rediculously long end of year entry
ok. its that time again.
time for my end of the year emotional pour out.
i feel like i havn't been able to talk to anyone, and that this is a really cheap way of letting everyone know whats going on in my life. but i don't feel like i have a choice, and i'm not going to let any guilt keep me from writing what i'm feeling and how my year has been.
but now that the intro is out of the way.
end of the year, and my thoughts on it.
things left to do for school:
turn in one last paper this afternoon
attend one dance class tomorrow morning.
email a teacher
Ah!!!its finally done. and i can breath again, and sleep, and stop drinking coffee and function like human being!!!!! oh my god it feels soooo good.(whew)
left to do in boulder:
one more belly dance class
one full moon festival
one camp-out
one coctail party
one more night dancing till i drop
one more art symposium
one last adventure with boy
multiple parties
multiple sleepins
multiple sunny days in the sunniest city in the country
eat lunch on my porch a few more times
a few more days spent drawing on pearl st.
3 nights of being homeless and sleeping on friends couch(my lease runs out before my flight leaves)
move all personal belongings from apartment into 2 suitcases and a storage space on the outskirts of town.
help roommate move into new place without mental break down
help best friend move into new palce without mental break down
make ragedy ann wig for costume marathon
go back to rediculous chinese resturaunt to get my final paycheck
buy things for camp
end things with boy (which will be harder than usual)
deal with stalker ex boyfriend (rediculous)
try to keep my plants alive one more week
hopefully:
hike
finish sewing costume
take pictures
finish sidhartha
write a few more letters
steal a few more kisses
set up best friend on blind date
attend one more drum circle
eat as much organic health food as i can-since i wont have that luxery after this week. (oh boulder- home of silk tofu and celestial seasons and haystack goatcheese and rice dream ice cream and american kombucha and so much more)
then i go to san fransisco with my mama- who i love an adore more than anyone on the planet- to participate in annual "Bay to Breakers" which is the ridicuiously huge costume marathon race that we love to go to.
then...
i am home for exactly one week.
this is terrifying.
i am mortified at the idea that i only have 1 week to reconnect with everyone i want to in minnesota. its just not possible, which means i'm going to hurt someone, and loose contact with someone, and piss someone off, with not enough time to fix any of it. what if i can't come back next christmas? and my parents actually sell the house and move out of state, which they keep trying to do. then what? does that mean that i'm automatically out of everyones life? i already feel like i've been taken out of so many peoples pictures, which i obviously put on myself by moving so far away (twice). but i think i think about other people way more than they think about me. maybe i'm too tied to the past, but i'm scared of loosing all those connections. what if people don't realize how much i care for them, and that i will always be there no matter how many miles seperate us? what if they just think of me as 'some girl they met once and got along with pretty well.' ok. enough of this. i must force myself into detatchment to keep from having a melt down myself (and there enough melt downs going on around me, i don't need to add to it) so. i'm reverting back to list form.
to do in MN:
hug amber-lots
visit jack and keisha in the cities
try to figure out a way to see the girls
have a sleepover with rachel
visit lauren
make pancakes at 2 in the morning with casey
sit in perkins drinking coffee all night
go on an adventure with jena
see stu and mike
listen to records and watch 3rd rock with squishy
go out to coffee with my grandmother
hug my dad
go out to cafe nakomis by myself and talk to rita for hours.
boat on the lake
go bowling at 2 in the morning
make buttony things with aneisa
walk through alleys with michael beachy
make juice with brandee
see dan martin!
play hide and seek in walmart (oh god, the big thing is there now... ok, i'm happy i dont have to see *super*wal-mart for long. i'm really frightened about that...)
and maybe even get to pick strawberries in homecity-or with eli!
and talk to cap
and con jena and amber and jack into visiting me in boulder (because i think they are the only ones that will)
and i wish i could see carol... but shes in russia. still.
and i know i can't do all that in a week. a week before summer has even started is nothing. people won't even remember i came.
but this is a depressing topic.
so i'm going to go on to all the things i learned/did this year:
i learned how to connect with my chakras and elemental buddha energies
i can trip out from staring at a white wall in a cirular white room for 40 min. and write a paper on it
i can do the entire first form of T'ai Chi Chuan.
