A little early morning musing...
Title: It's Too Late
Pairing: Matt Stajan/Kyle Wellwood (Toronto Maple Leafs) with mention of Matt Foy (Minnisota Wild) and Jason Spezza (Ottawa Senators)
Rating: PG 13 for... idk. That seemed like an appropriate rating.
Disclaimer: These boys are NOT mine. I want them to be. Lyrics are from Apologize by Timbaland.
Notes: Yes, this is a sad one. This fic has nothing to do with my Young Guns series. And even though this isn't the pr0n I said I would dedicate to her, I dedicate this fic to neekbreek ♥
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late.
Kyle's POV
I stood there, looking at him. He didn’t understand what this did to me. He didn’t understand that I had been hurt way too many times in the past. He didn’t understand that he hurt me too many times in the past. I had foolishly thought that things could change-that he could change. But no. No. They didn’t. He didn’t.
I was standing there. “It’s too late…” I said, not believing the words coming out of my lips. “This is 3 years too late, Matt…”
Matt stared at me. His bright blue eyes were shining right at me, and it was all that I could do not to cave again. I swear, those eyes had gotten me to do and say things I never thought possible… but no more. I couldn’t forgive him this time. There was no turning back, and he decided that himself. He wasn’t going to do this to me again.
The first time he had just kissed another guy at the bar. I could forgive that, and I did. I mean, we were both drunk, right? God knows I had had at least 8 shooters in half an hour, not counting the 3 beers I had the hour before. Matt had been drinking a little before I picked him up from his place, so I knew he had to be more drunk, and really-it could have happened to me just as easily as it happened to him. It hurt, yes, but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t move past.
Matt bit his lower lip, and moved towards me. “Baby… no…” he said, his baby blues piercing through me, like they could see into my soul. I stood my ground and didn’t budge, aiming my brown eyes into his blue ones.
We moved past that blip admirably. Some say we were more in love than ever. I couldn’t part from Matt, and didn’t want to. I knew he felt the same, and everything was amazing. It had been about a year since that bar incident, and Matty had been benched by Pat Quinn in Toronto--again--and we were off that weekend in St. John’s, so I decided to surprise him by making a trip to Toronto. It had been ages since I’d seen him, and to be honest, I was looking forward to seeing if the NHL had made Matt more… fit than before.
I made it down to the big city, and made the trip out to Mississauga to see him, but when I got to his house, Matt Foy walked out. We’re just friends, Kyle… don’t worry… he had told me. And it was true… they had been friends since their child hood, even Mrs. Stajan told me that. Something just didn’t set right with me with that… especially after the kissing incident. Matt was able to calm me down with his sweet promises that he they were just friends, and that he had been faithful… and honestly? I couldn’t say no to those eyes of his.
“No Matt. I can’t do this anymore…” I said, staring back into his eyes just as intensely as he was staring into mine. He started to protest.
“But Kyle… I love you… we can work this out….”
The whole Matt Foy thing was a non-issue. They were just friends, as most of Matty’s family had assured me, and I believed them. Things were right again. I had joined the big team. The boys here were just as amazing as Matt had described! I was playing side by side with the love of my life, and we were producing numbers. Well, I was… and Matt-though much better than his previous season-wasn’t doing as well. By now he had his own condo downtown, and most nights he came home grumpy. I tried my best to calm him down, but I guess it didn’t help that I was regarded as the better player.
One night, Matty knew that I was coming over, and I guess I had gotten back before he did. When this happened, Matt usually left a note on the fridge or something telling me he’d be late. This time, all I saw in the kitchen was some empty beer bottles, and an empty message board on the fridge. I waited most of the night on his couch, waiting for him to come home. At around 2 am, Matt walked in the door, piss drunk, arm in arm with another man. He saw me and startled. Kyle… he just helped me home… I was drunk… couldn’t drive…, he said. I bit my lip. He was helping him home, right? Matt was clearly drunk out of his senses, and couldn’t drive-that was dangerous. And he knew that I was going to be there… we talked about it the other day, so of course he wouldn’t do anything so foolish as to bring home another man. Kyle, I love you… I’d never hurt you that way, baby… You’re the love of my life, I never want to lose you… You’re the most important person in my life…. It was nothing really. The main thing was that he made it home safe, and would never leave my arms again.
