(no subject)
What is it about life that is so depressing? Why am I such an emotional mess? Why does it seem that the entire earthly existence is always in a state of chaos? Why are people burning down buildings over a few cartoons? Why is it 4:46 AM and I can't sleep? Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head? Why am I typing it in a silly internet blog? What good does this do? Why is everything so messed up? Why can't everything just be okay? Or at least bearable?
I can't stop thinking about everything thats wrong with life. My life in particular, but life in general as well. And I can't get over this awful feeling that nothing can be done about any of it.
I find myself often wondering when I'm watching the news, how can a person/people do such horrifying things? But then, why am I any different? If I were in the same situation would I be capable of commiting the same atrocities? There's no reason why not. I mean, I'm no better than anyone else. I'm no stronger willed, no more self-disciplined than anyone. I mean, when your around death so often, when you live in a war torn country and you aware that your own death may come at any moment, your tolerance of such things builds, and suddenly, killing just doesn't seem all that bad anymore, does it?
My reason for sticking out, my motivation for success used to lie in the hope that someday I might find myself in love. Hah, love. Such a fickle emotion. I've thought I was in love numerous times. Turns out, I have no idea what love is. Why am I holding on to something of which I know nothing about? Of which I will never understand or even experience? Maybe there really is no one out there for me.
Sometimes I am so very jealous of those who have religion. Those who really have a grasp on their beliefs. They seem to be content, you know? They seem to know why they do what they do. Have a purpose. As much as I want this, I know that I will never be able to accept any set of religious beliefs. As open-minded as I like to think I am, I just feel that i am not equiped to have faith, to believe in anything that is not solid and earthly. And as much good that religion does for humanity, it's also the cause of so many of the world's problems.
I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I just feel so alone. Feel like no one understands my inner turmoil, no one feels the same burning in my chest. This desire to fix everything, but knowing that I can't fix anything. And the one person who I thought could empathize isn't nearly as understanding as I had hoped. He's incapable of providing me the comforts I yearn for. So what hope is there? For this world? For me? For anyone?
Living in America, I think we often lose sight of the constant uncertainty and struggle that life entails. But what does it all boil down to? The biological drive to ensure the success of our bloodline? The need to keep our own DNA replicating and alive? I read a story once about how our bodies are just encasings for these little creatures that simply want to replicate. And all of human history and human struggles are just a result of these creatures wanting to replicate. In a way, this little theory is very true. What else would drive us?
Yeah, I know...too much thinking. This is what happens when I am awake at this time of night. Sorry about how depressing this post is. I promise the next one will be cheery.
I can't stop thinking about everything thats wrong with life. My life in particular, but life in general as well. And I can't get over this awful feeling that nothing can be done about any of it.
I find myself often wondering when I'm watching the news, how can a person/people do such horrifying things? But then, why am I any different? If I were in the same situation would I be capable of commiting the same atrocities? There's no reason why not. I mean, I'm no better than anyone else. I'm no stronger willed, no more self-disciplined than anyone. I mean, when your around death so often, when you live in a war torn country and you aware that your own death may come at any moment, your tolerance of such things builds, and suddenly, killing just doesn't seem all that bad anymore, does it?
My reason for sticking out, my motivation for success used to lie in the hope that someday I might find myself in love. Hah, love. Such a fickle emotion. I've thought I was in love numerous times. Turns out, I have no idea what love is. Why am I holding on to something of which I know nothing about? Of which I will never understand or even experience? Maybe there really is no one out there for me.
Sometimes I am so very jealous of those who have religion. Those who really have a grasp on their beliefs. They seem to be content, you know? They seem to know why they do what they do. Have a purpose. As much as I want this, I know that I will never be able to accept any set of religious beliefs. As open-minded as I like to think I am, I just feel that i am not equiped to have faith, to believe in anything that is not solid and earthly. And as much good that religion does for humanity, it's also the cause of so many of the world's problems.
I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I just feel so alone. Feel like no one understands my inner turmoil, no one feels the same burning in my chest. This desire to fix everything, but knowing that I can't fix anything. And the one person who I thought could empathize isn't nearly as understanding as I had hoped. He's incapable of providing me the comforts I yearn for. So what hope is there? For this world? For me? For anyone?
Living in America, I think we often lose sight of the constant uncertainty and struggle that life entails. But what does it all boil down to? The biological drive to ensure the success of our bloodline? The need to keep our own DNA replicating and alive? I read a story once about how our bodies are just encasings for these little creatures that simply want to replicate. And all of human history and human struggles are just a result of these creatures wanting to replicate. In a way, this little theory is very true. What else would drive us?
Yeah, I know...too much thinking. This is what happens when I am awake at this time of night. Sorry about how depressing this post is. I promise the next one will be cheery.