Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch: Right Road Home
TITLE: The Right Road Home
AUTHOR: Frala
E-MAIL: frala at hotmail dot com
DISTRIBUTION: Just at Perchance to Dream
DISCLAIMER: I neither claim any ownership to any of the characters aside from the ones I made up. And I'm not implying anything about any of the characters in real life. Its all fiction, none of it actually happened, I made it all up. Well in this case Thomas, Monica and Angela are all mine, mine I tell you!
RATING: R with a brief interlude of NC-17
CHARACTERS: Ronnie Stern, Angela, Monica, Joanne Robinson, Mark Messier, Trevor Linden and Thomas Morgan.
CONTINUITY: This is part of the Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch series.
SUMMARY: It is January 1999, Ronnie is in Vancouver, his baby has been born and he's trying to figure some stuff out.
~~
Show me the way and I’ll go
Give me a sign so I’ll know
Put me back on the right road home
Right road home
~~
I'm someone's dad. I knew it was going to happen, I mean obviously... I knew that but when I held her in my arms that first time it really hit me, like really, really hit me. After all the shit that happened in the hospital and all the shit leading up to then, that first second when the doctor passed Ruby to me and I felt her little heart beat under my hand... all that other shit wasn't as important anymore.
Monica was so fucking strong. I've been through a lot pain wise but that was, that was fucking amazing. I knew she was tough but that made me see her in a whole new light. I may have been beaten around a few times but fuck me that... well it was actually kinda horror movie scary.
Honestly I've wondered a few times if staying friendly with her was worth all the shit that we've both put up with. If Monica hadn't of been pregnant I'd probably have not seen her at all again. She would have moved out here with out me knowing it. But the part of me that actually is a sensible adult forced me to make the right decision when the other parts of me were screaming at me to run.
I knew it was all worth it even if I only got to hold Ruby that one time. It's been a hell of a lot more than one time since then of course but even if it was only that one time, putting up with all the crap from Monica and Angela and them putting up with me made it all more than okay.
The room that was supposed to be Angela's office has sort of been made into a place that I sleep more often than not the last little while. Even before Monica had the baby if Angela worked late I stayed over just in case. Monica got pissed off at us both, but knew we were just looking out for her.
I wouldn't say that I've been living here or anything and I know that it hasn't really been enough time to say 'hey we're a happy little weird family and are going to stay that way' but it's been good. Right now with things the way they are I think that we'll be okay.
Yeah I obviously know that things can change in a way that you don’t even realize that they've changed until your whole world is blown apart and it's too late for you to do anything about it.
I don’t want that to happen here. Not with me and them and not between them. The way it all happened might have sucked, okay it did a lot more than that but I like them both and want to remain friends with them. And really whether I want to or not I'm not hating people who are going to be a bigger part of Ruby's life than I am.
I do need to go home more though. I realize that it might be fine for right now but I need to give them more space. And by the time next season rolls around I'm going to be somewhere else so I may as well start getting used to it bit by bit. Even after only this sort amount of time with Ruby that makes me feel like shit.
That might actually be an understatement. I don't know where the fuck I'm going to end up and a big part of me doesn't care. I'm just so fucking excited to get to play again. I know it's too much to hope for that all of a sudden the Canucks are going to decide that they want me back.
At this point I know that my knee is good enough that hopefully someone takes a chance on me. All the time I spent wondering if I was crazy for even thinking that I didn't care about playing again. The second the doctor told me that I would be okay to play I didn't wonder any more. All that time wondering was so wasted.
It was more like an insane burst of joy at that point. Sometimes I dream about hearing blades that are on my feet cutting into the ice. Thinking about scoring a goal, about crushing someone against the glass... fuck, I can't wait for all of it.
My life is pretty fucking good right now. No matter what may not be perfect, to say the least, right now. I'm pretty fucking happy. Yeah, me, my daughter, my friends and the two lesbians that I live with. One big happy family.
Okay if I'm going to be all pissy about saying bi about me then I should be with them too. Well Monica at least or not, or... actually we might be friends but talking about sex with each other aside from the occasional joke doesn’t happen. For good reason probably, we're a little close right now to start opening up shit that shouldn't be.
Fuck, it's been too long since I got any. There's been no one since Markus. I've hung out with Trevor and Thomas quite a bit in the last month but there's been a lot on all of our minds beyond sex. Trevor's got a battle in the press, well one sided cause he's not saying anything but Keenan seems to have something to say about him every second day or so.
I had to stop reading the paper a few weeks ago when Keenan said that Trevor was only operating at or only giving about fifty percent. I was pissed off enough, but once Thomas phoned me and started yelling I ended up being more amused.
He's not exactly the guy you'd expect to blow up and threaten people but damn when the right buttons are pushed he's scary. I think at the time I was half tempted to find out where Keenan hangs out and bring Thomas there just to see what happens.
Maybe sell a few tickets and shit. Okay maybe not. But then again Thomas did tell off Bobby Hull in grand style over Christmas apparently. Ah man I wish I had been there to see that. Mmm... I think more than that I'd have rather been a fly on the wall when the two of them were with Brett.
Damn I bet that was all over hot. Yeah I'm not exactly Hull's biggest fan but damn him with the two of them would have looked fucking amazing. They spilled a few details but the stuff I've made up in my mind has gotten me through more than a few nights.
It's not like we haven't seen each other or been spending time together cause I see Thomas every second day just about and Trevor not quite as often but still a lot, we've just moved on from fucking every time we get together to just hanging out like we used to. Oddly I don’t miss it as much as I thought that I would.
Don’t get me wrong when I needed it and they were there for me I was more than happy to have it and I'd be lying if I said that I didn’t want to do it again but it's different. It's a good different. I'm beginning to worry that all this is leading up to either Trevor and Keenan being gone and I wouldn’t bet on it being Trevor. That's... that seems so fucking unlikely to me but everything I read is screaming trade.
There's no way Trevor can keep on putting up with this shit and the whole damn locker room is going to explode if things don't change. I hate to think of Trevor being gone, it's going to be an insane loss for everyone here but damn, it's got to be better for him then the shit he is putting up with right now.
Actually now that I think more about letting someone loose on Keenan I think Gino is a better candidate. The quote from him in the paper was full of more love then a man usually gets to show another man, whether they are in love or not. In this case they're not. Trevor just inspires it I guess. Damn Trevor has some loyal people that love him. Maybe that's one of the reasons Keenan and Messier want to discredit Trevor as much as they seem to be doing.
I've been hanging out with Gino a bit before Ruby was born. It feels like I haven't really done anything since she was born so it's like a whole new way of telling time. BR and AR I guess. Sandy called me and asked me to check up on Gino because of some crazy ass phone call he got from him.
I like him. In some ways he reminds me a bit of me only he hasn't been as lucky. His wife is nice too, I think she might have just been nice to me because she was happy Gino had friends that weren't Pavel but whatever she was nice.
And being with him sort of reminds me of being with the Calgary boys. In an odd sort of way but it does. I can't quite put my finger on what it is that reminds me but it does. So yeah my life is so much friend heavy right now and I love it.
My mother even managed to get two weeks off work and come out here to visit when Ruby was born. I was dreading it for so many reasons but it was a lot of fun actually. She helped us all out a lot and no one else's parents either cared or were around to be here, so it was much appreciated by Monica and Angela too.
Neither one of them has what you would call good relationship with their parents so I think they liked having her around. Look at me taking like I have a good relationship. Half a year on good terms after a decade of barely talking isn’t exactly good, but it’s a start.
I got to give my mother credit too she wasn't fazed at all when I told her about Monica and Angela being a couple. She snorted when I told her on the phone asking me if I thought she was some kind of old prude who had no idea of what goes on in the world.
I almost spilled everything about me too but couldn't. Yeah I've been so fucking bold about everything but couldn’t do it right then. I did though. While she was here we sat down one night in the kitchen here and talked just about the whole night through.