I stepped backwards a little. “No, Matt. We can’t work this out. It’s beyond repair…”
Matt started to move towards me and grabbed my shoulders. “No… Kyle, no… I love you. I didn’t mean to… I was drunk…”
Drunk. That was what he always said. Drunk was what he said yesterday when I caught him. Ottawa was in town, and we had just won. The boys and I went out drinking to celebrate, and Matt came along too. It was a great time, but Matt had been somewhat distant from me. He had been for awhile… it was like, outside of sex, he didn’t need me anymore… Sure, in front of the guys, he would obligatorily put his hand around my waist, or buy me a drink, but he didn’t really talk to me. I should have known that something like this was going to happen, but I was too naïve, and honestly thought that things would be better.
Close to last call, a couple of the boys wanted to call it a night, and I joined them, asking Matt if he wanted to come along, and of course he said no. Shrugging it off, I went back to the hotel with the rest of the team, and went to my room. I wasn’t Matty’s roomie on the road, but sometimes Steener and I would trade so that we could have our privacy. I eventually drifted to sleep, and at 3 am there was a knock at my door. I went to answer it, and it was Steener. Dude, can I crash here…? he said groggily. Startled, I nodded, and he went right in and passed out. Why the hell would he want to sleep in my room? I would have asked him, but he had drank way more than I did, and passed out on my bed.
“That’s what you always say…” I said, shoving him off me. “’Oh Kyle! I was drunk!’ That’s no longer an excuse… it never was, but you always found a way for me to come around, didn’t you?”
“I… I love you… doesn’t that mean anything to you?” he said, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew that I couldn’t stand the sight of him crying.
“Yes it means something to me, Matthew, but I can’t keep using that as an excuse to let you hurt me anymore…” I said, inching my way towards the door.
“I promise I won’t hurt you anymore… I swear to you, Kyle…”
After throwing on some pants, I made my way down to Matt’s room. I would have knocked, but the door was slightly ajar. I opened the door and walked in, and there was Matt. Not kissing a man at the bar. Not with a child hood friend. Not arm in arm with a good Samaritan. It was just Matt and Jason Spezza, going at it like two horny teenagers. They didn’t even notice me at first, I just stood there in the door frame. But as soon as Jason had opened his eyes, he took one hand off Matt’s back to point at me. The tears were already flowing down my cheeks and the words were caught in my throat. All those years of doubts and close calls….all those years of love and good times… he put them all on the line. I couldn’t excuse this one. I couldn’t excuse him having sex with another man. Being drunk was not an excuse. Not an excuse to break my heart. There was nothing he could say or do to make this better. There was nothing he could do to make us better.
“No, Matt… you won’t hurt me anymore. I want you out.”
He just stood there, his mouth gaping. “You can’t possibly mean that, Kyle! We’ve been through too much together to let this one little thing destroy us!”
“This one little thing?!” I exclaimed. “You slept with another man, Matt! And you have the fucking nerve to say that it was a little thing?!”
“It wasn’t a little thing… but I want to make it right! I want us to go back to what we were!”
“There is no us, anymore, Matt. You decided that already.” I said, opening the door. He walked towards me.
“No. I’m not leaving!” He leaned in and kissed me softly. “Are you really going to let me go…?”
I pushed him away from me with one hand. “You let me go a long time ago.” I motioned one of my hands, telling him to leave.
Hanging his head, he made his way out the door, and I went to close it, but before I could, he spoke one last time.
“I love you…”
Shutting the door, I slinked down and started bawling. It was too late. It really was.
