so im bored...
ive been up since 7:30... went to bed at like 5:00 am. geesh. so now, im looking at random things- yeah, so here is whats new.
got a nice post on my entree' before this one. and my only comments to that person is: if u think you know me sooo well, from all the things you hear and whatnot, why not stick up to what your saying. If u believe in it that much, suck up to it and give a name. than maybe we can talk about my wants and desires, oh and my own selfish ways. until than, try not to waste my time.
yeah.. so aside from that. my mom thinks im a fruitcake... and not a gay one. She asked me the other day if i wanted to go into anger management or see a shrink or something. and she kinda came out of no where with this... it was weird. my dad and i look at her like... wow where did this come from. And from the individuals ive told about this, some say I can be a little angry or whatever but the way i see it.
If something bothers me, I deal with it. I dont screw around and just let it go. If something is said to me that shouldn't be said, because its rude, wrong, or just plain dumb... yeah Im going to tell you. One of my friends told me that, its because most people cant handle the truth about being upfront with people. But all im saying is, im not going to sit their and take a bunch of shit from someone. It doesnt happen that way, it really dont. There are things that really annoy me and than things that arent worth getting mad/angry/upset or whatever over. and like the famous saying, "truth hurts" well yeah it does... but how else are you going to know other wise. Someof my friends also tell me that its because i dont really have a care in the world. And its kind of true. Im not going to care about something if its not worth it. And i dont care about alot of things. and thats just the way I am, like it or not. but than their are things i do care about, but not enough to stress myself out about it. Thats just not good to do to yourself. Ive got enough on my plate to deal with.
so aside from me. lets talk about me and justin...
since we broke up, every night i have been going out. With different people, guys girls, whatever. And after a while i get all these side comments like... you dont even care, your selfish. Okay, i love justin to death and i would never do anything to hurt him, and i know hes hurting now and it is because of me... and yes i feel bad enough. But we both still talk to one another... and he knows Im always going to be here for him and that he can call me whenever he needs anything. And it is going to take some but i had to do what i thought was best for me... call me selfish for that i dont care. but i am my number one concern. And for that post... the lil comments of you dont know what or "WHO" i want. wow, okay, thats nice. let me guess who ur referring too.... hmmm, mike bortis. yeah so, mike and i are frineds. and justin asked me about him to. But no that is not why i broke up with justin. Mike and I are just friends, justin understands that, so why cant everyone else. besides that, am i not allowed to hang out with someone without being accussed of liking them. I guess not, but than theirs austin too.. which is pretty much with us whenever im with mike... so does that mean i like austin too? yeah, not exactly. But the worst part about this whole situation... is that the people you want to understand the most... they just wont' And im referring to just about one person right now... latria.
yes i know its different justin and i not being together. and yes i know ur probably mad at me because i dont really call you that much anymore. but what do u want me to do... ever since mikes graduation party and we all went to joses that night... youve been weird cause u knew what we were all doing. and since than ive felt like everything i do, im being judged on. And maybe im nto but thats the feeling im getting from you. Its weird hanging out with you since i havent been with justin because i know you dont approve of it and i know u talk about it with him all the time... also because i dont like to just sit around the house, i like getting out and doing something... so this whole week. that is what ive been doing. and about going out, i like going out in groups... and it never really seems like u enjoy hanging out with mike... why i never got that but i dont know what to do about it. so what im trying to say, or ask you... is to try to understand where im coming from on this whole me and justin thing... i know hes ur friend, theres nothing wrong with that. And i really hope u dont take any of this the wrong way. because its not suppossed to be takin negatively.
so yeah, i guess im done. i have to figure out what im doing today, and i gotta clean my room, shower and all that good stuff.