We hashed everything out like we'd been doing on the phone since we started talking again. We're both making our peace with things that should have been sorted out a long time ago but we're too raw to touch until now. Neither one of us could talk about him without hurting each other. It's still not pain free but it doesn’t hurt as much as not talking about him.
She took the stuff about me a lot better than I'd been expecting. There were some tears and more than a few questions but it was okay. I think she was confused more than anything; it was a lot to soak up in one night. The rest of the time she was here she was amazing though, we spent time together and still talk on the phone so she took it a lot better than I had been expecting.
Now if I could just fall asleep tonight at some point things would be excellent. Okay that and someone to sleep with and things would be pretty much perfect. I see two things standing in my way there. First off there's talking and giggling coming from Monica's room, and number two despite the horny factor I don’t see any prospects for me right now aside from just fucking for the sake of fucking.
Not that there is anything wrong with that. Fuck, I'd be the last person to say that, but I want more. Fuck me, the last thing I need tonight is to get all melancholy and sappy. Oh shit... no, now this's the last thing that I need right now.
The giggling seems to have stopped and a low moan has replaced it. "Oh fuck Mon..."
Now if I was smart I'd turn on my radio or you know shove my head in a pillow but instead I decide to be a glutton for punishment and listen. Well fuck it's hard not to listen, they aren't exactly being quiet or anything.
God damn my imagination too. I've seen Angela pretty much naked and well there's nothing left to the imagination between Monica and me and damn the mental pictures. My cock is pressing up against the sheet and try as I might I'm not going to be able to keep my hand away from it for too long.
Angela's breath is coming in short gasps and I'm biting my lips imagining Monica's lips and tongue going down on her. If she's half as good as that as she was at giving me head Angela is feeling pretty fucking good right now.
Fuck me, I can hear everything. Either that or I'm making shit up in my mind. Whichever I'm going to explode here if they don't stop. They haven't done this since I've been here yet, either that or I'm just so fucking horny that I'm hearing it now out of desperation.
The moans get louder and I love you's are exchanged. I think I need to go grab a cold shower or at least go beat off where they won't be able to hear me, or something. Or course Ruby has that impeccable Stern timing and starts crying.
I leap out of bed and grab the door shouting down the other end of the hall. "Don't worry I'll get her." Shit, I shove my hand over my mouth. Somehow I don't think that I was supposed to hear that they were otherwise occupied.
The noise from the other room stops but no one comes out so I continue across to Ruby's room and run my hand along her cheek. She opens her eyes and nuzzles her face against my hand but doesn't settle down so I pick her up. I even managed not to jump when I see the ugly fucking doll James' daughter gave her. Christ if I had to sleep with that thing in my bed no way I’d sleep through the night either.
There's not exactly a view here but sitting in front of the window in the comfy chair it's still nice to look out at the backyard. Well what there is of it anyway. It's mainly a deck with a patch of grass at the end. But it's more than I have at my apartment so I'll take it.
Ruby's already settling down a little, she's stopped squirming so much and is breathing more evenly against my chest. I should put her back in bed but staying in the chair and holding her seems like better use of my time.
This is the only part of my life that makes me feel like I'm really where I'm supposed to be. I know how stupid it seems to say that and then also say that I'm not staying in this house anymore, but... okay I have no reasoning. I've just got a feeling that it's all going to work out. I don’t do blind optimism where I'm concerned very much. I want to fucking take advantage.
I stay sitting quiet until Ruby is back asleep and gently move her back to her crib. She's asleep again and I'm ready to nod off but my eyes wander a little around the room. Most of the stuff my mom sent is here as well as new stuff.
My books are all on the shelf and I pick up The Cat In The Hat instead of going back to bed. I know she's asleep and that I'm reading this more for me than her but I'm still reading it, and thinking about all the time it was read to me.
~~~~~
You know sleeping most of the night in a chair, no matter how comfy the chair is, isn't a good idea. Even after a shower I'm stiff as fuck. At least I'm not alone in looking like I didn’t get much sleep. Cause the girls look a little deprived too.
"Sleep well?" Monica glares at me and Angela blushes when I ask. "Sorry." I couldn’t resist, I had to ask. Monica sighs and her lips curl up at the sides when she looks at Angela. I pour cereal and Angela fills up our milk while Monica feeds Ruby.
I kinda worried about finding it weird watching her breastfeed but it hasn’t been. It's as beautiful as the people who think it's beautiful and not weird say. Monica has become off limits sexually to me anyway and even if that wasn’t the case I don't know if I'd have had problems anyway.
We're all a little weird and shit this morning anyway so I may as well spring my going back home news on them. They'll be glad to get their lives back to normal. Well as normal as it can be with a new baby. "Hey guys?" They both look up at me. "I've been thinking about going home."
"To Calgary?" Monica frowns.
"No." I grin when her look softens at my answer. At least she doesn’t want rid of me all together. "To my apartment."
"Because of... uh... last night?" Angela blushes deeper.
"Nah, I've been thinking about it for a while. I love it here." I put my hands up when both of them open their mouths. "I just... you guys need to get a routine and I need to build one too. I want to spend a lot of time with Ruby but I'll be gone after summer anyway..."
"Summer is a long way away." Monica shakes her head then grins when she realizes what I mean. "You can play?" Her and Angela say at the same time.
"Clean bill of health." I grin back.
"Oh Ron." Monica's eyes brim with tears. "I'm so happy for you."
"Will you go back to Calgary then?" Angela asks. "Cause that's not too horribly far for lots of visits."
"It's not but they already let me go." I sigh. It's going to be so fucking weird to play with another team without my guys. "I have nowhere to go right now, I guess I won’t know where, or if anyone is going to take a chance on me until summer."
"Maybe the Canucks..." Angela's smile fades as her words trail off. "Sorry not helping."
"Hey, that's my best case scenario." I grin at her and impulsively reach out and one arm hug her. "I think that it's better for all of us that I go back home and we try and get things back to normal."
"Ron we wouldn’t know normal if it bit all of our asses." Monica giggles and passes Ruby to Angela.
"But."
"No buts. You can stay here for as long as you want to... unless you don't want..."
"It's not that. I... fuck... do you have to make this harder than it is?"
"I'm not trying to make it harder than it is." Monica snaps. "I'm trying to... fuck, I have no idea."
"I think the point is." Angela interrupts. "That we want you here as long as you want to be here, even if you do eavesdrop on us fucking."
"Eavesdrop?" I yell. "I wasn't fucking..." I break off when she giggles.
"Come on, we're past this... or we should be... I mean..." She looks away.
"No. You’re right. We're okay." I grab hold of her hand and squeeze it. "But I do need to..." Suddenly my throat feels a lot tighter than it did when I was thinking about it. "I don’t want to leave but..."
"Then don't Ron." Monica grabs my other hand. She swipes her thumb across the top of my cheek and smiles. "Enjoy what you have instead of conditioning yourself for when you don't have it."
"Stop making so much fucking sense." Pushing my chair back I open my mouth to say more but she shakes her head.
"Shut up, now go spend the day with Ruby and we'll..."
"Stay home and fuck?"
"Shut up." Monica yells, her cheeks bright red. "And go do whatever you’re going to do."
I'm really gonna stop teasing them now. I turn to leave then look back. "Hey did we get the paper this morning?"
Monica and Angela look at each other quickly and shake their heads.
Okay... yeah I don't have time to figure out what that's about I'll just buy one once Ruby and I are ready to go. Like everything else to do with her, bundling Ruby up is a lot more work than I was expecting. But its fun too, her hands curl around my finger and she holds on tighter than it should be possible. Monica's right, I can't lose any of this time.
Somehow I've been roped into having lunch with the gaggle of surrogate grandmothers Ruby seems to have, well just two of the three really. Or four, I guess, although Monica's parents haven't wanted anything to do with any of this. Angela's are seemingly uninterested too, and my Mother does what she can, but she lives to far away to do much.
