Love Me Whenever 11.5/?
The words spill like molten lava, hot and cricket-y over layers of metaphoric rock from the depths of Kibum's mouth as he is unable to stop himself. "But why? You two were so.. perfect- and happy together."
Jinki's eyes are a blank shade of burnt sienna as he replies the younger boy, crossing his les beneath the overly-elaborate and spindly table. "We weren't as suited for each other as we thought we were, Kibummie."
"Don't call me that." The blonde's voice wavers uncertainly, and his hand shakes the slightest bit as he grips the cool, wet glass of containing his drink. His gut is twisting in the most uncomfortable way manageable, and the horrible feeling of deja-vu washes over him, only that this time he feels the full impact of everything. "T-tell me what happened."
"She- she found out a couple of things."
"What, were you cheating on her?" Kibum's voice is raised a couple of notches above the norm, but he couldn't care less about all the attention he's garnering. "Did you hurt Luna-noona?"
"Ki-"
"Did you hurt her, or did you not?" Kibum is clenching his fists together so tightly that the blunted half-mood threaten to make a permanent mark on the delicate inside of his palm. How could Jinki-
"It wasn't like that." The older man's voice abruptly turns soft, almost apologetic. Kibum almost misses the minute shifting of his eyes and the little twitch of his fingers.
"Then what was it? Jinki-hyung, don't play around anymore-"
"You like her that much, Kibum?"
"What- no, not that way. But she was the most amazing noona I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. What the fuck did you do, hyung?"
Jinki, despite his babyish cheeks and youthful appearance, suddenly looks really, really old. He offers a tiny smile to the hostile teenager, but doesn't back down when he receives no response in return. Kibum's ears are roaring with the sudden rush of blood through his head.
"Kibummie-"
"I said not t-"
"We broke up because she found out I wasn't straight."
The world stops turning for Kibum then, and the glass of iced tea slips from his fingers and topples on the table, its contents flowing in a mess of chilled liquid and ice onto the floor. The teenager feels a stinging heat in his eyes as he looks back into the elder's eternally calm ones, feeling much smaller than he's ever felt in his entire life. Without any warning, his legs take charge; he gets up, scraping the chair back with a desperate keen and turns on his heel, biting on his tongue in a valiant attempt to keep the tears inside of him as he storms out of the shop, leaving countless pairs of eyes and hushed whispers behind him. Most important of all, he's left behind Jinki, from whom he has heard more than enough from.
The sidewalk and people meld together as Kibum stalks down it blindly, head down and hands occasionally scraping hot liquid harshly off the swell of his cheeks. He does not register the distant, hesitant voice of someone shouting after him as he is being chased after, only concentrating on the memories he has of the older couple. The pretty, perfect image of Luna cuddling together with Jinki on the couch during Christmas seemed eons ago- how could he-
And then Kibum drops himself on the edge of the pavement, where there is minimal human traffic and prying eyes, huddling himself into a tight ball and closing his eyes. He feels the pain and guilt wading their way up his adolescent throat and washing out of his eyes, burning and corrupting and reminding. He's never felt anything like this before, and in the midst of the tornado of feelings he scuffs his heels childishly on the floor, as if that could reduce the amount hurt he's holding onto right now- and caused.
Of all the times Kibum has been a third wheel during his undesirable career of a stripper, he has never once felt the slightest pang in his heart, or the washing of guilt through his bones as he watches countless relationships strain and break. Kibum has never allowed the immense heartbreak and anger from his temporary lovers' other halves get to him, preferring to shimmy up a pole with his tight, bare ass on display or drape himself over his lovers in an attempt to get first-class seats to a show. More than once, Kibum has been humiliated, screamed at, lashed out at and begged to sever his ties with his clients, but he has never let anything get under his skin. Money, at that point of time in life, was the most important, and one could fuck off with their unsustainable bags of morals.
