Beneath the... (Chapter 18)
Title: Beneath the…
Rating: R for this chapter.
Characters: OT5 (All Arashi members as brothers)
Genre: AU, drama, family, angst
Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine~
Summary: 2 years ago Osayama Satoshi was involved in a terrible accident that made him lost partial of his memories. Even though he survived the impact, he becomes mentally incapable and has to depend on his younger brothers to lead normal life. What he didn’t expect when waking up though was to find all his once caring brothers had turned into people who were completely different from his memory. Sho has changed into a hot-tempered workaholic, Kazunari becomes an introvert who refuses to talk with anyone, and Jun drowns himself in party, alcohol and women every single night. To make it even confusing, nobody in the house is allowed to speak about Masaki who for some unknown reasons has disappeared without a trace.
Will Satoshi find the answer he is seeking for in the end? Or something…is actually is hidden beneath the mess?
A/N: Their surname is Osayama. Un-betaed!
Chapter 18 : Beneath the tears
It was half past midnight when the call came. Though frowning when realized how late it already was, Masaki left his notes and rushed to pick up the home phone. Satoshi, Kazu, and Jun had long returned to their room for separate reason, leaving him alone in the living room doing his revision for tomorrow’s test. At first, the second year student of accountancy department only wondered who will call their house around that time, but as soon as he heard Sho’s shaking voice on the other line - asking him to bring his clean shirt to the hospital - he knew something wasn’t right was going on. The fact that the elder brother didn’t say anything much except for the place that he will be waiting at just scared Masaki even more that it made him hurriedly drove out of the house after shoved the thing he was asked for into a bag.
By the time Masaki eventually arrived in an empty hospital corridor and saw Sho was safe and sound on the waiting bench, he immediately heaved out relief sigh. Yet, as soon as he noticed the latter’s pale face and stained with blood shirt, his worries doubled. Seeing how Sho also seemed lost in his own thought until he failed to realize his presence there even after he came to sit down beside terrified Masaki more. It took a soft pat on shoulder to make Sho eventually woke up from his daze and turned to him with his red eyes. Masaki wanted to ask if the older brother was okay, but Sho surprised him by showing a smile instead.
“Sorry for making you to come here this late. You’re in the middle of your study, right?”
Masaki didn’t manage to object it when Sho started telling him how the paramedics nearly called another ambulance for him before since they thought he was terribly wounded due to the blood on his shirt. The slightly older man even chuckled when recalled the shocked expression that he received when he was in the hospital lobby since everyone thought the stain belonged to him which left him to no other choice but asked for anyone in the house to bring a clean shirt. Looking by how calm and normal Sho was while saying all that however confused Masaki so much since he couldn’t guess what actually the latter currently feel now. The slightly older man after all was very good when it came to hide his true emotions and hated to show it since he didn’t want to appear 'weak' in front of others.
Later, he just dumbly passed the bag he was holding which contained Sho’s clean cloth without thinking much when the latter asked for it. He then nodded when Sho told him that he will change his cloth in the washroom first so they can go back home as he followed the older man’s movement with his eyes. At first, he was battling to himself if he should go and check the latter’s condition, but the sudden presence of a panic woman with a little boy and a teenage girl - possibly her children - who rushed in there grabbed his attention. The woman herself ran toward him as soon as she realized his existence to question.
“Are you Osayama-san?”
Not expecting that question, Masaki was dumbfounded for a while. Before he could nod however, a nurse suddenly came out from the room in front them and asked the lady if she was the wife of a name that he didn’t manage to grasp. When the woman admitted it and said that she had been called by someone named Osayama before, Masaki knew she was referring it to Sho. That immediately made him got up and followed them quietly behind just in case there was anything he needed to hear since his brother was related to it in some ways. Yet, right when he stood on the doorstep, he finally noticed a body of a man was lying on the only bed inside the room. Shocked by the realization that he was actually in the mortuary area from the first place, Masaki was frozen on the spot. That though wasn’t as surprising as watching the nurse passed the previous woman a suit and a few more things which he guessed was the dead’s belongings. The fact that the man had business cards with Osayama Co. design and logo on top of it clicked something in his mind that made him rushed to the washroom where Sho had disappeared into a while ago. As soon as he pushed the door opened, he was about to clarify the dead man’s background with his brother, but stilled when found the latter was crying in front of the mirror. Sho who instantly noticed his presence on the other hand froze as well before hurriedly wiped his tears.
“Sorry. I took too long, right? I’ll finish right away.” the older brother then opened the tap and washed his face with the running water. The unexpectedness of seeing Sho teared up like that at the same time clenched Masaki’s heart. Soon, when he noticed how hard Sho’s hands shook while taking out his shirt from his bag, Masaki became teary himself. He then rushed to hug the second brother without a word, leaving Sho stunned and speechless by the contact for a while. Gradually feeling awkward by the entire situation, Sho at first fought it while babbling about how weird it felt as grownups and whatsoever other reason. Yet, Masaki ignored it and pat the latter’s on the back despite the struggle as he spoke reassuringly.
“This way, I won’t see your tears. But I’ll still be here.”
Sho chewed his trembling lip by that though still tried to free himself. However, when Masaki only tightened his hold instead regardless the scolds, the second brother couldn’t longer hold himself from broke down. Loud sobs escaped his throat as he then cried on the younger brother’s shoulders without restraining himself anymore. The realization of how the always appeared strong Sho openly showed his tears for the first time like that shocked Masaki very much, but not for long since he actually glad that he could force Sho to stop from enduring everything inside him alone for once. When the latter seemed like he was going to get anxiety attack as his sobs worsened to the point of coughing, Masaki began to rub his brother’s back to calm him down. The next thing that left the older man’s mouth finally gave him a slight hint about the relation between the dead man and what was actually haunting the crying man’s mind now.