Believe me Maggie and Joanne cover the position very well, and when Edna is added in there, the three of them add up to a gaggle really quick. I'm going to Joanne's for lunch with her and Maggie. I don’t know what we're doing the rest of the day but I'm still looking forward to it.
The way the newspaper is slapped into my face when I open the door at Joanne's almost makes me change my mind but I go in the rest of the way anyway. "Did you see this? This shit in the paper today?" Joanne takes Ruby and starts cooing at her.
Frankly I'm a little scared at the abrupt mood changes but I take the paper and open it to sports. Nothing else could get her so angry as one of her boys. And if one of them is in the paper the sports page is a great place to start.
Yeah doesn't take me long to find out what it is, or which boy. Actually since it is the boy that it is, I don't even need to look for the sports page. It's right there on the front.
"That asshole needs to leave my boys alone or I'm gonna fucking..." Joanne coughs and looks up at me and down at Ruby. "Stop swearing and calm down." She smoothes out the sides of her shirt and kisses Ruby's forehead. Before I can get the paper back up and ready to read she is starting to say exactly what pissed her off.
Putting up my hand I stop her, I don’t want to hear her voice with these words. "If you're going to pull a muscle because of the tempo of the practices, it means you're not game-ready. If that's a danger, then he's at risk every time he plays."
"What the fuck does that mean anyway?"
"Joanne."
She coughs again and puts Ruby into her other arm, taking a step toward me, petting my hand, and taking the paper from me. "He's probably playing at a fifty percent level right now." She reads from memory. "For real Ronnie you know Trevor, is he out there giving only half of what he can... ever?" She's almost shouting now.
Slipping Ruby into one arm, I wrap the other one around her shoulders and Joanne steps against me, almost flinging herself at me. I can't get any full sentences out of what she's saying but it's clearly more about Brett then it is about Trevor, or some mix of both, or... fuck I can't even hear words anymore.
It only lasts a few minutes and she looks up at me and sighs. "I wish I could have been there for everyone else when shit like this happened you know? I tried but Brett, he... he is different, I know, it's okay." She looks up at me and smiles, hugging me a little tighter.
Looking down I wipe a tear from her cheek and grin. "Are you trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson?"
"Oh shut up Stern." Joanne giggles then shakes hear head, giving me a squeeze and pushing back. "Have you been waiting since the first day we me to say that?"
"Pretty much." I smirk, kissing Ruby, laughing when she screws up her face. I fucking have to shave twice a day to make her not do that, or kiss her a little more carefully. I'll need to work on that.
"Babies don't like beard burn much..." Joanne smacks my arm and walks into the kitchen. She turns around when I follow her and hands me a cup of coffee. "Here, read the rest of the paper." She takes Ruby again and rocks her a little, cooing to her. "And the other paper." She slides it along the counter.
I want to read them anyway but even if I didn't I think she'd throw a fork at me to take me down if I tried to leave the room right now. Of course I don't get to read it without commentary. Gino has some great shit to say about Trevor... of course. He's fucking great.
"Trevor has a friend for life in that Gino... I should invite him over for dinner."
There's some shit from Messier in there too. I don’t think he's getting an invite here anytime soon. I've seen him a few times since we fucked but he's backed down a bit every time. I am pretty sure he thinks he gave away too much to me, not because I fucked him but the talking he did after.
Yeah, when I am thinking about him in even a semi wistful way, you know it's been too long since I got laid. Closing the paper I let out a long sigh, rattling it a few times and laying it back down.
"You know the radio shows are full of rumours about Trevor being traded."
"You need to stop listening to them."
"You don't grow out of being a hockey mom Ronnie. Even when your boys grow up." Joanne smiles. "I'll be doing the same when you get back out there."
This time I hug her, it's probably a sad reflection of my hockey support up until now but I had to blink a few times to avoid sniveling all over her. "I can you know... er get back out there next season."
"I know. Well I had heard." Joanne grins. "I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn't, I wouldn’t tease you Ronnie."
"Thank you." It's for more than that and she knows it, hugging me back a little tighter.
The rest of the afternoon is a little less emotional, Maggie comes and I may as well have left the two of them alone and hung out in the den with the big screen as been there. Shit I should have thought of that then, ah well I got a great meal and doted on a bit... all things considered not a bad day.
Monica and Angela look like they enjoyed their afternoon alone. They stumble out of their bedroom as soon as I put Ruby in her crib. She's already asleep; we're going to be up half the night with her I think unless she only stays asleep for a few minutes here.
Not likely. After all the talk and thinking at Joanne's I want to go out for a while anyway. It's been a while for a lot of things, at least going and hanging out with some of the guys should be fun. After some supper, a nap, and a lot of avoiding talk with the girls I head out and grab a seat at the bar. Some things never change and the bars the guys go to is one of those things.
There's a group of young guys, not much more than prospects really, sitting at a table just beside me, talking loud enough so I can overhear every thing they're saying. I know I was just as stupid when I was in their position but it's aggravating me more than making me commiserate right now. Especially when they start talking about the rumours of Trevor being traded.
"I hear he's a fag anyway."
I wonder how many of them I could punch before they ganged up on me enough to take me down?
"Why don't you guys go find something better to do instead of gossiping about who’s fucking who?" They all jump and scatter at Messier's voice behind them. He sits down next to me and orders a beer too. His knuckles brush past mine for a second and I look over at him. "Hey."
I nod back and take a long sip of beer. Apparently it's enough of an invitation for him to stay. A few beers and a couple of more 'accidental' hand brushes in more exciting places than my hand and it's an invitation for a hell of a lot more.
The kids are long gone; fuck the whole bar is empty by the time we stumble out. Hell even the little voice that's in the back of my head telling me I'm putting a fuck ahead of friendship has turned into a whisper by the time we open the hotel room door.
It's gone when he falls to his knees and starts unbuttoning my jeans. Nothing but a slow dull roar and the sound of him, and me moaning as he takes me in his mouth. Fuck, he's working me over good, licking and sucking, just a little teeth, fucking prefect.
Yeah it's been a while and all that, but that’s not the entire reason I'm pumping my hips faster, he's fucking great. His mouth is gone too soon though, replaced with his fingers and lube and a rubber and he's fucking bent over the side of the desk, his ass spread wide enough for me to sink it without much work at all and we're both shouting, the desk shifting enough to piss the people in the next room off and I shoot, pulling out of him with a loud pop, still working his dick while he shakes under me.
Eventually we make it to bed and there's a lot more shouting before I finally roll off him and lay slack on the bed. Instead of rolling away, I feel his arm curl around my chest and I give him the same back, whatever the fuck this is, right now I'm just glad to have gotten off hard enough to fall asleep so quick.
~~
"... Traded... not Trevor Linden like has been rumoured but Gelinas and McLean are on their way to Carolina."
The fuck?
Sitting bolt upright and knocking two hundred pounds of hockey player off me in an insane jumble of muttered words isn’t the way I expected to wake up. "Trevor, traded... what... Carolina... huh?"
And still once I hear the next bit and look to make sure Mark isn't hurt from being knocked off the bed I can't help but laugh a little when they announce that the Canes traded Jeff Brown to the Leafs at the same time. Somehow I think Kirk might appreciate that a little bit more.
Fuck. Or not. It sucks no matter what the circumstances... fuck I'm just glad it wasn’t Trevor... for now, it's only a matter of time. And its two of his best friends on the team, might as well trade Gino while they’re at it. I can feel my eyes narrow as Mark sits back up on the bed and flicks the radio off and I give my head a shake. It's not him.
Not all him anyway. Fuck. If I freaked out about this already today I wonder how Trev, or fucking even worse Thomas feels listening to the radio theses days. I don't know if I'm happy I can be here for them or wish I was a little further away. Yeah I know the answer there, but damn.
Holy hell Kirk is traded. And Marty. Its not until the radio is shut off that I realize that Mark is talking to me again. "I'm going to leave now Stern, you can skip the fucking lecture of whatever you're cooking up."
