Regarding Buffy and Spike - I think she fully realises that her treatment of him in mid-season 6 was unacceptable. The thing is, her apology to him comes in season 6 when she breaks up with him: "I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish - and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry, William." By the time season 7 comes around, the big issue between them is the attempted rape, not the earlier mistreatment which is now water under the bridge.
I'd say 'Conversations With Dead People' is there precisely to pinpoint what Buffy's big underlying problem is. She's alone. She's the Slayer, and nobody (except you-know-who...) can know what that's like. So Buffy feels superior to them because she has experiences they never will have; and at the same time she hates herself for feeling that way and thinks it makes her unworthy: and that it means nobody will ever be able to really love her. Buffy's treatment of Faith in S3/4 is a classic example of transference, by this reading - she rejects Faith for showing the same qualities she's most ashamed of in herself. Except, of course, that 'CWDP' sets up the ending of the series, when Buffy finds a way to not be alone any more. (And I'd say even that her reunion and reconciliation with Faith is an important precursor to the final ending of 'Chosen').
I guess the question is whether "I'm using you" really gets at everything that was wrong with the way Buffy handled Spike in season 6. Does it cover things like forgetting (after OMWF) her promise in season 5 to not forget that he's capable of good? Does it really cover the alley scene in Dead Things -- which could not have been aired with the genders reversed without a much more serious treatment of the repercussions? Does the apology extend forward to some of her subsequent behaviors toward him which also don't bear much scrutiny? And does that one apology really compare -- as an act of contrition -- with going off to fight for a soul?
I should say that how we view this depends a good deal on how we assess Buffy's actual behavior. My own standard is to try to look at it in a way that is gender neutral. Much of what she does would be well beyond the pale if it was done by a man to a woman. The reason the attempted rape resonates so strongly is because it invokes that taboo against the more powerful partner misusing that power with the weaker partner. But Buffy is really the one with the superior physical power, and she violates that taboo often. I recognize that many others don't see it the same way, and set the AR off in a category of its own. So that will lead to differing views on all of this.
In season 7 her behavior towards Spike changes a good deal. Part of that might be contrition on her part. But the more explicitly stated explanation is that he now has a soul and is worthy of respect. In any case, it is clear that progress has been made. The question of whether it's enough goes back to the assessment of what happened in season 6.
Love your point about Buffy's essential aloneness -- and the problems that raises for her throughout the series.
Does it cover things like forgetting (after OMWF) her promise in season 5 to not forget that he's capable of good? ... And does that one apology really compare -- as an act of contrition -- with going off to fight for a soul?
My own metathon essay is going to be looking at repentance and redemption - specifically for Faith and Willow - but you're touching on an important point here: is a dramatic gesture of contrition really necessary for someone to experience repentance? Or is it just something that onlookers want to see for their own satisfaction? (Or that they need to see before they can accept that person 'back into the fold'.)
In season 7, Buffy might not specifically apologise to Spike for her S6 characterisation of him. She does something much more important (and difficult): she actually treats him as someone capable of good - over the strenuous objections of Xander and Giles and the scepticism of Dawn. Having his chip removed is the ultimate symbol of this. On a weekly TV show, words often have to speak louder than actions: but Buffy shows us here that the reverse is still more valid in reality.
Is a real gesture of contrition necessary for repentance? In the Buffyverse, I'd say the answer seems to be a resounding 'yes'. Certainly it is true for the vampires with souls. Faith really did have to go to prison. I think there has to be a willingness to bear the consequences of one's actions. Of course, that raises the question of why Buffy doesn't seem to have to bear any consequences for season 6. Either it's a deep commentary by the writers on the way that 'heroes' are not held fully accountable (in a way that is ultimately detrimental for their own ability to grow). Or it's because the writers don't see that she did anything terribly wrong in season 6 (either because Spike is a non-person who can be battered at will; or because they have an oddly unfeminist idea that domestic violence/abuse is only a problem when perpetrated by men against women). Not sure what to make of it.
And I *really* look forward to hearing what you have to say about Willow -- who also does not seem to have to bear consequences in proportion to her offense (which was, of course, significantly graver than anything Buffy did). But I will say this. With respect to Willow, the relatively mild nature of the consequences she bears leaves room, at least for me, for a plausible story of her turning dark again in season 8. I think we can say we are sorry, and even think we mean it. But really suffering the consequences seems to me to be a surer way of knowing that we really 'got it'. (Willow herself is not sure of herself in season 7, if I recall).
