Happy 139th. or is it 137th...*shrug*
Yes HAppy Canada Day =).
Ya know what a bad thing is. (Ranting session).
Getting Grounded on Canada Day.
Another thing.
Getting rid of a cat that you dont like all to much.
Then loosing Your cat, that you love to Death.
I know its for the best, and I wont be selfish but..alshfshjgf. Im gonna miss my Fat ass kitty cat. ;.;...
And another thing.
The way some people toy with others, or people that create drama for there own amusement or or...Decietful people, and vain people.
I mean today Im vain, I wont deny it, I think I look good. Is that vainity or is that just having self esteem. Im never sure anymore, the line seems to be blurred for me.
And yeah slfh;sdg. I dont like this holiday all to much..
Just cause Im here.
I mean last Canada day I hung out wiht Gary F. WE hung out then went ot my balcony and watched the fireworks from teh 12th floor. We could see Ontario place's fireworks and all.
And it was fun...
And for the first Canada day here, Im basically alone. My mom was gone half the day, First thing we did was fight. She said I dont contribute to the house. meanwhile the only thing I refused to do was go To the other side of the city, on buses Ive never been on. Just to meet her and help her with groceries. and maybe if me and my can be civil, have a nice ride home. Usual were civil in the Car. Just cause we never talk in the car. Well we do joke. blah whatever.
I got grounded then I sat on my bed watching tv. It got quiet. I get up and walk around my apartment and this is what stung the most out of today. She left without even telling me goodbye or anything..Usually shes like. Come on, see me off to work. But today it was just..out the door and...she was gone until 6:30 tonight...I was all alone..on holiday. then when she gets back I do chores and I get assaulted verbally, minor assault but oh well.
Carley and everyone else is out looking at fireworks and all this other stuff.
I want my old apartment back. I want to look at the moon. I want to watch random spots all over ajax basically burst to life with displays of dancing fireworks. I miss it and here Im probably not gonna see anything cause for fuck sakes. its 10:30 and its still light out. not even soemwhat dark..its basically ontario on a cloudy day. ya know..that kinda light.
seriously wtf?.
And today I had to phone my Opa. Cause hes celebrating his 70 something-ith. Birthday. so I phone. no answer. Awkward message began then. Hey umm Just phoning..to Cele..err..congratlate you on your birthday. And Happy Canada's day. and I hope youa nd Oma are doing ok. umm ok..Talk to ya later..*click*,
-.-....I actually like my Opa. Hes Awesome. My oma on the other hand is the God of Ice Queens. Shes decietful, mean, fake, cold, Two faced. GAH. I know shes my Oma but Oma's DONT Ignore you. The also DONT deliver messages of thanks and offers to get together with others.
She Tried to get rid of me entirely out of the Kerr Family, Just cause Her Son. My Father was sad/uncomfortable about the situation. Wtf..
If I were my Oma Id bitch slap my son. Course If I saw my father Id probably sock him in the eye..or Sack him in the nuts. Then...beat on him alot.
Im still fucking bitter. And I know that and..fuck..
This vacation thing sucks so far. I havent been happy once..
And my brothers come in Late July/Early August. So That'll be interesting. I get to show thema round the city and since they're going to be here I have to hide many things about myself. And others. The fact Im Bisexual. I have to hide that since my brothers will more then likely spazz cause there dad is gay and all...Plus they might tell my mom and then who knows I wont have a home..Thats worse case scenario...
And to top it off, Im all alone and I really want only two Girls. Emma, jsut cause she makes me feel good. And Kathryn, ya know that girl that I relized I loved after all this time. Ya its her..and Now shes with Cameron. boo. I mean...even if she were free...long ditance bad. Well Id be up for it. but we would be cheating ourselves...there has to be the physical there...It wouldnt be fair. Blah..
Anyways..Either those two. Or a boyfriend. I want one..I dont know why. I just want someone..
Also..
Im scared of what Im becoming.
I know people say things that are good about me. What about the bad. I mean deep down I must be a horrible person, but I dont even know. I mean..People say Im nice, people say Im charismatic, People say alot of things to build your confidence. Anything to build your confidence. Could what they be saying just, hollow truths. Or white lies?. Am I really nice..Am I really Charismatic..am I really Funny..am I really all that I am.