"What? Fuck." I shake my head and look up at him. He's off the floor and standing in front of me. He doesn't look too pleased. Ah well. "I don't have a lecture for you Mark. What the fuck would I lecture you about?"
Instead of being angry he smirks at me and even I'm surprised to find my self smiling back. And then there was hysterical laugher and he dropped down and we fucked three more times and lived happily ever after. I swear to fuck that's what happened.
Yeah right. He glared at me and... okay we fucked one more time. Then I got a shower and left while he was asleep. And left him a twenty on the nightstand... yeah I didn’t do that either. But it was a little nicer of a goodbye then the one I was envisioning a couple of hours before that.
I'm in my car about to drive home but without me even thinking about it I find myself nosing the car into Trevor's driveway. There's no cars home but... yeah that's never really stopped me before. It’s cold as hell so I'm not hanging out on the back deck like I usually would. It's hidden key time. Thomas has this theory that if he keeps on changing it between one of four locations that anyone casing the house won't be able to set a pattern and find it. Yeah I have no idea either.
What it really means is that I've crawled on my stomach, lifted seventy pounds, climbed way more then I ever wanted to, and had to do a little bit of digging before I had the key in my very dirty hand. It slides into the lock and the door... opens before I can turn it. The fuck?
"You know Ronnie..." Trevor smirks. "You could at least have tried the door man."
"Uh..." And that's all I have.
"Just put it under the rug." He winks. "Thomas has never forgotten a key in his life, I think its some kind of aversion therapy for me."
"Switching specialties?" I grin and kick the key under the rug before giving Trevor a long hard hug. "Why no car?'
"Dean's in town again, he borrowed it. Wish like fuck I had it back now, I called a cab to go see the guys..."
Hugging him a little tighter Trevor pushes me back and smiles. "Just here for a friendly visit?" He kisses me on the lips and squeezes me with a soft smile.
"Is that an invitation?" I laugh, knowing it's not.
"Nope." He grins and kisses me again. "Anyway can I borrow your car, cab is taking for fucking ever? I can drop you somewhere, or uh you can hangout here."
"I'll stay here, I think I need some deck time or since it’s so cold some pulling that chair over to the doors and looking out." Smiling at him and handing him the car keys, Trevor shrugs into his jacket and shoes, kissing my cheek softly and leaves.
Instead of grabbing a chair and pulling it over I grab one of Trevor's jackets because it'll fit over mine and end up out on the deck anyway. Smells so good out here, like I know the city is right there but I can't see it and it smells like trees and water and clean. And clean? Yeah I don't know it just does. My head's a lot more clear when I'm done.
I managed to avoid falling asleep out there and ending up with pneumonia or something, well I do end up napping on the couch, waking up to Thomas face an inch from mine, staring at me, then grinning when my eyes open up, sitting back on his heels, laughing softly. "Took you five minutes for that to wake you."
"You have enough time on your hands to test that out?" I rub at my eyes and sit up, laughing with him when he shrugs and sits up with me. "What time is it? Do you want to grab some food?"
"About ten after six, and I have to get back to the hospital. Do you have any more questions?" Thomas chuckles, and leans back a little when I shake my head. "You want a ride back home or wait for Trev, uh how was he?"
"Now who's got questions? He seemed a little." I chew softly on my lip, not sure how to put it. "A little like he needed to be.. you’re gonna be home tonight right?" Thomas's look of guilt that comes with the nod is almost enough to make me stop talking. Almost. "Good, he thinks it's going to be him any day now, just be with him."
Thomas nods and makes a couple of phone calls, then flops back down on the couch with me. "I'm uh sick," He looks at me and pretends to cough. "Apparently. You can stay if you like, but when Trev comes home..."
"Hit the road Stern." I grin and follow him to the kitchen, helping him get some food ready, shivering when he decides to barbeque. For any kind of weirdness there was on my part with Thomas from before, its all gone now, we've sat and talked for hours about nothing and everything all the same time. God being in this house is making me insane or something.
He's trying to convince me not to move out too and then the subject of the pros and cons of which teams might like me gets old fast and Thomas shakes his head and sighs hard. "Something happened to him, I don't know exactly what..." Thomas chews on his lip softly. "He won't say exactly what it was... he looked like he was crying, and no matter what I said or did it didn't seem to help him."
His words are more muffled when I give him a tight hug; he even scoots down enough so his head is resting on my shoulder. Kinda defeats the purpose of trying to wrap someone up and comfort them when you need a stool to do it properly. Okay so it's not that bad but damn I kinda forget how big he, or Trevor is for that matter until I'm hugging one of them.
Once Thomas has convinced me I didn’t need to run off right away, and we talked for a while more, and he'd promised to poke at Trevor a little more or I would tomorrow, my car is pulling back into the driveway and I'm grabbing my jacket to leave.
Trevor doesn't look so hot; stopping for a minute to hug him hard I grab a sheet of paper and write down Steve's number, and tell him to pass it on. I'll call Steve on the way home and make sure it's okay. At last they'll have someone to talk to when they get there, though knowing Steve he'll be introducing himself anyway right off the bat. Be nice to talk to him anyway. They're already talking before I leave, so I just close the door behind me.
Steve's not home so I leave a message with his wife and talk to her for a while. Never really got to know her well but it’s a nice conversation. With a reminder to call back, she doesn't come out and say it but I get the hint that he needs it. Definitely will remember to call him back.
The lights are off but flashing low when I get back home, uh to the girls house, sitting in the car for a while I let out a long sigh, shaking my head and smiling, it really is pointless to try and condition myself now to not have it be such an adjustment later.
I don't need to trade how happy I've been here and how much I love being around Ruby so much.. fuck even how much I love being around the girls just for a little more freedom. Of course with my luck they’ve changed their minds and have my shit packed and waiting by the door.
Or they're fucking on the couch, you know either way. Leaning back a little in the doorway I've got a great view of Angela's fingers pressed between Monica's legs, shaking my head, thinking this is low even for me I'm just about to duck out of the way when Monica cries out and shakes, pulling Angela down for a long kiss, moaning and shaking, her eyes opening slow then fast and wide staring at me.
"How long Ron?" She shakes her head, frowning. Angela looks over her shoulder and blushes, pushing her face against Monica's neck.
"Just like a couple of seconds, I was trying to get by quick but you uh..."
"Came." Angela looks up and me and shakes her head, kissing Monica softly and sighs. "I forgot to lock the door, it's not his fault he came home."
There's that word again.
Monica sits up too, arranging her skirt and nods. "I didn’t mean that like uh that... I was just... well I shouldn't be I suppose... its just..."
"Its weird." I nod.
Angela raises her eyebrow. "Yeah its weird." But she's smiling.
"Yeah we'll we're all weird so the whole fucking thing might as well be as weird as it can be right?" Monica nods and pushes me on the couch. "We want you to stay Ron."
"Good because I..."
Shaking her head Angela puts up her hands. "No listen first before you argue."
"But I..."
"We said shut up and listen Ron!" Monica shakes her head.
"Ruby is yours, you're a part of our family... this is your home, we want you to feel comfortable..." Angela smiles at me.
"Holy shit you two are crazy, shut up for ten seconds, and let me talk." I have to clamp a hand over both of their mouths. "I want to stay, you guys are right, there's no point making myself miss her now when I don't have to. Is that okay." They both nod their heads and then smack me hard when I move my hands away then both of them burst into laughter.
Great so I come to terms with living with lesbians only to realize fully and truly that they are crazy. Of course I might have guessed when they didn’t want me to leave in the first place that they were crazy, and I'm laughing just as hard too so maybe this is where I'm meant to be after all.
The three of us sit on the couch for a long time, laughing and talking, Ruby making soft noises on the baby monitor in front of us.
There's no weirdness, well... no there's not real weirdness, it just feels right.
Like Home.