i can write a 15 page research paper
i can lecture anyone on why matriarchal societies no longer exsist and why our world would be a better place if they did.
i can hold a sacred ritual
i held my own hour long goddess celebration
i started drawing again
i can write a paper in MLA format
i have been to 2 sit-in protests
i have been stalked by homeless men
i have been stalked by drunk ex boyfriends
i have had my house broken into multiple times (both by my stalker and my roommates stalker)
i have gone months without sugar
i have made a raw pie
i have switched from 89% dark chocolalte bars to raw cocao (the real thing)
i have gone to acupunture weekly
i have had chinese herbal medicine cure me
i have gone out to eat with the writter of Stigmata
i have been to raves
i have been in mosh pits
i have seen regina spektor play piano 2 feet infront of me
i have been in drum circles
i have been far too flirtatious
i had a crazy st. patricks day.
i have met a boy worth being with
i have had flowers bought for me
i have done yoga in my front yard
i have worn rediculous outfits (even more rediculous than usual)
i cut off my hair
i got a tattoo and 2 peircings
i have participated in a new arts movement
i have hopped a fence to escape police (lauren!!)
i have lit fireworks off of a sand dune in the middle of winter
i have jumped naked in boulder creek when there was still snow in it.
i have been up so late i saw the sun rose
i have spent hours upon hours sitting on the same front porch in my bathrobe
i have put things not visine in my eye
i have made gluten free pancakes on many mornings
i have probably perfected gluten free pancakes
i have helped my roommate stalk the bag boy at whole foods.
i was in a haunted house on halloween
i was in a haunted dance studio not on halloween
i think i was in a haunted ski resort...
i went to 3 goddess parties
i cried
i laughed alot
i quit the only thing i've never quit (theater)
i sang in an opera recital
i smoked citerettes
i screamed lyrics to euro pop on long car trips
i have driven across country
i jumped rooftops
i jumped in a fountain
i was disappointed by the boulder resivior
i tried a few drugs
i drank my fair share
i got hooked on cashew nuts
i was facinated by the people watching in this town
i have had long conversations in graveyards
i walked miles and miles a day
i went on a date at a sushi resteraunt
i waitressed at a chinese resturaunt
i still can't spell
i learned to speak some chinese
i saw a live chicken get slaughtered
i think i ate some tounge...
i helped the buswoman learn english
i served cheap hot sake
i spilled an entire bucket of soysauce on myself
i started buying Braggs Amino Acids (the healhty organic alternative to soysauce)
i have gone days eating nothing but oatmeal, avocado, and rice cakes
i have somehow lived in a college town for an entire year, and only 1 slice of real pizza (real being greasy from a pizza joint-i had a few slices of homemade alternative pizza)
i thought i was alice in wonderland
i made many forced drunk phonecalls
i went to IHOP's all you can eat pancakes
i went to a CU toga party at a frat house =) it was funny
i took african dance classes
i was taught yoga in the park by a homeless man
i ate myself sick any times
i was in a really good relationship
i was in a really bad relationship
i was in a really wierd relationship
i got lost in a toystore
i talked to strangers and asked them personal questions
i bought an indian goddess statue
i had essensial oil therapy done
i have had raiki done
i have witnessed a friend's complete mental breakdown and been unable to do anything but hold her
i had tea in the mountians
i had a picnic at boulder falls
i bought lots of girls icecream when they needed it
i went to an arts museum in denver
i almost got mugged in denver
i saw several dead bodies sliced up on dislplay
i went to a jazz club
i saw alot of people play classical indian music (tablas and sitar)
i talked to a monk in full robe at a college party
i made a few good friends
i made some bad friends
i had too much faith in some people
i met a man that eats bees
i lost my drivers liscence
i totalled my car (my baby)
we put my cat to sleep (we've had her since i was 4-she starved herself to death)
i started talking to my dad again
i started taking care of my mother...(role reversal)
i lost a family heirloom
i reconnected with old friends
i lost contact with old friends
and i declared a major for what i want to do with the rest of my life.
i think thats enough memories for one afternoon.
and after my one week here, and one week in alex, i am off to teach arts and crafts to young girls all summer at the boundry waters. i am very excited about this, but still a little weary. it will very intense. and very much different from boulder.
but i am very excited.
and this post is too long.
theres my year.
