Final Fantasy 8, Squall Leonheart, Behind Those Eyes - 3 Doors Down

Mar 09, 2007 21:31

Author: Wolfchildblazer
Title of work: Shards of Truth
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Final Fantasy 8
Character: Squall Leonheart
Song and Artist: Behind Those Eyes by 3 Doors Down
Song Number: # 3
Disclaimer: I do not own the song, the game, or the character contain within, nor am I receiving any proceeds from this written piece.

Summary: Painting pictures of his own soul always had him turning away.

Shards of Truth

Ooh Yeah
Ooh Yeah

You said I got something to say
Then you got that look in your eye
There is something you’ve got to know
You said it as you started to cry

My name is Squall Leonheart, but my name has never described me. Most of the time when a parent names their child it’s in hope that the name they are christened with will carry the meaning of their journey. A squall, if anything, is a sudden, sharp increase in wind speed, that which he had nothing in common.

I do not consider myself a force of nature, nor do I consider myself a force of humanity, so I am not a squall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sharp, and very smart, but nothing about me is sudden. I carry a leering presence, most students and the majority of teachers can sense me coming before I even turn a corner in the garden.

Figures...That my parents couldn’t even bother to stick around to give me a proper name....

I’ve been down the wrong road tonight
And I swear I’ll never go there again
I’ve seen this face once before
And I don’t think I can do this again

He had gone on his first assassin mission, true, I never considered taking a life...However, my superior ordered it, and I can’t go against the orders of my superior, especially since the man is practically my father figure.

Can I?

No, I didn’t like taking the man’s life, especially since I was force to take it with my bare hands. I had lost my gunblade earlier in fending off the guards, merely knocking them out long enough to finish the job. Sometimes SeeD’s have to take missions that they do not agree with. My hands still hold the feeling of slick blood.

The spell I had cast had cause a blood splatter, drenching me, and wounding the man badly. Closing my eyes, I laid my painted hands on his wheezing throat to offer him a bit of mercy and snapped his neck to alleviate his death pain. The howl of his death rattle still whispers in my ears staining the soul of the child hidden within.

My leader of the mission praised me for remaining cold and aloof. He of course was a fool, none could be untouched by a kill, especially a first kill. I lift my eyes to the mirror above my sink, and I catch the beginnings of my battle smirk, making me turn away. No lies, I had found a sense of power and energy at ending that man’s life. I look like a monster, am I one?

Suddenly the sounding of falling glass have me blinking. Shards of a broken mirror lay scattered at my feet with drops of blood staining the pristine surface, and the looming darkness that surrounds me blackens my reflection in the pieces.

‘Did that man have a family?’ My thoughts are broken by a sliding of an envelope under my dorm room door. Glancing at the color, the envelope is stained black, the color of another assassination mission. My fingers reach for it in reflex before I jerk back catching my expression in the broken mirror.

That smirk, it stretches my lips again, colored in anticipation and excitement. No, I cannot do this again! The child in me is saying that taking another life will be like becoming the monsters they make us fight on a daily basis. A creature warped on the outside to resembled what it is on the inside. I do not wish to become this, I will not, instead I choose to burn the mission invitation and turn to the bedroom. ‘Did that MAN have a family?’ My thoughts torture me.

There’s something I can’t see
There’s something different in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And there’s nothing I can say
Cause I’m never going to change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide

Cid, the headmaster, clapped me on my shoulder in congratulations. I had did the impossible, I had mastered the gunblade, first in the garden’s records and had become a full-fledge SeeD. However, as Cid leaned back, I caught his weary eyes, and tainted smile. It almost seemed like pity and sorrow?

Even as his lips opened to spill the mission records and request, followed by SeeD responsibilities, his eyes never left mine. Not even as the speech ended and that cold smile returned did those shadowed eyes let mine go.

