and the pickels
i kinda wish that peopple like me and him can still be friends when we end it all... that maybe i could just go back and not be friends with him. that would fix that pain i get inside, everytime he comes near me. i know that he has something that belongs to me that i can never get back. i gave it to him as a present. there was no love involved, those words were never spoken. it was more of a trust thing. that i could trust that what i gave, i would not be broken in return. but weeks after i was shattered, and i can never get that gift back.
i dont want him back, i dont need him back, and i cant regret what was given and in the manner which it was given. i dont think i was of right mind, not that i was on anything. but that i wasnt ready to except the full effect of my choice. i wish i wouldnt have fallen in love with that person. or that i still love that person now, because i cant stand that person breathing, but i know if they stopped breathing, that the gift i gave would die along with it him too. and in return i would stop being me... because i am the way i am because of him.
like that little entery doesnt give things away
im lonely, im not going to lie anymore. the most romantic day of the year passed by, and i was still alone. only my vibrater to comfort me, lol i dont really have one of those. so dont even go there. i know other people were alone too, so i feel for them to. but this needs to stop. this perpetual, non boyfriend, only fuck buddies thing needs to come to an end and as much as i hate commitment, i think that i want to try it again, because at the end of the day when everything has went wrong, you can say wow i really do have someone other then my family who cares about me. and then you wouldnt need a day to tell people you love them and no one would have to feel that alone.
writing in here helps me alot. it maynot be the most brillant things i write but i helps me orignise my thoughts in this very disorganised manner, but i understand it and that is all that matters. yeah so end of update.
ohhh wait, graham gave me his number and was adimit about me calling him. hes such a cool friend.
i dont want him back, i dont need him back, and i cant regret what was given and in the manner which it was given. i dont think i was of right mind, not that i was on anything. but that i wasnt ready to except the full effect of my choice. i wish i wouldnt have fallen in love with that person. or that i still love that person now, because i cant stand that person breathing, but i know if they stopped breathing, that the gift i gave would die along with it him too. and in return i would stop being me... because i am the way i am because of him.
like that little entery doesnt give things away
im lonely, im not going to lie anymore. the most romantic day of the year passed by, and i was still alone. only my vibrater to comfort me, lol i dont really have one of those. so dont even go there. i know other people were alone too, so i feel for them to. but this needs to stop. this perpetual, non boyfriend, only fuck buddies thing needs to come to an end and as much as i hate commitment, i think that i want to try it again, because at the end of the day when everything has went wrong, you can say wow i really do have someone other then my family who cares about me. and then you wouldnt need a day to tell people you love them and no one would have to feel that alone.
writing in here helps me alot. it maynot be the most brillant things i write but i helps me orignise my thoughts in this very disorganised manner, but i understand it and that is all that matters. yeah so end of update.
ohhh wait, graham gave me his number and was adimit about me calling him. hes such a cool friend.