So why was he feeling the pain of their breakup so much? He's almost certain that he hurts just as much as Luna probably did, maybe even a little more. The feelings Jinki probably had for him were already confirmed pretty much earlier on, and Kibum always had a niggling intuition that something like this was bound to happen soon or later. That being said, but why had all the mental preparation and past fucking experiences not hardened him enough for this?
The seventeen-year-old doesn't expect the light brush of pleading fingers against the inside of his wrist, and he instinctively tugs them away from the makeshift manacles roughly, pushing himself backward with his feet and glaring unseeingly up at the damned intruder of his weak moment. He is expecting the face of a concerned ahjumma or policeman to come into view, but it shocks him deep into the center of his dull heart as the hunched body of Lee Jinki blocks out the unforgiving glare of the sun.
"Fuck off," the boy spits, grabbing blindly for his bag and scrambling to his feet, backing away slowly with stupid tears till cascading past the angles of his face, falling onto the concrete in darkening splotches of sadness. "I don't ever want to speak to you again-"
"Kibummie, this isn't your fault," Jinki pleads incessantly, his palms held out and open in the teenager's face as he advances, as if he is trying to calm an irate animal.
"Then whose is it?!" Kibum all but screams, and the sudden outburst takes its toll on his already exhausted body. He feels himself stumbling backward-
And is caught up again by Jinki's quick, strong hands, and held firmly in place by his waist. No amount of frantic struggling on Kibum's part gets him away from this heartbreaker, and he is forced to stand there, with the tell-tale tracks of emotion on his cheeks in full glory, slants of gunmetal burning holes into the knot of the stupid, stupid striped necktie of the other man and waiting for yet another useless explanation.
"Mine," Jinki replies woodenly, still holding Kibum in his grasp. The younger's fight is escaping him, leaving him empty and so horribly hollow. Kibum just stops still in the end, arms plastered at his sides while the tears still flow unrelentingly. "Please don't cry Kibum, everything is my-"
"I fucking hate you," Kibum shoots, but as weak as his voice is, it still brings a blow to Jinki's demeanor, and the teenager stares at the crumpling face of the older man. "I fucking hate you for making me feel so terrible, even though everything has technically nothing to do with me because it your stupid heart belongs to you. I fucking hate you for letting Luna-noona down, even if it is my fault-"
"Kibum, you're not making any sense." The blonde lets out a little squeak of surprise as he is given a little shake, and he glares through the blur at the professor, praying with all his heart that the man would burn in hell.
"So are you, and let me go-"
"Not until I finish-"
"Hyung, what the fuck is there left to say?" Kibum's last ounce of fight spirits away with the setting sun, and his voice falls from his lips in a broken melody. He just wants to go home to Minho and never see Jinki again.
Jinki looks as if he's been sucker-punched by Kibum's statement. The fog in the boy's he's clears just enough for him to see his chance, and he shakes his arms free of the elder's frozen grasp and steps back again, holding on tightly to the straps of his bag, shaking his head. He's much too tired to think right now, especially with all the drama from earlier on in the morning on his mind, too. "Just- just go away, Jinki. Tell Luna I love her and she should call me." Kibum turns away from the hateful adult, but is pulled back stubbornly yet again. This time, he's completely out of patience, and gives a little snarl as he is jerked back.
"What?"
"Everything that's on my mind, that's what. Kibum, the breakup was just something that was waiting to happen- you know that. Luna's already known from the day I acted so weird after taking you out to the amusement park, but she just acts like she doesn't know. It was only when she was looking at that knuckle-duster and I mentioned you did she finally crack." Jinki is almost stumbling over his words in his hurry to get them out for fear of Kibum cutting him off, but he needn't have worried- the teenager is incapable of any other thought process at this instant.
"There was no screaming or fighting or even any tears, Kibum. Luna simply asked me why, and if how I feel for you is worth giving up what we have had over the years. She left after that as my friend, Kibum, and I came back for you. I was going to tell you everything properly, to confess beautifully with all the fucking works, but this happened." Jinki gestures tiredly, as if it is a big enough indication for the mess that Kibum is in right now.
