Back?
Well, I'm going to make another attempt at regularly posting to my journal. My summer has been a nightmare in most areas of my life. My main project at work, funded by the Defense Department, got cancelled, after they decided that they had gotten most of the benefit from it after 2 years. So I had to scramble to find ways to pay my team. That took all my time, so I couldn't finish my doctorate, which I thought was going to be done by July. Now I'm looking at January. The delay made my SO very unhappy, which put a major strain on my relationship. Also, I slacked off my diet/exercise program, which I hate, and makes me feel physically like shit. One good thing: I increased my yoga practice, which compensated a little. More bad, I didn't get to read many of the books I had planned to this summer either. I may have to demote myself to a lower echelon in the ranks of the FOOK (Fraternal Order Of Know-It-Alls).
But, I made some healthy decisions about some stuff, I think, most of which I don't want to list here. One I will, tho. I've decided to start trying to get some of my articles published here and there, and to try to add my voice to the public discourse in ways other than flaming people on netlists and groups. I have a huge folder called "unsent letters" which I started a long time ago containing screeds and rants that I wrote never intending to send. It just was a way to prove to myself that I could destroy the arguments of people I found contemptible. Pure ego. One of my best friends, who is a fellow ranter, and I have talked about the responsibility of those who are disgusted and have the ability to add their voice to the fray, and don't. So I'm pondering ways to do this. One way is a blog that I'm starting. I'll post the URL here when I get it up and running. Another is to start sending things that I usually write and file.
I'm starting to come to terms with what I'm not, which is a backdoor way to come to terms with what I am. It's typical of me to do things backwards, in the reverse order, or upside-down. It's not deliberate or for effect, just normal for me.
Two of my virtual kids have met and may be starting something romantic. The thought makes me happy. Another of my v-kids may be hurt by this. This thought makes me sad. I hope that they have the skills to navigate this situation such that all friendships remain intact and whole. It's no reflection on them that I sense that this may not happen, and that friendships may be damaged. The Olympian detachment needed to ignore primal drives and cleave to the "big picture" was not remotely possible for me at their age (is it now? I doubt it).
But, I made some healthy decisions about some stuff, I think, most of which I don't want to list here. One I will, tho. I've decided to start trying to get some of my articles published here and there, and to try to add my voice to the public discourse in ways other than flaming people on netlists and groups. I have a huge folder called "unsent letters" which I started a long time ago containing screeds and rants that I wrote never intending to send. It just was a way to prove to myself that I could destroy the arguments of people I found contemptible. Pure ego. One of my best friends, who is a fellow ranter, and I have talked about the responsibility of those who are disgusted and have the ability to add their voice to the fray, and don't. So I'm pondering ways to do this. One way is a blog that I'm starting. I'll post the URL here when I get it up and running. Another is to start sending things that I usually write and file.
I'm starting to come to terms with what I'm not, which is a backdoor way to come to terms with what I am. It's typical of me to do things backwards, in the reverse order, or upside-down. It's not deliberate or for effect, just normal for me.
Two of my virtual kids have met and may be starting something romantic. The thought makes me happy. Another of my v-kids may be hurt by this. This thought makes me sad. I hope that they have the skills to navigate this situation such that all friendships remain intact and whole. It's no reflection on them that I sense that this may not happen, and that friendships may be damaged. The Olympian detachment needed to ignore primal drives and cleave to the "big picture" was not remotely possible for me at their age (is it now? I doubt it).