*Shakes head*
This? This is what happens when I go into complete hockey withdraw it seems. Don't worry it's PG-13ish, as usual...
“Sidney.”
“Veronica.”
“Sidney.”
“Veronica.” He stopped and did an abrupt turn on his heel, glaring back at her.
She raised one challenging eyebrow at him and Sidney remembered in a flash that she’d once kicked his ass in the self-defense class, back when she and Marc had talked him into taking it with them. “We need to talk about the package tonight, Sidney.”
“There is no reason we need to talk about the package tonight,” Sidney sighed, throwing up his arms and turning back to the corridor.
“We need to talk about the package tonight because there is a rumor Jack’s threatening to do the show naked if you actually run the package tonight,” Veronica persisted.
Sidney glared at her. “You realize that Jack doing the show naked will do wonders for our newborn to still alive heterosexual female and gay male demographic, don’t you?”
“And it will destroy our predominant eighteen to forty-five heterosexual male demographic!” Veronica snapped, scowling. “Change the package!”
She said it just as they passed editing three, where Jack was engaged in a lively conversation with Abby, while unbuttoning his shirt. She looked kind of vacant and there was a feed of the Longhorns game she was supposed to be monitoring for, you know, sports in the background.
“God damn it,” Sidney muttered, and knocked angrily on the glass, shouting when John and Abby turned, “GET BACK TO WORK. PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES.”
Jack came around and opened the door, sticking his head out and leveling Sidney a brave-but-grave face Sidney remembered from Jack’s first meeting with Veronica and Jack’s second meeting with Veronica, also known as Marc’s wedding.
“I have to stand up for what I believe in,” he said, all his shirt buttons undone now.
“You can do it clothed,” Veronica begged.
“It’s the way of my people,” Jack insisted. “They shed blood on this soil so that we could have the freedom to pursue our happiness-when Jefferson wrote that in 1776 it was such a radical concept that most people, even the colonists, didn’t really understand what it meant.” He gave Sidney and Veronica an intense stare. “We are that legacy, guys.”
“I’m Canadian, your legacies don’t apply to me,” Sidney snarled. “Button your shirt and get out of editing! You broke Abby and she’s the only person who can stand to watch Longhorns football!”
Jack gave him an evil stare. “Yes,” he agreed. “Yes, you are Canadian. Which is why you have put together a package so vile and evil that America will lay down its arms and surrender to your surge of Mounties.”
Sidney waved his arms in fury. “It’s a piece about curling! Why can’t I expand your horizons? Why can’t I do curling? I let you talk about skateboarding!”
Unrepentant, Jack stepped out of the editing bay, which was when Sidney and Veronica groaned and realized Jack had already lost his pants and was wandering around in black cotton boxers and a pair of gray socks. “You’re right, Sidney-it’s a free country, you can talk about curling-just like I can do the show naked.”
“Damn it-Mario!” Veronica yelled, seeing a familiar dark head winding down the hallway. “Mario! Make Jack put on his clothes.”
Sighing, Mario stopped long enough to give Jack an appraising glance up and down before pursing his lips. “We’re the number three rated cable sports show, people, maybe we need every advantage we can get,” he snickered.
Sidney was so angry he was starting to go blind. “Wh-what, are we going to start feeling viewers away from midnight reruns of Queer as Folk and The L-Word? For when Bravo stops running Work Out and old seasons of Project Runway? No!” He pointed a finger at Jack and growled, low and dangerous, “Go. Put. On. Clothes.”
“Take out curling,” Jack shot back.
“Aren’t there rules in the FCC about this?” Sidney finally exploded. In the background, he saw Orpik and the Ryan’s share an eye-roll, chopsticks deep in their Chinese takeout and the sound on the Florida game muted-bastards, every one of them, whose loyalties clearly lay with Naked Jack.
“Everybody lays with naked Jack,” Sidney said bitterly.
Jack made a strange face. “What?”
“Nothing,” Sidney dismissed and returned to glaring. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Look-isn’t there anything else I can trade for your…clothed-ness?”
Later, much later, when Sidney and Jack were getting their last minute hair-and-makeup done under the powerfully hot studio lights, Sidney blinked and said, “Wait. You planned this from the beginning.”
Jack stared at him innocently, adjusting his tie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sidney snapped a pencil in fury. “You-you manipulative freak!” he shrieked.
“Live in ten!” Marc-André called from the control room.
“Can you two idiots shut up?” Veronica snapped over their earpieces.
“Live in nine!” Marc-André reminded.
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jack said serenely, straightening his script and checking the prompters. “You offered me season tickets for the Knicks for pants-I took it.”
Sidney stared at him, gap-jawed in horror. “You never cared about the curling! You-you just coveted my courtside seats! How could I have never known the depths of your diabolical evil?”
“No, seriously guys,” Veronica growled. “You’re going to be on national television in less than five seconds here-try to pretend you’re not actually twelve-year-old girls.”
“Live in four.”
“I will carry this wrong against me to my grave,” Sidney told Jack solemnly.
“Good show, everyone,” Mario said, voice warm in their ears.
“Live in three, two, one-”
Jack turned to the camera, his million-dollar smile on extra bright.
“Good evening, folks, from New York City. I’m Jack Johnson alongside Sidney Crosby, who is nearly as pissed at me as Florida is at N.C. State, the Packers are at their manager, and Texas is at the outcome of the Longhorns game,” Jack said smoothly.
“Florida, the Packers, and Texas have no idea how pissed I am,” Sidney rejoined smoothly, seeing Jack winking at him from the corner of his eye, “but I think that Manchester United might be circling the neighborhood-all those stories and more, coming up, so stick around.”
