He Needs Her (OUAT; Rumpel/Belle; Soft R/M; #5: Forgiveness)
Title: "He Needs Her"
Author: Kat Lee
Rating: Soft R/M
Prompt: #5: Forgiveness
Summary:
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, names, codenames, places, items, fandoms, titles, and etc. are always © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Any and all original characters and everything else is © & TM the author and may not be reproduced in any way without the author's express, written permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She understands why Rumpel had to go to Never Land, why he feels like he needs forgiveness and saving Henry is the only way he can earn that forgiveness now that his son, Henry's father, is dead, and even why he had to go without her. She doesn't like any of it, but she understands. She reminds herself of all the reasons behind his mission throughout the day, any time she stops in building the barriers around the town and creating the spells that he gave her when he left long enough to actually let her mind think.
She stays busy all day long, always quickening her pace whenever a thought of him and the dangers he must be facing slips through her attention to the details of Storybrooke's protections. She does her best not to think, only to follow his instructions, but sometimes, she can't help it. It's even harder not to fear for him, and if she lets herself think even for a moment, the fears are all right there.
There's not been a moment she hasn't been afraid since he left, if she's honest with herself. There's not been a moment his name hasn't been on the verge of being screamed out on her tongue. There's not a moment that she hasn't wanted to cry or scream or otherwise wail for him to return to her, but it's too late. She can't get him back now. She can't get him back until he's able to return to her.
She let him go, and it's all as much her fault as it is his. She could have tried to stop him. She could have pleaded with him not to go or to take her with him, but she didn't. She didn't do anything to stop him from going after the forgiveness he seeks, because as much as he thinks he needs to be forgiven, she knows, even more, that she needs his forgiveness.
She's the reason why he turned back to the black arts. She tried so hard for so many years to save him, to heal his heart, to get away from the darkness, and yet, because he was desperate to be with her, he undid all the good he'd done and went right back to being the Demon she'd tried to stop him from becoming. He killed men. He destroyed innocents. She doesn't want to remember what he did to butterflies and birds in Lacey's presence, and yet she can't stop thinking about it -- or, and especially, about the fact that he did it all for her.
She stares into her face every day, every time she happens across a mirror, and yet wonders what she sees in her own reflection. She barely recognizes herself know. She'd thought she'd known who she was and what she wanted in life. She'd thought she was a good person, but Lacey wasn't just a spell. Lacey was a part of her, the evil part hidden deep within her that the Queen's spell made come to life and gain control of everything she did and said.
Her beloved Rumpel tried everything he knew to reach her but couldn't. Yet, she was there all the time, laying just below Lacey's surface, struggling and fighting like mad to be able to move her own lips and make the words she wanted to tell him come out. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him and how sorry she was. She wanted to tell him to run away from her, to leave her behind, to get as far away from the evil thing she'd become as he possibly could, but she could speak none of it.
All she could do was watch from her own wide and horrified eyes as Lacey destroyed everything for which they'd worked so hard. She saw how Rumpel tried to bring her back, how hard he tried to win her love, and the very moment he realized that the only way he could get Lacey to like him, let alone ever consider loving him, was by being the cruel and heartless Sorcerer he'd once thought he had to be to protect his family. And so, again, he'd picked up the magic, lashed out with evil, and sank into the darkness all to win her admiration, all to be close to her.
There's nothing that Rumpelstiltskin shared with Lacey that Belle does not remember. She was there for it all, from the very first moment he beat a man to a bloody death for fornicating with her when Lacey had willingly gone with him to the rare, tender moments they spent in bed when he thought she was almost back to him before Lacey used him again. All she did was use him when she was underneath that spell. She wasn't capable of loving then, even though she's loved him for years with all her heart.
Yet they shared things that she and Rumpel still have not. They've kissed many times but never once have they made love. Belle's always vowed that she will never give herself to a man until she has the ring of the man she loves on her finger. She loves Rumpel, but she still won't be with him in that way until she has his ring, until they're married as they should have been long ago.
Lacey had no such scruples. Despite Belle's promises, her body has already been had and not just by Rumpel. Her beloved would be dashed if he ever found out just how many men Lacey did take to her bed during the short times he was away from her; too often, she did them only so that they could be caught together and he would destroy them. She'd laugh as they burned or he beat them; she'd gloat over how they were killed.
Belle shivers as she scrubs herself clean and tries to forget the memories that won't stop coming this night. She reaches over the side of her bath tub, splashes soapy water and almost falls out as she reaches for her wine bottle. She never used to drink, but getting drunk was the least of the horrible things Lacey did with her body.
