Title: Too Close To Love You
Pairing: Henrik Lundqvist/Sean Avery
Rating: PG - 13 (language)
Disclaimer: I own none of the people mentioned in this story. This is written for entertainment purposes, pure fiction, I don't earn any money from it.
Summary: The reason to all of Sean's problems this season.
Author's Note: Title shamelessly stolen from Alex Clare's song "Too Close". I couldn't write any depressing Sasha (Alex Semin) fics, so I decided to write a depressing Sean Avery fic instead. Sorry, I'm just feeling a bit down.
"Why Sean? Why?" Hank whispered, his throat sore from all the yelling.
"I have my reasons, you know that Henke," Sean tried to reason with Hank.
His voice was sore as well. They just had had another one of their huge arguments, however, this one was not pointless. Sean had confessed to Hank that he was planning to retire from hockey.
Sean extended his hand to wipe the tears that were sliding down Hank's face, but Hank flinched back as if he was repelled by Sean.
"Don't," Hank threatened, his voice turning cold, his face hard, blocking all emotions from revealing themselves. "Don't you fucking dare touch me Sean. This is too much. You've crossed the line this time. Why can't you tell me your reasons, huh? Are your reasons really more important to you than me? Have I done nothing at all for you these past few years? Do I mean nothing to you? Is that it? You don't care about me, do you? You are a selfish bastard and that's what you'll always be. If you want to here it, then here you go: yes, this is it. We're breaking up. Don't fucking come back begging for another chance then."
Sean took a gulp of air, regrouping himself. Hank's words stung him. It wasn't that he didn't care, or that Hank meant nothing to him. Hank meant everything to him. He just needed some time to think this through.
"Let me at least explain this Henke?" Sean sighed.
"Yes, please do, would you Sean?" Hank replied, glaring at Sean.
"I'm not good enough for you. I'm not good for you. You need better people than me surrounding you if you really do want to exceed, and I know you do. I love hockey, and I don't want to leave it. Trust me, I'd rather not, but I have no other choice. I don't want to take you down this road with me, I want what's the best for you. You can do much better than me, I know you can. You've done a lot for me, and I am thankful for that. But I just can't return all the favors, and I don't deserve all of this. All of what you've given me. Your love. I don't want to hurt you, I would never do that. I need to leave hockey, I need to move on. No team wants me for God's sake. I went down to the fucking AHL and got benched! I can't lie to others anymore. I can't lie to myself anymore. We're going different directions. I don't want to stop you from achieving all that you can. I have to leave, I'm sorry," Sean explained. It felt better getting it all of his chest.
Hank's face softened, his arms pulled Sean in for a hug. That was it, Sean broke down. Sobs wrecked his body, his tears wetting Hank's shirt. Rubbing his hands in circles along Sean's back, Hank consoled him until Sean feel asleep. His body drained from all the fighting.
Hank gently carried and placed Sean's limp body on their bed and went to the kitchen. He made some coffee for himself, then sat down with a mug, deep in thought.
Sipping the hot coffee, Hank wondered about what Sean had just said. He had said it so earnestly that Hank knew it was the truth. Sean wasn't one to express himself very openly, so Hank knew that it would have taken a lot of courage for Sean to say what he had said. To pour out the whole truth. Truth was, Hank knew what Sean had said was correct. Other people, other teammates told him that he deserved better than Sean all the time. But Hank loved Sean, he couldn't let him go. Until now. Until he heard those words being uttered from Sean's mouth itself.
-x-