As he dismissed us, he called me to stay, and so I did. For a minute or so he seem to struggle with what he wanted to say to me. In that minute my mind whirled with possibilities for this private conversation. Would he mention my short-comings unbecoming of a SeeD or the ones that make me fail as a normal human? My inability to take a human life slowly was fading away much like the cherished emotions I no longer carry.

"Squall..?" He fumbled while fussing with his bow-tie while opening and closing his mouth.

"Headmaster." My drone-like voice answered. If I could, I would have winced at how much I resemble those broken soldiers coming home from a long war with no one waiting for them.

"Umm..you know..."He started and stopped, I merely stared.. "Good luck.." He sighed out, looking for all the world as if he just handed all the responsibility in the world to be placed on my shoulders.

"Yes Headmaster." With that he waved me away with a dismissal, but I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to say to me. However, what does one say to a detached, emotionless, monster? A dismal chuckle resounded in my head even as it never passed my lips.

As you turned to walk away
I saw another look in your eyes
And even as it hurt like it did
I couldn’t let this be your goodbye

Dark-haired woman, bewitching, enchanting, and bedazzling. I met her at the graduation dance, clad in white and standing alone upon the dance floor. She approached me, talked me into dancing with her, and then turned when she saw who she had been looking for. As she turned, there was a look of despair followed by an apology swimming through her brown eyes, and I realized she looked familiar.

The glance, as it was only a second before her face was no longer facing my direction was etched in my mind for an eternity. My heart though buried under numerous layers of frozen ice, stung immensely, and I gazed down looking for an assassin’s knife. I went to reach out to catch your arm, but the distance between us had grown. So instead I retreated from the dance floor following you with my eyes.

Yet, it was my undoing, as you trek brought you to the one person I could recognize anywhere, Seifer. Now I remember who you were, as by luck I had caught site of the picture Seifer carried after sparring with him one time. You are his girl, dear, wonderful, Rinoa Heartlily.

Though I had never wanted to really ever anger my rival or truly fight him I couldn’t help the traitorous thought that scampered across my conscious. This couldn’t be our good-bye, I wouldn’t allow it. Now I need to escape this celebration, I need to think away from you, because even though you’re gone you cloud my senses.

I can not have that, I’m a warrior, a soldier, I am one who those his life to the missionary dice...

You say that you’re sorry
And you say that it hurts you the same
Is there something here to believe
Or is it just another part of the game?

"I’m so sorry Squall, I just can’t do this anymore, I cannot just betray Seifer." Rinoa apologized looking away from me. Typical, and I almost scoff before reining in the notion. Then again, why should I, she revived my emotions, shouldn’t I use them to spite her? After all we frickin been through, she still is loyal to Seifer. In a way that’s admirable, in another that’s just terrific and predictable. I’m just not enough for anyone it seems, but I’m only human.

"It hurts me too Squall, but until Seifer leaves me I just can’t." She added and glanced up for my response. I subtly shook my head while laughing a bit coldly under my breath.

"Whatever." With that I turn and walk away, ignoring the budding tears in her eyes. She made her choice, so I shall make mine, after all I’m just the emotionless, strong, powerful, toy of fate...

There’s something I can’t see
Something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And there’s nothing I can say
Cause I’m never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide

Ohh yeah
Ooooooo
Ohh woah

Behind those eyes you lie
Behind those eyes you hide.

Frost, my grey-blue eyes are covered in frost. None shall know my thoughts, none shall know my weaknesses ever again. "Hey Squall, buddy, are you all right?" Zell’s voice rings behind me.

"Yeah, just fine." What a bullshit line....

There’s something I can’t see
Something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And there’s nothing I can say
Cause I’m never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide

There’s nothing I can say
That’s ever gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide

My smirk twisted darkly as I felled another creature that still roam the lands. I feel that my smile, which is now ever a permanent smirk twitches and curls to its own dance as the monster slides off my blade. My eyes say human, an unreachable human, but a human none the less.

Only my outer shell is human now...no matter what the others say.

My core, is a void....and monestrous.

Behind those eyes you hide

‘Human.’ My eyes soothe and reassure..

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