virgin whore hockey player, on the wire between will and what will be
title: Miracles in Hockey
involves: Tom Barrasso/Ron Francis
part: Brass Bonanza (II): you work all your life for that moment in time; it could come or...
rated: NC-17
time: ~February 19, 1984 (It may be getting after midnight by now...)
notes: The title is from Tommy's own mouth, in this video where the Hurricanes asked Americans about the effect of ( Read more... )
involves: Tom Barrasso/Ron Francis
part: Brass Bonanza (II): you work all your life for that moment in time; it could come or...
rated: NC-17
time: ~February 19, 1984 (It may be getting after midnight by now...)
notes: The title is from Tommy's own mouth, in this video where the Hurricanes asked Americans about the effect of ( Read more... )
The narrative voice is just so unique, and really engaging. There are moments where you can just tell there's feeling behind it, and so much that's going on, because they're fully-realized characters.
"I like them."
"Get to know me better."
Aww. Sorry, had to be an enormous girl about that, so very sweet. This really nicely foreshadows some of what goes on later, when Barrasso is desperate, confused and unsure. I think that you presented that really successfully; the last chapter set up this very particular and demanding scenario, and I thought, "well, of course, it's not like Tom Barrasso could be awkward or bad at anything" and you just upended that expectation. Of course, it's sudden and strange, and mostly, I have no words for how wonderful Francis is (except asdfghjkl' best) and will just have to sigh delightedly.
Someone who cares, who will never forget about you and never, ever, abandon you.
Time to overshare! This nearly made me cry. Of course, since I like that, I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter, and hoping that this tension gets spun into something awesome, and very probably heartbreaking.
uh, this is like, the worst comment ever, sorry! I really really liked the story, is the point.
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(apparently doing it with hockey pucks would have been too easy.) Like 'em or not, there's power.
How do you know what goes on later??? XD Did you hack my computer???? Oh wait, who's the protagonist here. Oh, wait, in this part of the story...
it's not like Tom Barrasso could be awkward or bad at anything
...THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE OTHER PEOPLE! XD
I love Ronnie Francis, you love Ronnie Francis, the whole universe loves Ronnie Francis with the exception of a certain former Hartford coach... Tommy loves vowing not to lower his ridiculously high standards! ;)
Someone who cares, who will never forget about you and never, ever, abandon you.
That was a relatively recent addition, so I'm glad the honesty of it beat the sap... (but based on a spiel of Tommy's about goalie abandonment on the ice and Jacques Plante's quote "A goalie has no friends. Good night.") (Me = "omg, that's why he fell in love with Ronnie - BACKCHECKING!!") I'm glad you were so emotionally touched (and are enjoying the story, hey!).
Next part's not finished, but not far from finished.
F "worst comment ever", after waiting 12 hours for it to be posted and another ~15 for somebody to comment, I think it was life-saving and author-revivifying! (thanks.)
So do I detect you have followed the Pens/Whalercanes? :)
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The honesty totally beats the sap, not that I can be objective about this or anything. It's intrinsic to the position, and always slightly sad; you've expressed that really well, on top of everything else about Barrasso. (And that's as much as I'm going to try and explain it, gosh. How you keep putting words to this, I have no idea; I get frustrated even trying to write coherent comments, obviously :D)
"omg, that's why he fell in love with Ronnie - BACKCHECKING!
ahahaha, yes.
but not far from finished.
I am eagerly awaiting it! And I will try very hard to provide more useful and prompt feedback next time, honestly. Seriously, so looking forward to it, and so excited, already.
Whalercanes, if given those options. Mostly the Canes, actually, but I am learning, if I have to keep up with this story, right?
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It's at least helpful if I know what I'm doing.
I have faith in your coherence. ;)
Bribes you with this picture of impossibility.
Oh, and I wouldn't worry about the breakup too much. ;D You see where they are today. Not without ohsomuchdrama in the interval.
