(no subject)
I've been a member here for a while but never posted before. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I have cut myself for years and recently I started burning myself. But for the life of me, I don't know why. I'm not happy but I'm not depressed either. I'm doing just fine. But I still have a urge to cut. or burn.
It's like if you rest your arm on something say a cord, it creates and indentation in your skin. I will look at that indentation and think well, I think I'll cut like that...or I burned my arm because I wanted to. When I first started, I was depressed. But that isn't why I started. Cutting doesn't give me relief. I don't feel in control of my life. It doesn't do anything for me. but I can't stop. I don't know why.
I don't get pleasure from the pain. I don't want to hurt anyone else for me it's not about the pain or maybe it is. I know I am extremely sensitive. I see an ad on tv and my chest hurts because I can't hold those children who are dying. And this itself is a change, a couple of years ago, I would have put the tv on mute. It's like I don't know myself anymore. This is a severe ramble. But I figured, I need to understand what's going on, and I should start with what hurts me. I really just don't know. Thanks for listening.
It's like if you rest your arm on something say a cord, it creates and indentation in your skin. I will look at that indentation and think well, I think I'll cut like that...or I burned my arm because I wanted to. When I first started, I was depressed. But that isn't why I started. Cutting doesn't give me relief. I don't feel in control of my life. It doesn't do anything for me. but I can't stop. I don't know why.
I don't get pleasure from the pain. I don't want to hurt anyone else for me it's not about the pain or maybe it is. I know I am extremely sensitive. I see an ad on tv and my chest hurts because I can't hold those children who are dying. And this itself is a change, a couple of years ago, I would have put the tv on mute. It's like I don't know myself anymore. This is a severe ramble. But I figured, I need to understand what's going on, and I should start with what hurts me. I really just don't know. Thanks for listening.