“…It-was…my f-fault. I-It was…m-my fault. I-I shouldn’t…refuse f-father’s w-wish...H-He wouldn’t di-e…”
Masaki chewed his lip bitterly by the very heart wrenching tone. It hurt him to see the older brother of his repeating his regret over and over again like the man’s death was supposed to be his responsibility though from his personal view, it was something beyond anyone’s control and wish. Yet, he chose to not say anything about it, not when what Sho obviously needed more now was someone to mentally support him than someone who will against his words. He didn’t know how long it took to make Sho can eventually breathe normally again though the latter still couldn’t fully stop crying yet despite Masaki’s effort to do so. It was a very painful scene to watch that it made Masaki couldn’t help from crying along with his brother who was clearly suffering for only making a choice to lead the life that he wanted to. He never seen Sho cried as much as that night. He never witnessed Sho looked so broken like that time.
And that very moment…became the marking point for him. He would support Sho. He would stand behind Sho and lend his power whenever needed. He will not let the elder brother of his to break down alone like what he had witnessed that night anymore. Ever.
He was determined.
***
The pair of shocked eyes which is staring at him makes Jun drops his ashamed gaze to his lap. It has been nearly three weeks after the lady he often hooked up with revealed that she is carrying his child and almost a week since the last time she tried to contact him which makes him grow restless even more though it is also him who often ignores her calls due to his cowardice. Kazu has long left to outside, both to wait for Satoshi’s arrival from the hospital and gives him a chance to talk with the third brother about his problem. They had promised with Satoshi to have their dinner together after office hours to celebrate Masaki’s return since the eldest brother was very thrilled when found about it out before. That is why the waiting chance is taken by him to tell Masaki about his problem so he can ask for some advices since the latter is the only person he can seek for help left. However now, seeing how negative Masaki’s reaction is after he finishes with his explanation gradually crumbles his confidence.
“Jun…I…I really don’t know what to say.”
Jun just bites his lower lip by that. He already expects that after all. Who will accept easily the fact that their younger brother impregnates a woman who isn’t even his girlfriend out of wedding lock?
“Do you…I mean, did you often sleep around?” the younger man immediately nods by the question, resulting Masaki to turn tenser even more. If the always softhearted Masaki could show such response after he said that, he can’t bring himself to imagine how the stoic Sho will be. Time flows in thick silence for a while as neither say a word until Masaki eventually speaks again.
“I know this is…weird to ask. But do you always avoid from using protection?”
“No. Only once…with her. We were really drunk, so…it happened.”
Clearly doesn’t know what else to say, Masaki only can nod. Watching the older man’s stressed and sad expression however clenches Jun’s heart more for disappointing his brothers even though he had mentally prepared for it. Little he knows that the reaction Masaki is showing is due to much different reason than he expects it though it was well-hidden by the latter who quickly covers his disturbed look with a serious one.
“To be quite honest Jun…I don’t know what to say about this matter. I can't say anything without feeling biased.”
That makes the younger man’s heart drops. Yet, he somehow still manages to force a nod in the end, since he more than understand just how complicated the situation is even if he is in Masaki’s shoes.
“But are you really sure that baby is yours? Does she sleep around with anyone else aside of you?” the fact that Masaki will question the woman’s story credibility surprise him. It wouldn’t be that shocking if he heard it from Sho or Kazu, but knowing how considerate and trusting Masaki always is especially toward the one who will be affected the worst which is in this story is actually the pregnant lady, makes him speechless. Also, what Masaki meant by being biased? Is it toward him or toward the woman? However, after thinking what the latter just said, Jun can’t help but ponders about it again despite already discussing about the possibility with Kazu a few times before. When Masaki asked is there is any proof to determine the baby is really his now, Jun just shakes his head.
“Then no matter what, there is still a probability now that you’re the father. If you want to take responsibility, then it’s good for you. I do think it’s the best thing to do. But there are two things that I’m worried about now. First, are you prepared enough to grow a child at this age? Because it’s possible by making that choice, you might worsen the situation by ruining that innocent kid’s childhood. And I’m sure you know how it feels too yourself.”
Jun swallows hardly down by that.
“Second, let’s say you’re prepared to take the responsibility and marry her. If…If the child is proven isn’t yours after that…can you still look at that child like that child is yours? Are you fine with the thought of raising a baby who isn’t your bloodline?”
The younger man can’t bring himself to answer the question. Already well-aware how complicated Jun’s trouble is, Masaki doesn’t force the latter to answer and just let the man drowns in his own thought. He himself isn’t brave enough to push his opinion on that matter since it might turn Jun’s life upside down just like their childhood already was.
“Just…don’t leave her hanging, Jun. She’s the one who is in a much harder situation now.”
Jun only manages a nod by that. Feeling sympathy toward the younger man even more, Masaki only can pat the latter on shoulder before they are both startled by a familiar voice from behind.
“Ma-saki!!!”
The called man immediately turns to the source. A big smile immediately shows on his face when he sees the excited Satoshi already wave at him from the restaurant entrance with Kazu behind chuckles by the excitement. Some customers who are dining there already looking weirdly at them due to the strangeness of seeing an adult like Satoshi literally hop inside there like a little child, but Masaki ignores it as he gets up and returns the older man’s hug. Later, after taking their seat and tell the waitress their order, Satoshi can’t longer contain himself from asking Masaki.