THE END
AUTHOR: Frala
E-MAIL: frala at hotmail dot com
DISTRIBUTION: Just at Perchance to Dream
DISCLAIMER: I neither claim any ownership to any of the characters aside from the ones I made up. And I'm not implying anything about any of the characters in real life. Its all fiction, none of it actually happened, I made it all up. Well in this case Thomas, Monica and Angela are all mine, mine I tell you!
RATING: R with a brief interlude of NC-17
CHARACTERS: Ronnie Stern, Angela, Monica, Joanne Robinson, Mark Messier, Trevor Linden and Thomas Morgan.
CONTINUITY: This is part of the Happiness Is Not A Fish That You Can Catch series.
SUMMARY: It is January 1999, Ronnie is in Vancouver, his baby has been born and he's trying to figure some stuff out.
~~
Show me the way and I’ll go
Give me a sign so I’ll know
Put me back on the right road home
Right road home
~~
I'm someone's dad. I knew it was going to happen, I mean obviously... I knew that but when I held her in my arms that first time it really hit me, like really, really hit me. After all the shit that happened in the hospital and all the shit leading up to then, that first second when the doctor passed Ruby to me and I felt her little heart beat under my hand... all that other shit wasn't as important anymore.
Monica was so fucking strong. I've been through a lot pain wise but that was, that was fucking amazing. I knew she was tough but that made me see her in a whole new light. I may have been beaten around a few times but fuck me that... well it was actually kinda horror movie scary.
Honestly I've wondered a few times if staying friendly with her was worth all the shit that we've both put up with. If Monica hadn't of been pregnant I'd probably have not seen her at all again. She would have moved out here with out me knowing it. But the part of me that actually is a sensible adult forced me to make the right decision when the other parts of me were screaming at me to run.
I knew it was all worth it even if I only got to hold Ruby that one time. It's been a hell of a lot more than one time since then of course but even if it was only that one time, putting up with all the crap from Monica and Angela and them putting up with me made it all more than okay.
The room that was supposed to be Angela's office has sort of been made into a place that I sleep more often than not the last little while. Even before Monica had the baby if Angela worked late I stayed over just in case. Monica got pissed off at us both, but knew we were just looking out for her.
I wouldn't say that I've been living here or anything and I know that it hasn't really been enough time to say 'hey we're a happy little weird family and are going to stay that way' but it's been good. Right now with things the way they are I think that we'll be okay.
Yeah I obviously know that things can change in a way that you don’t even realize that they've changed until your whole world is blown apart and it's too late for you to do anything about it.
I don’t want that to happen here. Not with me and them and not between them. The way it all happened might have sucked, okay it did a lot more than that but I like them both and want to remain friends with them. And really whether I want to or not I'm not hating people who are going to be a bigger part of Ruby's life than I am.
I do need to go home more though. I realize that it might be fine for right now but I need to give them more space. And by the time next season rolls around I'm going to be somewhere else so I may as well start getting used to it bit by bit. Even after only this sort amount of time with Ruby that makes me feel like shit.
That might actually be an understatement. I don't know where the fuck I'm going to end up and a big part of me doesn't care. I'm just so fucking excited to get to play again. I know it's too much to hope for that all of a sudden the Canucks are going to decide that they want me back.
At this point I know that my knee is good enough that hopefully someone takes a chance on me. All the time I spent wondering if I was crazy for even thinking that I didn't care about playing again. The second the doctor told me that I would be okay to play I didn't wonder any more. All that time wondering was so wasted.
It was more like an insane burst of joy at that point. Sometimes I dream about hearing blades that are on my feet cutting into the ice. Thinking about scoring a goal, about crushing someone against the glass... fuck, I can't wait for all of it.
My life is pretty fucking good right now. No matter what may not be perfect, to say the least, right now. I'm pretty fucking happy. Yeah, me, my daughter, my friends and the two lesbians that I live with. One big happy family.
Okay if I'm going to be all pissy about saying bi about me then I should be with them too. Well Monica at least or not, or... actually we might be friends but talking about sex with each other aside from the occasional joke doesn’t happen. For good reason probably, we're a little close right now to start opening up shit that shouldn't be.
Fuck, it's been too long since I got any. There's been no one since Markus. I've hung out with Trevor and Thomas quite a bit in the last month but there's been a lot on all of our minds beyond sex. Trevor's got a battle in the press, well one sided cause he's not saying anything but Keenan seems to have something to say about him every second day or so.
I had to stop reading the paper a few weeks ago when Keenan said that Trevor was only operating at or only giving about fifty percent. I was pissed off enough, but once Thomas phoned me and started yelling I ended up being more amused.
He's not exactly the guy you'd expect to blow up and threaten people but damn when the right buttons are pushed he's scary. I think at the time I was half tempted to find out where Keenan hangs out and bring Thomas there just to see what happens.
Maybe sell a few tickets and shit. Okay maybe not. But then again Thomas did tell off Bobby Hull in grand style over Christmas apparently. Ah man I wish I had been there to see that. Mmm... I think more than that I'd have rather been a fly on the wall when the two of them were with Brett.
Damn I bet that was all over hot. Yeah I'm not exactly Hull's biggest fan but damn him with the two of them would have looked fucking amazing. They spilled a few details but the stuff I've made up in my mind has gotten me through more than a few nights.
It's not like we haven't seen each other or been spending time together cause I see Thomas every second day just about and Trevor not quite as often but still a lot, we've just moved on from fucking every time we get together to just hanging out like we used to. Oddly I don’t miss it as much as I thought that I would.
Don’t get me wrong when I needed it and they were there for me I was more than happy to have it and I'd be lying if I said that I didn’t want to do it again but it's different. It's a good different. I'm beginning to worry that all this is leading up to either Trevor and Keenan being gone and I wouldn’t bet on it being Trevor. That's... that seems so fucking unlikely to me but everything I read is screaming trade.
There's no way Trevor can keep on putting up with this shit and the whole damn locker room is going to explode if things don't change. I hate to think of Trevor being gone, it's going to be an insane loss for everyone here but damn, it's got to be better for him then the shit he is putting up with right now.
Actually now that I think more about letting someone loose on Keenan I think Gino is a better candidate. The quote from him in the paper was full of more love then a man usually gets to show another man, whether they are in love or not. In this case they're not. Trevor just inspires it I guess. Damn Trevor has some loyal people that love him. Maybe that's one of the reasons Keenan and Messier want to discredit Trevor as much as they seem to be doing.
I've been hanging out with Gino a bit before Ruby was born. It feels like I haven't really done anything since she was born so it's like a whole new way of telling time. BR and AR I guess. Sandy called me and asked me to check up on Gino because of some crazy ass phone call he got from him.
I like him. In some ways he reminds me a bit of me only he hasn't been as lucky. His wife is nice too, I think she might have just been nice to me because she was happy Gino had friends that weren't Pavel but whatever she was nice.
And being with him sort of reminds me of being with the Calgary boys. In an odd sort of way but it does. I can't quite put my finger on what it is that reminds me but it does. So yeah my life is so much friend heavy right now and I love it.
My mother even managed to get two weeks off work and come out here to visit when Ruby was born. I was dreading it for so many reasons but it was a lot of fun actually. She helped us all out a lot and no one else's parents either cared or were around to be here, so it was much appreciated by Monica and Angela too.
Neither one of them has what you would call good relationship with their parents so I think they liked having her around. Look at me taking like I have a good relationship. Half a year on good terms after a decade of barely talking isn’t exactly good, but it’s a start.
I got to give my mother credit too she wasn't fazed at all when I told her about Monica and Angela being a couple. She snorted when I told her on the phone asking me if I thought she was some kind of old prude who had no idea of what goes on in the world.
I almost spilled everything about me too but couldn't. Yeah I've been so fucking bold about everything but couldn’t do it right then. I did though. While she was here we sat down one night in the kitchen here and talked just about the whole night through.
