If It AiNt OnE tHiNg------>It'S aNoThEr
uuuuggghhhh I'm so bothered, I don't know what to do with myself.....I also am not sure how well I handle stress, cuz I just realized when one aspect of my life stresses me out, I begin stressing all the others....but wait I just realized something, I do handle my stress well, I just stress everything b/c they're all connected(duh)---I'm slow @ times but now let me begin:
So my big brother calls me yesterday and we're talking and then we begin talking about my mother. Now I have a lot of resentment towards my mother for the things she's done to me. She hasn't been a bad mother but the way she goes about trying to teach me life's lessons is real fucked up...she stay shittin on me.....
for example one time I needed $$$$ to buy my books for school ($300) and that was a monday, @ that time I used to get paid on Wednesdays, so I had asked her for the favor of lending me the $$ until wed....keep in mind that this was hard for me 2 do cuz I don't like asking my mother for shyt-just to not give her the satisfaction of me needing her....so she told me that she didn't have money-mind u she's tilting the bank....to come to found out the reason why she didnt lend me the money was b/c she didn't believe that I wanted the $$$ for books but when my 37year old brother needs $600 for rent she doesn't tell him shit! My tuition, she decided she was no longer going to pay after my first semester of college, after she told me that as long as I'm living at home she would pay for it....my little brother doesn't go to class, hangs out all day and they satay hitting him off w/$$$ for kicks and clothes...my father can't even give me $5 for luch cuz she starts flippin on him....I would had an apt right now if I could've got my father's co-signiture but my mother didn't let him....and the shit is crazy b/c my older brother is not her son, I'm her first born and she treats me like I'm not even her child....I'm the only one who doesn't milk them for money, doesn't give them a hard time, independant but when I do need her she shits on me.....but not my brothers or sister, na they always feel bad for them.............what about me.....i'm tired of getting the sucjy end of everything, I don't even feel like I'm her child I feel like I'm my fathers child....i'm the back sheep of the family.....=**0( what's even worse is that since she talks so much shit to so many people it always comes back to my ears that shes talking shit about me and then people think that Im the bad rebellious child and I'm not....that really hurts ur heart, to have people come up to u trying to advise u on how to behave with ur mother and u know deep down that its not u but no matter what u do ur still wrong-still the black sheep-still cinderalla before her fairy godmother came along.
well that was a little bit of the background info...now back to the conversation w/ my brother. He was like I don't want to even go there anymore(my mothers house) cuz eveytime I go there she's just complaining over and over to everyone who walks through the door....What is she(me) going to do with that t.v is she going to throw it out or sell it, cuz its taking up space.....mind u the t.v is in a room that is only used for babysitting and storage...she has mad shit in there and my t.v isn't really taking up any of her space its just all her shit, she has like 4 playpins, y? there aren't any newborns all her kids are older that 2.and oh she goes shopping on the weekend and comes with bags when she should be saving her $$$...blah blah blah....I laugh cuz I'm use to it but it really bothers me and I want to tell her something but I have to stay quiet at the moment b/c I have no wher to go...I really dont want to go to my boyfriends house and I dont want to live with friends and I dont want to stay here anymore...my pride won't let me and this time I'm a let my pride stay cuz i swallowed it to come back but she's still fucking w/ me and I take everything she says personal....what gets me mad is y say that u want me back home...y cry when I moved out and then say that I had no reason to move out if I had my own room......look at the way u treat me.....I'm the fucking step child!!!!!!
anyways I'm a bit emotional right now...be back later