“You a-re go-ing to stay wi-th us a-gain, righ-t?”
Both Kazu and Jun also turn to the third brother, anticipating. Masaki unexpectedly just shakes his head with a small smile.
“I’ll only be here until Sho fully recovered. The staff also already arranged a hotel room for me to stay for the mean time, so I won’t go back home too.”
Not expecting especially the latter part to come, the three brothers’ expression change.
“But why? It’s your house too. If this is Sho’s another ridiculous decision, I’m going to see him and-”
“No, it’s me who came up with that condition. I told Takayama that if they want me to be Sho’s temporary replacement, they have to prepare a place for me to stay during that period. I just…I feel more comfortable that way. Also, the hotel is much closer with the company, so if anything happen, I can reach there faster. It’s much convenient that way since I can run any time necessary, right?” noticing how the latter reason is actually more like Masaki’s signature random babbling when trying to cover up true feelings, the rest of the brothers can’t bring themselves to force him to return with them. After all the mess and unfortunate things that had happened to him, they understand how hard it will be for Masaki to just simply come back and stay in their house again. They will be lying if they said that decision doesn’t make them feel left out since it feels like Masaki is trying to put a distance between them as well, but they try to push the thought away by respecting the latter’s choice instead.
“And if there’s any problem or things to discuss with Sho, I will do it through Takayama or you two. I will never directly make any contact with him, so I might need one of you to be around in case of emergency. But not all the time of course. That will be too hellish for you two.”
Regardless Masaki’s light tone, that actually shock both Kazu and Jun more than ever. Already know how confusing the situation might be for the two younger men, Masaki keeps his smile as he calmly continues.
“Looking by how terrible Sho’s condition is now, I don’t think having my presence anywhere near him will make his health better. That’s another reason why I choose to not stay at home too. Let’s say if the hospital releases him early to let him rest at home until he is fully recovered, it won’t be pleasant if he has to see me every day before and after work, right? We have to put his health as the first priority now.”
“Hold on, Masaki. It’s SHO who wanted you to replace him too, right? That means he’s supposed to be fine with the idea of having you around, or at least talking with you about company matter. Why would he want you to help him if he can’t do that on the very least? That’s ridiculous.”
“No, Jun. Sho…never asked me to return. He never wanted me to replace him from the first place.”
The three brothers frown by Masaki’s words. After all, they still can’t see the logic with how Masaki’s name can be raised as the suitable candidate if there is no one who has enough influence wants to suggest him as Sho’s replacement.
“Takayama told me that the workers actually hold a secret petition among them to allow me take over for the mean time. And the participant was beyond expectation so…Sho didn’t have a choice but to surrender to their request. I believe he actually doesn’t want to let that happen, but since he always has quite a soft spot on the workers, it’s not weird if he still agrees with it in the end. To be honest I’ve agreed to take over much earlier, but there’s nothing could be done since Sho just sign the agreement yesterday. You can see from that…just how wavering he is with the idea of letting me to help him.”
No matter how calm his expression is while saying that, the three brothers still notice the bitterness that hides beneath it. As expected even with the widespread news of Masaki’s innocence regarding two years ago incident, it is not enought to budge Sho’s hatred and mistrust toward the younger man. The thought of how unfair Sho could act toward their own brother due to one decision which actually turn Masaki’s life upside down more than the second brother makes Kazu and Jun’s face gradually change into anger while Satoshi sadly chew his lip. Masaki who doesn’t notice it at first on the other hand just turns to look at their surrounding until he eventually notices how unusually quiet they are even after the waitress takes her leave from there once she has served their meals.
“Guys…?”
“Sho was-n’t like tha-t be-fore. He is al-ways so kind… It’s sa-d he turn-s to th-e per-son he is no-w…”
“I’m sure he’s still the same person, Nii-san. It’s just…he has a reason that make him act like that.”
“Actually, the doctor told me about his mental condition this morning. He said Sho probably has poor anger management because of anxiety. It probably due to combination of stress and bad experience that makes him turns into a paranoid…but I don’t know, Masaki. I don’t know if we can still consider that as an excuse to treat you like now. You’re proven innocent already.”
“Sounds more like he’s too egoistic and proud to change his mind for me. He always thinks he’s the ‘victim’ or the correct one in this matter, but when things turn unexpected, he couldn’t admit he is at fault anymore.”
“Guys, he is NOT. He DOES have his reason.”
Masaki’s firm tone silences them. Realizing how serious the latter’s expression is makes them even more confused by how softhearted he can be. Both Kazu and Jun are ready to oppose it, but when Masaki suddenly let out a heavy sigh, they choose to remain quiet until the third brother reveals the untold story of how Sho was pressured, mocked, even made fool of due to his young age and lack of experience when he agreed to take over their father for a while to handle Osayama Co. even though Sho was still in his university years at that time. All of that however is nothing compared to how many times Sho was betrayed by his subordinates due to their lack of trust on his capability until there are times when the second brother met his client, only to be ridiculed or scolded for giving outdated information since nobody updated him with a new one even after he desperately asked around for it. Entering the third year in the company, the older man nearly run out of his motivation and trust on everyone else. He did prove his worthiness to the people who are much senior than him in that field including the directors in the end, but the damage was done.