its documented.
now i must eat.
time for my end of the year emotional pour out.
i feel like i havn't been able to talk to anyone, and that this is a really cheap way of letting everyone know whats going on in my life. but i don't feel like i have a choice, and i'm not going to let any guilt keep me from writing what i'm feeling and how my year has been.
but now that the intro is out of the way.
end of the year, and my thoughts on it.
things left to do for school:
turn in one last paper this afternoon
attend one dance class tomorrow morning.
email a teacher
Ah!!!its finally done. and i can breath again, and sleep, and stop drinking coffee and function like human being!!!!! oh my god it feels soooo good.(whew)
left to do in boulder:
one more belly dance class
one full moon festival
one camp-out
one coctail party
one more night dancing till i drop
one more art symposium
one last adventure with boy
multiple parties
multiple sleepins
multiple sunny days in the sunniest city in the country
eat lunch on my porch a few more times
a few more days spent drawing on pearl st.
3 nights of being homeless and sleeping on friends couch(my lease runs out before my flight leaves)
move all personal belongings from apartment into 2 suitcases and a storage space on the outskirts of town.
help roommate move into new place without mental break down
help best friend move into new palce without mental break down
make ragedy ann wig for costume marathon
go back to rediculous chinese resturaunt to get my final paycheck
buy things for camp
end things with boy (which will be harder than usual)
deal with stalker ex boyfriend (rediculous)
try to keep my plants alive one more week
hopefully:
hike
finish sewing costume
take pictures
finish sidhartha
write a few more letters
steal a few more kisses
set up best friend on blind date
attend one more drum circle
eat as much organic health food as i can-since i wont have that luxery after this week. (oh boulder- home of silk tofu and celestial seasons and haystack goatcheese and rice dream ice cream and american kombucha and so much more)
then i go to san fransisco with my mama- who i love an adore more than anyone on the planet- to participate in annual "Bay to Breakers" which is the ridicuiously huge costume marathon race that we love to go to.
then...
i am home for exactly one week.
this is terrifying.
i am mortified at the idea that i only have 1 week to reconnect with everyone i want to in minnesota. its just not possible, which means i'm going to hurt someone, and loose contact with someone, and piss someone off, with not enough time to fix any of it. what if i can't come back next christmas? and my parents actually sell the house and move out of state, which they keep trying to do. then what? does that mean that i'm automatically out of everyones life? i already feel like i've been taken out of so many peoples pictures, which i obviously put on myself by moving so far away (twice). but i think i think about other people way more than they think about me. maybe i'm too tied to the past, but i'm scared of loosing all those connections. what if people don't realize how much i care for them, and that i will always be there no matter how many miles seperate us? what if they just think of me as 'some girl they met once and got along with pretty well.' ok. enough of this. i must force myself into detatchment to keep from having a melt down myself (and there enough melt downs going on around me, i don't need to add to it) so. i'm reverting back to list form.
to do in MN:
hug amber-lots
visit jack and keisha in the cities
try to figure out a way to see the girls
have a sleepover with rachel
visit lauren
make pancakes at 2 in the morning with casey
sit in perkins drinking coffee all night
go on an adventure with jena
see stu and mike
listen to records and watch 3rd rock with squishy
go out to coffee with my grandmother
hug my dad
go out to cafe nakomis by myself and talk to rita for hours.
boat on the lake
go bowling at 2 in the morning
make buttony things with aneisa
walk through alleys with michael beachy
make juice with brandee
see dan martin!
play hide and seek in walmart (oh god, the big thing is there now... ok, i'm happy i dont have to see *super*wal-mart for long. i'm really frightened about that...)
and maybe even get to pick strawberries in homecity-or with eli!
and talk to cap
and con jena and amber and jack into visiting me in boulder (because i think they are the only ones that will)
and i wish i could see carol... but shes in russia. still.
and i know i can't do all that in a week. a week before summer has even started is nothing. people won't even remember i came.
but this is a depressing topic.
so i'm going to go on to all the things i learned/did this year:
i learned how to connect with my chakras and elemental buddha energies
i can trip out from staring at a white wall in a cirular white room for 40 min. and write a paper on it
i can do the entire first form of T'ai Chi Chuan.
i can write a 15 page research paper
i can lecture anyone on why matriarchal societies no longer exsist and why our world would be a better place if they did.