We hashed everything out like we'd been doing on the phone since we started talking again. We're both making our peace with things that should have been sorted out a long time ago but we're too raw to touch until now. Neither one of us could talk about him without hurting each other. It's still not pain free but it doesn’t hurt as much as not talking about him.
She took the stuff about me a lot better than I'd been expecting. There were some tears and more than a few questions but it was okay. I think she was confused more than anything; it was a lot to soak up in one night. The rest of the time she was here she was amazing though, we spent time together and still talk on the phone so she took it a lot better than I had been expecting.
Now if I could just fall asleep tonight at some point things would be excellent. Okay that and someone to sleep with and things would be pretty much perfect. I see two things standing in my way there. First off there's talking and giggling coming from Monica's room, and number two despite the horny factor I don’t see any prospects for me right now aside from just fucking for the sake of fucking.
Not that there is anything wrong with that. Fuck, I'd be the last person to say that, but I want more. Fuck me, the last thing I need tonight is to get all melancholy and sappy. Oh shit... no, now this's the last thing that I need right now.
The giggling seems to have stopped and a low moan has replaced it. "Oh fuck Mon..."
Now if I was smart I'd turn on my radio or you know shove my head in a pillow but instead I decide to be a glutton for punishment and listen. Well fuck it's hard not to listen, they aren't exactly being quiet or anything.
God damn my imagination too. I've seen Angela pretty much naked and well there's nothing left to the imagination between Monica and me and damn the mental pictures. My cock is pressing up against the sheet and try as I might I'm not going to be able to keep my hand away from it for too long.
Angela's breath is coming in short gasps and I'm biting my lips imagining Monica's lips and tongue going down on her. If she's half as good as that as she was at giving me head Angela is feeling pretty fucking good right now.
Fuck me, I can hear everything. Either that or I'm making shit up in my mind. Whichever I'm going to explode here if they don't stop. They haven't done this since I've been here yet, either that or I'm just so fucking horny that I'm hearing it now out of desperation.
The moans get louder and I love you's are exchanged. I think I need to go grab a cold shower or at least go beat off where they won't be able to hear me, or something. Or course Ruby has that impeccable Stern timing and starts crying.
I leap out of bed and grab the door shouting down the other end of the hall. "Don't worry I'll get her." Shit, I shove my hand over my mouth. Somehow I don't think that I was supposed to hear that they were otherwise occupied.
The noise from the other room stops but no one comes out so I continue across to Ruby's room and run my hand along her cheek. She opens her eyes and nuzzles her face against my hand but doesn't settle down so I pick her up. I even managed not to jump when I see the ugly fucking doll James' daughter gave her. Christ if I had to sleep with that thing in my bed no way I’d sleep through the night either.
There's not exactly a view here but sitting in front of the window in the comfy chair it's still nice to look out at the backyard. Well what there is of it anyway. It's mainly a deck with a patch of grass at the end. But it's more than I have at my apartment so I'll take it.
Ruby's already settling down a little, she's stopped squirming so much and is breathing more evenly against my chest. I should put her back in bed but staying in the chair and holding her seems like better use of my time.
This is the only part of my life that makes me feel like I'm really where I'm supposed to be. I know how stupid it seems to say that and then also say that I'm not staying in this house anymore, but... okay I have no reasoning. I've just got a feeling that it's all going to work out. I don’t do blind optimism where I'm concerned very much. I want to fucking take advantage.
I stay sitting quiet until Ruby is back asleep and gently move her back to her crib. She's asleep again and I'm ready to nod off but my eyes wander a little around the room. Most of the stuff my mom sent is here as well as new stuff.
My books are all on the shelf and I pick up The Cat In The Hat instead of going back to bed. I know she's asleep and that I'm reading this more for me than her but I'm still reading it, and thinking about all the time it was read to me.
~~~~~
You know sleeping most of the night in a chair, no matter how comfy the chair is, isn't a good idea. Even after a shower I'm stiff as fuck. At least I'm not alone in looking like I didn’t get much sleep. Cause the girls look a little deprived too.
"Sleep well?" Monica glares at me and Angela blushes when I ask. "Sorry." I couldn’t resist, I had to ask. Monica sighs and her lips curl up at the sides when she looks at Angela. I pour cereal and Angela fills up our milk while Monica feeds Ruby.
I kinda worried about finding it weird watching her breastfeed but it hasn’t been. It's as beautiful as the people who think it's beautiful and not weird say. Monica has become off limits sexually to me anyway and even if that wasn’t the case I don't know if I'd have had problems anyway.
We're all a little weird and shit this morning anyway so I may as well spring my going back home news on them. They'll be glad to get their lives back to normal. Well as normal as it can be with a new baby. "Hey guys?" They both look up at me. "I've been thinking about going home."
"To Calgary?" Monica frowns.
"No." I grin when her look softens at my answer. At least she doesn’t want rid of me all together. "To my apartment."
"Because of... uh... last night?" Angela blushes deeper.
"Nah, I've been thinking about it for a while. I love it here." I put my hands up when both of them open their mouths. "I just... you guys need to get a routine and I need to build one too. I want to spend a lot of time with Ruby but I'll be gone after summer anyway..."
"Summer is a long way away." Monica shakes her head then grins when she realizes what I mean. "You can play?" Her and Angela say at the same time.
"Clean bill of health." I grin back.
"Oh Ron." Monica's eyes brim with tears. "I'm so happy for you."
"Will you go back to Calgary then?" Angela asks. "Cause that's not too horribly far for lots of visits."
"It's not but they already let me go." I sigh. It's going to be so fucking weird to play with another team without my guys. "I have nowhere to go right now, I guess I won’t know where, or if anyone is going to take a chance on me until summer."
"Maybe the Canucks..." Angela's smile fades as her words trail off. "Sorry not helping."
"Hey, that's my best case scenario." I grin at her and impulsively reach out and one arm hug her. "I think that it's better for all of us that I go back home and we try and get things back to normal."
"Ron we wouldn’t know normal if it bit all of our asses." Monica giggles and passes Ruby to Angela.
"But."
"No buts. You can stay here for as long as you want to... unless you don't want..."
"It's not that. I... fuck... do you have to make this harder than it is?"
"I'm not trying to make it harder than it is." Monica snaps. "I'm trying to... fuck, I have no idea."
"I think the point is." Angela interrupts. "That we want you here as long as you want to be here, even if you do eavesdrop on us fucking."
"Eavesdrop?" I yell. "I wasn't fucking..." I break off when she giggles.
"Come on, we're past this... or we should be... I mean..." She looks away.
"No. You’re right. We're okay." I grab hold of her hand and squeeze it. "But I do need to..." Suddenly my throat feels a lot tighter than it did when I was thinking about it. "I don’t want to leave but..."
"Then don't Ron." Monica grabs my other hand. She swipes her thumb across the top of my cheek and smiles. "Enjoy what you have instead of conditioning yourself for when you don't have it."
"Stop making so much fucking sense." Pushing my chair back I open my mouth to say more but she shakes her head.
"Shut up, now go spend the day with Ruby and we'll..."
"Stay home and fuck?"
"Shut up." Monica yells, her cheeks bright red. "And go do whatever you’re going to do."
I'm really gonna stop teasing them now. I turn to leave then look back. "Hey did we get the paper this morning?"
Monica and Angela look at each other quickly and shake their heads.
Okay... yeah I don't have time to figure out what that's about I'll just buy one once Ruby and I are ready to go. Like everything else to do with her, bundling Ruby up is a lot more work than I was expecting. But its fun too, her hands curl around my finger and she holds on tighter than it should be possible. Monica's right, I can't lose any of this time.
Somehow I've been roped into having lunch with the gaggle of surrogate grandmothers Ruby seems to have, well just two of the three really. Or four, I guess, although Monica's parents haven't wanted anything to do with any of this. Angela's are seemingly uninterested too, and my Mother does what she can, but she lives to far away to do much.