Maybe Im really moody and snappy and mean...Maybe Im repulsive...Maybe Im more Annoying then Funny...Maybe Im all that I am is that I'lle ver be. No matter how much more I want to be.
Maybe Im a horrible dreadful person, maybe Im just a disgusting thing on the inside.
I have the philosiphy, as do most. With outer beauty there is an inner beauty. I look at my Cat of all things. I see a Fat butterball of a kitty. But on the inside I see the cute fluffy white big blue eyed kitten that she comes off as. With those superficial people, nice looking..but basically hollow..or maybe the girls look like crooked faced, wart infested hags. and the guys are overly obese, greasy, rats..
I look at all my friends and some are these shining examples of who you should look up to and admire. and I do admire them. Then theres the friends I have that are grey areas..They have there ugly moments...and there moments were there down right bad. Then theres others that I dont even know that well and I can already see right through them that there the crooked faced, wart infested hags. Or the greasy rats.
Now this is were I get all self absorbed..
Whats my inner self. My outer self has definatly improved a hell of a lot. and I actually find myself somewhat attractive some days. But my inner self. Maybe Im one of those rats..or maybe Im a grey area sorta person..or maybe Im someone thats beautiful on the inside.
I know Im more of a mucky grey. Well thats how I see myself. I know I can be nice and I know I can be good and all. But I can be downright horrible. I can be mean, rude, crude, Decietful, two faced, and everything thats wrong. I dont know why This all came about but I dont like myself..I think of myself as a grey area on the inside, but my grey area appearance is a slightly better looked greasy rat. Maybe a somewhat dusty rat...
I dont know..I just need a day were I need to be introspective and Face all my inner demons. Yes all...that'll take a while..Anyways. Everything , I have to re-examine my inner being. Then learn from my mistakes. And change to be a better person, since the people I know now. Deserve a hell of alot better friend then I have been.
Anyways Ive unloaded my shit and I feel sorta better. course thats what you do on these things. unload your troubles and woes...
Anyhoo. Hope your Canada days were good..well for you guys now its July 2nd.
Miss ya guys..
Ya know what a bad thing is. (Ranting session).
Getting Grounded on Canada Day.
Another thing.
Getting rid of a cat that you dont like all to much.
Then loosing Your cat, that you love to Death.
I know its for the best, and I wont be selfish but..alshfshjgf. Im gonna miss my Fat ass kitty cat. ;.;...
And another thing.
The way some people toy with others, or people that create drama for there own amusement or or...Decietful people, and vain people.
I mean today Im vain, I wont deny it, I think I look good. Is that vainity or is that just having self esteem. Im never sure anymore, the line seems to be blurred for me.
And yeah slfh;sdg. I dont like this holiday all to much..
Just cause Im here.
I mean last Canada day I hung out wiht Gary F. WE hung out then went ot my balcony and watched the fireworks from teh 12th floor. We could see Ontario place's fireworks and all.
And it was fun...
And for the first Canada day here, Im basically alone. My mom was gone half the day, First thing we did was fight. She said I dont contribute to the house. meanwhile the only thing I refused to do was go To the other side of the city, on buses Ive never been on. Just to meet her and help her with groceries. and maybe if me and my can be civil, have a nice ride home. Usual were civil in the Car. Just cause we never talk in the car. Well we do joke. blah whatever.
I got grounded then I sat on my bed watching tv. It got quiet. I get up and walk around my apartment and this is what stung the most out of today. She left without even telling me goodbye or anything..Usually shes like. Come on, see me off to work. But today it was just..out the door and...she was gone until 6:30 tonight...I was all alone..on holiday. then when she gets back I do chores and I get assaulted verbally, minor assault but oh well.
Carley and everyone else is out looking at fireworks and all this other stuff.
I want my old apartment back. I want to look at the moon. I want to watch random spots all over ajax basically burst to life with displays of dancing fireworks. I miss it and here Im probably not gonna see anything cause for fuck sakes. its 10:30 and its still light out. not even soemwhat dark..its basically ontario on a cloudy day. ya know..that kinda light.
seriously wtf?.