"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish - and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry, William."
By the time season 7 comes around, the big issue between them is the attempted rape, not the earlier mistreatment which is now water under the bridge.
I'd say 'Conversations With Dead People' is there precisely to pinpoint what Buffy's big underlying problem is. She's alone. She's the Slayer, and nobody (except you-know-who...) can know what that's like. So Buffy feels superior to them because she has experiences they never will have; and at the same time she hates herself for feeling that way and thinks it makes her unworthy: and that it means nobody will ever be able to really love her. Buffy's treatment of Faith in S3/4 is a classic example of transference, by this reading - she rejects Faith for showing the same qualities she's most ashamed of in herself. Except, of course, that 'CWDP' sets up the ending of the series, when Buffy finds a way to not be alone any more. (And I'd say even that her reunion and reconciliation with Faith is an important precursor to the final ending of 'Chosen').
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I guess the question is whether "I'm using you" really gets at everything that was wrong with the way Buffy handled Spike in season 6. Does it cover things like forgetting (after OMWF) her promise in season 5 to not forget that he's capable of good? Does it really cover the alley scene in Dead Things -- which could not have been aired with the genders reversed without a much more serious treatment of the repercussions? Does the apology extend forward to some of her subsequent behaviors toward him which also don't bear much scrutiny? And does that one apology really compare -- as an act of contrition -- with going off to fight for a soul?
I should say that how we view this depends a good deal on how we assess Buffy's actual behavior. My own standard is to try to look at it in a way that is gender neutral. Much of what she does would be well beyond the pale if it was done by a man to a woman. The reason the attempted rape resonates so strongly is because it invokes that taboo against the more powerful partner misusing that power with the weaker partner. But Buffy is really the one with the superior physical power, and she violates that taboo often. I recognize that many others don't see it the same way, and set the AR off in a category of its own. So that will lead to differing views on all of this.
In season 7 her behavior towards Spike changes a good deal. Part of that might be contrition on her part. But the more explicitly stated explanation is that he now has a soul and is worthy of respect. In any case, it is clear that progress has been made. The question of whether it's enough goes back to the assessment of what happened in season 6.
Love your point about Buffy's essential aloneness -- and the problems that raises for her throughout the series.
Reply
My own metathon essay is going to be looking at repentance and redemption - specifically for Faith and Willow - but you're touching on an important point here: is a dramatic gesture of contrition really necessary for someone to experience repentance? Or is it just something that onlookers want to see for their own satisfaction? (Or that they need to see before they can accept that person 'back into the fold'.)
In season 7, Buffy might not specifically apologise to Spike for her S6 characterisation of him. She does something much more important (and difficult): she actually treats him as someone capable of good - over the strenuous objections of Xander and Giles and the scepticism of Dawn. Having his chip removed is the ultimate symbol of this. On a weekly TV show, words often have to speak louder than actions: but Buffy shows us here that the reverse is still more valid in reality.
Reply
Is a real gesture of contrition necessary for repentance? In the Buffyverse, I'd say the answer seems to be a resounding 'yes'. Certainly it is true for the vampires with souls. Faith really did have to go to prison. I think there has to be a willingness to bear the consequences of one's actions. Of course, that raises the question of why Buffy doesn't seem to have to bear any consequences for season 6. Either it's a deep commentary by the writers on the way that 'heroes' are not held fully accountable (in a way that is ultimately detrimental for their own ability to grow). Or it's because the writers don't see that she did anything terribly wrong in season 6 (either because Spike is a non-person who can be battered at will; or because they have an oddly unfeminist idea that domestic violence/abuse is only a problem when perpetrated by men against women). Not sure what to make of it.
And I *really* look forward to hearing what you have to say about Willow -- who also does not seem to have to bear consequences in proportion to her offense (which was, of course, significantly graver than anything Buffy did). But I will say this. With respect to Willow, the relatively mild nature of the consequences she bears leaves room, at least for me, for a plausible story of her turning dark again in season 8. I think we can say we are sorry, and even think we mean it. But really suffering the consequences seems to me to be a surer way of knowing that we really 'got it'. (Willow herself is not sure of herself in season 7, if I recall).
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