I have too many regrets.
Somedays I wish that everyone could think the way that I do. Other days I pray that no one ever thinks the way that I do. I think alot. alot. alot. alot. It helps me solve my own problems. I don't stay down for very long because I can convince myself that everything will turn out okay. God wouldn't have it any other way. There have been plenty of times where I have overthought a situation and really screwed things up. Its during those times when I envy "normal" people. I have come to find that I have major problems with trust. I have alot of friends and we have a ton of fun, but I don't really have a super close friend that understands me and helps me work through my problems. My friends just help me forget that I had any. When they are gone, the problems come rushing back at me and hit me like a ton of bricks. When people get too close, I tend to push them away. It's becoming a real problem for me. There are things in my past that have made me this way and I'm getting rid of them. I can't do this to myself and other people anymore. That is my New Year's revolution: to trust...to love without holding back...no matter how hurt I could end up being in the end. Wow, I've been needing to say this for a long time.