How can she ever tell him? Belle wonders, tears pouring down her sobbing face. How can she ever tell him everything that Lacey did, that she did when she was evil? How can she ever make amends to him? She has to be honest with him in order to truly apologize for all that she's done, and yet, if she's completely honest with him, Belle fears her admissions will finish destroying her beloved and the love they share. They'll finish sending her cherished Rumpel into the dark side.
She can not do that. She can not hurt him like that. She can not make those admissions for what they will undoubtedly do to him and to her and to them. It will destroy them both, and yet Belle lives with the memories of all she's done every day. She scrubs harder on her flesh as she remembers again the feel of her skin sliding against bodies slick with sweat and sex, bodies belonging to men whom she would have never looked twice upon but for not being in control of her own eyes and body. Her Rumpel is the only man she's ever wanted, and yet she's had so many.
Belle wails as blood breaks out over the flesh she's scrubbing, but it's not over the blood or the pain that she weeps. She doesn't even the physical pain; she's too consumed by the pain in her heart. Her love needs the forgiveness of a man who is dead, his very own son; he stands a chance of at least somewhat earning that forgiveness by saving his grandson. Belle, on the other hand, needs forgiveness for which she can never truly ask.
She weeps, cries, and scrubs harder, wanting to hurt herself. She deserves to be hurt. She doesn't deserve love or forgiveness. It would be one thing if Lacey had simply been a spell that Regina had cast, but she brought her out of Belle's own inner darkness. She brought to light feelings that Belle never would have admitted, made her do things that Belle never would have done, and yet, Belle was there throughout it all.
She finishes her wine, then crashes the bottle against the side of her tub. She's too blinded by her tears to see what part of her body at which she's aiming, but it doesn't matter. She needs to be hurt. She needs to be punished. Just before the glass can cut her skin, however, Belle feels a hand grasp her wrist and hold her tight.
Finally, she manages to see something beyond her own tears. "R-Red?" she whimpers.
"Yes, baby, it's me," Red replies, kneeling beside the tub and taking Belle in her arms. The glass drops to the floor where it will never hurt any one again. Red holds Belle tight as she rocks her, blaming herself for not having seen before what is happening to her friend. They've all been so wrapped up in protecting Storybrooke that they almost failed to protect one of their own.
Red's eyes shift to the wolf's yellow orbs as her own fury builds inside of her. She's furious with herself for letting Belle hurt so much without a friend to be there for her and help her get over what's happened. Part of her knows she should pull away, because her own anger and the smell of Belle's blood are threatening to bring out her wolf. She'll eat Belle if that happens, but she can't leave her like this.
A gruff voice clears in the doorway. Red's eyes return to normal, and she gazes over Belle's bare, shaking shoulders to where Grumpy stands, his dark eyes fixed steadily on Red's. He nods to her. "Thank you," Red mouths. The Dwarf lifts his pickax, grins a dark smile in which there is no happiness but only victory that they were able to stop Belle and the sadness that's always in him these days, and steps out. The door shuts behind him, but Red knows he's just on the other side, waiting in case he should be needed.
Thank God for Grumpy, Red thinks, closing her eyes as she continues to hold Belle tightly. If it hadn't been for the Dwarf happening by Rumpelstiltskin's shop when he had, none of them would have known how Belle was suffering. She wouldn't have known and, thereby, could never have reached her friend in time. But she's here now. She's here, and she's got to find a way to make things better. "Belle," she speaks softly, "you know he wouldn't want this."
"He shouldn't want me!" Belle wails.
Red leans back on the toes of her red, leather boots and looks into her friend's tear-filled, blue eyes. She cradles her weeping head in her hands and brushes some of her falling tears away with her thumbs. "What did you tell you right before he left?"
"To pro-protect Storybrooke," Belle sobs. "All the spells are in place now. We're safe. That mission's done."
"It's not done," Ruby argues, shaking her head. "It's only just begun. They might still find us, or something else might come." She shrugs. "You know how this place attracts trouble. Besides," she persists, her eyes looking more sharply into hers, "that's not the only thing he told you and not what I was talking about. What else did he tell you?"
"Th-That -- " Her words break off into a sob.
"What did he tell you, Belle, not about the town, not about Henry or Baelfire, but about you? How does he feel about you?"
"He . . . " Her voice still shakes as she admits through her tears, "He loves me, but he shouldn't!"