“…I still remember how cold and anxious he is when I just entered the company. He even asked why I made the stupid decision to work in there as well even after watching how stressed up he always look. I thought he mocked my intelligence at that time tho.” the third brother then chuckled, clearly amused by the memory. Seeing the unexpected reaction however, bring surprise to the other three men’s look. Who would have guessed after the terrible things that happened to him, Masaki can still consider of the second brother’s pain ahead despite his own? Only Kazu can actually guess why the latter will do as far as that to ‘sacrifice’ himself for their sake after all the unfortunate things that happened to the latter, but he can’t bring himself to touch it in front of Satoshi and Jun.
Instead, he just laugh to himself.
“I can relate to Sho about that tho. I do question your level of stupidity. You even enter that crazy place literally twice. What’s wrong with your brain actually?”
That of course offended Masaki so much that he immediately scolds the fourth brother. Not even scared a bit by that, Kazu just teases him even more until Masaki nearly explodes as he furiously defends himself though to no avail. Watching the familiar comical fight between those two already bring laughter to Satoshi’s face while Jun just quietly smiles from the side. After all, even with that airhead and slightly childish personality of Masaki, nobody could ever guess that he is the one who actually can understand Sho more than any of them. That might explain why the second brother drastically changes after he left since there is nobody else who can tolerate Sho’s passion and temper enough aside of Masaki. Later, when the two men’s loudness starts to attract a lot of attention from people around them, Jun eventually scolds them for the noises. Despite all that though, the pleasant atmosphere that surrounds the four of them remain even until they have finished their meal and gather in front of the restaurant to leave to the separate ways. Although Jun has offered to send Masaki until the hotel with his car since it is located on their way home anyway, the latter refuses it as he says he still wants to stroll around there. The other three brothers are expecting to see him walk away after bidding their goodnight to each other, but unexpectedly Masaki suddenly stops on his steps. Later when he turns around and approaches Jun with serious expression, they all frown, especially the youngest man who doesn’t know what to say by the time the older man stands in front him.
“About that matter…I think Sho will be the best one to ask advice from.”
The insane suggestion surprises Jun more than ever.
“You’ve got to be kidding. Sho is going to kill me!”
“Just try to talk with him first, Jun. Sho is much wiser than you thought when it comes to unexpected crisis like this. He might don’t have the answer himself, but he’s the best to talk with at the very least.”
Jun sighs heavily by that. At some points he wants to scold Masaki for comes up with such an easy idea like that, but remembering that the older man has never once seen how terrible Sho’s current condition is himself, he holds his thought. The only thing he can imagine by rising that topic to the second brother aside of being bash till death is to see Sho’s health will turn even worse than it already is. He is just about to say it when Masaki cut him first.
“Since there’s nobody else dares to give solid opinion you needed, I believe Sho is the right one to ask for. How about try to talk with him first?”
“He punched Kazu and I at least once before. That man isn’t someone you can talk to about this thing without getting killed. He is not going to listen. Also, do you want him to get heart attack? You also know yourself that he is not in condition to be stressed like that more.”
“I meant it to myself. But if any of you try to talk to him instead, I think it will actually make him better. That show you trust him. And that’s what he need the most to open up himself to get better. Sho is much more reliable than you thought.”
Now that is something Jun can’t understand. Yet, no matter how much he wants to get the sense out of the older man, he doesn’t know how. Masaki’s way of thinking is just so weird sometimes and the fact that the latter is too kind to the point it can get into his nerves like now nearly makes him explode. Sighing by the absurdity of the entire situation, he begins to walk away as he takes out the car key from his pocket despite Masaki’s effort to make him listen. He can hear footsteps sound comes from behind him together with Satoshi and Kazu’s goodnight wish when the two brothers rush to follow him to their parked car. Silence surrounds their journey back to home afterward as both Satoshi and Kazu choose to not disturb the youngest brother who seems to lose in his thought. It continues until they arrive at home later as Jun disappears into the kitchen while the remaining two brothers turn to each other. By the time they decide to follow the latter inside, they found Jun already settles on one of the chairs and loses in his thought. That sight makes Satoshi’s expression gloom as he stands next to the younger man and pats him on shoulder.
“It is bet-ter to try an-d ta-lk to Sho li-ke what Ma-saki said. It can he-lp much mo-re.”
Jun unexpectedly laughs by it.
“You don’t even know what exactly the trouble is to say that, Nii-san.”
“I agree with Nii-san, Jun. Maybe you should try to talk with Sho since it’s not like we have any other option anyway.”
“You too? You know yourself how bad Sho will react with it.”
“I know, but are you going to lose anything from doing that? Sho will know it sooner or later anyway.”
“What’s the point of trying if I’m going to be beaten up anyway?”
“If you know you’re going to be beaten up either way, why hesitate?”
The answer makes Jun shakes his head while chuckling bitterly. Later, the two brothers come to sit there as well and accompany the younger man without saying anything. The silent kindness moves the troubled young man who then closes his eyes to stop his tears from slipping. His voice is shaking as he eventually speaks between his unsteady breath.
“It might ruin our family even more.”
Instead of saying anything, Satoshi and Kazu smile understandingly. When the first teardrop finally flows down to Jun’s face follow by several more, the two brothers just pat the younger man on his back without a word, letting him to pour out the fear and worries that he had been keeping to himself for all this while. They continue to comfort their crying brother who keeps on apologizing over his stupid mistake and for dragging them into the mess as well though both quickly deny it since neither actually thinks the same with what Jun is assuming to.
…That night they stay and accompany the usually strong youngest brother until dawn resurfaces and brings a new brand hope to the day.
***
>This is the hardest chapter to write so far...because of writer's block! I feel like want to cry for overcome it TT^TT Ughh so thankful that I finally can complete the chapter...
>This story is very long, but please follow it until the end m(_ _)m Thank You VERY much for reading as usual. Comments are loved!
