(no subject)
sometimes i don't know what to do anymore. it's as if my tower of ambition and inspiration as toppled down into a mass of rumbling stones. i can't find the need to write my feelings out as i need to anymore. but there are even more flocks of thought flying around in my head more than ever. i question if what i do is right, and i analyze if what i do is wrong.
there's joyce. for two weeks, i have totally blocked her out. and she's been trying so much to make me into a better person. but it's just that religion is such a big issue with me and her. i'm just not a godly person, and i don't know if i ever will be. when ever i see her, she just shines such holy radiance that sometimes i can't look at her because i feel that i am being sinful because i am gazing upon such a godly being. i can't even go a couple of hours without her popping into my head.
i know for a fact that i started writing creatively. i know for a fact that i lot of my writing is based on her. even if she is near, i can just feel her. reaching out to me with an unseen power, just holding me tight and not wanting to let go. i just don't know what to do. i want to see her so bad. but i know if a see her, i'll just stand there and stutter in small conversation. i want her to know that i am not a waste. i just want to show that i am alive. and that i know that i may not be a godly as i want to be, i just want her to know that me just meeting her made me believe that there is a God again. she has rekindled my faith in the Lord. even though i do the things i do, i'm just in my comfort zone.
there are points in my day that i really need her. parts of the day that i just need somebody to hold me. somebody that i know that will care about me. thats really hard to find when you're in my shoes. somebody that cares. i'm so use to people just brushing me off their shoulders that it's amazing how i put up with all the bullshit that i put up with. i just want her to see that i want her. i yearn for that moment. a kiss, a hug, even a touch from her fingertips make me melt like a flicker candle in the night. even if i am at a lost for words, i cannot stress how much she has changed me, i just want her to know that.
"i've been told that GOD doesn't give you tha
people you `want but instead tha people you
need... 'to hurt you, hate you, love you, and
punish u, to make u become tha person u are."
there's joyce. for two weeks, i have totally blocked her out. and she's been trying so much to make me into a better person. but it's just that religion is such a big issue with me and her. i'm just not a godly person, and i don't know if i ever will be. when ever i see her, she just shines such holy radiance that sometimes i can't look at her because i feel that i am being sinful because i am gazing upon such a godly being. i can't even go a couple of hours without her popping into my head.
i know for a fact that i started writing creatively. i know for a fact that i lot of my writing is based on her. even if she is near, i can just feel her. reaching out to me with an unseen power, just holding me tight and not wanting to let go. i just don't know what to do. i want to see her so bad. but i know if a see her, i'll just stand there and stutter in small conversation. i want her to know that i am not a waste. i just want to show that i am alive. and that i know that i may not be a godly as i want to be, i just want her to know that me just meeting her made me believe that there is a God again. she has rekindled my faith in the Lord. even though i do the things i do, i'm just in my comfort zone.
there are points in my day that i really need her. parts of the day that i just need somebody to hold me. somebody that i know that will care about me. thats really hard to find when you're in my shoes. somebody that cares. i'm so use to people just brushing me off their shoulders that it's amazing how i put up with all the bullshit that i put up with. i just want her to see that i want her. i yearn for that moment. a kiss, a hug, even a touch from her fingertips make me melt like a flicker candle in the night. even if i am at a lost for words, i cannot stress how much she has changed me, i just want her to know that.
"i've been told that GOD doesn't give you tha
people you `want but instead tha people you
need... 'to hurt you, hate you, love you, and
punish u, to make u become tha person u are."