(no subject)
peope give me shit because i tend towards an angry or discontented viewpoint. i can be very critical of things if i want. that being said, i do evidence the preference to be more accepting of things around me, and not judge too harshly, because i simply can't know the circumstances that are out of my realm.
it's something i've thought of before, but it never really set until just now: i'm perfectly happy being a malcontent, and i don't see any reason why anyone should give me any bullshit for it. without malcontents, we'd all be happy to lie in our own shit (figuratively, of course) and situations wouldn't improve. stirring the water kills the mosquito eggs, god damn it.
point 2, i don't give a shit about romance anymore. i was never really romantic in the first place, as anyone i've dated can attest, but i really don't care for companionship. no, this does not mean i do not wanna fuck, and it does not mean i'm swearing off women. it just means that the concept of a relationship leaves a sour taste in my mouth at the moment. i don't know if i mentioned this in the last journal entry, but it's been that way for some time now.
i'm dieting for the first time ever. i've quit smoking and drinking, and i'm going to the gym. i'm accelerating the navy shit because i slacked off so much before. and also i got really, really pissed off at work, which is usually my main motivator. despite giving up most of the shit i like doing, i'm actually pretty happy still. or maybe because of it. i'm sure my body was due another break from one of my myriad constant abuses. i think i miss cheese most. i stood in the cheese aisle at the grocery store tonight for like 10 minutes just looking at cheeses.
nothing new or exciting is happening in my life. again, probably a good thing for my health, but it's fuckin boring. i'm afraid if this keeps up i may have to start dating again just for some excitement. i'm in a really good place in life (aside from money and job satisfaction), and it's making me uncomfortable because it's not something i do often. feeling well-adjusted makes me nervous.
anxiety, anxiety / keeps me happy
i think i'm starting to notice a more pronounced disconnect from the past. i'm beginning to be able to reminisce without a sense of emptiness. not all the time, but rebuilding the psyche is a delicate operation.
i really oughtta try sleeping now. i work in 4 hours.