"But-"
"It doesn't matter to me that you belong to Minho, now. Really," Jinki is off on another rant, this time even shaking Kibum by the shoulders, as if to make him understand. The teenager is more than a tad afraid by the older man now. "You can be with him, whatever, for as long as the both of you want to play at this. I'm more than sure that I have a place in your heart, kid. Minho's not the only one who loves you-"
"Shut up, Jinki. The fuck, Minho's your best friend!" Kibum can hardly believe the atrocities he's listening to, and he finds himself stomping his foot on the ground like the childish loser he is.
"I will not shut up until I've finished, Kibum," Jinki says loudly, still boring holes into the teenager with intense, pleading eyes. Kibum wants to hook his fingers around them and pry them out. "All's fair in love and war. And I fucking love you. You, Kim Kibum. And in case you're wondering about the factor of your past, I can tell you straight up that it doesn't matter to me, at all."
"I-" Kibum is finally at a loss for words, and he stares lifelessly into the professor's eyes, wanting out of this matter entirely. He has the briefest idea of going back to the nightclub and just fucking slog his guts out over there without worrying about anything else, but his heart is too heavy and attached to Minho for him to even start packing and leaving. After an immeasurably long while, Kibum speaks, slightly more than a whisper.
"Why me?"
Jinki's eyes flicker with a spark of emotion, and even Kibum is surprised by the amount of warmth flooding into his tone as he gives a reply. "Because you're Kibum. You're beautiful. You're the most mature and immature being I've ever had the pleasure to meet. You think of yourself as all the most demeaning things in the world, but you don't realize how aggravatingly precious and innocent you actually are. You can display all the attitude and sass that you want for the world to see, to keep them out, but I see past everything and I love the real -"
Kibum has heard enough. He backs away, still shaking his head mechanically, even though his heart is thundering at an erratically inhuman pace and his head is all woozy with the sudden influx of information. The sudden, crazy confession has proved too much for him. His fairytale with Minho was meant to be perfect, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to meet so many bumps and obstacles on his way to happiness. He was supposed to ride the fucking white horse with his Prince Charming all the way to the looming castle over yonder and live submerged in butterflies and candy for the rest of his life. He's never expected to meet another prince, to break another relationship, to have his past haunting him after he's finally thrown everything away.
As if things couldn't get any worse for the boy, Jinki steps forward, and for the most uncountable time that afternoon, Kibum is tugged right back to the elder's body, only that this time- the most tiring times of all- he is being kissed.
Kibum's hands freeze in the dip of Jinki's lightly-muscled chest as his lips are dealt with the most determined press of warmth. He is too shocked to move, to respond, but the other's mouth still moves steadily, attempting to mold itself into a shape that was never right for it in the first place, kissing and grazing for all the unspoken words that Kibum has forced it to keep inside of its owner. Kibum's lips are unyielding to the touch of Jinki's own, and even with his head screaming at him to get away from Lee Jinki, his body stands still, stiller than a wooden doll and not processing anything that's happening to him right at this instant. He doesn't really feel the crash of insistent lips against his, not the desperate fingers at the curve of his waist- a prized possession of Minho's. He's simply shut off completely, with his eyes open, barely registering any of the feelings Jinki is valiantly trying to pour into him.
He's not sure how or why, but suddenly he's tugged out Jinki's guilty embrace and into another set of arms, and he hears barely-restrained voices of irritation. His head springs up just enough to recognize his new captor-of-sorts- Jonghyun.
"Yah!" That comes from Jinki, and Kibum shrinks tiredly into Jonghyun's chest at the sight of the fiery irritation burning in the elder's eyes. Around him, he feels Jonghyun's arms tighten a little more around him, and he gratefully sinks deeper into the protective embrace, too tired to carry himself upright any longer.
"What do you think you're doing?" Jonghyun's answering shot is sharp and cold, and it reverberates deep into his chest, sending chills down Kibum's spine even when he knows that the senior is not directing any anger at him.