"And?"
"He needs me!" Belle sighs and hangs her head, realizing that she's been selfish.
Red lifts her face so she can look back into her eyes again. "That's right," she tells her. "He loves you, and he needs you. You worry so much about the evil overtaking him, but if he didn't have you, honey, he would go evil, completely evil. There's nothing any of the rest of us could do to bring him back. He needs you."
Belle shivers and nods her head. Still, tears trickle down her face. Red rises, pulling Belle to her feet, swiftly grabs a towel, and wraps it around her. Then she hugs her again. Still looking into her eyes, she tells her, "I'm sorry you suffered like you did. I'm sorry Regina put you under that spell."
"You -- You don't understand," Belle stammers. "No-Nobody does."
"Help me." Red shrugs and smiles. "Help me to understand."
"It wasn't just a spell. Par-Part of that was me."
"So what?" Red shakes her head. Belle gapes, her fury building, but before her friend can blast into her, Red explains her nonchalance, "I'm a wolf. I ate the man I loved and would eat anybody -- Granny, Snow, you, anybody -- that got too close to me when my wolf was out of control. I have to live with that every day of my life. I have to be a monster at least three nights of the month. At least you didn't eat anybody."
No, Belle thinks, enjoying the warmth of Ruby and the towel as her friend begins to dry her, but I did make him kill people. Still, she realizes her friend has a point: She has to hold on. She has to hold on, because her beloved Rumpel does still need her. He needs her even more than she needs him, even more than Snow White needs her Prince Charming. He needs her, because she and the love they share are the only things standing between him and a Hell into which, without them, he'll throw himself and never even try to escape.
She nods slowly, understanding what she has to do, and then takes his towel from Ruby's hands. "Thank you," she says, speaking normally at last and meeting the other girl's gaze. She sniffles as Ruby smiles.
"You're welcome, but I'm not leaving you alone any time soon."
Belle nods her understanding as Ruby backs up and turns away to give her privacy. She not only understands; she's thankful for friends like Red and Grumpy, friends who don't abandon a person no matter how wicked they become. Rumpel won't abandon her, either. He'll come home to Storybrooke, to her, and to them all, and when he does, she'll be waiting. She'll be here for him, and she'll finish tearing him away from the evil forever more.
The End
Author: Kat Lee
Rating: Soft R/M
Prompt: #5: Forgiveness
Summary:
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, names, codenames, places, items, fandoms, titles, and etc. are always © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Any and all original characters and everything else is © & TM the author and may not be reproduced in any way without the author's express, written permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She understands why Rumpel had to go to Never Land, why he feels like he needs forgiveness and saving Henry is the only way he can earn that forgiveness now that his son, Henry's father, is dead, and even why he had to go without her. She doesn't like any of it, but she understands. She reminds herself of all the reasons behind his mission throughout the day, any time she stops in building the barriers around the town and creating the spells that he gave her when he left long enough to actually let her mind think.
She stays busy all day long, always quickening her pace whenever a thought of him and the dangers he must be facing slips through her attention to the details of Storybrooke's protections. She does her best not to think, only to follow his instructions, but sometimes, she can't help it. It's even harder not to fear for him, and if she lets herself think even for a moment, the fears are all right there.
There's not been a moment she hasn't been afraid since he left, if she's honest with herself. There's not been a moment his name hasn't been on the verge of being screamed out on her tongue. There's not a moment that she hasn't wanted to cry or scream or otherwise wail for him to return to her, but it's too late. She can't get him back now. She can't get him back until he's able to return to her.
She let him go, and it's all as much her fault as it is his. She could have tried to stop him. She could have pleaded with him not to go or to take her with him, but she didn't. She didn't do anything to stop him from going after the forgiveness he seeks, because as much as he thinks he needs to be forgiven, she knows, even more, that she needs his forgiveness.
She's the reason why he turned back to the black arts. She tried so hard for so many years to save him, to heal his heart, to get away from the darkness, and yet, because he was desperate to be with her, he undid all the good he'd done and went right back to being the Demon she'd tried to stop him from becoming. He killed men. He destroyed innocents. She doesn't want to remember what he did to butterflies and birds in Lacey's presence, and yet she can't stop thinking about it -- or, and especially, about the fact that he did it all for her.
