got. I may not of been born a Yates, or possibly may not die as one, but ill always be one in my heart, and thats enough to mean everything to me. Hopefully my dad will get passed the pissed off part that I actually got a tattoo and will be glad and proud of what it is. Almost 20 years later, and as independent as I can get and still my dads opinion of me is the most important one ill ever take.
Josh went out and got World of Warcraft, so I offically am not safe around this game. Ive been avoiding this game for months, almost years, and now I cant go to Toms because hes finally got internet, and is constantly playing and I cant go home because Josh now offically has his addiction. And I got forced into playing because I want Tom to watch The OC with me, since I think hes critizing it before ever even watching it. So of course he used it as a window of opportunity and laid down an ultimatum. So if WoW happens to be talked in this journal outside of this, please dont be surprised, and I beg of you to slap me out of it.
Anyway, i'm out for the night.
I havent in a really long time use this as its real and first intentions were when I made this journal; to just really sit down and write out my thoughts.
Never in a million years did I think id let my guard down for some relationship. I never thought that id let someone else convince me to take shit and make it okay. And its not even like i'm in a bad situation, I just dont like the position i'm in and what i'm dealing with. I vowed to never get into it with some druggie because I never wanted to be that girlfriend doing shit all day and doing nothing with my life. Yet somehow I got pulled into that with Eric and of course all I got out of it was lies upon lies. He continuely cheated on me and convinced me that our relationship was worth something. And now, here I am with Tom, constantly getting high. Not that Toms ever lied to me or has any intention to cheat on me, i'm still letting a guard down that isnt right, and its letting him do whatever even though I asked him not to around me but he still continues to have no respect for my request. And i'm constantly letting that be okay. Blah. Theres been too many times ive been just ready to say fuck it, its over. But again, its someone using something simple (to an extent) like love against me and convincing me of something else. It makes me feel weak and it just sucks. I just dont think he understands how shitty he makes me feel about this and no matter how much I say something, i'm pretty convinced nothings going to get through to him until hes ready to actually quit. Ugh, the headache.
I randomly woke up this morning and decided to go and get a tattoo. Ill have a picture up soon. I got my last name on my back. All the most important people in my life are connected as a Yates, so thats what I got. I may not of been born a Yates, or possibly may not die as one, but ill always be one in my heart, and thats enough to mean everything to me. Hopefully my dad will get passed the pissed off part that I actually got a tattoo and will be glad and proud of what it is. Almost 20 years later, and as independent as I can get and still my dads opinion of me is the most important one ill ever take.
Josh went out and got World of Warcraft, so I offically am not safe around this game. Ive been avoiding this game for months, almost years, and now I cant go to Toms because hes finally got internet, and is constantly playing and I cant go home because Josh now offically has his addiction. And I got forced into playing because I want Tom to watch The OC with me, since I think hes critizing it before ever even watching it. So of course he used it as a window of opportunity and laid down an ultimatum. So if WoW happens to be talked in this journal outside of this, please dont be surprised, and I beg of you to slap me out of it.
Anyway, i'm out for the night.