"It's none of your business, kid. Now if you could kindly fuck off-" Jinki reaches out for Kibum, but his repulsive hands are immediately shoved away by the stockier blonde. "What's your problem?"
"You," growls Jonghyun off-handedly, and Kibum finds himself suddenly unwound from the embrace and linked to the senior by means of a looping of arms around the elbows. "Come on, Kibum-"
"Who are you?" Kibum doesn't need to look back to know that the words 'pissed off' and 'confused' are an understatement to the man's state of mind.
"Kim Jonghyun, you asshole. Now if you will excuse us, Kibum has a boyfriend to go home to." The finality of the elder schoolboy's words is emphasized by the gentle tugging Kibum feels around the crook of his elbow, and without a backward glance, he clumsily slopes behind Jonghyun, leaving a dumbfounded Jinki in his wake.
He's not sure about where he's going, but he briefly notices the gradual darkening of the sky and the change in surroundings. Jonghyun only stops tugging on him when they reach a nearby park, and his touch evolves into a gentle press at Kibum's stiff shoulders in a bid to sit him down. Kibum feels his knees reluctantly creak and bend as he drops down on the cool metal, staring dully at a stray leaf on Jonghyun's shoulder. He feels so out of it, he can barely remember why he's here with Jonghyun in the first place.
When Kibum looks up, he finds Jonghyun staring at him, but the elder doesn't back down like he usually does when Kibum meets his eyes. So Kibum just stares back at him blankly, almost totally unaware that there is virtually no space in between them, and their faces are so close that their noses could brush. He briefly remembers noting that the other blonde was chewing on his lip hesitantly, but that thought is lost as Jonghyun finally speaks, eyes wider than the expanse of the ocean and laden with something deeper than any body of water. The humor in the elder's voice is as per usual despite what his eyes say, it is a little more forced than it should ever be.
"What happened?"
The seventeen-year-old fights the innate urge in him to tell the elder to just shut up and leave him alone, feeling the bitter bile of self-loathe rise up his throat in a slow, cruel burn. He blinks away the familiar fog and opts for a simple lift of his deadened shoulders. Not surprisingly, Jonghyun's plastic smile makes way for a downturn pull of his lips.
"It is not nothing, Kibummie-"
"Don't call me that." The nickname dredges up sickening memories of the professor, and Kibuk fails to swallow the spitfire hate coming oh of his mouth until it is too late. Shame drips itself on top of every other negativity, and Kibum hangs his head, angled eyes downcast.
"S-Sorry."
When Kibum looks up again, all he sees in the senior's eyes are pools of heated concern, and he is so touched by the molten chocolate (because vulnerability tears apart the scarred-over wounds in his heart, leaving them raw and gaping, so any form of gracious behavior is a haven salve upon the gore of mistakes) that all he does is just sink into the awkward embrace of the boy and close his eyes, breathing in the musky scent of sweat and cologne lingering on his school shirt. Kibum revels in the feeling of Jonghyun's fingers trailing through his hair, and for a moment he harbors the thought of freezing time forever in this safe, perfect moment, so that he wouldn't have to remember anything or go anywhere else and fuck up the lives of every single good-hearted being.
"What happened?" Jonghyun has never been as close a friend like Taemin is to Kibum, but the boy feels every single drop of concern leave through the brown pupils and sink deep into his veins. Somehow, Jonghyun doesn't seem like one of those nosy fuckers the younger blonde always seems to meet- he was genuinely concerned.
This time, Kibum just presses his face into the thin fabric and breaks like an over-pressured dam, its release traveling deep into the cloth and blossoming a damp circle of hurt upon it. Jonghyun doesn't say anything and just holds the younger boy, and for that the teenager is eternally grateful.
~
Kibum momentarily distracts his boyfriend by sliding his hands across his eyes, causing him to grope around for free space on the sofa and place his book on it face-down. His arms shudder a little bit with the vibration of Minho's laugh, and he allows the man to take hold of his pale wrists, angling one of them to his nose so as to take in the pleasant mix of expensive body lotion and chocolate cookies.