i can hold a sacred ritual
i held my own hour long goddess celebration
i started drawing again
i can write a paper in MLA format
i have been to 2 sit-in protests
i have been stalked by homeless men
i have been stalked by drunk ex boyfriends
i have had my house broken into multiple times (both by my stalker and my roommates stalker)
i have gone months without sugar
i have made a raw pie
i have switched from 89% dark chocolalte bars to raw cocao (the real thing)
i have gone to acupunture weekly
i have had chinese herbal medicine cure me
i have gone out to eat with the writter of Stigmata
i have been to raves
i have been in mosh pits
i have seen regina spektor play piano 2 feet infront of me
i have been in drum circles
i have been far too flirtatious
i had a crazy st. patricks day.
i have met a boy worth being with
i have had flowers bought for me
i have done yoga in my front yard
i have worn rediculous outfits (even more rediculous than usual)
i cut off my hair
i got a tattoo and 2 peircings
i have participated in a new arts movement
i have hopped a fence to escape police (lauren!!)
i have lit fireworks off of a sand dune in the middle of winter
i have jumped naked in boulder creek when there was still snow in it.
i have been up so late i saw the sun rose
i have spent hours upon hours sitting on the same front porch in my bathrobe
i have put things not visine in my eye
i have made gluten free pancakes on many mornings
i have probably perfected gluten free pancakes
i have helped my roommate stalk the bag boy at whole foods.
i was in a haunted house on halloween
i was in a haunted dance studio not on halloween
i think i was in a haunted ski resort...
i went to 3 goddess parties
i cried
i laughed alot
i quit the only thing i've never quit (theater)
i sang in an opera recital
i smoked citerettes
i screamed lyrics to euro pop on long car trips
i have driven across country
i jumped rooftops
i jumped in a fountain
i was disappointed by the boulder resivior
i tried a few drugs
i drank my fair share
i got hooked on cashew nuts
i was facinated by the people watching in this town
i have had long conversations in graveyards
i walked miles and miles a day
i went on a date at a sushi resteraunt
i waitressed at a chinese resturaunt
i still can't spell
i learned to speak some chinese
i saw a live chicken get slaughtered
i think i ate some tounge...
i helped the buswoman learn english
i served cheap hot sake
i spilled an entire bucket of soysauce on myself
i started buying Braggs Amino Acids (the healhty organic alternative to soysauce)
i have gone days eating nothing but oatmeal, avocado, and rice cakes
i have somehow lived in a college town for an entire year, and only 1 slice of real pizza (real being greasy from a pizza joint-i had a few slices of homemade alternative pizza)
i thought i was alice in wonderland
i made many forced drunk phonecalls
i went to IHOP's all you can eat pancakes
i went to a CU toga party at a frat house =) it was funny
i took african dance classes
i was taught yoga in the park by a homeless man
i ate myself sick any times
i was in a really good relationship
i was in a really bad relationship
i was in a really wierd relationship
i got lost in a toystore
i talked to strangers and asked them personal questions
i bought an indian goddess statue
i had essensial oil therapy done
i have had raiki done
i have witnessed a friend's complete mental breakdown and been unable to do anything but hold her
i had tea in the mountians
i had a picnic at boulder falls
i bought lots of girls icecream when they needed it
i went to an arts museum in denver
i almost got mugged in denver
i saw several dead bodies sliced up on dislplay
i went to a jazz club
i saw alot of people play classical indian music (tablas and sitar)
i talked to a monk in full robe at a college party
i made a few good friends
i made some bad friends
i had too much faith in some people
i met a man that eats bees
i lost my drivers liscence
i totalled my car (my baby)
we put my cat to sleep (we've had her since i was 4-she starved herself to death)
i started talking to my dad again
i started taking care of my mother...(role reversal)
i lost a family heirloom
i reconnected with old friends
i lost contact with old friends
and i declared a major for what i want to do with the rest of my life.
i think thats enough memories for one afternoon.
and after my one week here, and one week in alex, i am off to teach arts and crafts to young girls all summer at the boundry waters. i am very excited about this, but still a little weary. it will very intense. and very much different from boulder.
but i am very excited.
and this post is too long.
theres my year.
its documented.
now i must eat.