And today I had to phone my Opa. Cause hes celebrating his 70 something-ith. Birthday. so I phone. no answer. Awkward message began then. Hey umm Just phoning..to Cele..err..congratlate you on your birthday. And Happy Canada's day. and I hope youa nd Oma are doing ok. umm ok..Talk to ya later..*click*,
-.-....I actually like my Opa. Hes Awesome. My oma on the other hand is the God of Ice Queens. Shes decietful, mean, fake, cold, Two faced. GAH. I know shes my Oma but Oma's DONT Ignore you. The also DONT deliver messages of thanks and offers to get together with others.
She Tried to get rid of me entirely out of the Kerr Family, Just cause Her Son. My Father was sad/uncomfortable about the situation. Wtf..
If I were my Oma Id bitch slap my son. Course If I saw my father Id probably sock him in the eye..or Sack him in the nuts. Then...beat on him alot.
Im still fucking bitter. And I know that and..fuck..
This vacation thing sucks so far. I havent been happy once..
And my brothers come in Late July/Early August. So That'll be interesting. I get to show thema round the city and since they're going to be here I have to hide many things about myself. And others. The fact Im Bisexual. I have to hide that since my brothers will more then likely spazz cause there dad is gay and all...Plus they might tell my mom and then who knows I wont have a home..Thats worse case scenario...
And to top it off, Im all alone and I really want only two Girls. Emma, jsut cause she makes me feel good. And Kathryn, ya know that girl that I relized I loved after all this time. Ya its her..and Now shes with Cameron. boo. I mean...even if she were free...long ditance bad. Well Id be up for it. but we would be cheating ourselves...there has to be the physical there...It wouldnt be fair. Blah..
Anyways..Either those two. Or a boyfriend. I want one..I dont know why. I just want someone..
Also..
Im scared of what Im becoming.
I know people say things that are good about me. What about the bad. I mean deep down I must be a horrible person, but I dont even know. I mean..People say Im nice, people say Im charismatic, People say alot of things to build your confidence. Anything to build your confidence. Could what they be saying just, hollow truths. Or white lies?. Am I really nice..Am I really Charismatic..am I really Funny..am I really all that I am.
Maybe Im really moody and snappy and mean...Maybe Im repulsive...Maybe Im more Annoying then Funny...Maybe Im all that I am is that I'lle ver be. No matter how much more I want to be.
Maybe Im a horrible dreadful person, maybe Im just a disgusting thing on the inside.
I have the philosiphy, as do most. With outer beauty there is an inner beauty. I look at my Cat of all things. I see a Fat butterball of a kitty. But on the inside I see the cute fluffy white big blue eyed kitten that she comes off as. With those superficial people, nice looking..but basically hollow..or maybe the girls look like crooked faced, wart infested hags. and the guys are overly obese, greasy, rats..
I look at all my friends and some are these shining examples of who you should look up to and admire. and I do admire them. Then theres the friends I have that are grey areas..They have there ugly moments...and there moments were there down right bad. Then theres others that I dont even know that well and I can already see right through them that there the crooked faced, wart infested hags. Or the greasy rats.
Now this is were I get all self absorbed..
Whats my inner self. My outer self has definatly improved a hell of a lot. and I actually find myself somewhat attractive some days. But my inner self. Maybe Im one of those rats..or maybe Im a grey area sorta person..or maybe Im someone thats beautiful on the inside.
I know Im more of a mucky grey. Well thats how I see myself. I know I can be nice and I know I can be good and all. But I can be downright horrible. I can be mean, rude, crude, Decietful, two faced, and everything thats wrong. I dont know why This all came about but I dont like myself..I think of myself as a grey area on the inside, but my grey area appearance is a slightly better looked greasy rat. Maybe a somewhat dusty rat...
I dont know..I just need a day were I need to be introspective and Face all my inner demons. Yes all...that'll take a while..Anyways. Everything , I have to re-examine my inner being. Then learn from my mistakes. And change to be a better person, since the people I know now. Deserve a hell of alot better friend then I have been.
Anyways Ive unloaded my shit and I feel sorta better. course thats what you do on these things. unload your troubles and woes...
Anyhoo. Hope your Canada days were good..well for you guys now its July 2nd.
Miss ya guys..