Frazzled yet dazzled
Let me begin by saying that I have a final on Mon in Immuno and Midterms start the week after next. This explains everything, in my opinion. I just want to pass and make it through. I have not been so far, but oh well. There is still a part of me that is hoping and praying that despite all my hard work that I won't pass. I will be really upset, but I would be relieved at the same time. My brain wouldn't hurt anymore. I would be able to live a life with my honey and my kitties. I would not have to put our life on hold anymore. I would know finally for sure that I am just no good enough to make it. I am just not smart enough. I am perfectly chill with this. Maybe it's because all my life by everyone that is older and wiser than myself has told me that I am not smart enough to do this. But failing would be fine would be ok by me. I would finally have the justification that I need to quit and go home. I would be sad but relieved and happy. I won't quit on my own. I know that I probably can do this. I know that I have put in the time. I am working with my classmates and my teachers. I will succeed, but I still wish I wouldn't. Why are choices in life always a double edge sword where one side just slips in and makes a clean quick but deadly wound. While the other side of this sword is dull and blunted. It takes many attempts to tear the skin, leacing a ragged bruising gash. I just wish that I would know a little bit of the future sometimes. Just sometimes.