Cruise!
Awesome! 2nd day on the ship. It's been wonderful. The first time I got "mad", himself noticed and asked. I told him, then thanked him for asking. When I got "mad" again, he asked me again. I was to caught up in the emotion to explain then. I let it ride for a little while until I was able to, an having been expressed, it dissipated. Yay us!
We haven't really done anything yet, we only made it the stores to see the $10 sale, that was fucking nuts. But, we got a really cool patron assortment, and the skull vodka for his bar.
I AM SO GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE.
I may piss and moan, a lot sometimes, but that does not ever mean I have lost sight of that fact, for any longer than briefly.
My husband has brought me a life I never imagined for myself. Truthfully, I never imagined any sort of anything for myself, I was always too busy just trying to make it through the day.
Hopes? Dreams? Wishes? HA HA HA HA!
Not me. I watched my feet always, to make certain I wasn't going to fall, and never saw the horizon.
Granted, I may have sublimated myself too much, but, I am ki d of an 'extremes' kind of person. All this way, or all that way. So, I dropped my habits, structures, routines, etc , and went along with his.
Now, 10 years later, I am seriously feeling the 'side effects' of this. I have gained 100+ pounds, am woefully out of shape, and my innate laziness has flourished. That was previously kept in. He k by my routines and habits, and, having ditched all those, I am finding them difficult to establish again.
Hmm, maybe that's the issue. I am trying to cram 'old life' habits into a new life world. square pegs into round holes Anne all that.
MaybeI need to create new routines and schedules that will allow for the changes in my life.
It's. Dry hard to get motivated though. Even with the PMDD meds. That's another think I am thankful for. His stability and consistency allowed me to finally realize the anger and hatred and everything sucks wasn't an environmental factor. It was hormonal. ie, love him one day, NOTHING CHANGES OR HAPPENS, and he SUCKS the next day. That, plus the day I recognized how awful I was being, and said I didn't know what was wrong with me. And he said he did - my cycle was due to start soon.
My Dr. Gave me Zoloft to try first, as that's what's indicated. But, during my 'good' week, I felt like a looney case. Like, I felt high! Or, how I imagine people feel when they're high, anyways. So that was right out. I'll take bitchy mean over crazy loon any day, sorry peeps.
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