Fic Rec: Raison d'être
Title: Raison d'être
Author:
AmphigoricSymphony
Pairing: John/Mary, John/Sherlock
Length: 148,681 words
Rating: Mature
Warnings: None
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: The missing months of His Last Vow, starting from Sherlock dropping in John's arms at 221B and carrying through the months of Hospital he endured. This is a study in emotional and physical trauma, striving to stick as close to the cannon plot as possible. At Christmas Dinner, Mycroft asks why they are even celebrating. His mother's answer, 'Sherlock is home from hospital,' leads us to believe Sherlock was in hospital the majority of the time frame of his fall from shock at Baker Street, to nearly Christmas itself. We have no explanation for what John was doing all that time, so this is an effort to fill the gap. Enjoy!
Reccer's comments: This is basically nearly 150K of angst-ridden, heavy-on-the-hurt sickfic. It picks up when Sherlock collapses following the meeting in 221B where he agrees to take Mary's case and leads into a grinding, never-ending series of complications, each one worse than the last. I honestly had no idea so many things could potentially go wrong with the human body (and mind). John isn't spared either, as he pushes himself far beyond his physical and mental limits in an effort to be there for Sherlock at the same time as his entire life has plunged off the deep end. If that kind of unhappiness, suffering, and graphic medical interventions gets your motor running (like it does mine), off you go, have fun. :)
But that's actually not the reason why I'm reccing this, because this goes way beyond being just a sickfic. The first distinguishing feature is all about Mary. This is the first fic I've read dealing with those missing months between when Sherlock gets shot and John's reunion with Mary at Christmas that actually got my head wrapped around how John could possibly consider forgiving - and reconciling with - Mary. We see John's genuine distress over what she's done crash head-on with his heart, which can't let go of her. Love is irrational, we learn, but that doesn't mean it should be dismissed. And at the same time, just because two people love each other doesn't mean they will have a happy ending, no matter how much they want or even deserve it.
Excerpt:
Molly teared up as she smoothed her hand over John's hair. "This is not your fault. You were not supposed to be alone. None of this is your fault, John. Not a bit of it. He's going to pull through and you two are going to be driving me mad. He's not allowed in my workplace as a- as a patient. He's not. He knows it."
John dropped his hands away from his eyes, though he did not pull away from Molly. He kept his head to her belly, burning eyes closed against the terrible reality of his life. “If she wasn’t pregnant… god, she’s pregnant… and I’m such a desperate man that I still love her Molly, I still love her. What’s wrong with me?”
The second reason why this fic gets a special mention from me is the fantastically complex dynamic that is created between John and Sherlock. They are deeply in love with each other - and admit as much - but there isn't anything overtly sexual between them, even though they do become physically quite close and share a bed. (This might fall under the heading of infidelity, even though Mary doesn't seem bothered by it, in case that's something you'd rather not read.) They soon fall into - or perhaps were already in - a codependence that is somehow both comforting and troubling. They need each other to get better, but their fears, anxieties, and even physical well-being feed off each other, paradoxically making them both sicker the longer they are together. The depiction of their deterioration is really brilliantly done, as we see it from both inside (we are privy to both of their headspaces) and out (the reactions of their friends and physicians).
And the final reason I couldn't put this down is the subplot of what is going on with Mycroft, Magnussen... and possibly Moriarty. We don't get much more than a few teases, but it's clear that the authors have something deep and dastardly planned, including a very piquant hint at a past love interest of Mycroft's.
The ending of the fic is thus more of a pause, with a sequel underway. It ends in a good place, though, with both John and Sherlock more or less physically intact and in control of all their faculties, and a hopeful resolution to the personal matters that have been plaguing John.
Author:
AmphigoricSymphony
Pairing: John/Mary, John/Sherlock
Length: 148,681 words
Rating: Mature
Warnings: None
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: The missing months of His Last Vow, starting from Sherlock dropping in John's arms at 221B and carrying through the months of Hospital he endured. This is a study in emotional and physical trauma, striving to stick as close to the cannon plot as possible. At Christmas Dinner, Mycroft asks why they are even celebrating. His mother's answer, 'Sherlock is home from hospital,' leads us to believe Sherlock was in hospital the majority of the time frame of his fall from shock at Baker Street, to nearly Christmas itself. We have no explanation for what John was doing all that time, so this is an effort to fill the gap. Enjoy!
Reccer's comments: This is basically nearly 150K of angst-ridden, heavy-on-the-hurt sickfic. It picks up when Sherlock collapses following the meeting in 221B where he agrees to take Mary's case and leads into a grinding, never-ending series of complications, each one worse than the last. I honestly had no idea so many things could potentially go wrong with the human body (and mind). John isn't spared either, as he pushes himself far beyond his physical and mental limits in an effort to be there for Sherlock at the same time as his entire life has plunged off the deep end. If that kind of unhappiness, suffering, and graphic medical interventions gets your motor running (like it does mine), off you go, have fun. :)
But that's actually not the reason why I'm reccing this, because this goes way beyond being just a sickfic. The first distinguishing feature is all about Mary. This is the first fic I've read dealing with those missing months between when Sherlock gets shot and John's reunion with Mary at Christmas that actually got my head wrapped around how John could possibly consider forgiving - and reconciling with - Mary. We see John's genuine distress over what she's done crash head-on with his heart, which can't let go of her. Love is irrational, we learn, but that doesn't mean it should be dismissed. And at the same time, just because two people love each other doesn't mean they will have a happy ending, no matter how much they want or even deserve it.
Excerpt:
Molly teared up as she smoothed her hand over John's hair. "This is not your fault. You were not supposed to be alone. None of this is your fault, John. Not a bit of it. He's going to pull through and you two are going to be driving me mad. He's not allowed in my workplace as a- as a patient. He's not. He knows it."
John dropped his hands away from his eyes, though he did not pull away from Molly. He kept his head to her belly, burning eyes closed against the terrible reality of his life. “If she wasn’t pregnant… god, she’s pregnant… and I’m such a desperate man that I still love her Molly, I still love her. What’s wrong with me?”
The second reason why this fic gets a special mention from me is the fantastically complex dynamic that is created between John and Sherlock. They are deeply in love with each other - and admit as much - but there isn't anything overtly sexual between them, even though they do become physically quite close and share a bed. (This might fall under the heading of infidelity, even though Mary doesn't seem bothered by it, in case that's something you'd rather not read.) They soon fall into - or perhaps were already in - a codependence that is somehow both comforting and troubling. They need each other to get better, but their fears, anxieties, and even physical well-being feed off each other, paradoxically making them both sicker the longer they are together. The depiction of their deterioration is really brilliantly done, as we see it from both inside (we are privy to both of their headspaces) and out (the reactions of their friends and physicians).
And the final reason I couldn't put this down is the subplot of what is going on with Mycroft, Magnussen... and possibly Moriarty. We don't get much more than a few teases, but it's clear that the authors have something deep and dastardly planned, including a very piquant hint at a past love interest of Mycroft's.
The ending of the fic is thus more of a pause, with a sequel underway. It ends in a good place, though, with both John and Sherlock more or less physically intact and in control of all their faculties, and a hopeful resolution to the personal matters that have been plaguing John.