one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.
i just realized, that crunch bars have a really salty aftertaste. maybe it takes a 1:00 am snack attack after taking hardcore notes on gustation to appreciate the full taste of a piece of candy.
so apparently it's not quite 1:00 yet. I've to study for my math test tomorrow, meaning i have to teach myself what i don't know. This pains me because, well, i don't know it.
I don't know what i'm supposed to do when i'm so restricted to a schedule i can't follow. What happens when there actually is more work to be done than time to do it? I know harini has had this problem all four years of undergrad, but i'm only a senior in high school. I feel like this shouldn't even be half as stressful as it is.
when are we going to get our minute of fresh air? Was spirit week all we got?
here i am, almost contemplating that which i won't say, because i wasn't contemplating it, just contemplating contemplating it...i'm not that stupid, and i feel like i'm just whining.
i think it's because we make it so hard for people to express their true emotions. society does. or at leeast to talk about people's emotions once they've been expressed. for example, i once took out some anger at myself on maggie parks when she complained in psych one morning about how she had to go get the paper in the rain. I said, very adamently, that there are so many terrible things happening in the world, and you're moaning because you think you're wet...and then ms. hamburger was dissappointed in me. Then, to top it off, christina, christina downey whispers to maggie that i complain a lot too. it was at this time when i realized i had to decide which was right, supressing thoughts, or letting them all out...nothing in between. I think it's pretty clear that the perspective of a person and their problem is a much more logical argument than we should never divulge our emotions. So maggie's allowed to be sad about getting wet one morning, and similarly i'm allowed to be mad that she felt the need to tell everyone how bad her problems are.
and here i am, in a math class i can't drop out of, learning concepts i wish i could appreciate more, but can't because the setup of the class is so godddamn inept, hating the teacher and the schedule. The class timing has never once been convenient, and i have to come home at 10:30 every monday and wednesday to loads of other responsibilities and homework. i still haven't finished my second essay for yale and princeton. My vocal recording for yale was really slow and lacked talent, so it needs to be re-done and i don't knowhow i'm gonna prepare a nice looking cd for them if harini isn't here, i have very little time to prepare for sat 2's...which makes me feel like such an idiot for not simply picking up the books earlier...and my other 4 classes aren't easy either. I thought that this year was going to be less stressful than last year.
it's far surpassed 1 o clock, and i haven't started studying for math. hopefully ms. mason will give me a break during 7th and let me study, and hopefully the psych test won't be so difficult...but this math test could determine my college acceptance, and i just don't think that's fair. When i planned on taking it, i did not know that maintaining grades was a decidcing factor in college admissions.
oh dear, i'm repeating myself
in other news, i lack identity. in the past year, i've thought i've done things for myself, but realize that all motivations are beased off of the perceptions of other people. This was a heartbreaking realization for me, and is in process of changning.
in more other news, i haven't slept more than 6 hours in a night since two weekends before homecoming and have slept many nights with less than 4 hours of sleep.. i haven't gone a week withouth sleeping in Dr. D's class, which i absolutely abhor myself for. and i'm starting to get undeserved sympathy for it from isabel. well i did once. another thing is i'm starting to feel really guilty for all the compliments i've been starting to get.
i need a friend who i can tell all this stuff to who wouldn't judge me on anything. oh, i used to have one, but he's a thing of the past now. so...
to improve upon everything in this entry, i'll simply say as i go...
"I'll build a stairway to paradise, with a new step every day.
I'm going to get there at any price, stand beside i'm on my way!"
i don't know the rest of the words.
~dithu
p.s. when people say "i hate my life" and theatre girls say it a lot, like a trendy phrase sort of, i think it's silly. i hate when people say that. That's my perspective on tehir perspective.
p.s.s. I need to organize my thoughts.
goodnight
so apparently it's not quite 1:00 yet. I've to study for my math test tomorrow, meaning i have to teach myself what i don't know. This pains me because, well, i don't know it.
I don't know what i'm supposed to do when i'm so restricted to a schedule i can't follow. What happens when there actually is more work to be done than time to do it? I know harini has had this problem all four years of undergrad, but i'm only a senior in high school. I feel like this shouldn't even be half as stressful as it is.
when are we going to get our minute of fresh air? Was spirit week all we got?
here i am, almost contemplating that which i won't say, because i wasn't contemplating it, just contemplating contemplating it...i'm not that stupid, and i feel like i'm just whining.
i think it's because we make it so hard for people to express their true emotions. society does. or at leeast to talk about people's emotions once they've been expressed. for example, i once took out some anger at myself on maggie parks when she complained in psych one morning about how she had to go get the paper in the rain. I said, very adamently, that there are so many terrible things happening in the world, and you're moaning because you think you're wet...and then ms. hamburger was dissappointed in me. Then, to top it off, christina, christina downey whispers to maggie that i complain a lot too. it was at this time when i realized i had to decide which was right, supressing thoughts, or letting them all out...nothing in between. I think it's pretty clear that the perspective of a person and their problem is a much more logical argument than we should never divulge our emotions. So maggie's allowed to be sad about getting wet one morning, and similarly i'm allowed to be mad that she felt the need to tell everyone how bad her problems are.
and here i am, in a math class i can't drop out of, learning concepts i wish i could appreciate more, but can't because the setup of the class is so godddamn inept, hating the teacher and the schedule. The class timing has never once been convenient, and i have to come home at 10:30 every monday and wednesday to loads of other responsibilities and homework. i still haven't finished my second essay for yale and princeton. My vocal recording for yale was really slow and lacked talent, so it needs to be re-done and i don't knowhow i'm gonna prepare a nice looking cd for them if harini isn't here, i have very little time to prepare for sat 2's...which makes me feel like such an idiot for not simply picking up the books earlier...and my other 4 classes aren't easy either. I thought that this year was going to be less stressful than last year.
it's far surpassed 1 o clock, and i haven't started studying for math. hopefully ms. mason will give me a break during 7th and let me study, and hopefully the psych test won't be so difficult...but this math test could determine my college acceptance, and i just don't think that's fair. When i planned on taking it, i did not know that maintaining grades was a decidcing factor in college admissions.
oh dear, i'm repeating myself
in other news, i lack identity. in the past year, i've thought i've done things for myself, but realize that all motivations are beased off of the perceptions of other people. This was a heartbreaking realization for me, and is in process of changning.
in more other news, i haven't slept more than 6 hours in a night since two weekends before homecoming and have slept many nights with less than 4 hours of sleep.. i haven't gone a week withouth sleeping in Dr. D's class, which i absolutely abhor myself for. and i'm starting to get undeserved sympathy for it from isabel. well i did once. another thing is i'm starting to feel really guilty for all the compliments i've been starting to get.
i need a friend who i can tell all this stuff to who wouldn't judge me on anything. oh, i used to have one, but he's a thing of the past now. so...
to improve upon everything in this entry, i'll simply say as i go...
"I'll build a stairway to paradise, with a new step every day.
I'm going to get there at any price, stand beside i'm on my way!"
i don't know the rest of the words.
~dithu
p.s. when people say "i hate my life" and theatre girls say it a lot, like a trendy phrase sort of, i think it's silly. i hate when people say that. That's my perspective on tehir perspective.
p.s.s. I need to organize my thoughts.
goodnight