Rating: R for this chapter.
Characters: OT5 (All Arashi members as brothers)
Genre: AU, drama, family, angst
Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine~
Summary: 2 years ago Osayama Satoshi was involved in a terrible accident that made him lost partial of his memories. Even though he survived the impact, he becomes mentally incapable and has to depend on his younger brothers to lead normal life. What he didn’t expect when waking up though was to find all his once caring brothers had turned into people who were completely different from his memory. Sho has changed into a hot-tempered workaholic, Kazunari becomes an introvert who refuses to talk with anyone, and Jun drowns himself in party, alcohol and women every single night. To make it even confusing, nobody in the house is allowed to speak about Masaki who for some unknown reasons has disappeared without a trace.
Will Satoshi find the answer he is seeking for in the end? Or something…is actually is hidden beneath the mess?
A/N: Their surname is Osayama. Un-betaed!
Chapter 18 : Beneath the tears
It was half past midnight when the call came. Though frowning when realized how late it already was, Masaki left his notes and rushed to pick up the home phone. Satoshi, Kazu, and Jun had long returned to their room for separate reason, leaving him alone in the living room doing his revision for tomorrow’s test. At first, the second year student of accountancy department only wondered who will call their house around that time, but as soon as he heard Sho’s shaking voice on the other line - asking him to bring his clean shirt to the hospital - he knew something wasn’t right was going on. The fact that the elder brother didn’t say anything much except for the place that he will be waiting at just scared Masaki even more that it made him hurriedly drove out of the house after shoved the thing he was asked for into a bag.
By the time Masaki eventually arrived in an empty hospital corridor and saw Sho was safe and sound on the waiting bench, he immediately heaved out relief sigh. Yet, as soon as he noticed the latter’s pale face and stained with blood shirt, his worries doubled. Seeing how Sho also seemed lost in his own thought until he failed to realize his presence there even after he came to sit down beside terrified Masaki more. It took a soft pat on shoulder to make Sho eventually woke up from his daze and turned to him with his red eyes. Masaki wanted to ask if the older brother was okay, but Sho surprised him by showing a smile instead.
“Sorry for making you to come here this late. You’re in the middle of your study, right?”
Masaki didn’t manage to object it when Sho started telling him how the paramedics nearly called another ambulance for him before since they thought he was terribly wounded due to the blood on his shirt. The slightly older man even chuckled when recalled the shocked expression that he received when he was in the hospital lobby since everyone thought the stain belonged to him which left him to no other choice but asked for anyone in the house to bring a clean shirt. Looking by how calm and normal Sho was while saying all that however confused Masaki so much since he couldn’t guess what actually the latter currently feel now. The slightly older man after all was very good when it came to hide his true emotions and hated to show it since he didn’t want to appear 'weak' in front of others.
Later, he just dumbly passed the bag he was holding which contained Sho’s clean cloth without thinking much when the latter asked for it. He then nodded when Sho told him that he will change his cloth in the washroom first so they can go back home as he followed the older man’s movement with his eyes. At first, he was battling to himself if he should go and check the latter’s condition, but the sudden presence of a panic woman with a little boy and a teenage girl - possibly her children - who rushed in there grabbed his attention. The woman herself ran toward him as soon as she realized his existence to question.
“Are you Osayama-san?”
Not expecting that question, Masaki was dumbfounded for a while. Before he could nod however, a nurse suddenly came out from the room in front them and asked the lady if she was the wife of a name that he didn’t manage to grasp. When the woman admitted it and said that she had been called by someone named Osayama before, Masaki knew she was referring it to Sho. That immediately made him got up and followed them quietly behind just in case there was anything he needed to hear since his brother was related to it in some ways. Yet, right when he stood on the doorstep, he finally noticed a body of a man was lying on the only bed inside the room. Shocked by the realization that he was actually in the mortuary area from the first place, Masaki was frozen on the spot. That though wasn’t as surprising as watching the nurse passed the previous woman a suit and a few more things which he guessed was the dead’s belongings. The fact that the man had business cards with Osayama Co. design and logo on top of it clicked something in his mind that made him rushed to the washroom where Sho had disappeared into a while ago. As soon as he pushed the door opened, he was about to clarify the dead man’s background with his brother, but stilled when found the latter was crying in front of the mirror. Sho who instantly noticed his presence on the other hand froze as well before hurriedly wiped his tears.
“Sorry. I took too long, right? I’ll finish right away.” the older brother then opened the tap and washed his face with the running water. The unexpectedness of seeing Sho teared up like that at the same time clenched Masaki’s heart. Soon, when he noticed how hard Sho’s hands shook while taking out his shirt from his bag, Masaki became teary himself. He then rushed to hug the second brother without a word, leaving Sho stunned and speechless by the contact for a while. Gradually feeling awkward by the entire situation, Sho at first fought it while babbling about how weird it felt as grownups and whatsoever other reason. Yet, Masaki ignored it and pat the latter’s on the back despite the struggle as he spoke reassuringly.
“This way, I won’t see your tears. But I’ll still be here.”
Sho chewed his trembling lip by that though still tried to free himself. However, when Masaki only tightened his hold instead regardless the scolds, the second brother couldn’t longer hold himself from broke down. Loud sobs escaped his throat as he then cried on the younger brother’s shoulders without restraining himself anymore. The realization of how the always appeared strong Sho openly showed his tears for the first time like that shocked Masaki very much, but not for long since he actually glad that he could force Sho to stop from enduring everything inside him alone for once. When the latter seemed like he was going to get anxiety attack as his sobs worsened to the point of coughing, Masaki began to rub his brother’s back to calm him down. The next thing that left the older man’s mouth finally gave him a slight hint about the relation between the dead man and what was actually haunting the crying man’s mind now.
