I've made a decision
I made it tonight, after Dana went to bed and didn't get up again for dinner.
The migraine was bad enough that the dog sensed it before it even struck.
We've been sitting on the edge of our fears, waiting to see what might happen. A year into the treatments and all we have is another year. She survives, but she doesn't live.
Is it wrong of me to want this over? To be glad that she is alive but to want her cured? I feel sometimes that her doctor is tired of me pushing the issue. "Dana's alive," she is always reassuring me, "that's more than we hoped for at this point."
More than we hoped for? She's been cut up and experimented on and we now believe that the chip in her neck is responsible not only for William's conception but the child we lost last year, before the cancer treatments began.
Of course it's more than we hoped for. But the tumor is still there. It doesn't grow, but it's stopped shrinking. Even the doctors are just waiting for it all to go to hell. Dana's energy is so sapped that sometimes I think she is just waiting too. Maybe this was part of their plan.
I need help to make my plans happen. Help from someone I know can keep a secret. He's helped me before. I only hope he can help me again.
The migraine was bad enough that the dog sensed it before it even struck.
We've been sitting on the edge of our fears, waiting to see what might happen. A year into the treatments and all we have is another year. She survives, but she doesn't live.
Is it wrong of me to want this over? To be glad that she is alive but to want her cured? I feel sometimes that her doctor is tired of me pushing the issue. "Dana's alive," she is always reassuring me, "that's more than we hoped for at this point."
More than we hoped for? She's been cut up and experimented on and we now believe that the chip in her neck is responsible not only for William's conception but the child we lost last year, before the cancer treatments began.
Of course it's more than we hoped for. But the tumor is still there. It doesn't grow, but it's stopped shrinking. Even the doctors are just waiting for it all to go to hell. Dana's energy is so sapped that sometimes I think she is just waiting too. Maybe this was part of their plan.
I need help to make my plans happen. Help from someone I know can keep a secret. He's helped me before. I only hope he can help me again.