surprise, motherfuckers
i have a lot to catch up on.
the incredible soap opera that my life was for approximately 2 years is, for the most part, over. i can't really say i miss a lot of it, but there were some incredible periods in my life that i'm going to remember for the rest of my life. i'm never going to forget the way i was acting. i could choose to attribute it to emotional immaturity, attempt to write it off like it was something that "i promise, will never happen again", but the fact of the matter is that i need to grow up, and i have been doing my damndest to do so recently.
i'm quitting smoking, getting a better handle on my drinking, not sleeping around as much, and trying to get back into shape.
in october, i got into a car accident, received a dui. i'm dealing with the bullshit fairly well, i think, but it's beginning to drag on me. i guess the stress was showing long before now, too, as my recent ex noticed it way before i did.
let's try and tackle this in a more coherent manner. i'll go chronologically.
in june, i moved in with my friend darin. i was seeing colleen again, kind of, as well as a couple of other women. long story short, darin's been a great roommate aside from money issues, i stopped speaking to colleen in october, and i gained about 30 pounds last year because i was self medicating regarding the failed relationship. i had some really good times, hit some lows, and came out mostly on top, just as i was hoping. there are definitely chinks in my 'armor', but i'm a stronger person for having gone through it all.
in october, as i stated, i got into the accident. it didn't affect me as bad as you'd think - i was scared as shit, for sure, and thankful to be alive, but i wasn't too stressed out as far as i could tell. hired a lawyer, etc etc. i was still drinking too much, but i'd gotten past the period where i was drinking to forget. after a few more rounds with colleen, it was time to cut it off - the pattern was repeating, and i wasn't sure i could take it again. it hurt not to hear have her around, but it would have hurt more to keep myself in the position to, well...hurt myself again. i'm angry, for sure, but i'm not sure i really blame her anymore. there's no point in holding a grudge, and i'm not even sure she really intended to do a lot of the things she did, or was conscious of them. being oblivious isn't a crime.
around that time, i started speaking to a friend of mine, my first girlfriend, actually, online. a lot. we seemed to get along very well, we spoke almost every day and flirted shamelessly. there didn't appear to be any judgement or much of the negativity that i was used to, and i was, to put it bluntly, enthralled. stephanie came down for new years to visit from california, and we hit it off great. she didn't get along well with my friends, but i'm not my friends, and i was happy. problem is, i had the same idea to start with that i had with the last relationship - i was fine letting her do her thing while i went off and did (or didn't, as the case may be) mine. we spoke for the next two months and she ended up moving down here for a variety of reasons. it was pretty much accepted before then that we were a couple. i was pretty stoked.
things were cool for a bit, but it quickly became clear that we were from totally different worlds. we kept it together for a couple months, but the stress she was going through ended up getting to her and she broke it off. came out later that i'm a negative person, and to her view, i was a mean person as well. recent events have made her see things my way a bit more, but i took the negative thing to heart, and i'm working to rectify the problems i see. thanks to her, in fact, i've finally decided this lip service bullshit about changing my life needs to be acted upon. i'm really making an effort to change things for the better.
on the job front, i was contacted by a friend in december regarding a job doing desktop support. this was perfect for me, as i've decided to change my major to computer science. i've gone in a few times since then to show them that i'm worth it (it's a small company, just starting out, and i've handled myself very well), but issues keep happening that make it difficult for them to bring someone else on. i'm assured it's a matter of when, not if, and they've stopped promising "this week" several weeks ago. i'm not upset, though - i can wait for an opportunity like this. $5 raise plus free benefits, plus i'll have experience when i graduate. massive life improvement, right there.
regarding school...i'm taking 2 online courses and working full time at the moment. one class, a computer course, i'm doing GREAT in. i like the material, the teacher does an amazing job, and i'm learning things. i couldn't ask for a better class. the other one, the elective, on the other hand, isn't going so well. the name of the course is science, religion and technology, something i was positive i would excell in, as it's a hobby of mine anyhow. problem is that the teacher decided to make the course consist of busywork and really, really bad books. i'm completely dissatisfied with the fact that i dropped the dime on this course, and as such haven't been doing my best in it. the school has basically informed me that i can suck it because i didn't think to complain about it until halfway through the semester. whatever. i think i'll be fine anyway, so long as the teacher accepts late work.
there's something else, but i'm not really sure it's something i need to discuss, and it's not something i'm sure will be of concern even a week from now, so i'll hold my tongue until i get more.
sorry i've been distant - i've been keeping everything on myspace, and this site has kind of found its way to the back of the cupboard. i'll try and update a little more often if you guys are interested.