(no subject)
Once upon a time, there was a fat man named Floppy Boom Boppy doopalicious, but you can call him Ed for short. Ed was completely normal, except for the fact that he had a gigantic duck growing on his head. Ed had to feed this duck every two half seconds. The duck had a gigantic duck of his own growing on his head. Ed had to feed this one every six years. Sometimes, if it was a leap year, the duck pee peed. That has nothing to do with feeding him, but everything to do with getting chased by dump trucks. Ed decided to go down by the bay because he had never seen a whale with a polka dot tail. As a matter of fact, Ed had never seen any animals, even though he had a duck on his head. You see, the duck was on the back of his head, and he fed him without looking. He had never bothered to set up a couple of mirrors either in all of his 2000 years of living. Ed lived in a cardboard box that had a toilet. It didn’t have anything but a toilet. In fact, there were no pipes, so he used the toilet only so his crap will fall out the bottom into his box. He usually removed this crap by a series of chants while he was dressed like a teddy bear. Ed was the youngest 2000 year old who ever lived. In fact, he was the only 2000 year old who ever lived, except for that other guy that lived to be 2000 and then dropped dead from going to the dentist. Nothing even happened at the dentist, he just died when he walked through the door. Anyways, this guy is not the focus of this story, the focus is the duck, I mean Ed. Ed was made fun of by people because he was fat and had a duck on his head that had a duck on its head. They called him funny names, like Fatty Duck Duck Boy. Nobody in their right mind can take that kind of abuse for 2000 years. But you see, Ed was not in his right mind, he was in his LEFT! HAHAHA, that’s a good one, Johnny John Johnson. Ed had no friends except for this guy. This one guy was named Flippy Flang Tang Wong Tong Tooty, but you can call him Stick for short. Stick had this giant stick on the back of his head that caused him to have a great headache all the time. This headache was great, he loved having this headache. It was the best headache a guy could get for having a stick on the back of his head. This guy lived off tomato soup with roasted poop in it. He loved a good roasted poop in his tomato soup. Stop repeating yourself! Stop repeating yourself! D’oh! D’oh! One day Stick was busy munching on some poop when Ed came up to him.
“Long time no see,” Ed said, even though he just saw him a couple of minutes ago. “You just saw me a couple minutes ago you moron,” Stick said with a handful of poop in his mouth. “I have no time for this insubordination, Stick. Let’s get down to the point.” “You mean there’s a point to this conversation?” stick asked. “I’ve had enough of your poopy mouth,” Ed said as he slapped him across the face with a leather glove. “There’s been a serious incident that we must discuss over these cups of coffee that I have been carrying around in my pocket,” Ed said. “You’ve been carrying around cups of steaming cold coffee in your pockets without any kind of cover so they could spill on you and freeze your duodenum?” Stick asked. “Well, you see, I’ve tamed gravity in my pockets,” Ed responded. Stick got so angry for some reason that he just started eating his chair. “What on Mars are you doing?” Ed asked angrily. “What does it look like, I’m building a farm house,” Stick answered while quickly building a farm house. “See, it’s done.” Ed was very annoyed. He looked at what Stick said was a farm house and it was really just a small dog. “I’ve had enough of this dog nonsense, Stick,” Ed yelled. “What are you gonna do about it, Fatty Duck Duck boy?” Stick asked. “Well, if I had to do something about it, I’d probably force you to swallow live giraffes whole until you became so constipated that doctors would have to operate on your bum.” “Ok, what do you want?” Stick asked really evilly like he was plotting some kind of evil evilness. Ed was about to start talking when an evil stapler stapled his butt together. “Oh, yeah!” Ed yelled in pain. Doctors quickly arrived to operate on his bum. Once they removed the staple, they turned into cowboys and hunted down the stapler along with his paper clip friend.
“All right, enough of these interruptions!” Ed screamed. “Don’t have a cow, man!” Stick replied. Just then, Ed gave birth to a cow. “Whoops!” he cried. “Looks like I had a cow. Hahahahaha!” Ed laughed as if giving birth to a cow was some kind of joke. Stick quickly made pork chops out of the cow and devoured them. “All right, Stick. This is the final stick, I mean straw. I have to tell you something of little importance, I mean, great importance. My house was not robbed! I mean it was robbed!” “You mean they took the toilet?” Stick said. “Toilet and the pile of poop below it!” Ed cried. “Oh my, we have to find these toilet stealing stealers,” Stick said. “You mean thieves?” Ed asked. “Actually, I meant hippopotamuses, but that would have been wrong, too. So yeah, jello. I mean thieves.”