"Awake, sweetie?" Kibum just bends down, keeping his weight on his toes as he rests his head on the thick teak waves as a response to the obvious question. The blonde closes his eyes contentedly as Minho kisses the inside of his wrists, then sighs lightly and follows as the latter guides him around the seats by means of a hold around his wrists. Kibum folds himself on the couch and presses up to the man, listening to the steady beat of his heart underneath the hoodie.
A warm hand rests on his head, and then taken away as quickly as it has come. Kibum sneaks a hand into the hoodie's pocket and traces the subtle definition of abs beneath it, his head bumping slightly with Minho's sudden hitch of breath. His blond hair is meddled with like a hairdresser with a deadline on a final masterpiece, but he doesn't really mind. "Are you feeling better? No fever- or anything?"
"Mmm." Kibum's response is a shadow of his chatty proclamations. Not that Minho is suspicious of anything, though- silence was an apt inclination of illness. Kibum plans to keep everything tucked away, having let loose once already with Jonghyun that evening. The youth digs for a bit in his pocket and fishes out his phone, sloppily tapping an emoticon-void thank you to the elder. Beside him, he feels Minho shift and prod at his side.
"What's up?"
"Jonghyun."
"What does he want?" Kibum notices the jealous, bordering-on-whiny edge in the man's voice, and hides a slow smile, reaching out for his hand and linking their fingers together.
Received: Bitchhyun ._., 22:46PM
Thr's nothing 2 thank 8D
"Nothing, he helped me out with a couple of stuff today. Just thanking him."
There is a slight pause, and Kibum digs his feet into the elder's knees, scrunching them up as he receives a tracing session on the small of his back. "I don't- well, like him very much, sweetie."
"Why?" Kibum is genuinely surprised. "He isn't that big of an asshole."
"He just-" There is an audible gulp as Minho scrambles for the right words. "Just touches you a little too much."
Kibum barks a quick laugh, holding onto the other's hip bones and pressing down to lift himself high enough to plant a chaste peck on his forehead. "He's the king of skinship, baby." Without waiting for a response, Kibum sways to his feet, tugging a bemused Minho with him by the elbow as he snatches his headphones off the table. The brunette comes up willingly with him, and he switches places to clamber up onto the couch to hop onto the taller's back. An amiable silence follows as Minho trundles both of them to the expansive windowsill on the second floor.
The unimpressive chiffon curtains are drawn to reveal the peaceful ink of night sky, embellished with the plentiful sparkle of stars. Star-sightings are almost impossible in the city, especially at this level of ground, so Kibum has long thanked the higher powers above for the unbelievable turn of events in his life. Former Kibum would never have even allowed the thought of living in a sprawling, decked-out penthouse with all his material desires fulfilled.
Kibum eases his svelte body into the inviting open space created by Minho's legs, ignoring the onslaught of surprise dirty thoughts that threaten to ruin the calm of the moment. He wriggles until he is comfortable against the broad chest of the older man before curling his legs up close, his knees loosely pressing into the crook of the other's from behind. A lazy arm slides itself across the slight curve of his waist, and Kibum lies quiet in the embrace, turned slightly to the side to admire the timeless night.
Minho has picked up his book again and buried himself behind it, but his voice still rumbles from the back of it, sending pleasant shivers across the length of Kibum's spine. "You don't want to eat?"
"Not hungry." Minho just nods distractedly, squeezing the younger male's waist just for the sake of it. Kibum stares at the beautiful man slightly above him for a bit before plugging his headphones into his device, biting his lip- how he came to lay claim on such an ethereal figure, he did not know. Even with the frame of simple ebony perched on the sharp bridge of his nose and casually clad in clothes Kibum secretly feels is an understatement for the word drab, Minho still manages to look like a model- a studious angel, in fact.
