(no subject)
Title: You Are My Signal Fire (Part 31)
Characters: Andrew Raycroft / Ian White, appearances by Matt Stajan and Kyle Wellwood
Word Count: 2719
Rating: PG-13ish, swearing
Setting: Toronto, Ontario
Disclaimer: I don’t own these players, nor do I know their sexual preferences. The whole thing is a work of my imagination. The title is part of the lyrics from snow patrol’s song ‘Signal Fire’.
Andy’s POV
The car ride home was stressful, my head swimming with thoughts. Equal parts thinking about what had just happened in the closet and thinking about Ian’s reaction to said closet-interactions. Oh god, he was going to hate me and I couldn’t live with that. For someone who really didn’t do the whole relationship thing, I certainly had gotten attached to the idea of him being there. The fact that he was always there when I got home used to bother me, but now I looked forward to it.
I’d actually gotten used to sleeping on one side of my bed and even when he spent the night at his house, I stayed there wishing there was his warm body beside mine. Fuck, I’m such an idiot. Pulling into my parking space I was relieved to see that he hadn’t beaten me home. I made my way upstairs, changed into my pyjamas and jumped into bed. I’d barely been lying there for 10 minutes when the door opened.
The sound of rustling grocery bags and the fridge opening ventured into my room from the kitchen and I felt suddenly tense. Just breathe, its fine. Shit, I should have had a shower. I should have- “Hey babe, you feeling any better?”
I looked up at him from the bed as he sat on the edge and kissed me on the forehead. He was way too nice to me, I felt the same kind of sinking sensation I had after we realised we were out of the playoffs. “A little.”
“Good,” he smiled at me, getting up and walking into the kitchen still talking as he went. “I went to the store and bought a bunch of stuff for later, I picked you up some tea from Timmy’s and some chicken noodle soup…it’s lame I know, but it always makes me feel better and I just thought well yeah…I think I did really well in practice today, at least the trainers seemed to be really pleased with me and…”
I just sat back and shook my head, smiling at how much Ian had turned into a chatter box. He seemed so quiet when I had first met him, but now…fuck, you couldn’t shut the boy up some days. He came back into my room chattering away still with a tray of soup and tea and put it on my lap. He then crawled onto his side of the bed and flicked on the television, exhausted from his work out he could barely keep his eyes open.
It was only 3 in the afternoon, but I shut off the lights and displaced my tray pulling up the covers over the now sleeping Ian. I threw an arm over him, pulling myself close and closed my eyes, trying to go to sleep and not think about the fact that this could be the last time we would be like this if he found out about Patrice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I was woken up to the light touch of someone pushing my hair out of my eyes, “Time to wake up Andy, or we’ll sleep the whole day away.”
I groaned, swatting the hand away and pulling the covers up over my head, “Don’t care.”
He laughed at me and pulled down the covers, “I’ll make it worth your while.”
Eyes still closed I was now aware of two hands on my stomach, sliding down to my pyjama pants that were slowly being pulled down. For a minute, I almost forgot about what happened in the morning, but when I did remember I wasn’t fast enough. My eyes snapped open just in time to catch the glare I was getting from Ian.
“And what the hell are those?” his voice was a low growl, it was dangerous, like that of a wounded animal as he pointed at the bruises on my thighs from where Patrice had been holding on to me.
“Uh…it’s not what you think.” I pulled up my pants hurriedly, trying to hide the evidence of my infidelity. I winced even as I heard it, but I couldn’t help it, it was just the first thing that came to mind.
“Not what I think? How do you even know what I’m thinking?” he looked away from me, apparently disgusted, “I knew when he showed up here…”
“No! That’s not fair, he trapped me. I was just taking back his cell phone and he locked me in the closet and there was nothing I could do about it.”
“So what he raped you? Yeah, I’m sure you put up a huge fight.” His voice was shaking with rage as were his hands. Ian got off the bed and stalked off into the living room, grabbing his coat off the chair as he went.
“Fuck…just wait!” I jumped off the bed, running after him, “Please! I need you to understand…”
“No really it’s fine.”
“I’m so s-, what?!” I don’t think I could have been more shocked then at that moment.