“…It-was…my f-fault. I-It was…m-my fault. I-I shouldn’t…refuse f-father’s w-wish...H-He wouldn’t di-e…”
Masaki chewed his lip bitterly by the very heart wrenching tone. It hurt him to see the older brother of his repeating his regret over and over again like the man’s death was supposed to be his responsibility though from his personal view, it was something beyond anyone’s control and wish. Yet, he chose to not say anything about it, not when what Sho obviously needed more now was someone to mentally support him than someone who will against his words. He didn’t know how long it took to make Sho can eventually breathe normally again though the latter still couldn’t fully stop crying yet despite Masaki’s effort to do so. It was a very painful scene to watch that it made Masaki couldn’t help from crying along with his brother who was clearly suffering for only making a choice to lead the life that he wanted to. He never seen Sho cried as much as that night. He never witnessed Sho looked so broken like that time.
And that very moment…became the marking point for him. He would support Sho. He would stand behind Sho and lend his power whenever needed. He will not let the elder brother of his to break down alone like what he had witnessed that night anymore. Ever.
He was determined.
***
The pair of shocked eyes which is staring at him makes Jun drops his ashamed gaze to his lap. It has been nearly three weeks after the lady he often hooked up with revealed that she is carrying his child and almost a week since the last time she tried to contact him which makes him grow restless even more though it is also him who often ignores her calls due to his cowardice. Kazu has long left to outside, both to wait for Satoshi’s arrival from the hospital and gives him a chance to talk with the third brother about his problem. They had promised with Satoshi to have their dinner together after office hours to celebrate Masaki’s return since the eldest brother was very thrilled when found about it out before. That is why the waiting chance is taken by him to tell Masaki about his problem so he can ask for some advices since the latter is the only person he can seek for help left. However now, seeing how negative Masaki’s reaction is after he finishes with his explanation gradually crumbles his confidence.
“Jun…I…I really don’t know what to say.”
Jun just bites his lower lip by that. He already expects that after all. Who will accept easily the fact that their younger brother impregnates a woman who isn’t even his girlfriend out of wedding lock?
“Do you…I mean, did you often sleep around?” the younger man immediately nods by the question, resulting Masaki to turn tenser even more. If the always softhearted Masaki could show such response after he said that, he can’t bring himself to imagine how the stoic Sho will be. Time flows in thick silence for a while as neither say a word until Masaki eventually speaks again.
“I know this is…weird to ask. But do you always avoid from using protection?”
“No. Only once…with her. We were really drunk, so…it happened.”
Clearly doesn’t know what else to say, Masaki only can nod. Watching the older man’s stressed and sad expression however clenches Jun’s heart more for disappointing his brothers even though he had mentally prepared for it. Little he knows that the reaction Masaki is showing is due to much different reason than he expects it though it was well-hidden by the latter who quickly covers his disturbed look with a serious one.
“To be quite honest Jun…I don’t know what to say about this matter. I can't say anything without feeling biased.”
That makes the younger man’s heart drops. Yet, he somehow still manages to force a nod in the end, since he more than understand just how complicated the situation is even if he is in Masaki’s shoes.
“But are you really sure that baby is yours? Does she sleep around with anyone else aside of you?” the fact that Masaki will question the woman’s story credibility surprise him. It wouldn’t be that shocking if he heard it from Sho or Kazu, but knowing how considerate and trusting Masaki always is especially toward the one who will be affected the worst which is in this story is actually the pregnant lady, makes him speechless. Also, what Masaki meant by being biased? Is it toward him or toward the woman? However, after thinking what the latter just said, Jun can’t help but ponders about it again despite already discussing about the possibility with Kazu a few times before. When Masaki asked is there is any proof to determine the baby is really his now, Jun just shakes his head.
“Then no matter what, there is still a probability now that you’re the father. If you want to take responsibility, then it’s good for you. I do think it’s the best thing to do. But there are two things that I’m worried about now. First, are you prepared enough to grow a child at this age? Because it’s possible by making that choice, you might worsen the situation by ruining that innocent kid’s childhood. And I’m sure you know how it feels too yourself.”
Jun swallows hardly down by that.
“Second, let’s say you’re prepared to take the responsibility and marry her. If…If the child is proven isn’t yours after that…can you still look at that child like that child is yours? Are you fine with the thought of raising a baby who isn’t your bloodline?”
The younger man can’t bring himself to answer the question. Already well-aware how complicated Jun’s trouble is, Masaki doesn’t force the latter to answer and just let the man drowns in his own thought. He himself isn’t brave enough to push his opinion on that matter since it might turn Jun’s life upside down just like their childhood already was.
“Just…don’t leave her hanging, Jun. She’s the one who is in a much harder situation now.”
Jun only manages a nod by that. Feeling sympathy toward the younger man even more, Masaki only can pat the latter on shoulder before they are both startled by a familiar voice from behind.
“Ma-saki!!!”
The called man immediately turns to the source. A big smile immediately shows on his face when he sees the excited Satoshi already wave at him from the restaurant entrance with Kazu behind chuckles by the excitement. Some customers who are dining there already looking weirdly at them due to the strangeness of seeing an adult like Satoshi literally hop inside there like a little child, but Masaki ignores it as he gets up and returns the older man’s hug. Later, after taking their seat and tell the waitress their order, Satoshi can’t longer contain himself from asking Masaki.