That thought alone leads to plenty of others. To Kibum, Minho is a beautiful, pure diamond, despite his age and whatever experiences he has had in his life. Minho is perfect to the point that it's downright painful to even simply look at him. It hurts in a slow, stinging way for him to know that whatever Minho has to go through with him by his side is tainting him, adding colors to a purity that needs none. It hurts for him to know that as much as he wants to love and protect Minho the same way that stupid, stupid man is hell-bent on doing for him, he can never exactly be that good. Deep down, Kibum knows how dirty, selfish and utterly incomplete he is- a far cry from the epitome of perfection that is currently labeled as Minho. Kibum is no stranger to hurt the way Minho most probably is, and he doesn't want the older man to find out just how much pain he could bring him with the heartbreaking way he carries himself. Minho likes to think that he's keeping Kibum safe from the jealous eyes of the world, but at the end of the day the one thing- yes, thing- he needs to run and hide away from is Kibum. Kibum sees himself as a lesser being that deserves much less than the blessing of Minho turning up on the doorstep of his bleak life, not something that Minho thinks is otherwise pure and sweet and on dire need of love and protection. Kibum fervently hopes that he doesn't kill Minho's heart towards the end.
The blonde peels away his headphones, setting away Lady Gaga onto the padded sill as he turns and stretches up, weighing the top of Minho's book down just enough to see the elder's face and kiss him. He can tell that Minho's lips are surprised by the sudden affection, as is his being, but he smiles into the kiss nevertheless, and breathes warm, steady breaths against the side of Kibum's face- the very breaths that take Kibum's own away with them. The shorter memorizes the taste of honey and love of his boyfriend's mouth, committing to memory the slight curve of lips against his when Minho tends to smile into kisses- and stops short, laughing in stutters; it's almost as if he's trying to bid goodbye to the elder.
"I love you," Kibum murmurs against the plush warmth, pulling away just far enough to catch the amused glint in Minho's sea of auburn. He feels familiar hands inching their way into the depths of his back pockets, and dips his head to kiss the tip of the man's nose, his long, sweeping fringe covering the most of his eyes. Minho cards the obstructing strands away from his head, searching in the slate and finding nothing. Kibum's face twitches into a picture of innocent tenderness- no really, he doesn't feel so upset anymore.
"Why are you so weird today?" Kibum protests slightly as his cheeks are basically pulled and pinched to pieces for the next two seconds.
"Wha's so weeerd about me?"
"I don't know, you usually talk to me with obscenity being your choice of words, and act all sassy. Is the sick getting to you?"
Kibum's cheeks puff into two rounded mounds of blushing, smooth skin, and out of instinct he flicks the older's forehead. "You're actually complaining about me being nice?"
Minho just ruffles his hair and gives a discreet pinch to his butt. "This is the Kibum I know."
The teenager huffs and grouses though all just for show, then shoves at the taller to keep quiet and observe the stars with him, and is actually surprised when Minho does what is asked. It's a whole load of cheese and goofballs to Kibum just by doing this, but secretly he thanks the higher powers for the gazillionth time for fulfilling one of his deepest fantasies. The stars wink merrily ahead, as if telling him his sentiments were appreciated.
Kibum turns to thank one last person, and kisses Minho with renewed vigor to prevent too many questions. "Thank you hyung."
"What, for watching the stars with you?" Minho chuckles, pulling the boy up a higher to hug him a little more firmly. Kibum relaxes into the soft hold and nuzzles his nose into the homey fabric of the hoodie.
"That, and everything else."
Kibum is relieved when Minho doesn't reply; his message was understood well enough.
A/N - Happy new year guys! I hope this chapter wasn't too depressing for you, but Jongkey became closer and Minho has got some loving from sass!Kibum. (: More will happen, and I hope I'm not really that predictable alright ;_; Till the next! I would have much more to say if not for the fact that I took about 1.5 hours to get this chapter up on livejournal- not gonna talk much about it, ugh. See you guys soon, and have a good year ahead. (: Comments and concrit welcome!
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