(no subject)
I forget sometimes who I am. Not in that " what year is it" way, but in the genuine way where you kid yourself into thinking you are something you arent. Maybe i dont really forget, I just convince myself im something else. someone else. someone better, stronger, smarter. Less fragile.
I came back to read these things out of curiosity. I havent looked over anything here in the last year. I have only the paintings Ive seen everyday, but those are so vague. Yes, they all chronicle heartache, but whats new? Ive been so happy. My heart has been so warm in these past months, and i have felt so successful, that the words below seem so strange. ive had no use for an outlet, no need to vent, no heartache to share. For this, I am so glad.
But in the end, I know that i cant forget any of this. I cant forget how simple my heart is, how real these things once were. I cant repeat mistakes. Oh, I was so confused! my poor insides were torn and there were guts everywhere. In everyones pockets. I just spilled them . Let everyone see, let everyone have a piece. Its so rare to feel so whole. Its so nice to feel so whole.
Im never letting you go. I have never had it this good. I have never made myself feel so good, and I have never been so strong. to have a man like you by my side makes me forget that this was me. that i cried like this in a reaccuring way, like each day was a looped reel and there was nothing i could do to get out of it. maybe i havent forgotten...maybe ive just grown. changed. that would be so nice if it were true. maybe you have made me a better woman. a stronger, happier woman. thank you.
i hope too though that if this should crumble, and history should repeat itself, that i am better. i know, in fact that i am. and in the end, i know that i will never be at the pure mercy of otheres whims. my heart belongs to me and i share it at will. i hope to share it with you forvever.
to the past, thank you for the reminder that it isnt black and white. thank you for the experience. but this sorrow will never take place in me again. love is not lost.
I came back to read these things out of curiosity. I havent looked over anything here in the last year. I have only the paintings Ive seen everyday, but those are so vague. Yes, they all chronicle heartache, but whats new? Ive been so happy. My heart has been so warm in these past months, and i have felt so successful, that the words below seem so strange. ive had no use for an outlet, no need to vent, no heartache to share. For this, I am so glad.
But in the end, I know that i cant forget any of this. I cant forget how simple my heart is, how real these things once were. I cant repeat mistakes. Oh, I was so confused! my poor insides were torn and there were guts everywhere. In everyones pockets. I just spilled them . Let everyone see, let everyone have a piece. Its so rare to feel so whole. Its so nice to feel so whole.
Im never letting you go. I have never had it this good. I have never made myself feel so good, and I have never been so strong. to have a man like you by my side makes me forget that this was me. that i cried like this in a reaccuring way, like each day was a looped reel and there was nothing i could do to get out of it. maybe i havent forgotten...maybe ive just grown. changed. that would be so nice if it were true. maybe you have made me a better woman. a stronger, happier woman. thank you.
i hope too though that if this should crumble, and history should repeat itself, that i am better. i know, in fact that i am. and in the end, i know that i will never be at the pure mercy of otheres whims. my heart belongs to me and i share it at will. i hope to share it with you forvever.
to the past, thank you for the reminder that it isnt black and white. thank you for the experience. but this sorrow will never take place in me again. love is not lost.