(no subject)
life is weird now. there's nothing to look forward to when i come downstairs in the morning or when we come home. i keep looking outside and thinking that shoes in the corner of the room are her paws. i keep thinking i'll look around the corner of the couch and see her sleeping or hear her shuffling or sitting against the door from the other room. there's no one to call into the den when my mom and sister are watching a boring show.
i see little artifacts outside - her bowls, tennis balls, a frisbee, her bed, and the path she created from one side of the house to the other.
i think wednesday was the worst and hardest of my life. my parents getting divorced and getting dumped were up there, but this is a different, scarier feeling. those things were both shitty things that needed to end anyway - but stella was an angel. there is nothing positive that can come out of her being gone, except that she isn't sick anymore. and her being gone isn't like a petty silent treatment. she's gone into the unknown somewhere where i can never get to her.
exactly three months ago we went swimming together everyday in the unbearable august heat. then she'd get out and go NUTS and run around the house like a nutcase.
right now we're all so desperate to fill the void she's left (which will be impossible.) we talk about puppies excitedly but we know that won't happen until the summer at the earliest.
i'm expecting to feel better tomorrow. it will be nice to possibly?hopefully? see a clear day after a fucking week of clouds and rain on top of the other depressing shit.
other stuff:
- my mom has a BF. he's COOL and fucking watches king of the hill
that's all i can really think of right now.
i see little artifacts outside - her bowls, tennis balls, a frisbee, her bed, and the path she created from one side of the house to the other.
i think wednesday was the worst and hardest of my life. my parents getting divorced and getting dumped were up there, but this is a different, scarier feeling. those things were both shitty things that needed to end anyway - but stella was an angel. there is nothing positive that can come out of her being gone, except that she isn't sick anymore. and her being gone isn't like a petty silent treatment. she's gone into the unknown somewhere where i can never get to her.
exactly three months ago we went swimming together everyday in the unbearable august heat. then she'd get out and go NUTS and run around the house like a nutcase.
right now we're all so desperate to fill the void she's left (which will be impossible.) we talk about puppies excitedly but we know that won't happen until the summer at the earliest.
i'm expecting to feel better tomorrow. it will be nice to possibly?hopefully? see a clear day after a fucking week of clouds and rain on top of the other depressing shit.
other stuff:
- my mom has a BF. he's COOL and fucking watches king of the hill
that's all i can really think of right now.