so its gay marriage.. but NOT REALLY
so my friend is born here, she's american, but her parents are German and Iranian. my parents are Iranian and American, so i have citizenship of both countries (yet both countries are retarded and don't recognize each other with people's dual citizenship.. fuckin politics)
anyway... we were discussing the pricing of a college education in germany, and how its a lot cheaper there, in comparison to here.. free.. but anyway, we were like.. hmmm.. gay marriage is allowed in germany right? so why don't we move there.. get married, live there for a while, i'll get germany citizenship.. and i'll be able to keep it, and we don't have to have sex or anything, strictly and business/frienship deal....
NOW WOULDN'T THAT BE A STORY TO TELL THE KIDS??? i mean really.. it would piss my parents off so much, it would generally freak people, and even better, it be so much fun pretended to be married to my best friend just so that i could get citizenship, for cheaper college, and really i want to study in NYC and live there.. oh i'm nuts.. and i just feel insane right now..
WHY AM I CRAZY?????? i really want to do this...
i've also be offered to marry a friend of mine's roommate... he'll apparently pay for school.. and rent.. bla bla bla.. but no thanks... you are really not my type and i don' know you.. and you smoke way too much pot.. perhaps thats why you always ask retarded questions and have world's cutest retarded laugh.. which is through your nose.. not really a snort though... anyhow.. no thanks dude.. not gonna marry you
and considering the fact that i'll probably never get married and i'll just live with someone.. which my friend informed me.."that means you'll always have premarital sex!" oh god forbid! i'm so mean.. i didn't even listen to her, but really i don't care, i tend to not care anymore, its made me kind of stale, things have lost their purpose for me, even people, but the people i wish would lose purpose and leave my heart, have yet to do so.. they have yet to uninspire my emotions.. which run so very high
look at me, i'm posting a really big post about NOTHING... this is not important, but i'm ranting about nothing, god i want some coffee and cigarettes... SAKINEH WHY DON'T YOU HAVE INTERNET RIGHT NOW??? jeeeeesus this sucks.. but you will soon enough
so to add to the update, my brother is moving into DC tomorrow, i get to help him.. woo hoo.. have to leave the house at 6 am.. :(not happy about that
and its so cool... its really pretty and he got his furniture from IKEA.. and not all of it will be from there, but its a lot cheaper than other place and he just needs filler furniture for now, cuz he bought the apartment so he'll probably live there a while and eventually need better furniture.. but his place cost a lot.. so hes gotta buy teh cheap stuff.. WHY AM I EXPLAINING HIS LIFE STORY? really, who cares.. i'm really going insane right now.. i've never felt more inspire to keep typing and just write write write.. writers would be so jealous of me right now, the only problem is.. i've no real muse, i suppose its just boredom, but even so it feels fabulous.. this is the best i've felt so far on my spring break its not spring time yet :(
god i think i've been thinking about so much, and i dunno i didn't really converse with people as much today as i normally would.. but even then, i'm not feeling quite and reserved today.. as i'm sure you can tell.. i'm excited...i'm just inspired and ready, and i'm not sure what for, i just hope i don't get disappointed, maybe its because i have a responsible and planned day tomorrow.. not that i'm a nerd and always have to have a plan for everything, i hate plans, its just that i'll be taking care of that test i've had on my mind for what.. 3 weeks now.. god.. its gonna feel great when i've taken it...
i don't even want to finish this post, i'm really crazy now.. and its kinda scaring me.. but at the same time, its different and fresh
i looked at apartments for rent in NYC today, just really quick for maybe about 20 minutes.. its totally possible.. i could live in a shitty place, like the apartment coudl be shitty i just dont' want to live in the fuckin ghetto. even so, sakineh and i need to go up there one weekend, and just pick up the paper and walk around neighborhoods and do whatever to check places out, and if we both worked enough, we could totally do an apartment with $1000 rent.. though i'd like it to be cheaper, but i'd rather be safe than sorry.. but i guess thats just my limit, and if we get anyone else to live with us.. it'll be cheaper rent.
it sucks that i'm not gonna be done with my associates degree until the end of december.. but whatever. as long as i live in NYC after that.. i can't move away with my parents, i'd rather burn my own flesh and feed it to fish than live with them any longer. i mean i'm appreciative of the roof over my head, but they just drive me nuts and every dream like desire i have is shattered and burned and swept over board... skimming over the water's surface.. gone .. out of reach.. and hard to gather together.. and why? because my wants and desires aren't practical..
then i say this.. WHOSE DREAMS ARE PRACTICAL????????? i just want certain things and they seem to think i'm gonna ruin my life for ever even considering them, and perhaps i'm dramatic and perhaps i should just hold tightly to the things i want and do it anyway, but somethings really would feel so much better with the endorsement of someone you love and respect. but then its a question of what is it that makes you love and respect that person? what have they done? or is it automatic, forced love... b/c you were told to, and i love them i really do, i just forget sometimes and can't come up with a good reason to respect their ideas...
they went from being hippies when they got married, not want to own a house, they just wanted to live in their car, buy just the food they needed, just the gas they needed, etc.. they didn't want to be the overworked consumer.. and thats fine.. but they've kinda sold out.. they aren't huge capitalists now.. they just are more willing to make that purchase, get that deal.. etc etc.. and it makes me nuts.. if i need or want to buy a bottle of shampoo.. why should i wait until they tell me to buy it, why should i wait till next week to get that sale? if i need it, i should buy it.. i shouldn't have to wait for them to make things comfortable for myself.. perhaps i'm not making sense, but really i'm arguing with the corporate world.. and i don't know why, it will never have feelings or be human, it will never understand or compromise for care and comfort, it will only do things for personal gain, to capture you in, roll you up into what they want...
but i say be unconventional.. do things your own way, and not in such a way that hurts you, hurts you now or in the long run.. but do what you want to do, love what you want to love, respect the things you think are worthy of respecting, not what has been offered for you to respect.
but why should anyone be ordinary.. i truly believe that is what i fear.. i mean after god... i fear being ordinary.. being what someone else has made the status quo... i can't fill in my space in society.. i have to make my own.. there shouldnt be some spot someone has already reserved for me, i should make it my own and carve and scratch and mold it into my own space, my own... mine. i can't let this corporate world kill my dreams.. kill my personality... kill what it is that i want to define me
god i hope i never sell out... i hope i'm never a slave to the wage...
<3, sadiqeh
p.s. there is still so much i want to say.. but writing it all out on a laptop is making my wrists hurt, and i'm typing the keys really hard b/c i'm so excited... and yeah... for another time