Believe me Maggie and Joanne cover the position very well, and when Edna is added in there, the three of them add up to a gaggle really quick. I'm going to Joanne's for lunch with her and Maggie. I don’t know what we're doing the rest of the day but I'm still looking forward to it.
The way the newspaper is slapped into my face when I open the door at Joanne's almost makes me change my mind but I go in the rest of the way anyway. "Did you see this? This shit in the paper today?" Joanne takes Ruby and starts cooing at her.
Frankly I'm a little scared at the abrupt mood changes but I take the paper and open it to sports. Nothing else could get her so angry as one of her boys. And if one of them is in the paper the sports page is a great place to start.
Yeah doesn't take me long to find out what it is, or which boy. Actually since it is the boy that it is, I don't even need to look for the sports page. It's right there on the front.
"That asshole needs to leave my boys alone or I'm gonna fucking..." Joanne coughs and looks up at me and down at Ruby. "Stop swearing and calm down." She smoothes out the sides of her shirt and kisses Ruby's forehead. Before I can get the paper back up and ready to read she is starting to say exactly what pissed her off.
Putting up my hand I stop her, I don’t want to hear her voice with these words. "If you're going to pull a muscle because of the tempo of the practices, it means you're not game-ready. If that's a danger, then he's at risk every time he plays."
"What the fuck does that mean anyway?"
"Joanne."
She coughs again and puts Ruby into her other arm, taking a step toward me, petting my hand, and taking the paper from me. "He's probably playing at a fifty percent level right now." She reads from memory. "For real Ronnie you know Trevor, is he out there giving only half of what he can... ever?" She's almost shouting now.
Slipping Ruby into one arm, I wrap the other one around her shoulders and Joanne steps against me, almost flinging herself at me. I can't get any full sentences out of what she's saying but it's clearly more about Brett then it is about Trevor, or some mix of both, or... fuck I can't even hear words anymore.
It only lasts a few minutes and she looks up at me and sighs. "I wish I could have been there for everyone else when shit like this happened you know? I tried but Brett, he... he is different, I know, it's okay." She looks up at me and smiles, hugging me a little tighter.
Looking down I wipe a tear from her cheek and grin. "Are you trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson?"
"Oh shut up Stern." Joanne giggles then shakes hear head, giving me a squeeze and pushing back. "Have you been waiting since the first day we me to say that?"
"Pretty much." I smirk, kissing Ruby, laughing when she screws up her face. I fucking have to shave twice a day to make her not do that, or kiss her a little more carefully. I'll need to work on that.
"Babies don't like beard burn much..." Joanne smacks my arm and walks into the kitchen. She turns around when I follow her and hands me a cup of coffee. "Here, read the rest of the paper." She takes Ruby again and rocks her a little, cooing to her. "And the other paper." She slides it along the counter.
I want to read them anyway but even if I didn't I think she'd throw a fork at me to take me down if I tried to leave the room right now. Of course I don't get to read it without commentary. Gino has some great shit to say about Trevor... of course. He's fucking great.
"Trevor has a friend for life in that Gino... I should invite him over for dinner."
There's some shit from Messier in there too. I don’t think he's getting an invite here anytime soon. I've seen him a few times since we fucked but he's backed down a bit every time. I am pretty sure he thinks he gave away too much to me, not because I fucked him but the talking he did after.
Yeah, when I am thinking about him in even a semi wistful way, you know it's been too long since I got laid. Closing the paper I let out a long sigh, rattling it a few times and laying it back down.
"You know the radio shows are full of rumours about Trevor being traded."
"You need to stop listening to them."
"You don't grow out of being a hockey mom Ronnie. Even when your boys grow up." Joanne smiles. "I'll be doing the same when you get back out there."
This time I hug her, it's probably a sad reflection of my hockey support up until now but I had to blink a few times to avoid sniveling all over her. "I can you know... er get back out there next season."
"I know. Well I had heard." Joanne grins. "I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn't, I wouldn’t tease you Ronnie."
"Thank you." It's for more than that and she knows it, hugging me back a little tighter.
The rest of the afternoon is a little less emotional, Maggie comes and I may as well have left the two of them alone and hung out in the den with the big screen as been there. Shit I should have thought of that then, ah well I got a great meal and doted on a bit... all things considered not a bad day.
Monica and Angela look like they enjoyed their afternoon alone. They stumble out of their bedroom as soon as I put Ruby in her crib. She's already asleep; we're going to be up half the night with her I think unless she only stays asleep for a few minutes here.
Not likely. After all the talk and thinking at Joanne's I want to go out for a while anyway. It's been a while for a lot of things, at least going and hanging out with some of the guys should be fun. After some supper, a nap, and a lot of avoiding talk with the girls I head out and grab a seat at the bar. Some things never change and the bars the guys go to is one of those things.
There's a group of young guys, not much more than prospects really, sitting at a table just beside me, talking loud enough so I can overhear every thing they're saying. I know I was just as stupid when I was in their position but it's aggravating me more than making me commiserate right now. Especially when they start talking about the rumours of Trevor being traded.
"I hear he's a fag anyway."
I wonder how many of them I could punch before they ganged up on me enough to take me down?
"Why don't you guys go find something better to do instead of gossiping about who’s fucking who?" They all jump and scatter at Messier's voice behind them. He sits down next to me and orders a beer too. His knuckles brush past mine for a second and I look over at him. "Hey."
I nod back and take a long sip of beer. Apparently it's enough of an invitation for him to stay. A few beers and a couple of more 'accidental' hand brushes in more exciting places than my hand and it's an invitation for a hell of a lot more.
The kids are long gone; fuck the whole bar is empty by the time we stumble out. Hell even the little voice that's in the back of my head telling me I'm putting a fuck ahead of friendship has turned into a whisper by the time we open the hotel room door.
It's gone when he falls to his knees and starts unbuttoning my jeans. Nothing but a slow dull roar and the sound of him, and me moaning as he takes me in his mouth. Fuck, he's working me over good, licking and sucking, just a little teeth, fucking prefect.
Yeah it's been a while and all that, but that’s not the entire reason I'm pumping my hips faster, he's fucking great. His mouth is gone too soon though, replaced with his fingers and lube and a rubber and he's fucking bent over the side of the desk, his ass spread wide enough for me to sink it without much work at all and we're both shouting, the desk shifting enough to piss the people in the next room off and I shoot, pulling out of him with a loud pop, still working his dick while he shakes under me.
Eventually we make it to bed and there's a lot more shouting before I finally roll off him and lay slack on the bed. Instead of rolling away, I feel his arm curl around my chest and I give him the same back, whatever the fuck this is, right now I'm just glad to have gotten off hard enough to fall asleep so quick.
~~
"... Traded... not Trevor Linden like has been rumoured but Gelinas and McLean are on their way to Carolina."
The fuck?
Sitting bolt upright and knocking two hundred pounds of hockey player off me in an insane jumble of muttered words isn’t the way I expected to wake up. "Trevor, traded... what... Carolina... huh?"
And still once I hear the next bit and look to make sure Mark isn't hurt from being knocked off the bed I can't help but laugh a little when they announce that the Canes traded Jeff Brown to the Leafs at the same time. Somehow I think Kirk might appreciate that a little bit more.
Fuck. Or not. It sucks no matter what the circumstances... fuck I'm just glad it wasn’t Trevor... for now, it's only a matter of time. And its two of his best friends on the team, might as well trade Gino while they’re at it. I can feel my eyes narrow as Mark sits back up on the bed and flicks the radio off and I give my head a shake. It's not him.
Not all him anyway. Fuck. If I freaked out about this already today I wonder how Trev, or fucking even worse Thomas feels listening to the radio theses days. I don't know if I'm happy I can be here for them or wish I was a little further away. Yeah I know the answer there, but damn.
Holy hell Kirk is traded. And Marty. Its not until the radio is shut off that I realize that Mark is talking to me again. "I'm going to leave now Stern, you can skip the fucking lecture of whatever you're cooking up."