His voice was unnaturally calm, and it was extremely unnerving, “We’re even now right? I had my thing with Dan and you’re getting back at me for it. I guess I should have seen it coming. But if it’s something more then that you better let me know right now, cause I don’t wait around for anyone.”
“No, no I didn’t want to…”
“Oh fuck right off Andrew. I can deal with the truth but don’t lie to me!” He turned on his heel and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ian’s POV
Kyle was the first person I called, I had to vent to someone and he was usually a pretty good listener…when he wasn’t trying to make light of everything. So he told me to meet him at some bar I’d never been to before and said that he and Matt would find some way to cheer me up. Well we’ll see.
Something about the name of this place seemed kind of shifty and I could see why when I pulled into the parking lot. He’d asked me to go to a strip club. They couldn’t be serious! I was about to turn my car back on and head back to my place when there was a knock on my window. A smiling Kyle and Matt were what greeted me when I looked up, “No.” I said firmly, but they just nodded at me grinning those stupid smiles of theirs and signalling me to get out of the car.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“This is ridiculous.”
“It’s a bar. And there’s alcohol at bars. Thus the appeal.” Kyle reasoned.
“And the topless girls dancing around, which really doesn’t appeal to any of us?”
“Well I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.” Kyle said tucking a five into some girl’s garter belt, as Matt laughed at the whole thing.
“Ooo, let’s buy him a lap dance!” Matt said enthusiastically.
Now it was my turn to laugh, “No…I don’t think so.”
“Oh come on it will be fun. Just picture her as being…well muscular and with stubble.”
“Oh very attractive.”
“You know what I mean. I bet you if Sidney Crosby offered to give you a lap dance you wouldn’t turn it down.”
“I don’t know he’s a little young don’t you think? A bit lacking in experience.” This kind of light hearted banter was exactly what I had needed and it was definitely making me feel better. The girls seemed to paying us a lot of attention. I suppose we were much better looking then the usual drunks and lurkers that came in to goggle them.
“Oh that’s right. I forgot you like the older guys.” Kyle winked at me, but I couldn’t hear what he had said over the Motley Crue song blaring in my ear from the stage.
Matt was an easy target for their attentions with his blonde hair and blue eyes, and one in particular seemed to be trying to catch his attention. She walked by and ran her fingers along the popped collar of his polo shirt, leaning in close to ask him if he wanted a drink before departing to the bar with our drink order.
“I wouldn’t mind if Crosby gave me a lapdance. I think I’d definitely tap that.” Matt piped up, taking a last swig of his drink and watching the girls do unnatural things with their spines against the pole, “Geez…I think they could give some of the goalies in our league a run for their money eh?”
My face sank immediately at the thought of my goalie…and his ex-boyfriend/team mate getting it on in a closet. Kyle shot him a warning glance, before muttering angrily, “Way to go dipshit.”
“What? Oh…sorry Ian. I’m an insensitive tool.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the automated response even though I was upset, “Wow…I see who wears the pants in your relationship.”
Matt turned and glared at me as Kyle laughed, “He just doesn’t have the same kind of will power I have when it comes to withholding sex…it’s a great weapon really.” He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him from behind. It was a natural thing for them now and they didn’t seem to really care if anyone saw them. I was a little jealous…Andrew wasn’t quite so open about everything when we were out in public. I knew his reasons, and my reasons were similar, but it would have still been nice to be with him like I want to be with him at any time.
Kyle succeeded in getting one of the girls’ attentions and bought me a lapdance, saying that I’d just broke up with my “girlfriend” and that I needed to be cheered up. Nice Kyle. Really nice. It was…different to say the least. She seemed uh…enthusiastic? She kept looking at me expectantly to which I would force a smile on to my face. I should be enjoying this right? Maybe if I wasn’t thinking about my boyfriend it would be easier to sit back and amuse myself.
Kyle was laughing hysterically on Matt’s shoulder as the two of them watched my uncomfortable face. Okay, so I guess it was pretty funny…maybe. Assholes. The night went on and we had a pretty good time, lots of shots were had and Kyle almost got in a fight with the waitress that had been making eyes at Matt because she had offered to give him a private “lapdance”.
Finally we left making our way to the street to get a cab, Kyle was still fuming, “I can’t fucking believe her.”