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
I'm sorry like an angel
heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize
Pairing: Matt Stajan/Kyle Wellwood (Toronto Maple Leafs) with mention of Matt Foy (Minnisota Wild) and Jason Spezza (Ottawa Senators)
Rating: PG 13 for... idk. That seemed like an appropriate rating.
Disclaimer: These boys are NOT mine. I want them to be. Lyrics are from Apologize by Timbaland.
Notes: Yes, this is a sad one. This fic has nothing to do with my Young Guns series. And even though this isn't the pr0n I said I would dedicate to her, I dedicate this fic to neekbreek ♥
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late.
Kyle's POV
I stood there, looking at him. He didn’t understand what this did to me. He didn’t understand that I had been hurt way too many times in the past. He didn’t understand that he hurt me too many times in the past. I had foolishly thought that things could change-that he could change. But no. No. They didn’t. He didn’t.
I was standing there. “It’s too late…” I said, not believing the words coming out of my lips. “This is 3 years too late, Matt…”
Matt stared at me. His bright blue eyes were shining right at me, and it was all that I could do not to cave again. I swear, those eyes had gotten me to do and say things I never thought possible… but no more. I couldn’t forgive him this time. There was no turning back, and he decided that himself. He wasn’t going to do this to me again.
The first time he had just kissed another guy at the bar. I could forgive that, and I did. I mean, we were both drunk, right? God knows I had had at least 8 shooters in half an hour, not counting the 3 beers I had the hour before. Matt had been drinking a little before I picked him up from his place, so I knew he had to be more drunk, and really-it could have happened to me just as easily as it happened to him. It hurt, yes, but it wasn’t anything we couldn’t move past.
Matt bit his lower lip, and moved towards me. “Baby… no…” he said, his baby blues piercing through me, like they could see into my soul. I stood my ground and didn’t budge, aiming my brown eyes into his blue ones.
We moved past that blip admirably. Some say we were more in love than ever. I couldn’t part from Matt, and didn’t want to. I knew he felt the same, and everything was amazing. It had been about a year since that bar incident, and Matty had been benched by Pat Quinn in Toronto--again--and we were off that weekend in St. John’s, so I decided to surprise him by making a trip to Toronto. It had been ages since I’d seen him, and to be honest, I was looking forward to seeing if the NHL had made Matt more… fit than before.
I made it down to the big city, and made the trip out to Mississauga to see him, but when I got to his house, Matt Foy walked out. We’re just friends, Kyle… don’t worry… he had told me. And it was true… they had been friends since their child hood, even Mrs. Stajan told me that. Something just didn’t set right with me with that… especially after the kissing incident. Matt was able to calm me down with his sweet promises that he they were just friends, and that he had been faithful… and honestly? I couldn’t say no to those eyes of his.
“No Matt. I can’t do this anymore…” I said, staring back into his eyes just as intensely as he was staring into mine. He started to protest.
“But Kyle… I love you… we can work this out….”
The whole Matt Foy thing was a non-issue. They were just friends, as most of Matty’s family had assured me, and I believed them. Things were right again. I had joined the big team. The boys here were just as amazing as Matt had described! I was playing side by side with the love of my life, and we were producing numbers. Well, I was… and Matt-though much better than his previous season-wasn’t doing as well. By now he had his own condo downtown, and most nights he came home grumpy. I tried my best to calm him down, but I guess it didn’t help that I was regarded as the better player.
One night, Matty knew that I was coming over, and I guess I had gotten back before he did. When this happened, Matt usually left a note on the fridge or something telling me he’d be late. This time, all I saw in the kitchen was some empty beer bottles, and an empty message board on the fridge. I waited most of the night on his couch, waiting for him to come home. At around 2 am, Matt walked in the door, piss drunk, arm in arm with another man. He saw me and startled. Kyle… he just helped me home… I was drunk… couldn’t drive…, he said. I bit my lip. He was helping him home, right? Matt was clearly drunk out of his senses, and couldn’t drive-that was dangerous. And he knew that I was going to be there… we talked about it the other day, so of course he wouldn’t do anything so foolish as to bring home another man. Kyle, I love you… I’d never hurt you that way, baby… You’re the love of my life, I never want to lose you… You’re the most important person in my life…. It was nothing really. The main thing was that he made it home safe, and would never leave my arms again.