She stares into her face every day, every time she happens across a mirror, and yet wonders what she sees in her own reflection. She barely recognizes herself know. She'd thought she'd known who she was and what she wanted in life. She'd thought she was a good person, but Lacey wasn't just a spell. Lacey was a part of her, the evil part hidden deep within her that the Queen's spell made come to life and gain control of everything she did and said.
Her beloved Rumpel tried everything he knew to reach her but couldn't. Yet, she was there all the time, laying just below Lacey's surface, struggling and fighting like mad to be able to move her own lips and make the words she wanted to tell him come out. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him and how sorry she was. She wanted to tell him to run away from her, to leave her behind, to get as far away from the evil thing she'd become as he possibly could, but she could speak none of it.
All she could do was watch from her own wide and horrified eyes as Lacey destroyed everything for which they'd worked so hard. She saw how Rumpel tried to bring her back, how hard he tried to win her love, and the very moment he realized that the only way he could get Lacey to like him, let alone ever consider loving him, was by being the cruel and heartless Sorcerer he'd once thought he had to be to protect his family. And so, again, he'd picked up the magic, lashed out with evil, and sank into the darkness all to win her admiration, all to be close to her.
There's nothing that Rumpelstiltskin shared with Lacey that Belle does not remember. She was there for it all, from the very first moment he beat a man to a bloody death for fornicating with her when Lacey had willingly gone with him to the rare, tender moments they spent in bed when he thought she was almost back to him before Lacey used him again. All she did was use him when she was underneath that spell. She wasn't capable of loving then, even though she's loved him for years with all her heart.
Yet they shared things that she and Rumpel still have not. They've kissed many times but never once have they made love. Belle's always vowed that she will never give herself to a man until she has the ring of the man she loves on her finger. She loves Rumpel, but she still won't be with him in that way until she has his ring, until they're married as they should have been long ago.
Lacey had no such scruples. Despite Belle's promises, her body has already been had and not just by Rumpel. Her beloved would be dashed if he ever found out just how many men Lacey did take to her bed during the short times he was away from her; too often, she did them only so that they could be caught together and he would destroy them. She'd laugh as they burned or he beat them; she'd gloat over how they were killed.
Belle shivers as she scrubs herself clean and tries to forget the memories that won't stop coming this night. She reaches over the side of her bath tub, splashes soapy water and almost falls out as she reaches for her wine bottle. She never used to drink, but getting drunk was the least of the horrible things Lacey did with her body.
How can she ever tell him? Belle wonders, tears pouring down her sobbing face. How can she ever tell him everything that Lacey did, that she did when she was evil? How can she ever make amends to him? She has to be honest with him in order to truly apologize for all that she's done, and yet, if she's completely honest with him, Belle fears her admissions will finish destroying her beloved and the love they share. They'll finish sending her cherished Rumpel into the dark side.
She can not do that. She can not hurt him like that. She can not make those admissions for what they will undoubtedly do to him and to her and to them. It will destroy them both, and yet Belle lives with the memories of all she's done every day. She scrubs harder on her flesh as she remembers again the feel of her skin sliding against bodies slick with sweat and sex, bodies belonging to men whom she would have never looked twice upon but for not being in control of her own eyes and body. Her Rumpel is the only man she's ever wanted, and yet she's had so many.
Belle wails as blood breaks out over the flesh she's scrubbing, but it's not over the blood or the pain that she weeps. She doesn't even the physical pain; she's too consumed by the pain in her heart. Her love needs the forgiveness of a man who is dead, his very own son; he stands a chance of at least somewhat earning that forgiveness by saving his grandson. Belle, on the other hand, needs forgiveness for which she can never truly ask.
She weeps, cries, and scrubs harder, wanting to hurt herself. She deserves to be hurt. She doesn't deserve love or forgiveness. It would be one thing if Lacey had simply been a spell that Regina had cast, but she brought her out of Belle's own inner darkness. She brought to light feelings that Belle never would have admitted, made her do things that Belle never would have done, and yet, Belle was there throughout it all.
She finishes her wine, then crashes the bottle against the side of her tub. She's too blinded by her tears to see what part of her body at which she's aiming, but it doesn't matter. She needs to be hurt. She needs to be punished. Just before the glass can cut her skin, however, Belle feels a hand grasp her wrist and hold her tight.
Finally, she manages to see something beyond her own tears. "R-Red?" she whimpers.
"Yes, baby, it's me," Red replies, kneeling beside the tub and taking Belle in her arms. The glass drops to the floor where it will never hurt any one again. Red holds Belle tight as she rocks her, blaming herself for not having seen before what is happening to her friend. They've all been so wrapped up in protecting Storybrooke that they almost failed to protect one of their own.