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"you keep putting words to this"
"This" is merely a convenient signifier for "Tom Barrasso," in that particular sentence, because at some point, I had to give up and retreat to pronouns. Of course, that's not the only thing that's special about the story, and I think there's more useful evaluation to be done :)
To start with, I think that this story is really effective, especially in portraying an indecisive and somewhat unsure mood, about which more later, but I want to be really clear on that, yay story!
The dynamic between those two central features, Tom's voice and the movement of the plot, is interestingly explored in the style you've chosen here; obviously, they're closely related, but there's space between them, in that, well, "unreliable" is perhaps not exactly the right word, but that's the best I can come up with. It is Tom Barrasso after all, if he wasn't troublesome, even in fiction, we wouldn't know what was going on.
This division of narrative voice and what is actually happening more evident in this chapter than the last one, because the way that the plot traces some of the same concerns, mainly Tom's inexperience, both sexually and interpersonally, but also the way that Ronnie is so careful, and somehow avoids disaster. (At least, for now.) (additionally, and not-that-relevantly, I should probably not be emphasizing that difference of freakish and competent, because it's sort of dumb, and doesn't express the depth of feeling or of total disaster, when the drama hits but it works for me, right now.)
You've really *got* the peculiar set of traits that make up a suitable narrative voice for Tom: cockiness, an undercurrent of uncertainty, almost mercurial shifts between the two, and a number of other, perfectly in-character things. That's really engaging, but I think that the story's appeal, for me, rests partly in what's not captured by that, what Tom doesn't quite notice. Like this line of Ronnie's, "Everything goes hard with you, huh, Barrasso? Not everything's hard." Yes, of course, it's funny and the kind of thing that young guys say, but it signals that there might be something else he's trying to say. That "something else" is, I think, what draws Ronnie in, and because there is some difference in what's explained, and explored in Tom's narrative, and what's actually going on, it's such a total cliffhanger, and makes them both much more appealing, and richer characters. (This mostly seems to be an overview of why I adore Ronnie Francis, oh well.)
Hmm, that's what I have for now that's specifically (almost? nearly?) related to your comment. I'd like to volunteer that there are lots of other awesome things in this story, and I hope that those get to shine through as well, in the next chapter.
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In the meantime, being a Canes fan, have you ever noticed Tripp Tracy and his hilariously masochistic transparently closetedRL crush on ol'Tommy?
I just keep needing to find people to appreciate this... It's tremendous. Do a search for "tracy" to get #2 and #3, that's all of it... I figure this can keep you entertained between chapters. :D
All I can think of is the appropriate Barrasso retort at some point: You want to fuck me, or you want to *be* me, Emmet? Which is it? Do you even know??
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Ahaha, oh Tripp, when will you learn? Always entertaining, especially for the wacky personal space dynamics. I assumed that you were a Sabres fan, but watching the Canes clips, well, that's not something to be undertaken lightly, and I'm pleased to know that I'm not the only one. Uh, that was an awkward way of asking about your team?
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Pens fan, actually. :D
(You never forget your first Stanley Cups. :P)
I just had to start from the beginning.
...How did you notice Tommy, anyway? I still didn't think he was that loquacious down in Raleigh... ;D
In Pittsburgh he remains under the cone of silence (and needs to grow up and let himself be inducted into the Pens' HOF, already. Remains to be seen if Ronnie his fellow theoretical inductee can cajole...9_9)
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Not maybe that loquacious, but there's not *that* much competition! Honestly, I don't remember how, but it certainly happened, and now that you've started posting this, I will have to keep up.
Oh my, that picture is great! Totally saving it right away, and mulling over this whole concept of Barrasso growing up, :D
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I'll probably have to start using these -- at some point...
(And these..)
It's not that, just that Tommy's been about 2000 years old ever since he was born, and life and spirit haven't helped him to "grow down" much.
But apparently perfectly normal, accepted, and admired within the geographical limits of Greater Raleigh. (No one knows or cares who he is, that's the fun part for him there.)
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