“You a-re go-ing to stay wi-th us a-gain, righ-t?”
Both Kazu and Jun also turn to the third brother, anticipating. Masaki unexpectedly just shakes his head with a small smile.
“I’ll only be here until Sho fully recovered. The staff also already arranged a hotel room for me to stay for the mean time, so I won’t go back home too.”
Not expecting especially the latter part to come, the three brothers’ expression change.
“But why? It’s your house too. If this is Sho’s another ridiculous decision, I’m going to see him and-”
“No, it’s me who came up with that condition. I told Takayama that if they want me to be Sho’s temporary replacement, they have to prepare a place for me to stay during that period. I just…I feel more comfortable that way. Also, the hotel is much closer with the company, so if anything happen, I can reach there faster. It’s much convenient that way since I can run any time necessary, right?” noticing how the latter reason is actually more like Masaki’s signature random babbling when trying to cover up true feelings, the rest of the brothers can’t bring themselves to force him to return with them. After all the mess and unfortunate things that had happened to him, they understand how hard it will be for Masaki to just simply come back and stay in their house again. They will be lying if they said that decision doesn’t make them feel left out since it feels like Masaki is trying to put a distance between them as well, but they try to push the thought away by respecting the latter’s choice instead.
“And if there’s any problem or things to discuss with Sho, I will do it through Takayama or you two. I will never directly make any contact with him, so I might need one of you to be around in case of emergency. But not all the time of course. That will be too hellish for you two.”
Regardless Masaki’s light tone, that actually shock both Kazu and Jun more than ever. Already know how confusing the situation might be for the two younger men, Masaki keeps his smile as he calmly continues.
“Looking by how terrible Sho’s condition is now, I don’t think having my presence anywhere near him will make his health better. That’s another reason why I choose to not stay at home too. Let’s say if the hospital releases him early to let him rest at home until he is fully recovered, it won’t be pleasant if he has to see me every day before and after work, right? We have to put his health as the first priority now.”
“Hold on, Masaki. It’s SHO who wanted you to replace him too, right? That means he’s supposed to be fine with the idea of having you around, or at least talking with you about company matter. Why would he want you to help him if he can’t do that on the very least? That’s ridiculous.”
“No, Jun. Sho…never asked me to return. He never wanted me to replace him from the first place.”
The three brothers frown by Masaki’s words. After all, they still can’t see the logic with how Masaki’s name can be raised as the suitable candidate if there is no one who has enough influence wants to suggest him as Sho’s replacement.
“Takayama told me that the workers actually hold a secret petition among them to allow me take over for the mean time. And the participant was beyond expectation so…Sho didn’t have a choice but to surrender to their request. I believe he actually doesn’t want to let that happen, but since he always has quite a soft spot on the workers, it’s not weird if he still agrees with it in the end. To be honest I’ve agreed to take over much earlier, but there’s nothing could be done since Sho just sign the agreement yesterday. You can see from that…just how wavering he is with the idea of letting me to help him.”
No matter how calm his expression is while saying that, the three brothers still notice the bitterness that hides beneath it. As expected even with the widespread news of Masaki’s innocence regarding two years ago incident, it is not enought to budge Sho’s hatred and mistrust toward the younger man. The thought of how unfair Sho could act toward their own brother due to one decision which actually turn Masaki’s life upside down more than the second brother makes Kazu and Jun’s face gradually change into anger while Satoshi sadly chew his lip. Masaki who doesn’t notice it at first on the other hand just turns to look at their surrounding until he eventually notices how unusually quiet they are even after the waitress takes her leave from there once she has served their meals.
“Guys…?”
“Sho was-n’t like tha-t be-fore. He is al-ways so kind… It’s sa-d he turn-s to th-e per-son he is no-w…”
“I’m sure he’s still the same person, Nii-san. It’s just…he has a reason that make him act like that.”
“Actually, the doctor told me about his mental condition this morning. He said Sho probably has poor anger management because of anxiety. It probably due to combination of stress and bad experience that makes him turns into a paranoid…but I don’t know, Masaki. I don’t know if we can still consider that as an excuse to treat you like now. You’re proven innocent already.”
“Sounds more like he’s too egoistic and proud to change his mind for me. He always thinks he’s the ‘victim’ or the correct one in this matter, but when things turn unexpected, he couldn’t admit he is at fault anymore.”
“Guys, he is NOT. He DOES have his reason.”
Masaki’s firm tone silences them. Realizing how serious the latter’s expression is makes them even more confused by how softhearted he can be. Both Kazu and Jun are ready to oppose it, but when Masaki suddenly let out a heavy sigh, they choose to remain quiet until the third brother reveals the untold story of how Sho was pressured, mocked, even made fool of due to his young age and lack of experience when he agreed to take over their father for a while to handle Osayama Co. even though Sho was still in his university years at that time. All of that however is nothing compared to how many times Sho was betrayed by his subordinates due to their lack of trust on his capability until there are times when the second brother met his client, only to be ridiculed or scolded for giving outdated information since nobody updated him with a new one even after he desperately asked around for it. Entering the third year in the company, the older man nearly run out of his motivation and trust on everyone else. He did prove his worthiness to the people who are much senior than him in that field including the directors in the end, but the damage was done.
“…I still remember how cold and anxious he is when I just entered the company. He even asked why I made the stupid decision to work in there as well even after watching how stressed up he always look. I thought he mocked my intelligence at that time tho.” the third brother then chuckled, clearly amused by the memory. Seeing the unexpected reaction however, bring surprise to the other three men’s look. Who would have guessed after the terrible things that happened to him, Masaki can still consider of the second brother’s pain ahead despite his own? Only Kazu can actually guess why the latter will do as far as that to ‘sacrifice’ himself for their sake after all the unfortunate things that happened to the latter, but he can’t bring himself to touch it in front of Satoshi and Jun.
