(no subject)

[2feelreal]

Its been hard being poor these days. Cant really go out and do anything on my days off, and when I'm able to, deciding on what to do is always a problem. I dont want to go do things on my own, I want company. I want my gf to beable to come out with me, but that is a problem too. She is limited, and I get that. I try and think of things we can do, and things she wants to do, I dont always want to do. We're different, and thats ok.
Am I distant? No, I really dont think I am. I'm blank inside most of the time, but do you blame me? Life just isnt fun right now. Everything envolves money, even if its free. You have to have gas to get places...thats basically paying for it.
I dont know...whats the point? I dont like this right now.
I know things will look up in the near future. Knowing that gives me some sense of hope.

I dont like feeling like the bad guy. I dont like feeling like a waste of space, and maybe thats what she is getting at all the time. I'm the party pooper, but I have to be sometimes, or other things wouldnt come together like they do. Its the hard way, but its for our own good.
I get lonely, alot.
I get bored, even more.
I get lost, and upset.
I get depressed, just like her, but my depression doesnt compare.
I dont know why things have to be this way.
I'm scared that I'm not enough.
I'm worried that my enough isnt good enough.
I'm angry that my enough isnt good enough.