*facepalm* Someone just stop me already...
“Sidney.”
“Veronica.”
“Sidney.”
“Veronica.” He stopped and did an abrupt turn on his heel, glaring back at her.
She raised one challenging eyebrow at him and Sidney remembered in a flash that she’d once kicked his ass in the self-defense class, back when she and Marc had talked him into taking it with them. “We need to talk about the package tonight, Sidney.”
“There is no reason we need to talk about the package tonight,” Sidney sighed, throwing up his arms and turning back to the corridor.
“We need to talk about the package tonight because there is a rumor Jack’s threatening to do the show naked if you actually run the package tonight,” Veronica persisted.
Sidney glared at her. “You realize that Jack doing the show naked will do wonders for our newborn to still alive heterosexual female and gay male demographic, don’t you?”
“And it will destroy our predominant eighteen to forty-five heterosexual male demographic!” Veronica snapped, scowling. “Change the package!”
She said it just as they passed editing three, where Jack was engaged in a lively conversation with Abby, while unbuttoning his shirt. She looked kind of vacant and there was a feed of the Longhorns game she was supposed to be monitoring for, you know, sports in the background.
“God damn it,” Sidney muttered, and knocked angrily on the glass, shouting when John and Abby turned, “GET BACK TO WORK. PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES.”
Jack came around and opened the door, sticking his head out and leveling Sidney a brave-but-grave face Sidney remembered from Jack’s first meeting with Veronica and Jack’s second meeting with Veronica, also known as Marc’s wedding.
“I have to stand up for what I believe in,” he said, all his shirt buttons undone now.
“You can do it clothed,” Veronica begged.
“It’s the way of my people,” Jack insisted. “They shed blood on this soil so that we could have the freedom to pursue our happiness-when Jefferson wrote that in 1776 it was such a radical concept that most people, even the colonists, didn’t really understand what it meant.” He gave Sidney and Veronica an intense stare. “We are that legacy, guys.”
“I’m Canadian, your legacies don’t apply to me,” Sidney snarled. “Button your shirt and get out of editing! You broke Abby and she’s the only person who can stand to watch Longhorns football!”
Jack gave him an evil stare. “Yes,” he agreed. “Yes, you are Canadian. Which is why you have put together a package so vile and evil that America will lay down its arms and surrender to your surge of Mounties.”
Sidney waved his arms in fury. “It’s a piece about curling! Why can’t I expand your horizons? Why can’t I do curling? I let you talk about skateboarding!”
Unrepentant, Jack stepped out of the editing bay, which was when Sidney and Veronica groaned and realized Jack had already lost his pants and was wandering around in black cotton boxers and a pair of gray socks. “You’re right, Sidney-it’s a free country, you can talk about curling-just like I can do the show naked.”
“Damn it-Mario!” Veronica yelled, seeing a familiar dark head winding down the hallway. “Mario! Make Jack put on his clothes.”
Sighing, Mario stopped long enough to give Jack an appraising glance up and down before pursing his lips. “We’re the number three rated cable sports show, people, maybe we need every advantage we can get,” he snickered.
Sidney was so angry he was starting to go blind. “Wh-what, are we going to start feeling viewers away from midnight reruns of Queer as Folk and The L-Word? For when Bravo stops running Work Out and old seasons of Project Runway? No!” He pointed a finger at Jack and growled, low and dangerous, “Go. Put. On. Clothes.”
“Take out curling,” Jack shot back.
“Aren’t there rules in the FCC about this?” Sidney finally exploded. In the background, he saw Orpik and the Ryan’s share an eye-roll, chopsticks deep in their Chinese takeout and the sound on the Florida game muted-bastards, every one of them, whose loyalties clearly lay with Naked Jack.
“Everybody lays with naked Jack,” Sidney said bitterly.
Jack made a strange face. “What?”
“Nothing,” Sidney dismissed and returned to glaring. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Look-isn’t there anything else I can trade for your…clothed-ness?”
Later, much later, when Sidney and Jack were getting their last minute hair-and-makeup done under the powerfully hot studio lights, Sidney blinked and said, “Wait. You planned this from the beginning.”
Jack stared at him innocently, adjusting his tie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sidney snapped a pencil in fury. “You-you manipulative freak!” he shrieked.
“Live in ten!” Marc-André called from the control room.
“Can you two idiots shut up?” Veronica snapped over their earpieces.
“Live in nine!” Marc-André reminded.
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jack said serenely, straightening his script and checking the prompters. “You offered me season tickets for the Knicks for pants-I took it.”
Sidney stared at him, gap-jawed in horror. “You never cared about the curling! You-you just coveted my courtside seats! How could I have never known the depths of your diabolical evil?”
“No, seriously guys,” Veronica growled. “You’re going to be on national television in less than five seconds here-try to pretend you’re not actually twelve-year-old girls.”
“Live in four.”
“I will carry this wrong against me to my grave,” Sidney told Jack solemnly.
“Good show, everyone,” Mario said, voice warm in their ears.
“Live in three, two, one-”
Jack turned to the camera, his million-dollar smile on extra bright.
“Good evening, folks, from New York City. I’m Jack Johnson alongside Sidney Crosby, who is nearly as pissed at me as Florida is at N.C. State, the Packers are at their manager, and Texas is at the outcome of the Longhorns game,” Jack said smoothly.
“Florida, the Packers, and Texas have no idea how pissed I am,” Sidney rejoined smoothly, seeing Jack winking at him from the corner of his eye, “but I think that Manchester United might be circling the neighborhood-all those stories and more, coming up, so stick around.”
*facepalm* Someone just stop me already...