I stepped backwards a little. “No, Matt. We can’t work this out. It’s beyond repair…”
Matt started to move towards me and grabbed my shoulders. “No… Kyle, no… I love you. I didn’t mean to… I was drunk…”
Drunk. That was what he always said. Drunk was what he said yesterday when I caught him. Ottawa was in town, and we had just won. The boys and I went out drinking to celebrate, and Matt came along too. It was a great time, but Matt had been somewhat distant from me. He had been for awhile… it was like, outside of sex, he didn’t need me anymore… Sure, in front of the guys, he would obligatorily put his hand around my waist, or buy me a drink, but he didn’t really talk to me. I should have known that something like this was going to happen, but I was too naïve, and honestly thought that things would be better.
Close to last call, a couple of the boys wanted to call it a night, and I joined them, asking Matt if he wanted to come along, and of course he said no. Shrugging it off, I went back to the hotel with the rest of the team, and went to my room. I wasn’t Matty’s roomie on the road, but sometimes Steener and I would trade so that we could have our privacy. I eventually drifted to sleep, and at 3 am there was a knock at my door. I went to answer it, and it was Steener. Dude, can I crash here…? he said groggily. Startled, I nodded, and he went right in and passed out. Why the hell would he want to sleep in my room? I would have asked him, but he had drank way more than I did, and passed out on my bed.
“That’s what you always say…” I said, shoving him off me. “’Oh Kyle! I was drunk!’ That’s no longer an excuse… it never was, but you always found a way for me to come around, didn’t you?”
“I… I love you… doesn’t that mean anything to you?” he said, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew that I couldn’t stand the sight of him crying.
“Yes it means something to me, Matthew, but I can’t keep using that as an excuse to let you hurt me anymore…” I said, inching my way towards the door.
“I promise I won’t hurt you anymore… I swear to you, Kyle…”
After throwing on some pants, I made my way down to Matt’s room. I would have knocked, but the door was slightly ajar. I opened the door and walked in, and there was Matt. Not kissing a man at the bar. Not with a child hood friend. Not arm in arm with a good Samaritan. It was just Matt and Jason Spezza, going at it like two horny teenagers. They didn’t even notice me at first, I just stood there in the door frame. But as soon as Jason had opened his eyes, he took one hand off Matt’s back to point at me. The tears were already flowing down my cheeks and the words were caught in my throat. All those years of doubts and close calls….all those years of love and good times… he put them all on the line. I couldn’t excuse this one. I couldn’t excuse him having sex with another man. Being drunk was not an excuse. Not an excuse to break my heart. There was nothing he could say or do to make this better. There was nothing he could do to make us better.
“No, Matt… you won’t hurt me anymore. I want you out.”
He just stood there, his mouth gaping. “You can’t possibly mean that, Kyle! We’ve been through too much together to let this one little thing destroy us!”
“This one little thing?!” I exclaimed. “You slept with another man, Matt! And you have the fucking nerve to say that it was a little thing?!”
“It wasn’t a little thing… but I want to make it right! I want us to go back to what we were!”
“There is no us, anymore, Matt. You decided that already.” I said, opening the door. He walked towards me.
“No. I’m not leaving!” He leaned in and kissed me softly. “Are you really going to let me go…?”
I pushed him away from me with one hand. “You let me go a long time ago.” I motioned one of my hands, telling him to leave.
Hanging his head, he made his way out the door, and I went to close it, but before I could, he spoke one last time.
“I love you…”
Shutting the door, I slinked down and started bawling. It was too late. It really was.
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
I'm sorry like an angel
heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize