i find this interesting
as soon as i decide to act towards self improvement, i want to hurt someone i don't know for no good reason. i know exactly who i want to hurt, how, and i know exactly why - having a reason doesn't mean it's a good one, though. it's interesting that i'm perfectly capable of being the monster that i've always imagined myself destroying.
the reasoning behind "champion lowlife" and "atkethus" (if you've been paying attention) push me forward. i'm pretty sure part of me is afraid to die, and it's trying to drag me backwards.
edit: 6:24 AM
reading the last couple of pages of entries i've posted...
the world looks completely different, i guess. here's my comparison, and i know it sucks.
then, i was viewing things as a compressed sound signal - very constrained, same level, sort of bland even in it's dynamics. there were peaks and lows, which makes my analogy pretty damn stupid, but...well, everything was blunted and i was so incredibly effected by one thing that the rest of the world was non-existent to me.
it's interesting, because now...well, now i've got that same signal buzzing in my ear from time to time, but it's not compressed. i understand it more. i appreciate it better, and i think that i can work with it - now that the compression is gone, i understand more of what the musician was trying to express. this is a signal i can mix - the only problem is that there is now a producer in my studio.
mr. producer is asking to be hurt by a part of me i never want to see again.
the reasoning behind "champion lowlife" and "atkethus" (if you've been paying attention) push me forward. i'm pretty sure part of me is afraid to die, and it's trying to drag me backwards.
edit: 6:24 AM
reading the last couple of pages of entries i've posted...
the world looks completely different, i guess. here's my comparison, and i know it sucks.
then, i was viewing things as a compressed sound signal - very constrained, same level, sort of bland even in it's dynamics. there were peaks and lows, which makes my analogy pretty damn stupid, but...well, everything was blunted and i was so incredibly effected by one thing that the rest of the world was non-existent to me.
it's interesting, because now...well, now i've got that same signal buzzing in my ear from time to time, but it's not compressed. i understand it more. i appreciate it better, and i think that i can work with it - now that the compression is gone, i understand more of what the musician was trying to express. this is a signal i can mix - the only problem is that there is now a producer in my studio.
mr. producer is asking to be hurt by a part of me i never want to see again.