Like Christmas, it comes but once a year: Fic- "Twas the Night before Sex-mas VII
Author: Jess, rather befuddled with Barnes & Noble right now because while they finally
sent my order, they misplace one book and sent me two kid’s book instead…
Archive: ummm…here, I guess, and any other place I’ve posted this
Warning: Do I really still need to say after all this time? m/m slashtastic smut ahead!
Rating: NC-17, what else
Dedication: my buddy, Mary, who is probably denying any involvement with this and if
she won’t accept, than to my rhyming dictionary for making this all possible.
A/N: Gods, I’ve done how many of these already? I’m getting old. Please forgive me if
it’s not quite up to par and lines that don’t quite rhyme, I only came up with this
night and this is hard!
Now, put on the Christmas music, brew up some hot chocolate (spiked, you want), and
place your mind firmly in the gutter because here’s:
‘Twas the Night Before Sex-mas VII
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the tavern,
Show signs of lessons unlearned.
In the corner is Sean Bergenheim,
Analyzing the room, taking his time.
Manny Fernandez leads away Tuuka Rask,
Deciding to take him to task.
Marty Turco goes into a private room with a saddle,
Brenden Morrow follows with a paddle.
In the shadows is sexual predator, Brad Isbister,
With his smile rather sinister.
Eric Lindros heads to the bar for another one,
He trips and hits his head- another concussion.
Ryan Miller, feeling neglected, sulks in a corner,
But flees at the sight of the sexual predator.
In a booth with Mariusz Czerkawski inside,
Talking with John Pohl on the other side.
Along come the brother Polak, Voitech and Roman,
Complaining about a dirty old man.
Twitching in his fur-trimmed suit, Patrick Roy- or patty Claus- glances around,
Believing someone’s talking about him, he goes back to his activities, the ol’ smut hound.
Peter Forsberg finally decides to arrive, asking for a beer,
But injuries his knee coming in- well, maybe next year.
Jeremy Roenick continues to talk about himself
As Patrick Roy asks Martin St. Louis to be his elf.
Eric Lindros slowly gets up from the floor,
But hits his head on the table, down once more.
Robert Esche goes off with Marc-Andre Fleury,
While Pavel Datsyuk is twitchy, fearing the KGB.
Mike Modano got married this year,
But that’s not going to stop him from spreading the holiday cheer.
Patty Claus goes around asking people to play reindeer games,
While Jarome Ignila chats up Rick Nash without any shame.
Brendan Shanahan is still in the doghouse with Steve Yzerman,
Hoping he can get Stevie to lift his lifetime ban,
Roman Hamrlik runs his hand up Arron Asham’s thigh, making his shiver,
Whispering in the part- Native American’s ear if he could see his quiver.
Chris Campoli leaves with Bruno Gervais; Chris is a little hesitant though,
Because Bruno’s trying to convince his fellow defender how sexy it would be to do it in the snow.
Andy Hilbert goes up to the bar, spotting a guy and deciding to try his luck,
But doesn’t know what to do when he learns the man’s name is Cal Clutterbuck.
Rick Dipietro explains the game to fellow goalie Wade Dubielwicz, who’s eyeing the door,
Listening to Ricky non-stop is an absolute boor.
Lindros manages this time to clear the table,
Only to be hit with Patty Claus’ toy bag, balanced rather unstable.
A chill hits the room and Isbister continues to prowl about,
They decide to find a better lock before next year to keep him out.
Lindros is hit again, another head shot,
This time by a bottle by Radek Bonk- concussion number what?
The mad Santa knockoff manages to find a decent chair,
Announcing he’s hearing request with certain flair.
Ilya Kovalchuk comes up with a glance at Johan Hedberg, who smiles back rather slick,
Sending another glance at Nicklas Lidstrom and Henrik Lundqvist, he asks for a Swedish Hat Trick.
Dubilewicz follows Bonk’s example and hits Dipietro in the head with a bottle,
Then runs out the door full throttle.
And Eric Lindros exclaimed as he stumbled out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good ni-“ *BONK *
(Eric Lindros falls down as another beer bottle hits him in the head)
~*~
A/N 2: well, not one of my best, but I was in a hurry to complete it before Christmas, so it was the best I could do, oh well. I still hope you all still enjoyed it. And for any Lindros fans out there, I remembered he just retired, so I figured, “ hey, why not?”
Now Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!