We leave in the morning ...
Bucharest is our place. It's funny. Most couples talk of Paris or London or Rome. They talk of sailing through Venice and holding hands in Central Park in New York. But for Mulder and me, it's Bucharest.
We walk the ancient streets, listening to the poetry of the buildings. We drink coffee in small shops, watching the people pass by. There is a sadness here, one that somehow sustains us. For all of our running from the shadows, it is there we also find light. If there is anything we have learned in our years together, it is that we are each other's light in shadow.
Mulder has been quiet since returning from the Gulf. He came home full of stories and conspiracies and fear and since Marshall left to return to New Mexico, Mulder has fallen into a brooding silence. He fears the worst, the inevitable. He fears the countdown we ran from, the one none of us can escape. I ache, seeing the burdens he has found again, but in truth, the burden never left him. While we ran, it was merely placed into one of our backpacks, wrapped in one of our hooded sweatshirts, hidden away until it was needed again.
Who thinks they ever need a burden? Yet, we shoulder them, Atlas demanding his atonement perhaps. Once, in a town somewhere in Montana, we curled together in a tent pitched behind an abandoned barn, and he told me of dreams wherein I was Mary and he Christ and when he came to he realized how it was all bullshit. Once I stopped laughing, I gave him a theology lesson and reminded him that if there was anyone in our family who was akin to the Christ figure it was in fact our son. After all, he was this chosen one. Believe it or not, trust it or not, William was chosen by cult after cult. He was chased by super soldiers and FBI agents. A baby. And there was something so special about him. I only wish I had possessed the strength to keep the shadows at bay. I know why Marshall is in touch with us again. Mulder has convinced himself that William is the answer to so much. All I find myself wondering is if the "Treatment" that Spender gave to him truly altered the DNA he'd been encoded with or if it was merely a ploy, a chance to get him to a safe place. William is safe and happy. I know this. This knowledge helps me to open my eyes daily. But if we are meant to find him again ... what then? What will it all mean? I know that I could not bear to lose my son twice.
But tomorrow is Bucharest. Three weeks in Romania to rediscover each other. Mulder is taking the dog to my mother's right now. I am finally finished packing - not that we need much. We have plans while we are over there, discoveries we want to continue researching, but truly, it is a chance for us to be us together. Yes, there will be updates ... when I can think to crawl from bed. ;-)
We walk the ancient streets, listening to the poetry of the buildings. We drink coffee in small shops, watching the people pass by. There is a sadness here, one that somehow sustains us. For all of our running from the shadows, it is there we also find light. If there is anything we have learned in our years together, it is that we are each other's light in shadow.
Mulder has been quiet since returning from the Gulf. He came home full of stories and conspiracies and fear and since Marshall left to return to New Mexico, Mulder has fallen into a brooding silence. He fears the worst, the inevitable. He fears the countdown we ran from, the one none of us can escape. I ache, seeing the burdens he has found again, but in truth, the burden never left him. While we ran, it was merely placed into one of our backpacks, wrapped in one of our hooded sweatshirts, hidden away until it was needed again.
Who thinks they ever need a burden? Yet, we shoulder them, Atlas demanding his atonement perhaps. Once, in a town somewhere in Montana, we curled together in a tent pitched behind an abandoned barn, and he told me of dreams wherein I was Mary and he Christ and when he came to he realized how it was all bullshit. Once I stopped laughing, I gave him a theology lesson and reminded him that if there was anyone in our family who was akin to the Christ figure it was in fact our son. After all, he was this chosen one. Believe it or not, trust it or not, William was chosen by cult after cult. He was chased by super soldiers and FBI agents. A baby. And there was something so special about him. I only wish I had possessed the strength to keep the shadows at bay. I know why Marshall is in touch with us again. Mulder has convinced himself that William is the answer to so much. All I find myself wondering is if the "Treatment" that Spender gave to him truly altered the DNA he'd been encoded with or if it was merely a ploy, a chance to get him to a safe place. William is safe and happy. I know this. This knowledge helps me to open my eyes daily. But if we are meant to find him again ... what then? What will it all mean? I know that I could not bear to lose my son twice.
But tomorrow is Bucharest. Three weeks in Romania to rediscover each other. Mulder is taking the dog to my mother's right now. I am finally finished packing - not that we need much. We have plans while we are over there, discoveries we want to continue researching, but truly, it is a chance for us to be us together. Yes, there will be updates ... when I can think to crawl from bed. ;-)