Instead, he just laugh to himself.
“I can relate to Sho about that tho. I do question your level of stupidity. You even enter that crazy place literally twice. What’s wrong with your brain actually?”
That of course offended Masaki so much that he immediately scolds the fourth brother. Not even scared a bit by that, Kazu just teases him even more until Masaki nearly explodes as he furiously defends himself though to no avail. Watching the familiar comical fight between those two already bring laughter to Satoshi’s face while Jun just quietly smiles from the side. After all, even with that airhead and slightly childish personality of Masaki, nobody could ever guess that he is the one who actually can understand Sho more than any of them. That might explain why the second brother drastically changes after he left since there is nobody else who can tolerate Sho’s passion and temper enough aside of Masaki. Later, when the two men’s loudness starts to attract a lot of attention from people around them, Jun eventually scolds them for the noises. Despite all that though, the pleasant atmosphere that surrounds the four of them remain even until they have finished their meal and gather in front of the restaurant to leave to the separate ways. Although Jun has offered to send Masaki until the hotel with his car since it is located on their way home anyway, the latter refuses it as he says he still wants to stroll around there. The other three brothers are expecting to see him walk away after bidding their goodnight to each other, but unexpectedly Masaki suddenly stops on his steps. Later when he turns around and approaches Jun with serious expression, they all frown, especially the youngest man who doesn’t know what to say by the time the older man stands in front him.
“About that matter…I think Sho will be the best one to ask advice from.”
The insane suggestion surprises Jun more than ever.
“You’ve got to be kidding. Sho is going to kill me!”
“Just try to talk with him first, Jun. Sho is much wiser than you thought when it comes to unexpected crisis like this. He might don’t have the answer himself, but he’s the best to talk with at the very least.”
Jun sighs heavily by that. At some points he wants to scold Masaki for comes up with such an easy idea like that, but remembering that the older man has never once seen how terrible Sho’s current condition is himself, he holds his thought. The only thing he can imagine by rising that topic to the second brother aside of being bash till death is to see Sho’s health will turn even worse than it already is. He is just about to say it when Masaki cut him first.
“Since there’s nobody else dares to give solid opinion you needed, I believe Sho is the right one to ask for. How about try to talk with him first?”
“He punched Kazu and I at least once before. That man isn’t someone you can talk to about this thing without getting killed. He is not going to listen. Also, do you want him to get heart attack? You also know yourself that he is not in condition to be stressed like that more.”
“I meant it to myself. But if any of you try to talk to him instead, I think it will actually make him better. That show you trust him. And that’s what he need the most to open up himself to get better. Sho is much more reliable than you thought.”
Now that is something Jun can’t understand. Yet, no matter how much he wants to get the sense out of the older man, he doesn’t know how. Masaki’s way of thinking is just so weird sometimes and the fact that the latter is too kind to the point it can get into his nerves like now nearly makes him explode. Sighing by the absurdity of the entire situation, he begins to walk away as he takes out the car key from his pocket despite Masaki’s effort to make him listen. He can hear footsteps sound comes from behind him together with Satoshi and Kazu’s goodnight wish when the two brothers rush to follow him to their parked car. Silence surrounds their journey back to home afterward as both Satoshi and Kazu choose to not disturb the youngest brother who seems to lose in his thought. It continues until they arrive at home later as Jun disappears into the kitchen while the remaining two brothers turn to each other. By the time they decide to follow the latter inside, they found Jun already settles on one of the chairs and loses in his thought. That sight makes Satoshi’s expression gloom as he stands next to the younger man and pats him on shoulder.
“It is bet-ter to try an-d ta-lk to Sho li-ke what Ma-saki said. It can he-lp much mo-re.”
Jun unexpectedly laughs by it.
“You don’t even know what exactly the trouble is to say that, Nii-san.”
“I agree with Nii-san, Jun. Maybe you should try to talk with Sho since it’s not like we have any other option anyway.”
“You too? You know yourself how bad Sho will react with it.”
“I know, but are you going to lose anything from doing that? Sho will know it sooner or later anyway.”
“What’s the point of trying if I’m going to be beaten up anyway?”
“If you know you’re going to be beaten up either way, why hesitate?”
The answer makes Jun shakes his head while chuckling bitterly. Later, the two brothers come to sit there as well and accompany the younger man without saying anything. The silent kindness moves the troubled young man who then closes his eyes to stop his tears from slipping. His voice is shaking as he eventually speaks between his unsteady breath.
“It might ruin our family even more.”
Instead of saying anything, Satoshi and Kazu smile understandingly. When the first teardrop finally flows down to Jun’s face follow by several more, the two brothers just pat the younger man on his back without a word, letting him to pour out the fear and worries that he had been keeping to himself for all this while. They continue to comfort their crying brother who keeps on apologizing over his stupid mistake and for dragging them into the mess as well though both quickly deny it since neither actually thinks the same with what Jun is assuming to.
…That night they stay and accompany the usually strong youngest brother until dawn resurfaces and brings a new brand hope to the day.
***
>This is the hardest chapter to write so far...because of writer's block! I feel like want to cry for overcome it TT^TT Ughh so thankful that I finally can complete the chapter...
>This story is very long, but please follow it until the end m(_ _)m Thank You VERY much for reading as usual. Comments are loved!