Red's eyes shift to the wolf's yellow orbs as her own fury builds inside of her. She's furious with herself for letting Belle hurt so much without a friend to be there for her and help her get over what's happened. Part of her knows she should pull away, because her own anger and the smell of Belle's blood are threatening to bring out her wolf. She'll eat Belle if that happens, but she can't leave her like this.
A gruff voice clears in the doorway. Red's eyes return to normal, and she gazes over Belle's bare, shaking shoulders to where Grumpy stands, his dark eyes fixed steadily on Red's. He nods to her. "Thank you," Red mouths. The Dwarf lifts his pickax, grins a dark smile in which there is no happiness but only victory that they were able to stop Belle and the sadness that's always in him these days, and steps out. The door shuts behind him, but Red knows he's just on the other side, waiting in case he should be needed.
Thank God for Grumpy, Red thinks, closing her eyes as she continues to hold Belle tightly. If it hadn't been for the Dwarf happening by Rumpelstiltskin's shop when he had, none of them would have known how Belle was suffering. She wouldn't have known and, thereby, could never have reached her friend in time. But she's here now. She's here, and she's got to find a way to make things better. "Belle," she speaks softly, "you know he wouldn't want this."
"He shouldn't want me!" Belle wails.
Red leans back on the toes of her red, leather boots and looks into her friend's tear-filled, blue eyes. She cradles her weeping head in her hands and brushes some of her falling tears away with her thumbs. "What did you tell you right before he left?"
"To pro-protect Storybrooke," Belle sobs. "All the spells are in place now. We're safe. That mission's done."
"It's not done," Ruby argues, shaking her head. "It's only just begun. They might still find us, or something else might come." She shrugs. "You know how this place attracts trouble. Besides," she persists, her eyes looking more sharply into hers, "that's not the only thing he told you and not what I was talking about. What else did he tell you?"
"Th-That -- " Her words break off into a sob.
"What did he tell you, Belle, not about the town, not about Henry or Baelfire, but about you? How does he feel about you?"
"He . . . " Her voice still shakes as she admits through her tears, "He loves me, but he shouldn't!"
"And?"
"He needs me!" Belle sighs and hangs her head, realizing that she's been selfish.
Red lifts her face so she can look back into her eyes again. "That's right," she tells her. "He loves you, and he needs you. You worry so much about the evil overtaking him, but if he didn't have you, honey, he would go evil, completely evil. There's nothing any of the rest of us could do to bring him back. He needs you."
Belle shivers and nods her head. Still, tears trickle down her face. Red rises, pulling Belle to her feet, swiftly grabs a towel, and wraps it around her. Then she hugs her again. Still looking into her eyes, she tells her, "I'm sorry you suffered like you did. I'm sorry Regina put you under that spell."
"You -- You don't understand," Belle stammers. "No-Nobody does."
"Help me." Red shrugs and smiles. "Help me to understand."
"It wasn't just a spell. Par-Part of that was me."
"So what?" Red shakes her head. Belle gapes, her fury building, but before her friend can blast into her, Red explains her nonchalance, "I'm a wolf. I ate the man I loved and would eat anybody -- Granny, Snow, you, anybody -- that got too close to me when my wolf was out of control. I have to live with that every day of my life. I have to be a monster at least three nights of the month. At least you didn't eat anybody."
No, Belle thinks, enjoying the warmth of Ruby and the towel as her friend begins to dry her, but I did make him kill people. Still, she realizes her friend has a point: She has to hold on. She has to hold on, because her beloved Rumpel does still need her. He needs her even more than she needs him, even more than Snow White needs her Prince Charming. He needs her, because she and the love they share are the only things standing between him and a Hell into which, without them, he'll throw himself and never even try to escape.
She nods slowly, understanding what she has to do, and then takes his towel from Ruby's hands. "Thank you," she says, speaking normally at last and meeting the other girl's gaze. She sniffles as Ruby smiles.
"You're welcome, but I'm not leaving you alone any time soon."
Belle nods her understanding as Ruby backs up and turns away to give her privacy. She not only understands; she's thankful for friends like Red and Grumpy, friends who don't abandon a person no matter how wicked they become. Rumpel won't abandon her, either. He'll come home to Storybrooke, to her, and to them all, and when he does, she'll be waiting. She'll be here for him, and she'll finish tearing him away from the evil forever more.
The End