"What? Fuck." I shake my head and look up at him. He's off the floor and standing in front of me. He doesn't look too pleased. Ah well. "I don't have a lecture for you Mark. What the fuck would I lecture you about?"
Instead of being angry he smirks at me and even I'm surprised to find my self smiling back. And then there was hysterical laugher and he dropped down and we fucked three more times and lived happily ever after. I swear to fuck that's what happened.
Yeah right. He glared at me and... okay we fucked one more time. Then I got a shower and left while he was asleep. And left him a twenty on the nightstand... yeah I didn’t do that either. But it was a little nicer of a goodbye then the one I was envisioning a couple of hours before that.
I'm in my car about to drive home but without me even thinking about it I find myself nosing the car into Trevor's driveway. There's no cars home but... yeah that's never really stopped me before. It’s cold as hell so I'm not hanging out on the back deck like I usually would. It's hidden key time. Thomas has this theory that if he keeps on changing it between one of four locations that anyone casing the house won't be able to set a pattern and find it. Yeah I have no idea either.
What it really means is that I've crawled on my stomach, lifted seventy pounds, climbed way more then I ever wanted to, and had to do a little bit of digging before I had the key in my very dirty hand. It slides into the lock and the door... opens before I can turn it. The fuck?
"You know Ronnie..." Trevor smirks. "You could at least have tried the door man."
"Uh..." And that's all I have.
"Just put it under the rug." He winks. "Thomas has never forgotten a key in his life, I think its some kind of aversion therapy for me."
"Switching specialties?" I grin and kick the key under the rug before giving Trevor a long hard hug. "Why no car?'
"Dean's in town again, he borrowed it. Wish like fuck I had it back now, I called a cab to go see the guys..."
Hugging him a little tighter Trevor pushes me back and smiles. "Just here for a friendly visit?" He kisses me on the lips and squeezes me with a soft smile.
"Is that an invitation?" I laugh, knowing it's not.
"Nope." He grins and kisses me again. "Anyway can I borrow your car, cab is taking for fucking ever? I can drop you somewhere, or uh you can hangout here."
"I'll stay here, I think I need some deck time or since it’s so cold some pulling that chair over to the doors and looking out." Smiling at him and handing him the car keys, Trevor shrugs into his jacket and shoes, kissing my cheek softly and leaves.
Instead of grabbing a chair and pulling it over I grab one of Trevor's jackets because it'll fit over mine and end up out on the deck anyway. Smells so good out here, like I know the city is right there but I can't see it and it smells like trees and water and clean. And clean? Yeah I don't know it just does. My head's a lot more clear when I'm done.
I managed to avoid falling asleep out there and ending up with pneumonia or something, well I do end up napping on the couch, waking up to Thomas face an inch from mine, staring at me, then grinning when my eyes open up, sitting back on his heels, laughing softly. "Took you five minutes for that to wake you."
"You have enough time on your hands to test that out?" I rub at my eyes and sit up, laughing with him when he shrugs and sits up with me. "What time is it? Do you want to grab some food?"
"About ten after six, and I have to get back to the hospital. Do you have any more questions?" Thomas chuckles, and leans back a little when I shake my head. "You want a ride back home or wait for Trev, uh how was he?"
"Now who's got questions? He seemed a little." I chew softly on my lip, not sure how to put it. "A little like he needed to be.. you’re gonna be home tonight right?" Thomas's look of guilt that comes with the nod is almost enough to make me stop talking. Almost. "Good, he thinks it's going to be him any day now, just be with him."
Thomas nods and makes a couple of phone calls, then flops back down on the couch with me. "I'm uh sick," He looks at me and pretends to cough. "Apparently. You can stay if you like, but when Trev comes home..."
"Hit the road Stern." I grin and follow him to the kitchen, helping him get some food ready, shivering when he decides to barbeque. For any kind of weirdness there was on my part with Thomas from before, its all gone now, we've sat and talked for hours about nothing and everything all the same time. God being in this house is making me insane or something.
He's trying to convince me not to move out too and then the subject of the pros and cons of which teams might like me gets old fast and Thomas shakes his head and sighs hard. "Something happened to him, I don't know exactly what..." Thomas chews on his lip softly. "He won't say exactly what it was... he looked like he was crying, and no matter what I said or did it didn't seem to help him."
His words are more muffled when I give him a tight hug; he even scoots down enough so his head is resting on my shoulder. Kinda defeats the purpose of trying to wrap someone up and comfort them when you need a stool to do it properly. Okay so it's not that bad but damn I kinda forget how big he, or Trevor is for that matter until I'm hugging one of them.
Once Thomas has convinced me I didn’t need to run off right away, and we talked for a while more, and he'd promised to poke at Trevor a little more or I would tomorrow, my car is pulling back into the driveway and I'm grabbing my jacket to leave.
Trevor doesn't look so hot; stopping for a minute to hug him hard I grab a sheet of paper and write down Steve's number, and tell him to pass it on. I'll call Steve on the way home and make sure it's okay. At last they'll have someone to talk to when they get there, though knowing Steve he'll be introducing himself anyway right off the bat. Be nice to talk to him anyway. They're already talking before I leave, so I just close the door behind me.
Steve's not home so I leave a message with his wife and talk to her for a while. Never really got to know her well but it’s a nice conversation. With a reminder to call back, she doesn't come out and say it but I get the hint that he needs it. Definitely will remember to call him back.
The lights are off but flashing low when I get back home, uh to the girls house, sitting in the car for a while I let out a long sigh, shaking my head and smiling, it really is pointless to try and condition myself now to not have it be such an adjustment later.
I don't need to trade how happy I've been here and how much I love being around Ruby so much.. fuck even how much I love being around the girls just for a little more freedom. Of course with my luck they’ve changed their minds and have my shit packed and waiting by the door.
Or they're fucking on the couch, you know either way. Leaning back a little in the doorway I've got a great view of Angela's fingers pressed between Monica's legs, shaking my head, thinking this is low even for me I'm just about to duck out of the way when Monica cries out and shakes, pulling Angela down for a long kiss, moaning and shaking, her eyes opening slow then fast and wide staring at me.
"How long Ron?" She shakes her head, frowning. Angela looks over her shoulder and blushes, pushing her face against Monica's neck.
"Just like a couple of seconds, I was trying to get by quick but you uh..."
"Came." Angela looks up and me and shakes her head, kissing Monica softly and sighs. "I forgot to lock the door, it's not his fault he came home."
There's that word again.
Monica sits up too, arranging her skirt and nods. "I didn’t mean that like uh that... I was just... well I shouldn't be I suppose... its just..."
"Its weird." I nod.
Angela raises her eyebrow. "Yeah its weird." But she's smiling.
"Yeah we'll we're all weird so the whole fucking thing might as well be as weird as it can be right?" Monica nods and pushes me on the couch. "We want you to stay Ron."
"Good because I..."
Shaking her head Angela puts up her hands. "No listen first before you argue."
"But I..."
"We said shut up and listen Ron!" Monica shakes her head.
"Ruby is yours, you're a part of our family... this is your home, we want you to feel comfortable..." Angela smiles at me.
"Holy shit you two are crazy, shut up for ten seconds, and let me talk." I have to clamp a hand over both of their mouths. "I want to stay, you guys are right, there's no point making myself miss her now when I don't have to. Is that okay." They both nod their heads and then smack me hard when I move my hands away then both of them burst into laughter.
Great so I come to terms with living with lesbians only to realize fully and truly that they are crazy. Of course I might have guessed when they didn’t want me to leave in the first place that they were crazy, and I'm laughing just as hard too so maybe this is where I'm meant to be after all.
The three of us sit on the couch for a long time, laughing and talking, Ruby making soft noises on the baby monitor in front of us.
There's no weirdness, well... no there's not real weirdness, it just feels right.
Like Home.
THE END