Matt thought the whole thing was hilarious, “Well can you blame her? I mean look at me.”
I rolled my eyes at Matt, “Mister Modest over here.”
Kyle grinned at him, “Well he’s right…unfortunately. I expect that won’t be the last fight I get in over him.”
“And I love you for it. You’re so cute when you’re angry.” Matt pulled him in, placing a sloppy kiss on his lips in his drunken state. It didn’t take long for things to escalate from there, and I was starting to feel like I was watching something I shouldn’t. I hailed a cab and shoved them into it, Kyle yelled a hurried goodbye over his shoulder before the door closed and the cab whizzed off, making for one uncomfortable cab driver I’m sure. I felt like I’d seen this somewhere before.
Faced with the prospect of going back to an empty apartment on my own I decided to go drink some more. So I got in my car (I probably shouldn’t have) and drove to another bar, a little closer to home.
Andy’s POV
I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, but unlike my afternoon nap I didn’t have what I needed. He wasn’t there beside me, in fact, he’d probably never again be beside me. But I had a faint hope from what he said before he left. How we were “even”. I hoped that he meant it, it was definitely still a huge mistake. But one thing is for certain in that he was wrong in saying I didn’t know what he was thinking. I had experience in the getting-cheated-on department, and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I’m still mad with myself for hurting him like that, but it wasn’t going to change anything. What’s done is done and we need to move along with our lives.
I made an important decision sitting there alone in my bed, dwelling on my own thoughts with the lights off. I decided that I’d tell him the next time I saw him before I could change my mind and back out. Tell him what I really thought and beg him to take me back because really…I was nothing without him. Before I could think anymore about it I heard my front door open and then a loud bang as someone tripped over something in the living room. I ran into the living room and turned on the light to find Ian lying face down on the floor, one of the chairs toppled over and lying beside his feet.
“Oh god! Are you okay?” I lifted him up onto his feet, he reeked so badly of vodka that it seemed like someone poured a whole bottle on him. That’s when I noticed his keys in his hand, and my eyes narrowed, “Did you drive home?”
“Maybe.” He slurred, eyes unfocused as he wobbled slightly on the spot.
“What the hell is the matter with you?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Or kill someone else? Why didn’t you call me to come pick you up!?”
“How could I? You were probably here sucking off your boyfriend!”
“How could I do that when he’s off getting drunk and driving home like an idiot!”
“I meant that douche-bag Patrice! I’m sure he was glad to hear that we weren’t together anymore. How long did it take him to move in here with you? 10 minutes? Did you wait for my car to be out of sight?”
“You’re being ridiculous!”
“Am I?! Am I really?” his eyes were starting to tear up now in his anger and frustration.
“Ian…please…”
“Please what?” He turned away from me, his shoulder shaking slightly as he tried to suppress his sobs, “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, I understand. But tell me! Don’t string me along just to have someone around for your next fuck.”
“I want you to move in with me.” I said calmly, surprised by my own bluntness.
“I…what?!”
“I said I want you to move in with me. I’ve been thinking about it and you spend so much time here anyways. It seems like a waste of money for you to have your own place. Besides, I might not be such a dumbass if you’re here to er…keep me occupied.”
“You are serious!”
I laughed nervously, “Shut up, or I might change my mind.”
“Why are we moving into your place?”
“Cause your apartment sucks?” I offered
“Oh yeah. You’re right.” He grinned sheepishly at me, scratching his head.
I took the opportunity to move in pulling him in close to me and kissing him…hard. I wanted to let him know just how much I really needed him and I hoped it was showing through. His vodka soaked lips were a little sloppy in their return, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. We separated and he smiled weakly up at me, maybe still unsure about us, “So? What do you say? Want to give me another shot?”
He considered me for a moment, looking me right in the eyes, “Like I said…we’re even. Just don’t tip the scale again…and I’ll try my best to keep it in my pants too.”
“Good. Now go take a shower…I could get drunk off of smelling you.”
He laughed as he stumbled slightly off in the direction of my bedroom, he tripped again on the edge of the couch and I jumped forward grabbing on to the back of his shirt in time to stop him smacking his head on the table.
“On second thought, maybe I should help you.”
“Mmm, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”