The Twelve Days Of Christmas

[adrenalin211]

Title: The Twelve Days of Christmas
Author: adrenalin211
Rating: Um R? Idk. There’s some sex. What does that make it?
Characters: Jack, Renee, Kim, Stephen, Baby Teri
Summary: It was winter and it was cold. Jack and Renee were there. A lonely grey couch. “Oh look!” cried Teri. And then the kingdom was hers forever. The end. (Well not really. But

Comments

[leigh57]

Sooooooooooooo I don't even know where to start, because I'm so excited you posted this in the first place and every time I read the first or the last bits I get so distracted my brain doesn't work. Fail. hehehehehe. Anyway. Ahem. I'll try though? First I have to say that it's amusing to beta someone and constantly have to say, "That's much too poetic. Please take it out." You're the only person for whom I've ever had to do that. LOL. Okay so anyway. If I say everything I love about this, I'll be here until 2012 and the aliens will come, so I'm going to make a list. Word.

1) Your use of parentheses. (Like "Naked bodies slick and arching", just for example -- heh) But I love it through the whole story.
2) "Dizzying paradox," "perfect pressure" (GUH) "feels the rhythms of her everywhere," "welcome catastrophe." Huhwhat?
3) Remote, fireflies, and "understatement of a decade."
4) Baby!Teri with her adorable inflections, and how Jack can't resist her.
5) Insomnia, Starbucks, eggnog latte, awkwardness, one word replies, and the way you manage to convey how much there is between them in so few words. Also this: "There’s a surge of something undefined, almost audible, traveling down her spinal column, resounding in a succession of physical echoes." Because I totally wish I wrote it. Alas.
6) "Uncomfortably incredible," and Jack whispering in Renee's ear FUCK ME.
7) Jack's ARM reaching out (because it so would) and this: "A tense jolt, a cloud of chalky, odorous gas, a sensation of flying off axis and being punched with white sand." Just. Awesome.
8) "looking at each other too long and not long enough" and her foot under his thigh. Somehow you make it so perfect without going over the top. It's all in the little things.
9) Jack sounding happy and Renee so unsure about what to do. I want to watch all of this on TV. Screw plot and saving the world. 24 hours of Jack and Renee being hot and adorable. Is that too much to ask?
10) Charlie Brown, the smell of pine, and Kim and Stephen snerking. I can just SEE this entire blip.
11) This: "His smile is so rare it’s contagious, something to which she’s never had a chance to build immunity." GAH. Also this: "The compulsion to tense and relax at precisely the same moment." And Jack shopping. And kissing her cheek. And me hearing him say that about toy stores. *dies* Oh Jack. Seriously. I just.
12) The gorgeous quiet of the Christmas Eve one. Jack tucking Teri in makes my heart grow three sizes! And my squee at the idea of him and Renee just hanging on the couch waiting for yummy drinks is kinda ridiculous. Meh I just want him to be happy. hahahahaha. Why do we watch this fucking show again?

hahaha. And I hate 13 so this one doesn't get a number. Besides, how am I supposed to cover (so to speak) all the things I love about the last one? God the HOT. "Freckled canvas," Renee not being able to handle the pace (WORD!), "striking chaos between spines," Jack asking if she's okay with it (because he WOULD), this: "watching her Christmas lights flicker sporadically like every nerve in her body." (I wish I wrote that so hard.) Their adorable on the couch banter. The idea of them falling asleep together all happy. The last line = so much win.

Um so. Yes. You win at life. I'm SO GLAD you screwed up your courage and posted this. It makes me unbelievably happy to have you writing again. I've missed it like woah. Muah.

[adrenalin211]

:) First, I have to say THANK YOU so so much for all the help, both with editing and posting. The technical help was epic and above and beyond and just! You're the best.

I'm so excited I wrote TOO! When does THAT happen? But honestly? The whole reason I wrote this was so I wouldn't be rusty to write your Christmas present, which is much more layered and... idk. So I should actually WRITE that before I get rusty again. Maybe since I have no choice, I will. Hmmm

Thanks so much for picking out the specific lines. It's so been like... wow. Well over a year since I've been complimented in that way. It's really super nice! I forgot!

I don't KNOW why we watch this show! We always get jack on his totally most horribly sad days ever. I swear that he's like this sometimes. It's my fanwank. It only makes sense. I mean, mind you, not following seasons 1 and 5, and 6, but the rest of the time it's relatively believable that he'd be able to crack a joke and smile for two seconds, right?? Oy. I just want him to be happy because when he smiles it does firefly things to my stomach and other areas I won't mention on LJ Wait what?

If I were a really good friend, I'd figure out how to get you Jack for Christmas. But since you've settled for mediocrity, you'll have to live with ED porn.

Muah. Thanks for all the support and for the nice review.