Ed and Stick then started going back to Ed’s box. They started by walking, but Stick stubbed his toe on a mailbox and broke his wrist. So he couldn’t walk, so Ed tried to get a cab. He stood on the curb wearing a dress for some unknown reason trying to get a cab to stop for him. Unfortunately, three cabs ran him over. “The next cab that tries to run me over is gonna get eaten,” Ed said. Unfortunately he mistook the sea urchin in the middle of the road for a taxi cab, and ate it. It scraped his throat like a sharp potato chip making him bawl his eyes out like a baby with a full diaper. “Stick, I just ate a potato chip, I mean a sea urchin,” Ed said. “Why are you talking like an old man with an old voice like you’ve got a sore throat or something?” Stick asked. “Because I just told you, I smoke too many cigarettes.” “Watch out for that taxi!” Stick yelled. Ed turned around to get his face mauled off by a grizzly bear. Stick mistook the grizzly bear for a brown, furry taxi with teeth. What a dummy. “Oh, yeah. That’s the way to maul my face off,” Ed said as he got his face mauled off. Yet he was simultaneously trying to defeat the bear with a giant tube of chapstick. “Ed, you’re hitting him in the lips its only helping unchap them,” Stick yelled. “You’re right, I must shove it down his throat,” Ed decided. But before he could do that, the bear ate him and Stick by dislocating his jaw and opening his mouth wide enough to stretch it across the street to where Stick was running to and swallow them in one bite. The End.
“Long time no see,” Ed said, even though he just saw him a couple of minutes ago. “You just saw me a couple minutes ago you moron,” Stick said with a handful of poop in his mouth. “I have no time for this insubordination, Stick. Let’s get down to the point.” “You mean there’s a point to this conversation?” stick asked. “I’ve had enough of your poopy mouth,” Ed said as he slapped him across the face with a leather glove. “There’s been a serious incident that we must discuss over these cups of coffee that I have been carrying around in my pocket,” Ed said. “You’ve been carrying around cups of steaming cold coffee in your pockets without any kind of cover so they could spill on you and freeze your duodenum?” Stick asked. “Well, you see, I’ve tamed gravity in my pockets,” Ed responded. Stick got so angry for some reason that he just started eating his chair. “What on Mars are you doing?” Ed asked angrily. “What does it look like, I’m building a farm house,” Stick answered while quickly building a farm house. “See, it’s done.” Ed was very annoyed. He looked at what Stick said was a farm house and it was really just a small dog. “I’ve had enough of this dog nonsense, Stick,” Ed yelled. “What are you gonna do about it, Fatty Duck Duck boy?” Stick asked. “Well, if I had to do something about it, I’d probably force you to swallow live giraffes whole until you became so constipated that doctors would have to operate on your bum.” “Ok, what do you want?” Stick asked really evilly like he was plotting some kind of evil evilness. Ed was about to start talking when an evil stapler stapled his butt together. “Oh, yeah!” Ed yelled in pain. Doctors quickly arrived to operate on his bum. Once they removed the staple, they turned into cowboys and hunted down the stapler along with his paper clip friend.
“All right, enough of these interruptions!” Ed screamed. “Don’t have a cow, man!” Stick replied. Just then, Ed gave birth to a cow. “Whoops!” he cried. “Looks like I had a cow. Hahahahaha!” Ed laughed as if giving birth to a cow was some kind of joke. Stick quickly made pork chops out of the cow and devoured them. “All right, Stick. This is the final stick, I mean straw. I have to tell you something of little importance, I mean, great importance. My house was not robbed! I mean it was robbed!” “You mean they took the toilet?” Stick said. “Toilet and the pile of poop below it!” Ed cried. “Oh my, we have to find these toilet stealing stealers,” Stick said. “You mean thieves?” Ed asked. “Actually, I meant hippopotamuses, but that would have been wrong, too. So yeah, jello. I mean thieves.”
Ed and Stick then started going back to Ed’s box. They started by walking, but Stick stubbed his toe on a mailbox and broke his wrist. So he couldn’t walk, so Ed tried to get a cab. He stood on the curb wearing a dress for some unknown reason trying to get a cab to stop for him. Unfortunately, three cabs ran him over. “The next cab that tries to run me over is gonna get eaten,” Ed said. Unfortunately he mistook the sea urchin in the middle of the road for a taxi cab, and ate it. It scraped his throat like a sharp potato chip making him bawl his eyes out like a baby with a full diaper. “Stick, I just ate a potato chip, I mean a sea urchin,” Ed said. “Why are you talking like an old man with an old voice like you’ve got a sore throat or something?” Stick asked. “Because I just told you, I smoke too many cigarettes.” “Watch out for that taxi!” Stick yelled. Ed turned around to get his face mauled off by a grizzly bear. Stick mistook the grizzly bear for a brown, furry taxi with teeth. What a dummy. “Oh, yeah. That’s the way to maul my face off,” Ed said as he got his face mauled off. Yet he was simultaneously trying to defeat the bear with a giant tube of chapstick. “Ed, you’re hitting him in the lips its only helping unchap them,” Stick yelled. “You’re right, I must shove it down his throat,” Ed decided. But before he could do that, the bear ate him and Stick by dislocating his jaw and opening his mouth wide enough to stretch it across the street to where Stick was running to and swallow them in one bite. The End.