(no subject)
I feel like total shit.
I read something I probably should have never have, and as punishment I now feel bad. I feel like some inhuman monster. Selfish almost but not there yet.
I look at the early pictures and think, "What the hell has happend to me?" how something so special to me has now faded away to her. How something so care free has become stress inducer number one only because I want it to last forever. Where did I go wrong? Was it when I decided to make a dream of mine become a reality or was it when I decided to dedicate myself to achiving a dream? How I have decided to "grow up" and take on the burdens of bill's and only be concerned how I was going to live paycheck to paycheck. Maybe I am the bad guy and should forget about silly childhood dreams and worry more about reality, worry more about family and friends then dreams. I cant picture that though, my whole life I have been chasing dreams and when this one is so close I can feel it with the tips of my fingers, I am struck with other challanges where it makes me feel like I have to choose one or the other.Either I lose in the long run. I wish it could of stayed the same and I could have both but it seems like it is almost impossible.
Why did I have to change? Or better question, why did I have to grow up?
I read something I probably should have never have, and as punishment I now feel bad. I feel like some inhuman monster. Selfish almost but not there yet.
I look at the early pictures and think, "What the hell has happend to me?" how something so special to me has now faded away to her. How something so care free has become stress inducer number one only because I want it to last forever. Where did I go wrong? Was it when I decided to make a dream of mine become a reality or was it when I decided to dedicate myself to achiving a dream? How I have decided to "grow up" and take on the burdens of bill's and only be concerned how I was going to live paycheck to paycheck. Maybe I am the bad guy and should forget about silly childhood dreams and worry more about reality, worry more about family and friends then dreams. I cant picture that though, my whole life I have been chasing dreams and when this one is so close I can feel it with the tips of my fingers, I am struck with other challanges where it makes me feel like I have to choose one or the other.Either I lose in the long run. I wish it could of stayed the same and I could have both but it seems like it is almost impossible.
Why did I have to change? Or better question, why did I have to grow up?